Hiking date went well.

CH girl is hippy-ish runner girl that likes to talk about energy and chi and shit. She's pretty cute and fit. My indifference is pretty high just because I actually just don't care. We meet at 11 to hike, and she brings her dog. She drives, and we chat.

I'm pretty much not trying at all, and she's the one asking questions, working the conversation, trying to get it rolling. I'm rewarding all her efforts with fantastic conversation about where we are from and basic first date shit.

We get to the site and start hiking. The conversation is coming very easy, and every time there is a lull she is filling it.

I start cracking jokes, she starts smiling and laughing.

We start hiking and talking about some deep shit. Exes and religion, weirdly. Lol. Her brother is a wacko and believes a meteor is hitting the earth on the 23rd.

She is describing things and I can sense that she's afraid that I will judge her or not like her. Yup, I have the upper hand.

We stop at a spot and I take my shirt off and jump in the lake. She apologizes for her dog scratching me. It's fine, I'm a big boy. I tease her about her being overly worried about her dog jumping in the water. I tell her she's going to be a terrible mom with a smirk. She laughs.

I've already initiated some back of the hand touch.

We hike some more. I'm telling a good amount of stories, pretty much all of them involve a girl I was dating or a friend that's a girl. It's not like I'm trying to DHV, these are just actual stories from my life that were appropriate for the situation to share.

We hike and talk some more, sit down on some logs surrounding a fire pit. As soon as we were both seated I realize that the situation and the mood was right for kissing (romantic setting in the woods). Unfortunately, I didn't notice earlier, and we were seated both a bit far from each other. I slow it down and speak slower, making the vibe more sensual. Give her more eye contact, but it's not as impactful because of how far I was. We mention how it's a nice spot to chill. I should've escalated, and said it was a nice spot to make out, and give her some lethal eye contact to up the tension. Good to know, next time I'll pull the trigger.

We get up and do some more hiking. We start making plans for the future. She wants to hang out more. Run more, and she wants to take up martial arts.

We start walking back and chatting about that. The conversation hasn't run dry this entire time, as we are both pretty sociable people.

On the way back we are paused at one spot and I put my hands on her shoulders to move her. She reaches up and touches my hand. Good signs.

We keep walking, run into some people, and take a cute picture together.

She keeps making qualifying statements, huge indicators of interest.

We eventually walk back to the car and are about to pull out, when who shows up but HR girl (dated her for 3 months) and AD bro (dude she is currently seeing). We bullshit a bit, I introduce them all, and as we are driving away I tell CH girl that HR girl and I used to date. So much social proof.

Eventually she drops me off back at my car, and I give her a hug goodbye. She gives me a tight, arm around the neck hug, and tells me to shoot her a text if I meet up with people over beer or something. I didn't give her a goodbye kiss cuz the mood was totally off (sun beating down, in broad daylight, in a parking lot, etc.)

I head to Chipotle to eat, and she sends me a FB request with a flirty little message. I reply. She's gonna see a million different pictures of me and AE girl. That's fine. Don't care. There's a slight cushion of social event pictures from this weekend, and she already knows that I recently broke up with someone (told her). Literally give 0 shits.

I take a nap, do some work, and go to CSU triathlon club swim practice. It's fun, I meet some people, nothing substantial. It was a freaking hard workout though, as I haven't swum hard in a long time. I order a shitload of food after.

Called AE girl like and idiot around 11 pm. Had planned it for awhile, to see the response. She doesn't respond, it could be because she's asleep. Or could be she just doesn't want to try it any more. Which is fine, it feels better when I know I don't have a choice or say in the matter. Now I feel okay with putting up the cutesy pics of me and CH girl hiking and swimming on Facebook.

I also talked with HS girl tonight, and helped her with her residency school application letter, cuz she knows I'm a boss writer and know a lot about psychology and marketing (she's got to sell herself for the schools). She texts me a bunch, it's fun.

SE girl texted me back, apologizing for not responding. Things with her seem very neutral, so I'm just gonna let it sit and simmer. I feel like I've already showed a good amount of interest, and if she's interested she'll take the next initiative.

E girl from Friday night Facebook friended me. I'll probably start inviting her to social things and running.

Getting things back up and running, it feels better. Good shit.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Admittedly my self-image and state has taken a hit with this whole AE girl shindig. Today, I feel better, though. I feel as if my time to get past it has come.

Got through about half of Psycho-cybernetics so far. It's good shit.

Going to work on building my self-image back up as someone who's happy and confident and PRODUCTIVE, ALL THE TIME. Here's a secret I learned: people will always act in accordance and congruence to their self-image.

That means if you believe yourself to be lazy and unproductive, and you use a massive amount of will power and effort to be productive for awhile, you will always return to the default of your self-image. If you believe yourself to be that productive person, it won't even be such a big effort to be productive, you will just do it because you will believe that THAT'S JUST WHO YOU ARE.

Same thing applies to game. All the outer game, all the lines, all the tactics, all the practice, all the techniques and approaches and whatever, those are all just ways to RE-ENGINEER your self image in to seeing yourself as someone who's attractive to women. If you don't build your self-image up to that point, it doesn't matter how many cocky funny lines or banter or qualification things you know, you will always act in CONGRUENCE to your self image, which women are FINELY attuned to.

Speaking of which, have you seen this video?

https://youtu.be/kQ-RWLjCo9Q

Before you click, this video isn't for everyone. If you consider yourself a close minded person, don't like learning new things, and don't want more beautiful women in your life, this video is not for you.

If I had to guess, though, I would say that you're someone who is actively working on improving your dating life by being a badass. I know that because you're here, reading and absorbing other people's experiences, engaging in a community interested in improvement. If there's one thing badasses are excited about, it's learning new information and TAKING ACTION on it.

In this video, I reveal the TRUTH about your appearance and how it affects your game.

You will also get my 4 step system to RADICALLY changing your looks so that the minute a girl sees you, she will be attracted to you.

Yup, that's right. No need to use lines, funny banter, quick wit, or whatever other frame switching you normally have to struggle through to get attraction. She'll literally just see you, and think to herself, "Hm, that guy looks good, I wish he'd come talk to me!"

If you want this power, and the confidence that comes with it, go ahead and click the link:

https://youtu.be/kQ-RWLjCo9Q

If not, no worries! Keep doing nothing and getting 0 results.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Productive as fuck today.

Woke up, did lab work while listening to Psycho-cybernetics. Then ate food and worked on the ebook at the same time for an hour. Cared less and thought less about AE girl. Then did more lab work. Only about an hour and a half of psycho-cybernetics left. Definitely all good things, and things I'm proud of for today. Feeling more testosterone-y. More masculine. More empowered. I'm going to finish this ebook.

Gonna put those pictures up on Facebook, AE girl has made it abundantly clear she wants nothing to do with me any more, which is good. I'm surprised she hasn't defriended me. She might, after I put these up. Cest la vie.

Going to a running club now and then swimming with tri club tonight. Stay tuned.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Yo yo yo, I'm back. Things are feeling fantastic again!

I went to the vet school running club at 4. Note one thing about vet school: it's 80% girls. And they're all obviously pretty smart.

There's about 6-7 girls, me, and another dude. We start running, I crack a joke or two, the girls start laughing. I'm leading the pack, on the way back we exchange a couple sentences about where we are from. One of the girls, J girl, is a cute blonde that is responding better than the other girls and seems to be initiating more interaction. I'll store in the back folder and keep it patient. I kick it back, and chat a bit before the group disbands.

After a nap and helping HS girl again with her medical school essay, I head to swim practice with CSU tri club.

This time, there's tons more people, including a lot more attractive girls. I'm chatting with people in the beginning, mainly with one dude, and I start getting vibes from another cute girl. Even though I'm not talking to her, she's laughing at shit I say. We head in and swim.

The practice goes fantastically, and I'm enjoying it, and bantering with everyone in my lane. It's 4 dudes and a girl, and the girl is very physically attractive, although quiet and kind of boring. She gave me no vibes, which is fine, she's probably taken or shy or whatever. Don't care.

A girl from another lane is engaging me more, T girl. A girl from my lane Z girl, who was giving me vibes in the beginning, was also engaging me. Another girl, C girl, was attractive but shy. I'm also interacting and bro-ing out with all the dudes. It was a fantastically fun time. There was even a fun relay swim at the end where when I dove in I partly lost my shorts. lol.

Afterwards, I'm biking home and T girl comes up behind me. She yells in a flirty way that maybe I should think about getting lights. I yell back that maybe she should think about being less rude on the bike trail. She tells me I might get hit by a car. I tell her I'm a ninja, and ninjas don't get hit by cars. What about the bike cops, she asks. Bike cops can't handle ninjas either. She laughs and bikes off.

CLH girl, the girl I went on a hiking date with yesterday, is also blowing up my facebook, liking photos, commenting on them, and all this shit. Good signs. I invite her to a thing on Thursday, here's the interaction:

Me:
Ok, so Thursday night there's going to be a crowd at Road 34 at 8 pm. Jen, my friend that does martial arts, should be there. You should come!

Her:
Bah! I just made plans for Thursday at 7! Not sure how long that will go, maybe a couple hours? Ill let you know when im out!

Me:
Ok, no worries, we will still be there, usually there until 11 or 12

Her:
Thanks for the invite I def want to go. Illl keep you posted!

Me:
Sounds good

See? No weird lines, no trickery needed, nothing special. Just a normal invite.

Having all these girls running around and showing me interest, despite there being tons of dudes (some of them good looking) at tri club has been a great confidence booster. I forgot how easy this shit was. Gonna make some shit happen soon. Time for all that escalation shit. Holla at ya Daniel. Let's roll.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Man, rebounding after a bad breakup is TOUGH.

I watched an RSD Tyler video of him after one of his bad breakups (3 years), and he was chatting with Julien about the best ways to overcome it. They had some smart, good shit in there.

The crazy thing is that when you get good enough at game, you're no longer in scarcity of sex, but you become more scarce in terms of LOVE. That fuzzy, warm glow you get when you really connect with a girl, when you know you're both infatuated with each other, and all the game goes away, replaced by a pure, natural, authentic bond between two people. That's something that high level guys aren't even abundant in, because it's something that takes time to build. And, those quality girls are much more rare than the dummies you find trolling the bars.

I defriended her on Facebook. I deleted her off my phone. I defriended her on Snapchat. I literally broke off all ways for me to contact her again. I didn't do it to hurt her (I harbor no bitter feelings), I did so that I could take the first step away from her.

The quality girls, the girls you'd ideally wife up, are much less likely to be found in bars.

I thought to myself, where might these girls exist?

My solution was to join interest groups, such as CSU triathlon team, the vet school running club, and the CSU outdoor club. I have a feeling that higher quality girls are going to exist there.

For now, my concentration is getting my state back up. I've tried so many different things. Visualization. Distractions. Socializing. Physical activity. Working. It's helping, but very slowly. God, I was getting over HLS girl it took so freaking long. It took half the country on a bicycle before I got over her. I still remember the exact moment I thought to myself, wow, I'm having fun without her.

And that's the key I think. I've worked on this a bit already, but I should go harder. Every person I talk to right now I can feel the subcoms I'm giving off indicating a tired, low state. I need to change that. Change the body, change the mind. My concentration should not be thinking of her, reminiscing, or creating little dramas in the future where we get back together. Rationally, I don't even think getting back together is a good idea. Emotionally, my brain disagrees. Honestly, if I got back to the point where I was during the summer before I even started dating her, I wouldn't even give a shit. My state was so high all the time, and I was so focused that girls were all on the periphery. That's where I need to get back to.

Each time you fall down and get the life shit kicked out of you, it's a fantastic opportunity, probably the BEST opportunity, to rise from the ashes stronger than before.

It's a part of growth. If at anytime I want to wife a girl up, then this kind of learning experience is necessary.

It's not even like reference experiences in pickup, where if you fuck up an approach all you do is go do another one. When you fuck up on the relationship level with a girl you really care about, the time scale is much more elongated. It takes AWHILE.

Yes, gaming other girls will probably help. Although each time I do, the girls don't even seem interesting to me, no matter how attractive. I know that's my brain playing tricks on me, as AE girl didn't even stand out of the crowd in the beginning. It's the gradual accumulation of oxytocin and investment that transformed her in my brain into some amazing goddess that stood above the rest (which she obviously is not).

So I AM taking steps to game other girls.

Yesterday I went to track practice with CSU tri club. Interacted a bit with Z girl and T girl, but my state was low / mediocre, so although I was free flowing and indifferent, I wasn't as self amused. They obviously weren't too into it. At the end I made some comment teasing another girl, A girl, and she received it lukewarmly. I was proud that I had said it, and was getting back into the flow of things.

Tonight, there's a general body meeting for tri club and then a social meeting for outing club, both of which I am going to.

My nutrition has been going well. I've been eating a lot healthier, and the results are showing. I'm getting a lot more cut.

Last night I did a good chunk of writing and recorded a couple more YouTube videos.

In addition to audio books, I was thinking about recording audio material while I did lab work. I'm brainstorming right now about what kind of audio products I might be able to put out. Probably something for people just starting out, like exercises to build verbal repertoire and how not to run out of things to say.

Also called and chatted with HLS girl for a bit. My state was good and self amused while talking with her.

Self amusement is key. Every person. Is. Practice.

Yesterday on the phone with HLS girl I first painted out the VISION I have for when I earn my first million.

I'm confident that anything I put my mind to I can do. I've done so much in my life. Cross country bike trip. Ultramarathons. Ivy League. Graduate school. Jiu jitsu tournaments. Music. I know I have an uncanny knack for learning, and learning things well. Finance and wealth is going to be same thing. I'm going to master it, like I will master sales and marketing, and it's going to grant me all the freedom in the world.

Freedom to travel. I told HLS girl that when I earn my first million we were going to disappear on our bikes down through Central America, through South America, and into Europe. Through Europe, and down to Southeast Asia. I'm going to see all the world has to offer, socialize and interact with all the people the world has to offer. Then I'm going to settle down somewhere amazing, like Boulder or Berkeley or Santa Monica or somewhere in SoCal, where I'm going to continue to grow my business and build a FANTASTIC life for myself.

I'm going to start organizing more social events again. It's been a bit lacking because of how busy I've been recently, but that's simply a matter of where I choose to put time and energy.

I put Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich on my phone. I assume it's mostly inner game stuff and not actually a whole lot on marketing / sales.

I was also featured on a podcast my a dude on this forum, Daniel Verner. Check out some stories from my progression and some of the more important lessons I've learned throughout my journey:

http://pickuponfire.libsyn.com/social-c ... th-unfazed

That's it for now, keep at it gangstas.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Finished with Psycho-cybernetics. Although good, Most of it was stuff that I had already understood subconsciously, although there were some nuggets. The power of mental movies and mental rehearsal was good, and the understanding that upgrading your self-image as opposed to bulldozing with willpower is key for progression.

There was also a section on letting go of the past and learning from failures that really resonated with me through this breakup.

Lesbi honest. I'm in the game to find an amazing girlfriend, to really connect with a girl, to have us grow together. That amazing feeling of LOVE is what I want. I've tasted it before, and it is so damn intoxicating. Sure slaying pussy left and right is fun, but it's not fulfilling. It's not what I want.

Love is a patient game.

I'm going to revisit the mistakes and takeaways from this whole AE girl thing. This whole thing is a great learning experience, and I must figure out how I'm going to improve things in the future.

First question is, how long am I willing to wait for sex? I think if it's the right girl, as long as it takes. If everything else is gravy, I'm okay waiting.

With AE girl, I didn't handle the frustration of her being a busy girl well. It might have manifested itself in sexual frustration.

I think the number one biggest mistake was that I dropped everything for her. She became my world, and I didn't focus on anything but her. I half-heartedly pursued goals. I stopped writing my ebook. I skipped runs to hang with her. I ditched other friends to hang out with her.

Investing in someone is good, it's okay. It's a lonely world if all I do is GO GO GO. But I do want someone who can jump on board on MY path with me.

How do you fall in love and still charge hard down your path?

I think the ideal is to charge hard all day and come home to someone you feel comfortable with. Or they charge hard with you and you both chill after. Neither of these I could do with AE girl. The part of her that didn't work out was that she "chilled" after charging hard on her own, by watching Netflix, where as I use social interaction to recharge, either with a girl or in a group.

In the future, I CANNOT ditch my goals for a girl. That's tossing away everything it means to be a man. So that's takeaway #1.

Takeaway #2- In future relationships, if a girl is worth it, I am going to figure out how to influence and change her self image for the better. I'm going to figure out how to get her thinking in more positive ways, developing herself in more positive ways, CHALLENGING her to grow (something I can learn a lot from Jason Capital), and making her a better person. THAT'S giving value.

Whenever Jason Capital wants to influence someone, he does it through CHALLENGE. For example, with AE girl, we were running, but she was hating it and on and off with it. I could've said something along the lines of, "I understand if you don't want to run tomorrow, I mean, I get it, you're busy and tired. Some people do really well when they put that kind of pressure on themselves and push themselves, but I understand that that's not for everyone."

Powerful. Very powerful. I will focus on this more throughout my daily life.

For her tiredness, I could've said: "I understand that you're tired, you've had a long day. Most people have no problem at the end of that just turning their brain off and blobbing. Some people are strong enough that they can still invest time and energy into their relationships, no matter how tired they are, but I understand that that's too hard for a lot of people, and not for everyone."

For going out when someone doesn't want to: "I understand if you're tired and want to stay in, it's been a long week. I mean some people really enjoy letting loose at the end of that, having a ton of fun, meeting people, and building stronger bonds with their friends, but I understand that not everyone likes to grow and constantly improve themselves."

I'm going to think up and practice more examples.

Takeaway #3- Accept that heartbreak will happen. Love doesn't come without it. Let's figure out how to bounce back as hard and as fast as we can. And that does involve focusing on goals, getting my game better, and increasing my influence skills.

Takeaway #4- To bounce back from heartbreak: As soon as you know it's over, CUT IT ALL OFF. The community usually says, go sleep with 10 other girls. While distracting, I think a better tactic is to focus on your goals and vision like you should be doing the whole time in the relationship. That's part of what being an attractive man entails. Not that gaming other girls doesn't help, it probably does.

Brain dumping a lot these days. Therapeutic.

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My Pick-Up Journal

Was eating lunch and reading Influence by Cialdini.

When I looked over the commitment / consistency stuff, HOLY SHIT I was floored. This is some next level mind control shit. All the stuff before it, reciprocity and reciprocal concessions, was all good and well but HOLY SHIT commitment / consistency is powerful.

The reason it's so powerful is that it speaks directly to someone's self image, the PRIME DIRECTOR of all their decision making and what shapes every action and behavior they take. SO INSANE. The basic gist of it is-

Get a small commitment with a small request.
Use that as evidence to frame someone as someone who just does that sort of thing (changing their self image). Their self image changes (yes, I am that sort of person, why else would I have done that small thing). And now all their behaviors will resonate and be congruent with that self image.
Then you just build with greater and greater requests.

This is insane. This can be used in any walk of life. Sales, obviously. But consider game:

You approach a girl, she receives it well and gives you her name or laughs at something.
You tell her that you notice that she's quite an open and adventurous girl. She seems so comfortable around someone she just met! She must obviously be someone who's not afraid to leave her comfort zone and have an adventure.
She obviously agrees to this positive frame (who wouldn't?)
Everything she does after (leaving the club with you, agreeing to a spontaneous adventure with you, sleeping with you) is going to be CONSISTENT with this self image she has of herself as an adventurous girl you just constructed out of thin air.

This instantly made me think of a couple mistakes that I had made with AE girl. I had FRAMED her as a busy girl, making her more likely to stick to that self image. I even framed her by telling her I like how she was not needy, causing her to align with that self image and interact with me less. I even FRAMED her as being a judgemental person, making it even less likely that she wouldn't be judgemental. Holy shit.

What I should've done is framed her as someone who, although busy, takes the time to invest into relationships she cares about. I should've framed her as someone who is affectionate, and liberal with showing her affections. I should've told her that I loved how she was open with her feelings towards me. I should've framed her by telling her I noticed that ever since we'd been hanging out I've noticed how she was becoming a more and more open and social person. I could give evidence for each of these.

It would be even more powerful if she came to those conclusions on her own, instead of me tossing that frame on her. Man this shit is mind blowing. The motto: read Influence by Cialdini and understand these principles. CRAZY

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My Pick-Up Journal

Was chilling with AG girl and JK bro last night, and AG girl was crushed because her and RI bro just split up. She was in the exact same spot I was last week.

It sort of hit me. I can use the commitment / consistency principle to help me get over the break up!

Today I went ahead and texted HS girl. I told her I was over AE girl. I'm back to the same old Ning, always happy, always carefree, yet driven and focused. Completely over her.

The more people I tell this, instead of, "I'm getting over her, but slowly," the more my self image will align with that. Then all my actions, behaviors, and thoughts should follow. Mind fucking myself, I love it.

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My Pick-Up Journal

It's oscillating.

I'll go out, have tons of fun, be really in the zone, and then as soon as I get tired, I fucking have a nervous breakdown from thinking about AE girl.

Then I CHARGE into a maddening productivity spree. I'm ditching so much PhD work to finish this product and design my plan for my business launch.

I bought a membership to Jason Capital's 1k/day Mastermind group (it was only $1 for the first month), which granted me new, better direction on how to take the direction of both the product and the marketing, and I'm working like a madman. I can FEEL the fire lit under my ass.

More to come in a bit.

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My Pick-Up Journal

I don't give half a flying fuck what y'all think of me. This shit is my life and I'm going after what's important to me. I'ma write what's real to me so I can see down the line how I get through the grind.

It's been 2 weeks and I still have a fucking breakdown every other day. I've tried as many things as I could, it hasn't worked. It doesn't even seem to be getting better. The only things that help include talking to HLS girl about it, having nervous breakdowns, and writing.

I went to an outing club hike. A cute girl was trying to talk to me the whole time. Didn't even care. I simply am the most uninterested mother fucker right now. I don't care about her tits, her vagina, her personality doesn't impress me, I don't care how she dresses, see, right now I'm too messed up to care.

I sent AE girl this message.

Hey Amanda,

I thought that deleting your number and de-friending would help me get over this, but it's still been pretty difficult. I miss you like crazy.

I'll think I'm doing well when I'm with friends or doing work, but as soon as I get a break or get tired I start thinking about the good times we had together and get that heart ache feeling back in my chest. Or someone will mention something random like soccer and then it'll be impossible to get you out of my head.

Then I oscillate between trying to convince myself that we weren't right for each other by thinking about the bad parts and having emotional Ning re-emphasize how crazy I was about you. More crazy than I've been about any girl for a long time.

I'm sorry about everything. I know that I was a jerk. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes like everyone else. I know how much you tried to make this work, I have no clue why I wasn't satisfied with that. I should've been. You made me amazingly happy.

Our relationship, although short, was the best thing that's happened to me here in Colorado, and I'm thankful for that experience, thankful that I got to experience it with you. And I'm not bitter or resentful about it, I think those emotions will probably just hurt me more in the long run.

I have no clue why I'm even writing all this out. I think it just helps me cope, makes me feel better. I've got a couple photos I never put up, I'll send them so you can have them to keep. I hope things are going well for you, and that your support system is giving you their best.

-Ning

*two pictures of happy things*

She messages back, the first communication in 2 weeks.

Her:
Are you trying to torture me?

Me:
No

Her:
I can't do this right now; After two weeks I am only now seeing these messages. I need time before I say or do something rash.

Me:
I understand

*end of interaction*

I don't give a fuck about the sex part. I don't need sex to be happy. I don't need girls to be happy. I've already proven that to myself. This girl's just different, and I'm gonna give it the best shot I got, and channel all my frustration into something productive like this fucking business. I'm sick of these fucking breakdowns, and sick of not having control of my emotions. Haven't felt this fucked up since HLS girl and I split. I'm gonna fix this shit and figure out how to do relationships right.

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My Pick-Up Journal

I come back from the open water swim and this happens:

Her:
The past two weeks have been utterly tormenting. Like always, I can’t keep you off my mind, but now it brings me sadness. You broke my heart and you didn’t say why. I was falling for you and it meant nothing to you. You always asked me for more and I gave what I had. I’m sorry my heart and trust weren’t enough for you. Now you are free to satisfy your every need… without me.

I immediately toss all my dignity in the trash can, message her, and head over to her lab. I don't have the keys to the building so I stand outside her 2nd floor window and yell her name.

This happens:

Me:
Amanda wait
You don't know how much I regret that call
I don't want to satisfy any needs without you
And it meant the world to me
It didn't "mean nothing" to me
I told you how much I appreciated it
If it meant nothing to me I wouldn't have been so messed up these two weeks. If it meant nothing I wouldn't have written you those messages
If it meant nothing I wouldn't be telling you I want to try again
Have you not made mistakes?

Her:
Ning, you are two weeks late. Please, let's not.

Me:
I sent that first message the night after
Literally the night after
I just want to talk

Her:
Fine

Me:
Thank you

She comes down.

I immediately tell her I'm sorry and move in to hug her. She doesn't move away and accepts it passively.

She's got negative body language all over, and I get to work. I must've said I'm sorry about a million times. I explain things, apologize, and emphasize all the good things I did for her. She starts breaking down and crying. I half hug her and hold her hand. She accepts those passively as well. She says she's mad she didn't see those messages until now.

She talks in bits and chunks, mentioning how fickle I was, and how I got upset over a volleyball game. I apologize and affirm my own stupidity. I keep telling her how I make mistakes, like anybody, and that that won't happen again.

She tells me how obviously sex is a big deal. I tell her it isn't. I tell her I want to try this without the physical part (truth). She doesn't believe me, and I spend a bunch of time convincing her.

She makes several attempts to leave but I embrace her and keep there, pleading her not to leave. She stays.

After a serious monologue by me highlighting all the good things I did for her and how much I tried to get her back because she's so important / special to me, she tells me that she's taking tango lessons at 7 on Thursdays, and that I can come. She then turns to leave but I keep her there a bit longer. She tells me that "this doesn't mean yes". Eventually she breaks off to go back up to get her stuff, and tells me to just come to tango.

I stand up with her and halfway back I embrace her again, tightly. She returns it for half a second before going limp again. I keep hugging her tightly, telling her how sorry I was. She tells me she doesn't know whether she wants to kill me or if she wants to kiss me. She's still conflicted. I hug her some more and she heads up to grab her stuff.

When she comes down and walks towards her car, I stop her by grabbing her arm and leaning in to put my head on hers from the side. She doesn't move away. I ask her where the tango thing is, and she tells me. I tell her I'll see her there, and kiss the side of her head before letting her go.

Don't care what you fuckers think.

I'm gonna play tight, keep giving value, and try to re-instill a fun vibe on Thursday. Gonna re-game her, all we need to do is have a little fun and it'll come tumbling back.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ad3scYUtR4

Start at 2:35

So insane...

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My Pick-Up Journal

Talked with AG girl for about an hour yesterday, to get some advice from her (I trust her).

I told her the whole AE girl story, and we devised a game plan for the next 4 days. Here's what we deduced:

Right now, AE girl's emotions are telling her that she's attracted to me, and wants to get back together, and wants all those feelings of love and oxytocin back to fill that gaping hole in her. However, her rational brain is trying to convince her otherwise. Her rational brain's chief points of argument include:

1. He was fickle and flipped his mood on a dime. Then he dumped me over a stupid volleyball game. How do I know that this won't happen again in the future?
2. Sex is probably still a big deal for him, he says that it's not, but I don't know if I believe him.
3. I don't know how much I mean to him, if he actually cares about me. Sure, he did a lot of awesome stuff that made me feel good, but he also hurt me really badly.

Seeing as these are the major detractors from her wanting to try again, here are probably the best ways to attack / solve this:

1. I should address these three points of arguments, but the way to address them is tricky. If she brings them up in conversation, yes I can counter and say:
1. Yes, this is was a mistake, I learn from mistakes, and this won't happen again
2. It's not, I want to do try this again and start off without the physical stuff
3. I did a lot of awesome stuff and I've been trying a lot and I was really torn up over the relationship.

However, addressing them and convincing logically is not as effective, it won't CONVINCE her unless she comes to her own conclusion about it. So how do I do that?

One idea was to use stories to show:
1. How I learn from my mistakes and how I can change
2. How sex isn't a big deal for me
3. How much I care about her / how much I regretted the breakup / how much effort I put in for her

Now, I'm a fantastic story teller, but 1 and 2 are probably best shown through time and repeated reassurance (not story).

On 3, I can do that better through story. I can tell her how I broke down in front of some of my friends. I can tell her the story of sending those messages and trying to call her, and being broken up when she didn't answer. These stories can have her conclude that I do care about her, that she is important to me.

I asked AG girl if she thinks I should go radio silence until Thursday and then show up, or throw in small messages here and there between now and then.

According to her, they can't hurt and they can only help. She says that AE girl will definitely be thinking about this all day, her emotional brain saying yes and her rational brain saying no, and that these little messages can continue to show I care and am trying, which should help the cause. Obviously she cares about me and is still very emotionally affected by me, so we don't think that it'll come off needy or desperate, and that taken together they can be used as rational evidence that I do care.

However, I don't think these messages will do a whole lot in terms of bringing her back. They are probably best used as ammo for her rationalizations, once her emotions change her mental state into saying, "yes, I do want to do this again," her rational brain can point to all of these and say, "see? he tried, he really cared."

However, I don't think they'll hurt. And I'll do them from a value giving frame, without asking for anything in return. So why not? They'll probably be something like, hey, hope your day went well. This funny thing happened to me blah blah blah short persuasive story blah blah blah the end.

Now here's the real juice in terms of having her come back.

I'm going to use commitment / consistency principle so she changes her psyche.

Here are some small things that she's already conceded that she must commit to and be consistent with:

1. Passively receiving and half-returning physical comfort. Verbalizing that she wants to kiss me. Verbalizing how much of an effect I still have on her. Verbalizing how much the breakup hurt her. These are all signals that she's still very attracted, which is a frame that she will stick with.
2. This one's huge. She came down to talk, which took a hell of a lot of cajoling and effort on my part. This was a small concession on her part, but it set the frame that she was willing to listen and to forgive, which she will be consistent with in the future. The same thing with telling me about tango, and then afterwards, when I asked about the location (she at first just told me the time), she gave it to me no hesitation. This sets the frame that she IS opening the door to restarting. The fact that she said, "this doesn't mean yes" only reinforces this frame that she's allowing the forgiveness to be a possibility.
3. This one's also huge. She has made concessions that some of it is her fault. For example the sex stuff, when I mentioned that I was frustrated because we had went pretty far and then suddenly it was all gone, she verbalized that that was her fault, and that she was sorry for that. She also verbalized that she was angry that she hadn't seen the messages until 2 weeks later when I sent the first one the day after. This also is a hint that she thinks that some of it is her fault. The "her fault too" frame, if she's consistent with it, I expect will do wonders in terms of speeding up the forgiveness.

Thing's I've done to utilize the commitment / consistency principle so far:

1. I sent her a text, I don't know whether it was to the right number or not (got it off the CSU Spanish club site after I deleted her number), that read: "Thank you for telling me about tango and not giving up on me. You won't regret it"- Basically setting the frame that she's not giving up on me. There's plenty of evidence for that, and if she passively accepts it then she'll be consistent to the frame that she's not giving up on me.
2. The message I sent her last night read:

Finally finished everything and get to go to sleep now.
I'm so thankful that you came down and we talked, so that you know how broken up I was, how much regret I have about everything, how soon I wanted to fix things to make you happy again, and the kind of effort I'm willing to put in to something I think is worth fighting for.
I hope you're sleeping well and not having your weird stress dream, and dreaming of fluffy unicorns and cheesecake instead.
I care about you and want to change so we can make this work, I'm thankful that you are forgiving enough to see me and to tell me about tango.
Hope you kick Monday's butt!
-Ning

The key line is "I'm thankful that you are forgiving enough to see me and to tell me about tango."

This not only sets the frame that she's forgiving, but also gives evidence for this frame (she saw me, talked to me, and told me about tango).

Things for me to take action on in the future:

1. I don't think I need to do anything to solidify the frame that she's still attracted to me, that's going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy that she will maintain on her own. She's spending a lot of time thinking about me, so she'll use that as rationalization as well as other evidence that she is still attracted.

2. Continue to get concessions from her in a progressively escalating manner. Tango is step 1. We'll see how that goes. The next step is to get her to concede to a study session or something.

Also: get her to accept my friend request again. get her to accept the snapchat friend request. get her to give me her phone number again. These should be done within the frame of doing something else: I'll give you a call when I get there, oh yeah, give me your number again. I can tag you in this picture we just took if you accept my friend request. I can snapchat you this funny thing if you accept my request.

3. Reinforce the "forgiveness frame": I'll escalate it from-

I'm thankful you're forgiving enough to blah blah blah
to
I'm glad you're such a forgiving person / I'm glad that you're not a person that holds a grudge for a long time, that can be really damaging
to
I'm thankful you've forgiven me

If I can give evidence to reinforce the frame along the way, it can be good, but as long as she accepts the frame she will find her own evidence for it. Also, she'll probably be telling her friends about this whole episode, and telling them that she had invited me to tango, which will reinforce this frame very strongly because it is public, so she is more committed to it and consistent with it. I like that word, too: "invited." I didn't use it before, but when I mention it in the future, I will mention it as her "inviting" me to tango.

4. Reinforce the "her fault too frame"- Escalate from:

I'll mention the sex stuff so that she will verbalize again that that was her fault. I'll mention how I don't blame her for that, that she was just following her emotions, and that I forgive her. This will solidify that frame. I can say that sometimes people aren't strong enough to not listen to emotions, which sets up a good frame for her to be consistent with.

I can also mention that even though her freak-out over the open relationship stuff and the sex stuff freaked me out a little, I forgive her for that too. That will reinforce the "her fault too frame".

I can mention how it sucks that she didn't see the messages until 2 weeks, and that that caused us both a lot more pain. She might or might not mention that that was her fault, but in her mind I know that she'll be regretting not seeing those sooner.

I can escalate that to "I don't blame you at all for not looking at the messages until 2 weeks later" and then to

"I forgive you for not looking at the messages sooner"

5. Reinforce the "she knows how much I care frame"- I can say things like:

You know how much I care about you. List evidence- telling her I like her, always being excited to see her, the little things I did for her, the big things I did for her, etc. etc.

I can escalate to:

You know that I'm crazy about you. List evidence

and eventually to (in a long time):

You know that I love you. List evidence

6. Reinforce the "she cares about me frame"- I'll say things like:

I know you care about me. List evidence

I know that this is important / special / unique to you. List evidence

That seems like something someone who's fallen for someone else would do. *smirk*

eventually to (in awhile):

I know you love me. List evidence











Holy shit. That's a lot of psychological judo I'm about to perform on this girl's mind. All of it is positive though. Influencing someone is a positive way is awesome, influencing them negatively or taking advantage of them is bad, obviously.

Reports of the results shall come shortly!

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My Pick-Up Journal

Using this journal to draft what I'll send her tonight:

I want to tell you about something that happened this past weekend.

The day that I sent you that second message, I tried to distract myself by going to Ali's housewarming party. When I got there, I sat down and was talking with people when Ali and Christina asked me about you.

I told them that we had split up, and that the day after I immediately sent you a long letter asking you if you wanted to try again. I told them that I had called and written a second letter, but that you hadn't responded to any of those, despite me writing about how sorry I was.

I started reading them the second letter I had written, and when I got to the part where I wrote that you were the best thing that's happened to me here in Colorado, I choked up and couldn't read anymore. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, and I just broke down and wept, in front of everyone. I managed to stutter through the rest of the message, but I couldn't shake the despair that I felt. I thought that you wouldn't respond and that it was over forever.

So please don't tell me that it "meant nothing" to me. Remember when we met for the concert and I ran and picked you up and spun you around? You're my world, everywhere in my thoughts.

I am so thankful that we talked, and that you invited me to tango. This means a lot to me, look at all these letters I've typed. I don't just "throw that around"

See you Thursday.

-Ning

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My Pick-Up Journal

I really like how these stories show the real side of relationships, and not just the hyped up Pua stuff.
This reminds me almost exactly of a breakup of one of my friends who is into game. I'm not huge into game, tbh the only game I've read over the past couple months have been your posts, because I commented back near the beginning of the year, but reading this has got me pumped up to get back out there.
Keep posting and we'll keep reading.