Jesus I was wondering when you would actually do that. I was also wondering why you stayed with her so long.

There's nothing wrong with not having sex in a relationship....if that's what YOU want. It's obvious that you didn't want it. But you stayed in the relationship.

You let HER decide the terms of the relationship - HER terms. Her frame was stronger than yours.

Agreed.

I stayed with her so long because I actually liked her. In fact, it's because I liked her that it took so long and I can already feel the pain of the loss coming on. It's normal, nothing I didn't expect. It'll probably be tough for a couple days, I'll watch some Jason Capital videos and use other things to occupy my brain.

It was too easy for me to fall into the trap because it was mutually exclusive from the start. Since she was so new to relationships, I just assumed that that was the premise she was operating under.

Here's my rebound plan.

1. Hang out with people. Need to hit up AG girl, AP girl, JK bro, MC bro, Z bro, DY bro, and other people to hang out. This definitely helps.
2. Flirt with other girls. Going to put myself in social situations whenever possible and just immerse myself back in socializing, that always gets my state up.
3. Watch Jason Capital Videos.
4. Write more.
5. Run more.

I should maintain a list of reasons why I broke it off so that I can look at it constantly whenever I feel that urge so I won't be tempted to go back.

1. She's way too busy to have time and energy to have a satisfying mutually exclusive relationship for me.
2. She sits and watches Netflix instead of wanting to hang out.
3. She eats like shit and doesn't exercise.
4. She won't invest.
5. She doesn't want to do anything physical beyond making out and holding hands.
6. She lives with her parents and has to ask them to borrow a car.
7. She doesn't have the time and energy to do fun activities that build a relationship.
8. She usually is even too afraid of escalation to agree to watching a movie and cuddling.
9. She's awkward as shit in social situations.
10. Even if we were to be more physical she'll probably have a nervous breakdown afterwards.
11. She's tired ALL THE TIME, and it brings down my state.
12. Her standards for health, her emotional state, people skills, and shit she cares about aren't as high as mine. This rubs off on me, and doesn't raise me up.
13. She's too busy to actually care about any of my shit.

Woo, yeah that's a lot. I'll write more later, this is therapeutic.

For any relationships in the future, here's the plan to avoid the mistakes I made in this relationship.

1. Maintain my other friendships at the same level. Especially female friendships.
2. Maintain running and my other shit at the same level. Maintain focus by saying NO and YES to my shit no matter how much I actually like the girl. Stop investing so much so quickly. Liking a girl a lot is okay, investing too much right away before she earns it is not. Let her do all the investing. With AE girl, I was doing well with this in the beginning and then fucked it all to hell sideways and backwards.
3. Non-exclusivity and sex first. Whenever I have sex with a girl it's always her that gets more attached. Whenever I don't have sex with her and I actually like her, it's me who gets attached. #humblebrags ... sort of.

Boom.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

I'm a freaking idiot and have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I called HS girl, sobbed on the phone to her. Then I sent AE girl this message:

Hey Amanda,

I’m sorry about last night… I wanted to write just to get some stuff off my mind. You don’t have to respond or anything, I just thought that I wasn’t too fair to you with what happened.

I realize that my call was pretty abrupt. I was frustrated yesterday because when you invited me to Spanish club, I was excited. Excited to see you, like I always am. I actually left the gym session with Javi early so I could get there, even though I was late. I was disappointed that you had invited me to something and then ran off without really interacting with me at all. I felt like I kind of deserted Javi, and maybe I should’ve just stayed at the gym to finish the session.

I know that you didn’t do this on purpose or anything, and it’s just the nature of you being a busy girl.

In fact, I think that that was what frustrated me the most about our relationship, was how busy and unavailable you were. I’m not blaming you for that. In fact, I think it’s great and attractive that you are so involved. What I actually want to do is apologize for how poorly I handled my frustration.

You have all the right in the world to be busy. You have all the right in the world to veg at home to recharge. You have all the right in the world to decide how and with whom you spend your time with.

Part of me knew this and respected it, and another part of me was greedy and just wanted all the Amanda interaction I could get. I know it’s not a healthy mindset. I hate feeling like I made you feel guilty whenever you wanted to just chill alone. I loved hanging out with you that much because of how into you I was. Still am. I’ve got this problem about myself that I want to fix, that when I really like a girl I invest too much, and want too much.

What I really should’ve done is filled my time better. I was ditching friends so that I could squeeze into your free time, rearranging work so I could spend time with you. Maybe I should’ve respected my time better as well as yours. I could’ve filled my free time better (with running, work, and other friends), so that I would be busy instead of day dreaming about you (stupid brain).

I’m still trying to learn how to do this freaking relationship thing right. It’s hard cuz each one is so different.

The sex stuff was stupid. There’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t have your standards, and I tried really hard to respect them. I told you I would wait, and I meant it. Although you may believe differently, this wasn’t the reason for the call.

I meant everything I said two nights ago when I called and we talked for awhile.

I guess this is one big giant apology letter. I’m sorry for the unsolicited emotional rollercoaster ride. I know it must’ve sucked. I kind of put myself on one too. Was an absolute wreck today.

I’d love to give this another shot to see if I can handle this better. I feel like I owe it to you and to these last three months.

I understand if I’ve hurt you too badly for you to want that, too. It was never my intention, but I guess pain is a nasty side effect of this game we call love.

If you decide that you don’t want to try again, I understand. Hopefully you accept and understand what I’ve written, and if we run into each other on campus or at club we can smile, wave, and exchange a few awkward sentences before being on our merry ways.

-your secret admirer

What the fuck am I doing?

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

You fucking idiot.

Forget her and start gaming other girls. Seriously. I don't mean to be a dick but reading that was just pathetic.



OMG stop being such a sucker! This kills attraction. She should be trying to fit into YOUR free time.



You haven't even fucked her yet? LOL. Move on dude, seriously.

She's playing with you. Harden the fuck up and start talking more and more girls. This is just sad and super fucking needy.

I don't mean to be so blunt but god damn someone has to say it.

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Abort! Abort!

No seriously dude. You're crushing on this girl because shes made herself difficult and a challenge. Which is great - there's nothing wrong with what she wants. But I get the feeling that that's not what YOU want, but the feels are encouraging you to cave.

Think about what YOU want, what YOU"RE comfortable with, and if she doesn't live up to it, then you need to bounce.

Yup, yup, I know. Funny how emotion > logic. Anywho, I feel a lot better today. Woke up feeling like a million bucks actually, and throughout the day did get slight withdrawal feelings but overall a whole lot better than yesterday, which was a complete clown posse shit show.

She hasn't responded, which is good. I'm past the point of caring what she does. It's interesting how my interpretation of the past is so biased by the emotions of the moment. When I feel good whenever I think of her I think of the shitty parts and vice versa.

In my physiology course I get contact info from 2 girls and a dude. Basically, I knew this girl SE from a course last year (she was my TA). JL girl is her friend. NF bro is another guy in the course.

I've mildly flirted with SE girl, who is super cute. She seemed to be on the hook and then backed off when she saw AE girl and I together at Tour De Fat. My plan is to show more interest and have her question that, because it was inferred, not explicit that AE girl and I were dating.

Basically, I ask JL girl and SE girl about their training (running a half marathon), which they had brought up with me a couple classes ago. Then we talk about training habits. Then I tell them I'm looking for running partners (truth) and do the number exchange. NF bro overhears and tells me he could run with me too, so we exchange numbers as well.

Plan is to invite everyone on a couple group runs, establish better rapport, then invite them out to group social things, then if SE girl is interested she should start questioning whether I'm single and start chasing more.

Going to running club and Road 34 tonight (a bar). Gonna be ill. The good thing is I haven't lost any skill while talking to other people, and social interaction still puts me into state very quickly. We shall see if it gets to escalation if everything is still smooth.

I don't know what the fuck I was thinking with that letter. Yup. Dem's de breaks. Emotions powerful, yo.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Holy fuck. Children please.

I feel like Daddy just came home from work and all the kids are misbehaving.

I don't even know where to start.

First, Rampage -

Dude, I know you're intentions are genuine. I can see that much. It's in your reaction. It's in the other comments you've left elsewhere on this site. You're a good dude. But honestly, your advice here doesn't really help for a few reasons.

One, telling Unfazed to man up, stop being a pussy, and to fuck other girls doesn't really accomplish anything new. It's retarded macho pickup garbage invented by a bunch of guys who were made fun of in high school and are forever compensating.

Unfazed already knows he's not behaving in a dominant way. It's like telling a guy who lost his foot that he's bleeding.

Second, telling him to see other girls is about three or four months too late. It's something he should have done on the front end of the relationship with this girl, not on the tail end. This is once again parrotting stupid PUA bullshit. You're smarter than that.

Look fellas: Pain is part of being human. It's part of loving someone and the uncertainty of being in a relationship.

Accept it like a man, feel it like a man, and then move on. Do I seek pain? Of course not. But when it comes I try to use it to grow. I explore it. I allow myself to feel it. I don't run from it. I'm forged in fire.

For that reason, I'd argue that going out and fucking a random girl now would have a negative impact on Unfazed's emotional state right now. In fact, on a personal level I know this to be true. I was once in a relationship where every time the girl would upset me, I'd go out and slam a new girl. My game was on fire because it was very motivated. I almost always got a new girl. But inevitably I'd feel like a chump because I was running from my problems instead of facing them.

Sure, running into some vag is probably better than into a full bottle of Jack, a porn marathon or a fat line of coke, but any way you slice it, it's running.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, you're SPAM a bit of your naivete here. There's a lot more going on than simply fucking girls here. Unfazed is trying to understand himself on a deeper, emotional level. All of his reactions are because of what is going on under the surface. Your advice is surface level fixes. Again, his foot just got cut off and you threw him a fucking bandaid and told him to walk it off.

And Rampage - dude, maybe you don't want that deeper understanding. I'm the first to tell you that's fine. I've said it in my journal several times. There's nothing wrong with NOT wanting some sort of growth, development, or for saying, I'm where I want to be. If you're happy with your life and your outlook, fuck yeah bro. But Unfazed wants to go deeper. So giving him that advice doesn't help.

GODDAMN IT. NOW I'M FIRED UP.

Next - Unfazed....

Brother...

I've kept my mouth shut for a while now. Watched this journal and haven't really said much.

You KNEW this relationship was not what you wanted a while ago. But you kept letting yourself be convinced it could be.

My question to you is why? Why were you so unwilling to walk away? What - on the deepest level - prevented you from having the conviction to end something that was hurting you and your life in so many ways?

Answer that question and I believe you'll have made a big step forward in understanding the reasons you've been on such a rollercoaster this week. From there, you can address them.

You've talked so many times about state control around this girl. Go one level deeper than that. State control implies that you have to take conscious control of your state around this girl. That implies that there is something MAKING you behave in a way you don't want to. So go deeper and find that thing. Find why you even have to control your state at all and why is isn't just naturally the way you want it to be. That's where you want to be dude. State control is whack. Self-awareness and presence of mind is 100x better, and way easier to maintain.

I've also not commented on this: Yes, you are growing as a person. Yes, you've made huge strides in your life lately.

But there's a very obviously fabricated arrogance and superiority in a lot of your posts. Drop the charade dude. It's not you.

It's fine to be confident, assured, and proud of what you've done. I take great satisfaction in what I've accomplished. But you'll never see me use the type of language when I post that you do.

Example: You're welcome for the privilege of reading my journal.

You say that type of shit all the time.

Be a fucking stalwart, unshakeable pillar of a man. Speak and post with power and authority. Own your beliefs.

But don't ever think you're above anyone.

I've gotten more PMs than I can count saying stuff to the effect of "The posts you leave on this forum have changed my life. By far the best advice I've ever seen." Yet, whenever I leave a little nugget of wisdom, I say something along the lines of "Hey, that was my opinion. It's worked for me. Hopefully it's useful to you too."

And now, I've openly admitted that I'm in a bit of a dry spell. I've openly explored it, posted about it. It's been very helpful. Where would I be if I just ignored it and acted like some asshole, perfect alpha? Not making any progress towards fixing what I want to improve on, that's where.

My point is this: this whole episode shows there are some insecurities present. Don't ignore them. Address them. Let's not act like we're something we're not when we've got work to do.

I like all of you. Good, driven guys. But Christ, I want to smack you right now. Just like Daddy would.

Yo Daniel I stopped reading after this

Because I believe the rest of what you're going to write is an assumption of where I'm coming from, because I didn't say "fuck other girls".. so I know everything else you're going to write is off base and a waste of time.

lol @ retarded macho pickup, I don't even know what that means . I take it you are sensitive, and you feel the need to back unfazed up because you think he's sensitive, too. I don't think he's sensitive so I'm telling it to him just how I'd tell a close friend of mine, and how I'd expect to be told if I did the same thing or acted the same way.

If you don't like my message, scroll on

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

Not sure if your plan is to go on a couple of group runs and then invite them out to group social things?

IMO it would be better to invite them out to group social things first, where you can escalate and flirt straight off the bat. Once you've built rapport at social events and gained attraction, you can use running as mini dates with just her and run to a place with a nice view, somewhere secluded, somewhere romantic..

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

Fair enough dude. I read what you wrote and immediately replied. I moved quick and made that mistake.

But in my opinion, my original point still stands: driving him to pursue other girls in any way, whether talking or fucking is just a distraction from the issue at hand. Semantics doesn't change that point. Talking to girls and fucking girls are shades of the same thing, which is not facing what is happening with this girl and why.

And this has nothing to do with being sensitive or not. Being sensitive isn't a bad thing.

Being overly sensitive... yes. That's not what we're after.

And in the popular, negative connotation of the word... yes. That's used to describe overly, hyper-sensitive people. Again, not what we want.

But by definition being sensitive just means being in touch with your senses, which I think is a great thing.

Am I overly sensitive? Fuck no. But do I sense what's going on in myself and others on a deeper level? Absolutely, 100%.

That's a huge asset in life. Has made me hundreds of thousands of dollars over the last year. Gotten me laid with hotter girls than I ever imagined. Given me friendships and relationships that mean the world to me.

Look dude, telling people what they need to hear is always something I will support. That's why I didn't tell you to shut up or call you dumb or anything like that. It's why I've taken a lot of time writing these posts. I didn't want to offend or piss you off either. I think you're an asset to this board and selfishly I want to have your input in my own posts. The last thing I want to do is create enemies.

You were doing a good thing here. I just thought a little more tact and substance would have helped more. Sorry if I offended you.

Whoa, some crazy shit going on here.

Daniel-

I know why I was acting all weird around this girl and how I had to kind of fight that. It makes perfectly reasonable sense:

1. I liked her more than other girls, and I put her above me in terms of value.
2. Which made me invest a lot.
3. Which made me think in scarcity mode. Compounded by the fact that I dropped my life shit for her.
4. Led to all sorts of unattractive behaviors.

It all started at liking her more than other girls, thinking she's special. I think it might have just been that she was unreasonably cute and pretty much my type physically and partly my type personality wise. How do I prevent that in the future? Try to work on making my goals more and more important to me. Don't drop my life shit for any girl.

As for posting arrogant pompous stuff, I agree that earlier I had been doing that, partly because I was trying to figure out good ways to change my self image to be more confident, but I'm reasonably sure I hadn't done any of that recently that wasn't playful, joking around, and not serious at all. I think playful arrogance is fine, in fact, the more the merrier.

Daniel's right, I pretty much deep down knew I was doing things emotionally instead of logically, and I learned my lesson. Don't regret it, we all have to go through that some time. Now it's just learning and changing future actions.

As for Rampage, I don't really pay attention to your posts man. Sorry.

I'm gonna stick to what I know works for me with SE girl because I trust my experiences more than random advice from a pickup forum.

Didn't know my fuck ups could cause such a ruckus! Lol.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

All the best buddy

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

To you as well

After teaching all day, I got home, barely had enough time to type in the journal about the SE girl interaction, and then rushed off to running club. I met DY bro as well as 4 other dudes there, and we did a 3 mile loop. Was pooped after, as 4 continuous days of hard running as well as one day lifting has caught up. Gonna give the legs a break today.

Afterwards, DY bro and I buy the other dudes some vodka shots for good luck for their race that they're doing in Telluride. We get 4 flavors: bacon, jalapeno, cucumber, and dill pickle. They insist that we split the four shots, one to each, so I end up breaking my alcohol rule. Seems appropriate for the moment and the past week. I end up with the jalapeno shot. Motherfucker.

Afterwards, I shower and head to William Oliver's, a pub that insists on NO TIPPING. Interesting...

I grab food, meed 12~ish people there, including CY girl and NS girl. Get into an animated conversation with JS bro and another bro about running, weight gains, and fitness. Finish my sandwich (average) and peace out. Pick up MS girl and had to Road 34 to meet up with even more people.

We get in line, and meet up with H girl, a cute blondie, skinny, fit, and smiley. Not sure if there's something between her and MC bro, but I doubt it due to how needy his shit is. Either way, don't really give a shit. Still good at not being impressed with looks and being UNFAZED by beauty.

I had been talking to MS girl about the whole break up thing the whole time we were driving, discussing shit. When H girl got there we switched to talking about some other shit, don't even remember what. All I remember is that H girl was laughing any time I said anything. Seems normal.

DY bro arrives, my homie. I'm excited to bullshit with him, and turn my attention away from the two girls. We bullshit. As we enter the venue I joke that we're (DY bro is japanese) increasing the ethnic diversity of the place. Have made that joke a billion times now. Everyone still laughs. Lol.

I find the big group with MC bro, JH girl (hooked up with her awhile ago, teaching with her on Thursdays now), and like 8 other people. Say hi to everyone, and I go grab the rest of my crew. Bullshit a bit with MC bro.

I sit down next to him and dine on some leftover nachos. Then sit down elsewhere. MS girl and H girl sit down to the left of me. I sit down right next to H girl but position my body away from her to talk to DY bro. DY bro and I get into an animated, hilarious conversation about FS bro, a short bro that posts some really depressing shit about his love life on Facebook. It's some sad, sad shit like, boo hoo why do girls hate me, etc. etc.

DY bro has a friend who went on a date with FS bro and he was recounting the story to me, god it had me cracking up hard. All throughout, my arm and H girl's arm kept brushing. Normal.

I turn around and me, MS girl, and H girl start talking. We talk a bit about my breakup, chat about that a little bit. I tell them I'm past the bad withdrawal part, I felt a lot better today (truth). I was actually already in an AMAZING, great state from constant socialization. That, plus DY bro's story about FS bro was fucking hilarious.

So I told MS girl I had called HS girl, and she was like tsk tsk tsk. The two girls and I then chat about my relationship with HS girl, the nature of break ups, and how great of an idea it was for me to call her. As soon as she heard that AE girl and I broke up, she told me she still loved me and if I wanted to drive up to Salt Lake City that weekend I should. Lol.

MS girl tells me HS girl is still into me. Yeah, probably. Somehow I tell them a story of the time I got HS girl pregnant, we almost had to get an abortion, and she had a miscarriage instead. Then we chat about miscarriages. I'm making very close eye contact with H girl. She probably feels some tension, I don't (I don't give a shit). H girl tells me it's supposedly like bad period cramps. Just then, JK bro sat down and hears it, and comments on how he entered the conversation at a bad time. We all laugh our asses off.

H girl asks me a couple questions about HS girl. I tell her the broad strokes, like we had dated for 5+ years, etc. etc. We still talk and text. DY bro comments that "texting is going to become sexting". We all laugh our asses off again.

MC bro notices how I'm having a really engaging and hilariously fun conversation with the two girls, and how both of them are laughing their asses off, and I could see the need and worry creep across his face and body language. He comes over and starts small talking H girl (Hey, how're you doing, etc. etc.). Barf.

I turn around, stand up, then proceed to have a fantastic conversation with JK bro. He tells me all about his stalker girl that I had helped him lose his virginity to (she's still hitting him up). CRACKS me up. He's getting a lot better at story telling and his subcoms are SO much better! He apparently had a good one night stand on his Mexico trip with a pretty girl, and his self image is much improved. He's more confident, speaking better, having more fun, etc. etc.

JH girl comes over and chats with us. JK bro relays the whole story to JH girl. I'm literally shaking and crying laughing from his story, H girl keeps looking over at me.

The rest of the night, I chat with JK bro and DY bro, exchanging travel stories, nasty 3rd world bathroom stories, etc. etc. I tell them about SE girl, JK bro tells me a bit about a girl he's interested in. I basically give him my step by step process for girls I'm interested in dating (not burn it to the ground pick up artist game, completely different style):

1. Talk, engage, establish a common interest. Suggest a join activity in that common interest in a high status way. First, gauge interest (We should go running sometime!) and assess her reaction. If it's positive, then suggest time and place by leading (I'm doing the Maxwell Trail on Saturday morning, you should come) or go for the number exchange to handle logistics (Here, put your number in my phone and I'll text you the next time I go running).
2. Have fun, make a connection.
3. Invite her by leading again (I'm doing XYZ (with friends) you should come). Repeat, look for indicators of interest.
4. If you get a good amount of interest, then she should start investing and there should be a mutual handling of logistics for progressively more and more isolated, date-y activities.
5. Then you just make a move, keep leading, and keep putting your activities first and letting her invest.
6. Repeat step 5 ad nauseum.

I interact with AG girl and JH girl for awhile, that was fun. MC bro at one point just sits and looks sad. Feel bad for the poor guy. He makes a comment how MS girl and I haven't found him a girl yet. Yuck.

Eventually MS girl and I call it a night, drive through McDonald's (got chicken nuggets, forgave myself because I was celebrating freedom and drowning my sorrows that night), and go home. We chat a little bit about the whole AE girl relationship, then I go to sleep and call it a night.

Social interaction DEFINITELY helps me feel better. Going to RAGE HARD THIS WEEKEND. Yasssssssssss. Gonna hit the dance club tonight, will post that up later.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Friday night

I get ready to FUCKING rage around 8:30. I'm already pumped and yelling and shit by the time I drive my roomies MS girl and KB bro over to pick up MS girl's friends, S girl and E girl. They're both pretty cute. We get to old town and head to the downtown artery, after all singing Head over Feet by Alanis with the radio. We meet up with DY bro along the way.

At the downtown artery, we start goofing off and taking random pictures. E girl asks me out of the blue, "wait, so you're the guy that Hannah runs with?" (HS girl from awhile ago, but not HS girl that I dated for 5 years). I respond affirmatively. So HS girl, E girl, and S girl are roommates. She starts animatedly asking me questions about how much I run and shit, and I recognize that she wants to run with me, so I tell her we should run together and we excitedly agrees.

After some more bullshitting and picture taking, we head to blind pig, where my favorite cover band, the Keys and the D's, are playing. I buy 4 shots, for me, DY bro, KB bro, and E girl. We down them, and everyone hits the dance floor. I dance my face off, and we all have an amazing time. The girls are having tons of fun, and S girl keeps pulling me close to tell me how much she loves me. I laugh and tell her I love her back.

This goes on for a looooonnnnnngg time. All the girls in the dancing area are making eye contact with me, dancing with me, giving me hugs, etc. etc. JK bro and some more people arrive, we all dance some more. NH bro arrives, we dance more. Ali Baba girl arrives with two friends, I hug them and dance more. I'm yelling and singing along the whole time, too. This band is sick. All they do is play popular covers, and they really know how to work a crowd.

DY bro and go outside to cool off. I'm unbuttoned to like the last three buttons on my collared shirt and showing a lotta chest. Love it.

S girl pulls me aside and tells me she wants to take guitar lessons from me lol. Okay.

One of the girls I danced with comes out, we chat, laugh and have fun. KB bro tries to pull some flirting shit, fails miserably.

I interact with a cute girl in pink for a couple seconds, we high give each other. We go outside to cool off, and on the way back, I wave her over to let us back in. She comes all the way from the bar to let us in (about 15 feet). I dance a bit, then go over and chat with her a bit. She's cute, but there all alone. Not great at making conversation. It might be because of how insanely high energy I was at the moment. I'm bored and don't want to lower my state just to talk to a cute girl, so I go back to dancing.

I hand my phone to E girl and mime the running motion. She puts her number in and calls herself.

We go back in and dance some more. S girl is dancing close with me and making a lot of eye contact. I know she has a long distance boyfriend. E girl is leaning over the stage talking with the drummer, her ass sticking out. I give her a spank at about 3/10 power, she laughs. After a lot more dancing and goofing off, I sit down for awhile and watch a lot of dudes game the girls in my group. Some of the dudes look like they're doing well, and eventually E girl leaves with one of them. I'm impressed! Apparently the dude was one a weekend trip from Minnesota, and they went back to his apartment. From what I could tell, all he did was talk to her and then they talked some more, then there was some good proximity. From the other girls in my group, they told me he was doing screening to see who was down and who wasn't. S girl tells me that E girl hooks up with guys all the time, that this is a normal thing for her. Night game is definitely influenced by how down and how comfortable with sexuality the specific girl you are talking to is.

The takeaway- if you're going for cold approach same night lays, you've got to screen very hard for which girl is down which girl isn't, and not to waste time with those that aren't.

I sit down. KF girl randomly passes by! I shout her name, she comes and gives me a big old hug. We stand close, make good eye contact, and talk. I ask her how her marathon was, she said great, and she said we should totally go running again! I agree. She questions me about the next day, and asks me if I want to run in the evening. Yeah!

I take some more pictures with DY bro and MS girl. I put my arm around MS girl, she reaches up and puts her hand on my forearm, and leans her head into me, I lean my head back into hers. We take a cute picture together.

At the end of the night, we head out and go to Mcdonalds lol. S girl sees me check Facebook and asks about my ex, blah blah blah. Didn't really want to talk about it.

DY bro literally passes out on a table in Mcdonalds lol. I take photo evidence.

I send everyone home, and pass the fuck out. In the morning, I load a bunch of pictures online. They're all of me with friends, having fun, dancing, with a huge smile on my face. One really intimate looking picture with MS girl. Lotsa flirty fun pics with other girls. The expected effect is that these will make AE girl miss me and be attracted to me more. Whatever. I should forget about what effect it'll have on her. It doesn't matter. Just still difficult.

AE girl shared a random onion article on Facebook the previous day, and she usually doesn't post anything. It was after I had posted a couple social pictures, and it sounded like she was trying to show she was okay emotionally, which basically tells me that she's not okay emotionally. I should also stop analyzing this bullshit, it doesn't do jack squat for me. Just still difficult.

A fantastic night, and I had fun and was in state the whole time, which was my goal for the night. I just wanted to rage, party hard, and lose myself for a couple hours. Mission accomplished.

I keep telling myself that I didn't do it to make AE girl missy (with Facebook pics), but in reality deep down I think I knew the intended effect it would have the whole time. Not a healthy mindset, but again, difficult.

The collateral damage:

Better rapport and friends with S girl and E girl. Have E girl's number, but probably won't call or text. Might send a text later in the week if I'm going on a solo run and want company.

KF girl re-instigated.

Also have a running / hiking OKC date tomorrow with a cute girl, C girl.

Also passed by SE girl in a bar, we waved at each other, it looked like she was on a first or second date with a dude. She responded with pretty cold no to my running invite. I texted, "Whattup gangstas, I'm going running blah blah blah hit me up if any of you are interested" to a group, and she responded, "I cant either this time".

Doesn't mean anything, I'll just keep self amusing in class. If a girl doesn't show interest, doesn't really bother me I just keep doing what I'm doing.

All these girls are beautiful and fun, but I actually just don't care, cuz I haven't really invested any thought or energy into any of them. The future is an open book, and we shall see what happens!

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal

Whattup gangstas!

Yesterday I basically did work all day, did some grading while watching Netflix. Watched Ashton Kutcher's rendition of Steve Jobs. It was actually a really inspiring movie, and I always love stories about great men.

Afterwards, though I was trying to do work, I started getting in to a bad mental state, wanting to call AE girl, etc. etc.

I call some folks to go downtown, head there, and sit in the car and call HS girl. We talk for 15 minutes or so, I again break down and sob for 5 minutes or so. This is disgusting. Felt a million times better after. I thanked her for listening, and walked to Trailhead.

Along the way, a big white dude in front of me starts matching my pace. I slowed down substantially, he slowed with me. I sped up, he sped up. I started to turn, he did too.

I stopped and said assertively, "Yo dude. Are you following me?"

He said, "what?"

"Yo, if you are following me I'd appreciate if you'd stop."

He turns and looks at me. Another big white dude behind me about 20 feet away following us yells at me, "Hey!" I turn at stare him dead in the eyes. He stops. A moment pause of 1-2 seconds. Then they keep walking.

Thank god for my solid non verbals. I was only a block away or so from more people, so I'm sure I can outrun 2 big white dudes for days, and even defend myself (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu) against one big white dude, but I'd definitely rather run than fight. I credit STATUS training with Jason Capital for my solid nonverbals (vocal tonality, body language, and eye contact) and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for my inner confidence. If I had shown signs of weakness I'm pretty sure I would've gotten jumped. Some scary shit.

I get to Trailhead and DY bro and MC bro show up. I tell them the story, then we talk about girls for awhile. It was very therapeutic, and I appreciate both DY bro and MC bro listening to me and relaying their own experiences.

We change venues, chat some more, and MC bro starts opening a couple girls.

We change again, meet Z bro at the Yeti. I start goofing off. I get opened by a girl that used to be a student. I'm talking with Z bro and couple of his homies. I'm showing Z bro pics of DY bro passed out in front of McDonalds when MC bro taps me, trying to introduce me to two cute girls he just met. I tell him to give me a moment (high status signal to the girls), though I actually did care more about showing the pics at the moment.

I go back to get introduced. Make a couple racist jokes, both girls laugh. Talk with one of them, asked her what she did. Occupational therapist. Had some short conversation, with close, laser eye contact. Then got bored started talking to my bros again. Struck up a conversation with the other girl. She managed construction. I asked her if that's so she can ogle the construction workers. She mentions that they're actually pretty lazy. I relay a story. She laughs. I get bored again and go back to bros. Then I talk a bit more and then peace out early.

Good to get out and interact a bit.

I watched a Matthew Hussey video on getting over heart break. He's actually a dating coach exclusively for women, but he's got some fantastic content, as most of the psychology and dating principles between the two genders is similar. He mentions a lot of the things I've tried so far, and that they're good distractions, but as soon they're over you go back to thinking about the person.

He suggests finding a project to make progress on, which I think is a fantastic idea. I haven't written much for my ebook at all recently, and it's a fantastic opportunity to make some good progress on it.

I got a hiking / running date at 11 today, and swim practice with CSU tri club at 7. In between I'll do grading and lab work. Let's do this.

_________________
My Pick-Up Journal