Is this how a man Is suppose to be?
I was always a nice guy, Women would always tell me how sweet I was. Of course they would never date me but I was always the one that they could count on. Through the years I became obsessed with becoming better, always improving, always learning. I never thought anything was wrong with that. The woman that I have been on and off with for the past 6 years isn't what I consider strong in that sense. She is strong in other areas but wanting to improve and be better isn't that. I have the habit of becoming to emotionally invested, I talk and share too much of my emotions and my thoughts. Most men do not do this and it is what I hear most women complain about. “ My man doesn't talk to me” “ He doesn't tell me what he's feeling” “Why can't they just talk”. You know the usual bull Shi*! Through these conversations though I have found that women, most not all, don't really want that guy I described. The things that they complain about they don't really care to have. If that were the case they would be fucking the nice guy whose shoulder she has been crying on every time the so called asshole did something insensitive. The bottom line is that through our relationship I would always try to improve be better and try something new, but the problem is that I would push her to do the same. I would share my emotions, my feelings, things that I want improve on personally and things I want to improve in our relationship. She believes that I’m perfect and that she accepts me for all my faults, that her family has nothing bad to say about me, that really no one does. My answer for her “I try to at least deal with my problems, I try to improve and grow.” Then it hit me. The reason why she always felt bad about herself, had low self esteem, felt degraded wasn't because I neglected her, it was because I shared too much with her. I shared my hopes my wants, my dreams, and my desire to become better. Dealing with this constant attitude of improvement can make someone feel inadequate. Its the difference between being hungry and complacent. If I had walled off that part of me off, if I didn’t share the core of my being would things be different? I was raised to be this nice guy and we all know where that leads us. Digging deeper into that though, is being too talkative, being too emotionally available kill possible relationships? How does one wall that part pf them off, and set limiters without completely cutting them self off socially? Is there a balance between being ambitious and complacent? To continue to improve yourself, keeping that drive while at the same time keeping it isolated from her? Is this how a man is suppose to be​? Do women really want this? We all know that the answer to that last question is yes.

Are you just bitching?

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Let me break this down for you so that you'll hopefully understand. No. You were the one they couldn't count on. You were the one that would drop anything to do their bidding and that's no way to earn anyone's respect - let alone the respect of a a quality woman.
They want a man they can count on. A man that can stand his ground and be source of strength in their life. That's not the nice guy. It's not the asshole either don't get me wrong.
There's a big difference between being a good guy and a nice guy.
I'm not sure how someone who doesn't want to constantly improve is "strong".
A lot of women have no real clue what they want. I have a female friend that "wants a guy she can boss around". What she doesn't understand is that no guy of any worth will let himself become a doormat.
It's a paradox. An attractive doormat doesn't exist. Those two traits are mutually exclusive.

At the same time the women I've met that in fact do know what is attractive and are able to recognize it and appreciate it I can count on my fingers. On one hand. And I have all the respect in the world for them.

Actions themselves are irrelevant if taken out of the context of the intentions behind them. Women respond to how you make them feel and how you make them feel is largely based around how you feel internally about yourself.
Weakness breads weakness. You need to be aware of the why's, not that what's.

A man is supposed to be a symbol of masculinity that inspires women to be feminine. It's not that complicated.

Shortest version I can give you is this: Women want to be the most important thing in your life, aside from yourself. #2 place is all she or anyone else can ever get, and that's perfectly fine.
99% of fuckups occur when she takes #1.

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Wow really hits home thank you. Thank you for also taking the time to read it.

do people not use paragraphs anymore?

Basically women complain to 'nice' guys about dicks that they're having sex with. It's always a red flag when any woman calls you nice or cute or adorable or what ever. Puppies are cute, you're not. She's noticed that you have no direction or assertiveness, she can come to you with her problems because she'll get attention. If this happens then she instantly losses respect for you, and you'll end up in the dreaded friendzone.
It's all about status man. You have little status in a woman's mind if you're nice and therefore too easy, too boring.

You can never go by what a woman says she wants in a guy; because as you stated what she does is often the exact opposite. There's a reason the saying isn't "words speak louder than actions."
So was I. Funny thing is you can still be a "nice" person (not an asshole) and be attractive to women. Just that when the niceness comes out of a more edgy non-arrogant non-jerk persona, it's appreciated rather than stepped on.

Define "nice".

If "NICE" = to most guys "NICE" means putting her needs before your own, and THAT is not attractive at all. So the guy who listening to her gripe without end about what her coworker did, or her friend. A NICE guy has poor boundaries and allows a woman to dictate the pace of the relationship as well as he'll eagerly go along with any scraps she'll throw his way just to have a bit of her feminine energy.

The NICE guy is actually a very selfish guy. He has needs, he just hopes that by meeting someone else's they'll meet his - he has this implicit contract he's created and when the woman doesn't fullfil her part of the contract (how could she she's likely not even aware it exists) he then gets upset, will often become passive aggressive or manipulative in some way and end up pushing her away forever.

A lot of guys confuse NICE guy with doing nice things for a woman.

WOMEN, ALL WOMEN the world over want to be desired. In fact, desire is the thing women crave most - why do you think they often wear skimpy outfits that show their curves? This doesn't mean they want guys making lewd comments towards them, they simply want to be desired in a way that's not taking from them - basically they want to be desired by non-needing men. And the NICE guy is a needy guy.

Read: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

If the majority of attractive women are complaining that their man doesn't open up and express his feeling enough you have to figure that there is something to it.

The man I've known that has gotten the most women i've ever seen a man get in my entire life is my great uncle. And when I asked him what his secret was he told me this.. " i've been with thousands of women in my lifetime and not once didn't any of them known that I was worried or that I had an issue. A mans problems are his own, not his womans." A woman wants a man she can lean on to tell her problems to. So she naturally "thinks" she wants the same thing she is being offered from her mate. She wants a turn too. But its not your place.

Women are not good at being NEEDED, they like to NEED. You wouldn't jump into your womans arms and force her to carry you, just because she jumped into your arms and forced you to carry her. We have different places and different things are expected of us despite what they may "think" they want.

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Your uncle sounds like the prototypical man from a bygone era (some time before the 1950s) who saw expression of emotions as a sign of weakness.

This archetype doesn't exist anymore. WOMEN want to be desired, and this can also come in the form of leaning on them in tough times. It does no equate to differing to them to solve our problems - that's not particularly attractive to anyone involved. The vast majority of women (healthy ones) will attest that males who are in touch with their vulnerability are not only attractive, but highly desired. Maybe your uncle's mentality got him a few lays, but to have that mentality in today's culture with women is surely a recipe for disaster.

As a man, I take care of my own needs, I also am a rock for my partner. We both get different things from each other - the needs can be inherently similar, but the strategies of going about having them met in many instances look different. My problems are my problems, her problems are her problems - at the end of the day as two healthy partners you lend support to each other while respecting one another's right to autonomy - and this means not trying to fix each other.

NO. This is an overly flawed opinion NOT supported by facts and figures.

Women do not want crying, whining and complaining man bitches. Romance novels and literotica sell more than all of the male porn combined for a reason: Women want a temporary escape from the reality that the world they live in is so full of crying, whining, complaining, weak man bitches so they fantasize about that strong, stoic man whose emotions are hard to decipher in +250 pages and in the climax of the plotline, he shows some feminine emotions in 2 or 3 pages.

Women spend money on these types of masculine male characters (strong, stoic men who show very little feminine emotions) from the typical female romance novel plotline. To know if you're this type of man, without asking the woman for money or favors, observe if she wants to spend her money on you and she's more than happy doing the spending. When she does, then you're the typical female fantasy.

You're wrong N2. Eddie is right.

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"Women do not want crying, whining and complaining man bitches." has nothing whatsoever to do with being vulnerable. You seem to be quite confused as to what being vulnerable means. The vulnerable man (the man in touch with himself) is the authentic, strong, and confident man.


To elucidate and clear up your confusion I strongly suggest you read the following article
Read this article http://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability

An ambivalent author who loves oxymorons is the wrong guy to elucidate on anything. Sure, he can sound profound and guys who represent beliefs covering opposite thought spectrums may think he's smart.

However,

1 - 1 = 0

It doesn't take rocket science to figure that out.

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Cool well it looks like you've got it all figured out. Best of luck man.

On another note, your math skills are certainly something to behold.

"1 - 1 = 0

It doesn't take rocket science to figure that out." <--#Winningargument, #debatekiller

Gonna tag that on whenever I say anything nonsensical or am on the 'losing' end of a debate.

As for Mark Manson, a lot of subjects he speaks on are well documented and supported by the literature in the fields of evolution and psychology. BLOGGERS (and opinions) of course are a dime a dozen particularly online, that said his anecdotal experiences are demonstrative of someone who has done a lot of self-reflection and growth and that in itself puts him well ahead of a lot of people out there who talk about relationship-related matters.

But be skeptical, I encourage you to. But simply attacking someone on their message without actually acknowledging anything substantive in the message itself is more a statement about you than anything else. If you put your ego aside, you may learn something that can be of benefit to you.

N2, ambivalence and oxymorons are like these:

1. Do not use routines. Be natural. Use this: "Hi."

1 - 1 = 0

'Hi' is a verbal routine. It is a common human communication protocol answerable by 'Hi'or 'Hello'. This was memetically established with the invention of the telephone.

2. Be brave. Run away from a fight as fast as you can.

1 -1 = 0

The difference between Eddie and Manson is that Eddie is seldom ambivalent. Manson is always ambivalent in his discussions. Moreover, Eddie is almost always congruent with what he's saying. Manson says something in one sentence and in the next sentence, he takes it back.

I agreed with Eddie in this thread because his insight was more grounded in reality and definite. On the other hand, your alternative point of view is just NOT supported by facts and figures. It didn't help either that you tried to name drop a popular pick up artist author who is notoriously ambivalent.

To be clear, masculine emotional vulnerability has gradients. Women would rather prefer a 95% stoic man with 5% emotional vulnerability than a crying, whining, complaining man bitch who is 5% masculine and 95% emotionally vulnerable.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html