So, I hung out with a bartender after she got off work. We have a history, and her friends recently told me she "cant get over me", "loves me," and "has it bad for me". Five months back she asked me to commit to her, but I balked.

I feel the same, but Ive done a good job of hiding it.

She also has a live-with boyfriend of 7 years (off when we were dating).

We're talking at the bar, and it's going awesome for an hour. I'm teasing, negging, were both laughing. She brings up my condo several times. She doesn't seem able to pull away. Then she excuses herself, comes back with a mint in her mouth and asks me what I'm doing later. She's shaking, going crazy with her hair, constantly rubbing her neck, the whole time, extremely nervous, etc.

I tell her I'm watching the baseball game at the bar later. She tells me she's going to go home for a bit, then come back.

Instead, I get this text from her an hour later:

"It was nice catching up with you, Arch. Thank you again for your generosity."

I reply "You're welcome" (I bought her a drink).

That is the first time she has texted me in five months, so I was actually surprised to get a text from her. This is also the first real conversation we have had in that time. A friend has told me recently she's terrified to be rejected by me, and that she doesn't know what to do.

I know how she feels. But I can't tell if the text was her nervously making sure I still wanted to hang out (she was treating me like a boss , she doesn't talk like that), or if she just chickened out after seeing her boyfriend.

The text analysis from this indicates that she is in but didn't want to sound like a bitch:

http://coed.com/2011/03/22/he-said-she- ... -messages/

The "it was nice seeing you" text.

thanks buds! I just dumped my other gf last week. And I'm ridiculously attracted to this girl.

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Over thinking...Take the lead and arrange a date?

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This girl doesn't do dates really.

Also, chasing in the past has had borderline results with her and reduced attraction. She's chasing me right now a bit, and actually tried to do something a couple week ago (wrote cute notes in my notebook at the bar when I was in the bathroom), but I shut her down in two minutes because I had a gf, then left.

She looks like a lingerie model, and is hit on constantly because of her job. She also loves women. She parties hard. She hates the word "sorry". She's acting submissive right now, butt if I slip into beta, she will get bitchier.

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K

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Thanks for the advice though, bud.

What you said is common sense to me, but this is a weird case.

Her attraction has skyrocketed after I went no contact. She asked me out last night, but either flaked or nervously texted me to see if I still wanted to hang.

Not sure which.

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I think you could have probably upped the ante a bit the same night by escalating it further.

If you were going to a bar to watch the game, you could have asked her to join. Or you could have said that you are going home to grab a jacket (or anything) and then go to bar later, she should come with you (to home first) since she is doing a good job of entertaining you.

Little bit of playful challenge....

Yeah she asked me what I was doing later, basically asked me out(she chased). I told her I was watching the game at her bar, and she invited herself. She said she would come back, but it looked like she didn't want to leave my side.

She kept mentioning my old place, i no longer live at, lol. i should have just taken her to my hotel.

Im considering texting her the room number right now. But I want that formal text she sent deciphered first.

However, I was dating a girl who is good friends with this bartender's lifelong best friend. The girl wanted to hook up, but i never did because of that reason. The bartender and I talked about her. This best friend knows all the drama with my last gf.

It's possible the bartender talked to her friend between our time at the bar and her text.

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