OK... I've got myself into a bit of a situation.

I just recently got out of a LTR and have met this new girl (after a couple of months of hooking up with chicks). The strange thing is I've somehow developed oneitis for her. This has never happened to me in the past when I dated a girl.

I think the difference this time is that normally I get back working on my game, get my inner game down and am then very well centred when I meet a girl I want to get into a relationship with.

I've also being (stupidly) super nice to her before and since we've been in a relationship. This was actually one (there were other) things that attracted her to me. However I know this is poison in the long term. I'm not saying I have to be a dick but if I don't change the main aspect of her attraction to me (i.e. nice guy) then she'll grow bored.

To combat this I've started to be more assertive and dominant. I've also upped the work on my inner game (actively putting in place the building blocks I need to open my own company by the end of the year).

However, this oneitis has made me jealous and this weak jealousy is getting in the way of me getting my inner game back on track and switching the her attraction away from the 'nice guy'.

Yes the jealousy is silly (I've never been the jealous type) and I absolutely need to address this but I can't do both at the same time. Since I've been good on jealousy in the past I think I can focus on this at a later date.

So, the only thing I'm jealous of is... I found out that up until I started going out 'officially' with my gf about 5 weeks ago she was having sex with a FWB. This had been going on for about 4 months. I think the reason I'm jealous is because unlike an ex-boyfriend who obviously has little value in a girls eyes since they broke up a FWB obviously does have value and in this case had value right up until we started going out.

I couldn't realise why I was jealous before but I think it's this key point that has me off kilter.

Although it shouldn't matter but this guy is leaving the country in about 3 weeks. So if I can put my jealousy aside till then I'll be able to work on changing the dynamic of our relationship.

What I'm looking for from you guys is to fill in what happens to a FWB when a girl gets into a relationship i.e. does she continue to see him for a while, does she find it hard to move on from a FWB or does she just easily switch from a FWB to a relationship?

I've never been in this position before so I'm not sure how this normally goes down.

I know I know my inner game should be strong enough that I should be jealous... I'll sort this out soon.

Cut the crap. It most likely has happened before. There's nothing wrong with it, we've all been there. Just don't lie to yourself - and us - in the process.

Yeah, you should spit in her face the next time you see her. That'd show her.

Fucks sake man. There's a difference between nice guys and good guys.
Nice guys do "nice" things as a means of weaseling themselves into her pants. They'll give their-selves up entirely and go full doormat thinking it will aid in achieving that purpose. When you think about it, that's not being nice. It's selfish, fucked up and desperate. Needy to the core.

Good guys are nice because it's the normal way to be around someone you like. By all means tease her, bust her nuts, mildly insult her every now and then. That doesn't make you less nice, it makes you fun. Good guys don't go doormat. They're just being who they are and that's perfectly fine. Indicated in fact.

The difference is in the intentions. A good guy will stand up for himself, disagree with her when necessary, throw a backhanded compliment when he wants to and won't mold his entire personality on what he thinks she wants. He's still a nice person, but in a genuine manner. His intentions are clear and he's aware of his self-worth. He's not afraid of being controversial and flirts with her sincerely.

The nice guy however will agree with all she says, won't stand up for himself. He will tell her she looks beautiful even though her shoes happen to look like dried up cucumbers. He'll like the same things she likes, dislike everything she dislikes. What does that say about his intentions?
This fake alpha shit will backfire - point blank - in your face. There's no such thing as being "more" assertive and "more" dominant. You either are or you're not.

The simplest way of depicting it is guys always asking their girl "Where do you wanna eat?". You gotta have at least one personal preference. But instead of leading with that you just lay the decision at her feet and are contempt with whatever she wants. That's lack of assertiveness.

"Let's eat at pizza Hut today" is an example of having assertiveness. You're being true to your desires. You wanna eat at pizza Hut so thats what you suggest.

Now being an idiot is when she says she's on a diet and you force her to go to pizza Hut with you because you have to be "more assertive and more dominant".
It's fine to compromise, just assign proper importance to your own preferences as well. It's that simple.
Yeah, and I've never wanted to punch a guy in the face when he was moving on my girl. You will never be 100% non-jealous. Weakness means acting on it, strength means acting in spite of it. AKA not letting it phase you.

I don't get it. If you weren't official why shouldn't she see her FWB? I know you wanna be all special snowflake, but there's a reason why she's your girl. You're official now are you not?
Control yourself. What she did when she owed you nothing is nothing you can feel entitled about.
Depends. In almost all FWB relationships someone catches some sort of feelings. I doubt it's her in this case since she's with you and you're official.
She'll probably just tell him she's seeing someone and they can't do their thing anymore.
Or maybe neither of them have any feelings and there'll be no problem at all.
Or maybe he'll chase after her a little.

Regardless, who cares? Focus on the two of you and stop hyperventilating.

PS: An ex has more value than a FWB.

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The only reason I'm not going to answer this post is because you're looking for someone to comfort you. And if you allow someone to comfort you now, you will further sink into oneitis and begin seeking the comfort again and again when things don't go your way.

Toughen up man. I'm not going to cripple you here. You'll be surprised at what you can get over when you're just "willing" to try. Fight this, fight this weak urge to seek the council of others on something only you know whether or not you should deal with.

If you can deal with it, continue doing what you do, if you can't handle it, break it off, learn your lesson and continue enjoying your life.

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Are you saying your gf is still seeing/hanging out with her fwb?

@R.C thanks for the kick in the ass. The oneitis phased me because I didn't see it coming... I just woke up one morning and felt she was the only girl for me lol. Didn't expect this in a relationship but better to be in the relationship than out of it when that happens I guess.

I would say I've been predominately a good guy and on occasion a nice guy. I tease her a lot, voice my beliefs regardless of her opinion. At the same time I'm respectful, her shoulder to cry on and do subtle romantic things for her when the opportunity arises.

I agree with you on dominant... when you put it like that. I've been assertive up till now though 1 or 2 times I did cave when I should have held strong.
True this was a cry for comfort. It's been a tough fight this week. So weird, it felt the same as a hard breakup. But like a breakup the edge softens with time and I've been getting back to normal.

In my brain I know it's ludicrous to be insecure about this. I mean if you are 33 and are going to have a gf, that's not little more than a teenager, you're going to have to accept their past. I've been pretty good to date but obviously I never fully addressed this. That's going to be one of the things I'm going to try and achieve in this relationship.
Not that I'm aware of but I've no reason to believe she is still seeing him. There was 1 night she just dropped it on me all of a sudden that she had to go out with one of her girlfriends. I was a bit surprised but the next day I was just casually chatting with her friend and she started showing me drunken pictures from the night before. My gf was in them. She crashed in my place that night so there wasn't time to do both. Basically everything she's told me to date has been the truth so I doubt she's seeing him.

Thanks for the help guys. I got the kicks in the ass that I needed.

Jack made a good point in your last thread
To harp on Jack's words, it sounds like you're looking for excuses. One thing that stood out to me were your words above:
I like to watch how people words things. Your gf is younger, hence you understand that you have to accept her past. From the way you worded it, the logical argument would have been since your gf is older, your going to have to accept her past. Which should be a bit because of her age. This doesnt make sense with a young girl. Like you wont say "since my car is a couple years old, you gotta expect it would have gotten in a few accidents"....that doesnt make sense. You'd expect someone to say "since my car is 10 years old, it's been in a few accidents." It reminded me of Jack saying you're looking something to blame to make what you dont like ok. Now, it's that she's young.

Now I'm not seeing any red flags like that about your girl, but what I do see is you trying to create an illusion of a girl that you're not with. She parties and gets drunk. She has friends that according to you, control her to experiment. She has casual sex. She talks to guys behind her bfs back. Maybe she just loves the cock as her friend says. But whether she does things on her own or she is pressured to by friends, that's what she does. Either you agree with this or you dont. Dont accept something because you dont want to lose the girl, because that neediness will just make you lose her anyway.

You gotta decide what girl you want. Like the talking to a guy behind her bfs back thing. If you would like that to happen to you, fine. If you see that she did it, has learned from it and wont do it again then thats better for you. Forgeting someone's past is one thing, but if they are the same person, you're just creating an illusion of who they are. Sounds like you rushed into something. Before you made things official you shouldve had an idea of where she stood on seeing fwbs, casual sex, discussing sexual past. Now, I'm def not saying to dump this girl or something, just dont build a fantasy of how your gf thinks and then think you're on the same page. A fwb is not a big deal, but you gotta know where your girl stands on things. Not that she COULDNT see him, that she would find it inappropriate and WOULDNT.

RC has said all that needs to be said. I'm tired going back to bed kpeaceoutbye