Hey guys,

I need your help.

Here is a brief:

1. I am 22, she is 21. I work in IT, she starts at Goldman Sachs. We both live in London (but I am from Estonia originally). She is local, born and bred.

2. I just added her on FB through a mutual friend, we were chatting for some time and agreed for a meet up.

3. So the first date cannot even be considered as a date, just a casual coffee chat lasting an hour or so. I paid the bill, even though she was insisting first to pay for both, or at least to pay half. We agreed that the next time it's on her.
She texted me the next day saying how nice it was and would be great to meet again.

For the second date we met in Central (she lives faaar away from me), the weather was shit (as always in Ldn), so I decided to go to a fancy bar on the 28th floor with a view of the skyline and all that.

We were chatting for 2-3 hours I guess, nice and smooth. At the very beginning she said she was going to meet her friend after that, so I thought it's time to go anyway. Here comes the bill - and, guys, it was bloody eye-watering for 4 glasses of wine - £55 - $83 to give you an idea. I was kinda expecting that though, so I said "don't worry", but she answered she will pay her half.

Well, on a first date she offered to pay next round, and here she wants to pay half again. Ok, I thought, I wasn't asking for that, but if she wants I am not against lol.

We paid, walked a bit in a park, made a casual lip kiss and said bye. I thanked her for a good evening, she thanked me too.

In 2 days I invited her for a party on the weekend, saying "it's on me", and she answered "sorry, busy that day and next week I start a new job, so maybe later we will find time to hang out". I replied "keep in touch" - "will do ", she said.

4. So here is a question.
Did I fail not insisting on paying full and accepting her offer? Because my mistake was choosing this place first of all, and then asking if she wants another glass after first.
It's the first time something like that happened to me, because I was usually going to the cheaper places before.
And I still feel awkward for paying half - never done that.

Do you think I still have a chance?

Cheers

This is the bottle neck ^

But what has paying for the bill have to do with the above paragraph problem?

She seems to of flaked. Could be for numerous reasons,what makes you think it's about paying a bill??

The fact that you've made a thread and the bill was your 1st idea to go to when you sensed some disinterest only highlights some deep insecurity with in you, that women are attracted by money only.

Remove that from your brain, because it will manifest and become a self fullfilling prophecy.

The fact is. You don't know why she has flaked. We are just speculating...she might have got in touch with an ex boyfriend. It's irrelevant.

To some women, money is important but those are only the bad quality girls. But it's like, you want to attract these because you want to impress them by being the "don't worry about the bill, it's on me" type of guy

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Oh no, that's not what I mean. Plus she's not really that type. And all the affairs I've had before - I've never spent a lot.

I am just thinking if it was "masculine" or "gentlemanish" or whatever you call it, if it makes sense. So it's like you choose the place, you choose what to drink and you pay, right? But here I basically made her spend cash.

So I am just wondering if anyone here has had similar situation.

And yeah, I agree about the reasons - it can be whatever. I will defo leave her for some time.

One thing that surprises me, is that guys never look at it from the girls perspective. You said you guys live far away.... That's a negative. Have you done or shown anything to make up for this? I mean what's gonna motivate her to travel far again to see you when she can probably find a guy a bit closer? A lip kiss? You should've stepped it up from the first date. Plus she's starting a new job. What have you done that would motivate her to take time apart from that to spend with you?

Bro, you have so many problems that are evident just from this post alone lol...

I am exactly the same age as you, and I would of been done with this girl already, at least to the point where I was deciding whether or not to see her again.

You've near enough fucked it up to be fair, you are losing this girl (if not already lost). Here is what you did wrong and what you need to do if you see her again...

The coffee date was fine at first, you could of made this so much easier... she's obviously a pretty cool girl, offering to pay half the bill... let her pay the whole thing... say you'll give her something back the next time you see her... meet her few days later... or even as you're about to part ways after the initial date (yeah it was a date)... "so what were you going to give me?"... look her in the eyes sexually and move it for the makeout... she's shocked but also turned on... lead it from there. Wallah, guy to fuck frame set, simple as.

You fucked it up by going the complete wrong way with it... She lives far away so what's with all these fancy dates and shit? why are you trying to impress this girl you barely even know and spending so much time on her? do you even know what you want with this girl yourself?

If anything... you're giving off the vibe that you're the nice boyfriend type of guy... pecking her on her lips before you split ways

If she does meet you one more time... this is your shot to switch it around... do something to prove that you're not a vanilla nice guy and do something to get her panties wet and fuck her good. However, do it so it is congruent with your image so far, or she will smell that you're not being real.

If she doesn't meet you again then don't chase her... Forget about this girl and learn from your mistakes... Do your research, keep meeting girls (and not just through facebook), you have a long way to go.

P.S... What's up Dragon hahah will be making a formal introduction here at some point.

If you felt awkward, its likely that she felt awkward as well, because this would be an influence on your vibe and frame and so she's like;y to feel it. However, you did not fail because you did not pay for the date or because you payed for half. You failed because no where in this entire post did you mention any form of escalation that you tried to make your intentions and interest level clear.

Nothing besides a peck on the lips?

I wouldn't matter if she paid for the entire date. She cares more about how you make her feel than she does about what you actually do.

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First, many thanks for your responses guys.

Well, you all focused on that "far away" thing - I travel to Central anyway and I live further, so it's not the case. Different sides of London.

neo87, motivation during the starting days is a good point.

Natural_Dec, have you registered just to answer haha? but thanks.
re: lip kiss - I tried a make out after that, she turned a cheek.

And I usually get away with walking in a park or something, but I am telling you the weather was shit, and I realised many venues are closed due to the Bank Holiday. Plus, she mentioned she likes city skyline views and all that.

Eddie Fews, usually it's easy to see whether you will get sex on the 1st-2nd, and that was not the case.

Probably I will text one more time and then forget, will see.

No mate, the local forum I'm on is dead so I thought I'd move over here to see what was going on. This is one of the first posts I've seen, count yourself lucky I replied 'cos I usually only update my reports section and leave the odd comment now and again on other threads when I feel like it

Yeah, and you created that outcome because of everything you did prior to that moment.

Like I said, you seem like you have a long way to go... I don't have the time to keep pointing out your mistakes as I'd rather have my dick in a HB but it seems a few of the other dudes are offering some alright advice and have a good enough understanding of game to point you in the right direction.