So I recently had a lay that really opened my eyes. One of the things that I realized was, I really get hung up. On everything. From overthinking everything I did wrong or right, to worrying about seeing who was probably a one night stand again, to these probably average feelings of wanting to keep her mine.

I am coming to the realization that this one general concept is largely blocking me from being more confident, assertive and successful. Today I went to the beach, and I was just walking around, scoping chicks out. I had never realized before, how many opportunities for lays I have. The problem is not women; they are fairly open. The problem is, I am my own worst enemy, and I do not know how to defeat this part of myself.

With this sentence you have spotlighted what I believe is the primary issue in 'pickup'.

It is so true. I'm thinking of a time when I opened a girl asking a question about the shelf life of strawberries. She seemed so open but because i was just tryna get "warmed up" (in other words I was in my head and not in the moment open to all possibilities) I exited shortly thereafter.

Who knows where that could have led.

It's just ridiculous.

Ur right. 99% of it lies with us....being able to lead an overall interaction with a woman.

Taking massive action in a thoughtful non-spammy way, with a knowledge that we are only on this planet for a limited time is the solution. We have a lot of programming and coding that needs to be overridden to do this, but it is doable.

You have got to practice letting go man. See this link: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

Theres an old saying that goes.. " You have to go through pain in order to become you" - Or maybe that was Jay-z. But its true. The real power is in the willingness to walk away. The power to trust and believe in your ability to attract another woman of even higher quality with ease.

You have to mentally program yourself as well. Programing your subconscious be repeating the thoughts of the man you wish you were over and over for months until they become who you are. Similar to the way great actors get into character. Mentally convincing themselves that they are the guy in the script. Practicing convincing yourself that you are already capable of walking away. Say it as if its already so. " I'm completely independent. I love myself and I will walk away from any woman who isn't making me happy or meeting my standards". Its a process. Like building a better body. It'll take 3-6 months of repetition before you actually see the results, but you have to be in it for the long haul.

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The easiest way to change is to open yourself up to new experiences. Do things you wouldn't normally, do even if your a beginner and look like a fool, the experience changes you. It can be something as big as jumping from a plane or as easy as starting read more. I recently started traveling more over seas and the experience has changed my outlook in many ways. Even though it was hard not having a good grasp on the language it was a worth while venture. Start getting out of your comfort zone and start trying new things. It will help change your mindset and make you more interesting.

Welcome to the Matrix.

You gotta be willing to fail dude.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
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How to keep a girl.

'Welcome to the Matrix' is spot on. OP: You have advanced further than 99% of all men ever will with your realization of "The problem is not women; they are fairly open. The problem is, I am my own worst enemy, and I do not know how to defeat this part of myself."

Now as R.C. says, get out there and "fail" (also known as gaining invaluable learning experience)...and you will probably soon find you are also succeeding.

Thanks for the responses guys. I have read them all at least once. I want to consider your posts more thoroughly but it is almost 1AM here. I will do it tomorrow, after a nice session of scoping chicks at the beach


Two things I would like to mention;


First; My lay called me today, about 5 days after we boinked. I had tried to call her three days ago, no answer, so I let it go. After some chit chat she told me "I dont want to be any more intimate" which, with the tone of how she said it, meant she didnt like, want to DATE or be CUTESY or BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND. She was down with friends with benefits. It might have also meant she didnt wanna bang any more, but she did invite me to hang out on her birthday on the 14th. I told her I get off work at 11, and she said that's fine, come over. I am fairly certain shes still DTF, as much as I was the first time at least.

And see, I met this chick salsa dancing. I saw her again at the club today. She was talking with another guy. I don't think she saw me. I think she might have left with him. In my head, I know I should be cool with this. After all, this is what I am looking to do, I shouldnt be hypocritical. However, she did call me, and she did want to hang out on her birthday, even though she can still find other guys to bang. So how should I treat this/ think about this? Should she just be a number in my phone I forget until I am looking for a hookup? Once every month maybe?






The second issue is, my "heart". In this generation of tinder hookups, I still have a heart that cares and thinks about getting a wife and the whole shebang. A part of me does not want to let go of the fairy tale story, though my head knows how likely that is. Should I think of letting this go completely? Should I try and kill off this part of me? I mean, I already feel so heartless, and seeing this girl, who I know is a one nighter/FWB, messes with my heart. Will I have to let it go all the way? I am already such a different person. I don't know who I would be if I did.

When you read the link i posted in my response it will answer your first question.

To your second question.. You don't have to do anything; you don't have to conform to society. All I ask is to know why you're doing something. Have a reason or a purpose for it. If you're just trying to get married to fulfill some fairy tale fantasy than perhaps you should rethink it, but if you have a reason and purpose for waning to do something then go for it.

Personally, all you have to do is tell women what you want. Once a woman likes you, and you communicate with her honestly you'll be surprised at what she's willing to accept and put up with.

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So I went to her party. There was a lot of people there. I was alone. She was drunk and bouncing here and there. I figured I would establish some rep and talk to some other people.


I am getting hung up again. Long story short, she made it fairly obvious we were a one time thing. This was the thing I was looking to avoid; the hurt. The feeling that someone I am interested in, even short term, is not into me. She spared me public embarrassment and enjoyed my company somewhat at the party. I did get a laugh or two out of her which I should be grateful for I suppose. It does not hurt all that much. Still, It does not feel nice.



Why did she invite me to her party in the first place? If we were a one time thing, why continue this? Is it perhaps that she has been doing this for a while, and is numb enough to think this will be completely OK with me? That we can bang, and never think about each other that way again? That we can continue on talking without being that way?



I wish, with all that is left of my heart, that I could have this "abundance" mentality. I can see a pinhole of it's light, but I cant see all of it. Maybe this is just the beginning for me. Regardless, this beginning part hurts. Because the truth right now is, no, my reality does not have an abundance of women. I simply glimpsed it. I left her house after the party and she made it clear things wouldnt happen again. I got a hug, and she said "see you soon" meaning at dancing. How cold. How numb. How used to this she must be. How... abundant... her mentality must be.


And suddenly I realize, this is what people are doing. This is what everyone is doing. Everyone is out there, banging like they shake hands, thinking nothing of it and moving on. They play on their smartphones and get into the futilities of the Kardashians and drink and be superficial and participate endlessly in the desensitization of themselves. And once they participate in acts that are supposed to be meaningful to each other once and then never again, they go back to working next to each other, as if nothing ever happened. And I can't see how I can ever ignore the big picture of what is going on long enough to cultivate this abundance mentality.


How do people live like this?

You have a cool writting style. This post is all sappy and self-pity, literally all over the place. So much that I almost puked in my mouth a little bit, but still, writing style is complex.
Point of that statement is that you seem like an intelligent dude.

That being said, why is it that you feel the way you do? Yes some people are superficial, but abundance does NOT imply superficiality. Do you still believe that love is innocent and pure? Do you believe in Hollywood endings?
Yes, you were a one time thing. That's not superficial nor profound. Labeling it one way or the other to feel better about yourself serves you no purpose in self development.

Stop playing the victim. How do people live like this? really? You'd prefer that every lay materialize into a relationship just because? No effort involved, just let it fall from the sky? Can you get more defeatist than that?

You're weak. And as long as that doesn't changes, neither will the quality of your life.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.