When I was a teenager I considered myself an introvert and to have social anxiety. I wouldn't like going out, especially to somewhere busy, on my own. I didn't like seeing people that often, I hated answering the phone, etc.

Anyway, I went to college and got a job and now I'm absolutely fine socially. I can go into a busy town on my own, I can make conversation with strangers, talking on the phone isn't a big deal and I make friends easily...

I keep seeing people post on FB about what it's like to be an introvert/have social anxiety and I roll my eyes. I don't think it's a big 'condition' which can't be treated. I think if people just went out more and pushed themselves they'd see there's no reason to be scared a phone call, being surrounded by people, etc. and it becomes no longer a fear (like getting rid of your beginner's approach anxiety). I still need a break from people and like to relax so maybe I'm introverted in that way, but consider myself to be good socially.

Thoughts ? Is it an excuse, exaggerated or spot on when people make out introversion/social anxiety to be a big condition?

Most people will look for something to blame when they can't be successful.

"I'm introverted. I can't go out and talk to people like that." is alot easier than actually going outside and promoting your business/band/organization/show/whatever. So, people will just blame it on being introverted.

I don't think no one is a born introvert. At least not to the extent that they claim to be. I find it to be ones outside environment or upbringing that creates an introvert.

From my perspective humans are social creatures that need to socialize to survive. It is only because of things that modern technology that we don't have to communicate as much as we once did.

Why does this concern you though?

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Being an introvert means you recharge your batteries alone whereas extroverts recharge their batteries around other people. I worked for an extrovert woman who said she'd once become depressed working a job where she was alone. For me, I might get bored or lonely sometimes but it would be much preferable to the alternative, which was the situation I ended up in, in a small room with up to a dozen people, many of them talking loudly on the phone. I don't know if I could have continued working there if I would starve otherwise, I'm sure I would have found a way, but short of that, I was out of there. Now I work in a room with one other person where conversation just happens from time to time and I'm perfectly comfortable with that.

Point being, it is a thing. I've always been this way and always will be, and I've looked at my own upbringing plenty as to how it's affected me, and I don't think it has the power to change your nature in this way. Either you tend to find social interactions draining at a certain point, or you can't get enough of them, or you're somewhere in between. But whatever your nature in this way, you have that for life and need to learn how to adapt. A big part of that is knowing yourself and owning who you are to other people. Once you're willing to do that, people tend to respect it and even if situations are sometimes slightly out of your comfort zone, you can handle them, whereas if you deny your own nature and don't own it to others, you'll just put up with any old thing and end up being unhappy.

There's a lot of stuff online about what it is to be an introvert, and it doesn't amount to "I don't like people/don't like interacting with people/am scared/anxious/whatever". I'm a huge introvert and I love social interaction, just in the right quantity and preferably meaningful rather than shallow. You do need to find ways to further your life, promote yourself, and those can be the challenges for an introvert, but they're definitely not insurmountable. Sometimes I think it's that introverts can be too humble about pushing themselves forwards where extroverts don't give a fuck. Introverts are quicker to say "Maybe I shouldn't push my agenda in this situation but just listen". The ability to self-promote is definitely something an introvert needs to learn.

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Don is basically correct. Introversion is not social anxiety or shyness so this thread is based on a false assumption. The fact that the first two responses addressed introversion as if it were a mental disorder doesn't help (sorry Maj, we cool but you're just incorrect on the basis).

Do you know anyone who can't tolerate silence? As soon as nobody is talking that person feels the need to start a conversation to a point where it is clear they are really uncomfortable with no one talking? That is an extreme case of extroversion just as someone who opts to ignore everyone around them once the social activity hits a certain level is a case of extreme introversion. It isn't about fear, it's about how your brain reacts to a certain circumstance.

A great example comes from some RSD bullshit, where Tyler or someone would tell a guy to go into a club and "own the room." The RSD dudes would tell you to mingle and talk to everyone to the point that guys were introducing you to their female friends, and for an extrovert this can totally work. An introvert isn't afraid to talk to everyone, he is just mentally drained by it. If you asked me to talk to 100 people in a club by the tenth person I'd be exhausted and just want to get drunk, but if you asked me to find the hottest woman I saw and go run game I could be over there for half an hour with no issue.

Real introversion just means you have to adapt your game a bit. That being said, if a guy says he can't talk to a girl because he is an introvert he may as well say he can't talk to her because he is left-handed: neither is relevant. But pickup does suffer from a problem where advice is given from the perspective that extrovert = good and introvert = bad when that just isn't true.

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Social anxiety isn't characteristic of introversion, that's a misconception.

Right. I once challenged a girl to stay quiet in my presence for a minute. She made it about ten seconds before she couldn't take it.

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Hey superstar,

First off congrats on getting through that whole thing. I experienced the same thing when I was a teen ager. It's so funny we can make so much out of nothing, label it as a condition then use it as an excuse to not let ourself grow.

I almost did that myself through my teens.

To be honest many people will post all sort's of things on facebook to release what they deem they are going through. I have spent time with people who have intense asperger's syndrome which could be considered really intense introversion - you know what those people are so open, so happy and really don't actually care about what ever label anyone is using on facebook. Really inspiring human beings actually. Thanks to them. Yep.

Essentially anyone has the potential to be anyway they choose to. For example if they choose to label themselves as introverted and take that as a reason to limit their experience of the world - that's totally their choice and if they actually believe that: it's going to reflect in their communication with others.

To be honest I have been introverted, extroverted and anything in-between - in terms of what I guess people say that is. It's just a momentary feeling and has no real essence. It is never something to base your existence in in anyway - so again congrats for not doing that. I don't believe in labels unless we can use them to bring value to others - else they are just like compost.

One thing you could do - share how you came through it. Share what it really is and how it didn't limit you. That would be fresh - I personally would love to hear / read that on facebook.

Big up you legend!

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Elliot Rey
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