I met a girl about 10 days ago and I got her number the first time I saw her. The next day I messaged her and set up a coffee date. Things went well and we agreed to see each other again. So two days after the first date we met up briefly for coffee and we planned to hang out that night. We met up by the pool with some wine and mostly talked and I thought we connected. So I kissed her and everything was fine. The next day we met up again and we had a similar date as the night before. So far things were going well. But the next day I told her I would meet up with her but when she messaged me I was busy so I stood her up. Then we talked on the phone later that day and among other things she suggested we get dinner three days later as she was busy the next two days. So no texting or calling from either side for two days. Then I called her in the morning of the day she wanted to get dinner but she didn't answer because she was doing some project. So she sent a text apologizing. But when I asked if dinner was still on she said no as she had a lot of work to do but will be glad to get coffee in two days (her most free day). So that's coming up tomorrow and I wanted to be prepared what to say in case she flakes again.

I thought about something like this if she says she's too busy: "No big deal. I know how it is. You seem pretty busy these days so let me know when you're free. I wouldn't mind drinking some wine with you again. No pressure though."

My thing is that I don't want to sound like I care if she flakes. At the same time I don't want to chase her so I thought sending her the above message would let her know that she will have to message me if she wants to hang out again. Let me know what you think.

Forgot to mention that she takes a long time to respond to messages (usually an hour or two). However I've kept my response time pretty consistent from 10 to 30 minutes after receiving her messages.

Also I forgot to say that in addition to her flaking for dinner, she also couldn't meet up later in the day after I stood her up even though she had mentioned earlier that she wanted to hang out. So in total I stood her up one time and then she stood me up two times.

I wouldn't look at it as being stood up, and keeping score as it looks like you're doing - I'd see it as a logistical issue. Sometimes things come-up; so long as its not a pattern then give the person the benefit of the doubt.

As for setting up dates. ALWAYS be definitive as to where and when you're picking her up so you aren't left wondering if she'll flake the day-of. Ya, you can't really control for flakes - typically it is a sign that her attraction level is low, but that's different from not being able to make it due to schedule conflicts/other priorities. The fact she's giving you other times to meet is a good sign.

What I would do whenever you schedule dates is to be specific right then and there "I'll see you at 7pm Thursday night". If she asks for you to give her a confirmation call, tell her that if she's not sure she can make it then the two of you can meet some other time (DO NOT give her a counter-offer for another date time if she cancels out on you - let HER initiate that).

Just focus on keeping things light, having fun, and keeping the vibe sexual.

Why do you need to reply if she flakes again?

Say nothing. No words will have a stronger impact than that.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Thanks for the replies.

RC, wouldn't that make it seem as if I am upset or that it affected me in some way? Honestly I don't care too much if she flakes again. I was just wondering whether to make it seem as if I'm not affected by it (my response above) or to just ignore and let her know something is wrong. So this could be something of a general advice on how to deal with flakes. I just made it a bit more specific with my case asking for advice on the message to send after she flakes.

I agree with RC - a lack of response is stronger than a response, here... With the added benefit of not allowing you to say the wrong thing or act needy.

A lack of response makes her wonder what you think. What you're doing, etc. Makes her wonder if she's become insignificant, you're over her, don't care enough.

The only time I would not advocate a lack of response would be if you're in a relationship. If you are: communicate. Like adults.

Why do you assume ignoring it lets her know something is wrong?
If anything, ignoring it leaves it ambiguous. She has no way of knowing whether something is wrong, whether you simply can't be bothered to reply to a text that doesn't invite a reply in the first place, if you even read it or if you just lost interest due to her flaky attitude.

The point is she objectively doesn't deserve so much attention from you, so why are you trying to figure out ways of giving it to her?

EDIT: Yeah, Charles is right. In a relationship though, she (at least theoretically) would be deserving of that degree of attention. Choosing to be in a relationship with her implies that.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Why are you assuming she'll flake? BACK YOURSELF. Assume attraction.
To me this just sounds sour. All you have to say is "Noworries, let me know when you're free as I'd like to get to know you better"

and leave it at that.

Yeh this is good. But don't worry about 'not wanting to sound like you care', just don't care and you won't sound like you care. If you're trying to sound like you don't care, it'll come through in your verbal and non verbal communication. Just assume everything is all good, and even if she does flake again everything is still all good

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

You assume attraction as a basis for taking action. In his case the action was already taken. Her flaking or not has nothing to do with what he assumes or doesn't assume in the present moment. It's not telepathy.
I agree with not being a negativist in expecting the worst outcome, but that's a different thing.
Either ask when she's free directly and on the spot or don't ask at all. "Let me know when you're free" leaves all the wiggle room in the world. It's like telling your employee "Yeah, just finish the assignment whenever". He'll take full advantage of that and finish it at the latest possible time, if at all.
The last part about wanting to get to know her better.. that's implied. It's the whole point of the date is it not? You can leave that out in the future.
With this I agree. But OP, if you actually don't care then again, not replying is still your best move.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

I don't know if she will flake or not.. But please stop the lame dates. If she is this busy, it's going to be tougher and tougher to see her if all she has to look forward to is wine coffee and a little kiss. Build some momentum at least.

I don't see how it's different at all, when would you like to wait around and let him know now's the time to assume attraction? Should we just wait and see if he miraculously (because lets face it it will be basically impossible if he doesn't assume attraction) makes it to fucking one girl a week? Don't ever wait to tell someone to back themselves. Jez where to start. ""Let me know when you're free" leaves all the wiggle room in the world." You scared she aint gonna message back bro?

"It's like telling your employee "Yeah, just finish the assignment whenever"." She gonna be on your payroll bro?

"He'll take full advantage of that and finish it at the latest possible time, if at all."" You lookin for a bro, bro?

"The last part about wanting to get to know her better.. that's implied. It's the whole point of the date is it not? You can leave that out in the future. " Why you gonna be all indirect and be scared she don't want you and won't reciprocate you no more, bro?

You're gonna have to leave the potty and come to the adults table some day bro.

We agree on something

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

You're over thinking and setting this up to be unsuccessful in the event that you get to third base.

Do you value your time or not? If you truly value your time you should already know how to defend yourself in the event that your time isn't respected it. If i said.. " How would you reply if you were at dinner and some guy came over and starting eating your food" you wouldn't look for advice on how to handle it. You wouldn't say " I'm going out to dinner tonight, what do i do if my foods eating?". Because you more than likely are already programmed with a way to respond to such a thing if you respect your space, boundaries, and the money earned to purchase the food. And its the same with women.

The best response to a flake is "no response". Stop looking for a way to effect them and genuinely start respecting yourself and standing up for yourself. If girl waste your time treat her like she did. Stop giving women passes because you think they're pretty and want to sleep with them. Women don't respect men who do this. Hold them to YOUR standards.

Read this link: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

_________________
Need Coaching? For 1 on 1 Coaching via SPAM, Phone or Instant Messenger - Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

Show Support, Buy The Book: 'The Secret Laws Of Social Wisdom - Click Here

http://www.EddieFews.com

Thank you all for your responses. Very helpful stuff. Reading your responses I realized that no response was probably best in case she flakes.

So I called her earlier and she didn't pick up. But about an hour later she called me and said how her classes are difficult and how she's very confused (not sure about what but probably her classes). It really sounds like she is very busy. I was standing in line to order lunch so I told her I can call her after but she said she was on her way to take a quiz and that she will call me after. It's been about an hour and no call.

Anyways, I am not going to call or text her anymore as you suggested. I'll keep you posted if things change.

It's different because he's a newbie. And he'll walk around "assuming attraction", get flaked on and send a stupid text as a result because he doesn't know any better.
Like I said, it's perfectly fine to have a positive attitude, but you don't have to be an expert to know when a flake might be headed your way.
I see no reason why he shouldn't be given a few pointers in how to handle that.
Acting as if you were already rich won't make you rich. Developing the traits that will qualify you to becoming rich will eventually result in just that.
Hey, while you're on the subject of having no respect for your own time, be sure to text her about 15 times to let her know how beautiful she is. What? you scared she aint gonna message back bro?
Metaphore - http://lmgtfy.com/?q=metaphore
This is not even a worthy of being called a shot.
You're the guy implying the threshold between direct and indirect is "I wanna get to know you better" and yet here you are all up in my face?
Stop embarrassing yourself dude.

Let me know if there's anything else you need help with.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Can we all just get along?! Ha.. but really, I appreciate both of your comments.. What you two are arguing is a matter of style I think..

Update..
She called after about 3 hours. She said she was in class and doing other school stuff which is believable I think. She even apologized for being flaky. I played it down saying how I've been busy as well and that it's not a big deal. So then she suggested we get coffee tomorrow between her classes but I am not going to initiate it though. I can definitely tell the difference this week vs. last week. Last week she suggested hanging out outside of school and this week it's just coffee on campus. Could be that she is really busy or the attraction is gone. Either way, I am not going to read too much into it.