Quote:
n2thevoid,
You bring us back full circle with your suggestion. If you read my first post, I wrote something similar to what you suggested and I thought it was a good idea. Didn't sound needy and I pretty much would let her know that she would need to invest a bit more effort if she is going to see me again.
If somebody isn't meeting your need(s) (e.g. your need for connection, intimacy etc), than what do you think is more proactive - silence (with the hopes that somehow u'll telecommunicate that your need isn't being met), or making a need's request by informing the person of your boundary ("Hey I want to get to know you, let me know when you are able to hangout").
But according to most who responded on this thread, they didn't think it was a good idea. Rather, they suggested silence.
Likely because that's an ego-based response, that of which is the M.O. of most of the guys on this board and would also explain to a large extent their poor track records with women.
The only issue I have with silence is that it implies complete disinterest whereas writing something like "hey julie, you seem busy. Let me know when you can hangout.", would indicate, as n2thevoid said, the value of your time while still showing some interest.
One of the things women crave more than anything else is feeling DESIRED. A lot of guys hold back on showing this for fear of either coming-off as needy, like every other guy, and/or revealing their honest intention to her for fear of being rejected. You should never make any apologies for showing your desire for a woman you're attracted to, whether she deserves your attention or not - you feel something and your actions/behaviors reflect that so you're being honest with yourself in conveying desire. With the above response it's not reactive, and it conveys you would like to get to know her (nothing more and nothing less) and YOU assume attraction in making the assumption that she wants to hangout with you and that she's got her plate full at the moment. Fine, no big deal.
Today over the phone I told her that she needs to contact me when she is free. So I likely will not have a chance to send that message above unless I initiate dates again.
I wouldn't tell anyone they "NEED" to do anything as that's an implicit demand and often won't get you the result you want. Pay mind to your language particularly through text where so much can be taken out-of-context as there are no other cues apart from your last interaction for her to go by. Remember you aren't making demands; demands are REACTIVE. You're happy go lucky, you've got other things to fill you day and potentially other women so its not sweat off your back. Be responsive, never reactive and once again be particularly mindful of this when texting.
Anyways, the more I think about it, the more I don't care honestly. Was annoyed by being flaked on multiple times by this chic but I'm over it.
CHAT
