As much as I understand dating is a numbers game and try to embrace the abundance mentality, I've had an extremely trying week that has left me searching to patch up holes in my approach.

This is in regards to women flaking on me for the first date. I consider it a flake when they agree to a general day/time and then don't follow through and actually meet. I try to be fun and light hearted about planning the dates but also subtly aggressive in order to secure it. Since most of these women are from online dating and they've never met me before, I know they are going to have reservations. But they did give me their number so there is generally some degree of interest. Let's take a look at all of my blunders this past week:

Girl 1. I texted her on Sunday and after a little back and forth and playful selfie exchanges, I asked her out for a drink the following night. She gave me the old "I would but I work late Monday and won't feel up to it after." I asked her if any day would be better, forcing her hand. She said Wednesday. Careful about sounding too eager or available, I said that Wednesday would probably work but I would let her know. We texted on Tuesday, and after a few exchanges I told her I had good news. She asked what the news was, and I said Wednesday evening was a go. She stopped responding. I texted her Wednesday as well to try to salvage it, and no response either.

Girl 2. We texted throughout Monday extensively and I asked her to meet me out Thursday evening. She said she was really nervous and didn't know if she could commit but she did want to meet me. I brushed off her nervousness, and told her that she would thank me after we met for being so pushy. By the end of Monday night, she told me she would see me on Thursday. She texted me all day Tuesday and Wednesday as well, and our conversation was really fun so I stuck with it. On Wednesday evening I attempted to lock in a time, and she backed down saying that she just isn't ready to meet anyone yet. And then babbled on about her dark past and trust issues. I promptly deleted her number.

Girl 3. I texted her on Monday and tried planning a date for Wednesday. She agreed to it saying she would love to be able to unwind and have fun with someone. I felt a vibe that she was a flake risk, so I told her I would pick her up on Wednesday and asked for her address so I could plan how long it would take me to drive there. She gave it to me. I banked on using this to subconsciously scare her away from flaking since I now knew where she lived. She texted me drunk on Tuesday asking me to come out with her and her friends and I might have done it but the conversation never led anywhere. On wednesday, she ignored my confirmation text in the afternoon, as expected. I decided to call her on her bluff, and texted her later on saying I was on my way and would be there in twenty minutes. Naturally, she IMMEDIATELY responded saying "Oh I'm sorry I forgot we had plans today and I got called into work."

Girl 4. Started talking on Monday. Made plans to get coffee for Tuesday. Completely ignored all of my messages on Tuesday and never heard from her since.

Girl 5. Made plans for Thursday on Wednesday. On thursday morning she actually texted me and said "So what time did you want to meet tonight?" That was a great sign. I set a time, and a place. Then as it got closer to the time she said "I have to stay late at work and I'm not sure when I'll be getting out..." Never heard from her again.

Girl 6. Made plans Thursday to hang out on Friday. She texted me in the morning and said "I'm sorry I can't hang out tonight anymore. I have so much stuff to do today!" Never heard from her again.

Girl 7. started talking on Saturday. Agreed to meet me that same evening for coffee. When I told her the location, she ignored me. Texted me today apologizing saying she gets really nervous about meeting new people.

There were more, these are just the ones I remember off the top of my head. I ended up planning multiple dates for the same time frame and they still all ditched me. It's very frustrating.

None of my techniques seem to work. I try "assuming the sale" by just ignoring their hesitations and acting as if they have agreed when they seem lukewarm about it. But this just alienates them. And most times, when women do decide to flake they also completely shut down from ever responding to me ever again, probably to avoid the need to make up an excuse for why they flaked.

I know these women have a ton of options, and I need to excite them and stimulate them to make them want to devote time in their day to meeting me. The pick up gurus usually advocate spending very little time chit chatting and getting right to the meet up part. How can I do that when these girls are so flakey?

I didn't read all of them, but you're texting way too much. Even if they did turn up, you'd have nothing left to talk about lol.

Don't worry about trying not to sound eager - women can spot that a mile off. The key is to actually not be too eager... not fake it.

You don't need to send that many texts. A call would be better, but lets say you do text, you should be sending 2-3 to set a date, then not contacting her until your text to say "I'm outside" or whatever...

Try that on the next couple of girls. My flakes reduced a lot when I stopped texting and calling so much.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

thanks for the response.

I don't know though, man. Quite a few of these girls don't really exchange much with me before I go for the date. I generally always ask them to go out on the first day we start talking, usually within an exchange of about 3-5 texts. I can't imagine just opening up with "meet me tomorrow" would result in less flakes.

I'm not saying to open with that. I'm saying to send 2-3 texts max, and then tell them something like "Anyway, you seem really cool. Do you like having fun? I'm thinking of going to a pretty cool place soon, when are you free?" something along those lines...

Don't take her for a drink, to a movie, or to a club. Not on your first date.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

I see, that does make sense.

One of the things I like doing before asking them out is asking them if they consider themselves spontaneous. 99/100 women will say that they are very spontaenous. Then if they do disagree to meeting up with me they seem hypocritical.

But I agree with you, maybe asking them out for drinks just seems boring. Theres very little merit to meeting at a bar for a beverage. There's nothing to look forward to except for the actual conversation. What sort of "fun" things do you usually do on your first dates?

That's good.

I use the bowling alley for almost all first dates. It has pool tables, bowling lanes, a little food place, a bar, an arcade. It makes the girl feel like you've been on multiple dates in one night, which makes her feel like she knows you better than she does, which increases your chances of first date sex. I've found it usually takes 2-3 dates, but this does boost your chances...

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Shit, must be somthing with the moon or somthing. The girl I asked to meet up for coffee was a no-show.

@J.Daniels Thats a pretty good idea for a first date, i'm kinda sick of the "Lets go for dinner or Coffee shit" frankly I feel sick thinking of asking a women out to dinner...

Yea. You have to remember that girls get asked for "drinks" or "a movie" on a daily basis. You want to make your first date something unique, memorable, romantic and fun (but not necessarily expensive, at all!) in the evening.

It's obviously possible to take a girl for coffee and bang her... but coffee is typically what a girl would do with her friend on a work break. It's a lot easier to escalate and to touch her while you're doing all of the things listed at the bowling alley than it is if you're at a coffee shop...

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

I skimmed through it man..

And what I noticed is that everything you said has something to do with "texting" - how many of these girls are you actually "calling" and making the connection with? And I'm not saying that you can not make a connection through texting because it is possible, however I believe the phone and things like video chat just give you much more to work with(tone, facial expression, consistent flow of conversation etc.) the phone will give you a direct connection to the mind of the person you are talking to.

Also, I find girls are most likely to flake on the guy that they give the vibe from that " I can see him anytime I want. Even if I flake on him, he'll be willing to go out with me tomorrow or next week". Why not flake if thats the case? Why not flake on a guy that will always be available to go out with her? Especially if he hasn't made a connection and/or created the avenue to distinguish himself from every other guy thats talking to her on tinder, Facebook, and the streets of your city.

You have to change that vibe.. And the way you change it is by learning to walk away. Taking action against your emotion helps to reinforce a new attitude.

A girl has one shot with me and one shot only. She flakes and she will never ever see me again, even if she calls or texts my phone the next day asking to come have sex with me. I will ignore it, because I've grown to put that much value on my time. You flake on your job interview with google cause you were "tired" and see if you ever get another opportunity to work at that company. You have to be google bro. You have to cultivate that prized attitude, and the only way to cultivate it is to take action against the current emotion telling you not to.

See this thread: viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

It took me about 7-10 months of dropping every girl that flaked to create the foundation for the new attitude. It didn't matter whether it was the first date or the 5th date. When a girl would flake I was gone.

Women are intuitive it, they get vibes from guys, and can sum us up in categories of " what they can get away with ". If she gets the vibe that she can get away with flaking she may or may not play that card.

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Eddie, what if she flakes for a genuine reason, and you want to smash her quite badly? Her relative died? She broke her leg?

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

IN cases like that they will attempt to reschedule, if does not, then well I want ask her again...

However i have had girls flake of me after rescheduling, however she had mental issues and later I found out she was also seeing another guy and she was using me as a "backup" incase he bailed on her or did not want to see her(which I figured what happened the other day aswell). I just stoped talking to her after that, and she wonder why I did.

Yea... I've always basically known that if she flakes with "But what about Wednesday?" then it's genuine. If it's not definite, it's a lost cause.

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I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

How did you meet these girls?

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RSDTyler

All online.

If the texts aren't working, try calling them and talking for a bit. It makes you more real and less unknown.

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RSDTyler