"Dreamgirl" broke up with me. Some lessons and advice?



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sapipa
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2015 12:09 pm 
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This girl has been emotionally distant because she was never IN LOVE with you in the first place.

You caught feelings for her because she never gave you 100%, and people crave those relationships when they have the up and down rollercoaster where someone doesn't fully commit. They're trying to chase that goal of "getting" them, when in reality it will never work out.

She's not into you, she has a drug problem, she has serious emotional issues, and then she broke up with you. Believe me brother, recipe for disaster. You should be happy that she broke up with you quickly before causing you any more emotional pain. There are times when it simply isn't worth it, and no matter what you do, you won't get this one, so the best thing to do is move on.
Loud and clear. But pretty hard to take ;)

This has been playing in my mind for a while now, there are so many little things that she did, said and especially didnt do and didnt say that back this theory up. It's the only real logical explanation for what happened.

How can I prevent this from ever happening again?
It happens. It hurts yeah, but as OceanX implied below, there are LOTS more fish in the sea. Watch for the signals, the unwillingness to commit, etc. The signs are all there, you just have to CHOOSE to watch out for them and be WILLING to move on if you get them. There are plenty of beautiful girls out there waiting, no need to get stuck up on ONE that isn't head over heels for you.
Could you sum up the most common signals?
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Dragula
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2015 1:08 pm 
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You're twisting his words and perceiving "signals" as hope. He means watch out for the red flags (a bad thing)

I know you're hurting inside. But you're wasting time on this girl.

The biggest problem this community faces is that people settle down with the 1st good looking girl that comes along and not waiting till they are good with women in general.

Please move on.

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sapipa
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2015 4:09 pm 
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You're twisting his words and perceiving "signals" as hope. He means watch out for the red flags (a bad thing)

I know you're hurting inside. But you're wasting time on this girl.

The biggest problem this community faces is that people settle down with the 1st good looking girl that comes along and not waiting till they are good with women in general.

Please move on.
I'm not perceiving signals as hope. I fully understand what he means.
I will not be chasing this girl, nor do I have hopes or plans of being together with her ever again. Big thanks for this insight thanks 2 the advice I got here on the forum.
However this is the first time that something like this happened to me, so I'm trying to understand what exactly happened and making sure to never let this happen to me again...

So if you guys could point me out what these red flags are or where I can find more info on this matter? Big thanks!
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sapipa
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:43 am 
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So I tried to uphold the no contact rule. She kept sending me messages asking me how I was doing. I always aswered with "good" and ended the conversation or I didnt answer at all.
This weekend she kept texting me asking if I was mad and blabla... Late at night (I was really drunk) I broke the rule and called her... I know thats bad! :)
Anyway we called for like 2 hours and, although I should have never called her, I think I didnt make a bad impression.
As we were talking about If there was already somebody else in our lives, I told her I kissed a girl that weekend.
At the moment she took it quite neutral (this phonecall was saturday night) but this morning I woke up and had a lot of texts of her basiccaly calling me an asshole and stuff... I can tell she is really mad.

She is saying stuff like

"I cant understand how you can do this already"
"I tried so hard to make our relationship work and now you are making our "bond" look ridiculous by kissing a girl in front of anyone"

How should I respond to this?

Thanks!
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Eddie Fews
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:50 am 
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So I tried to uphold the no contact rule. She kept sending me messages asking me how I was doing. I always aswered with "good" and ended the conversation or I didnt answer at all.
This weekend she kept texting me asking if I was mad and blabla... Late at night (I was really drunk) I broke the rule and called her... I know thats bad! :)
Anyway we called for like 2 hours and, although I should have never called her, I think I didnt make a bad impression.
As we were talking about If there was already somebody else in our lives, I told her I kissed a girl that weekend.
At the moment she took it quite neutral (this phonecall was saturday night) but this morning I woke up and had a lot of texts of her basiccaly calling me an asshole and stuff... I can tell she is really mad.

She is saying stuff like

"I cant understand how you can do this already"
"I tried so hard to make our relationship work and now you are making our "bond" look ridiculous by kissing a girl in front of anyone"

How should I respond to this?

Thanks!
You say " Oh shut up. I'm single" and she'll love you for life. no "lol" no "smilie"

But you don't take advice clearly, so its not like it matters.

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sapipa
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:10 pm 
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So I tried to uphold the no contact rule. She kept sending me messages asking me how I was doing. I always aswered with "good" and ended the conversation or I didnt answer at all.
This weekend she kept texting me asking if I was mad and blabla... Late at night (I was really drunk) I broke the rule and called her... I know thats bad! :)
Anyway we called for like 2 hours and, although I should have never called her, I think I didnt make a bad impression.
As we were talking about If there was already somebody else in our lives, I told her I kissed a girl that weekend.
At the moment she took it quite neutral (this phonecall was saturday night) but this morning I woke up and had a lot of texts of her basiccaly calling me an asshole and stuff... I can tell she is really mad.

She is saying stuff like

"I cant understand how you can do this already"
"I tried so hard to make our relationship work and now you are making our "bond" look ridiculous by kissing a girl in front of anyone"

How should I respond to this?

Thanks!
You say " Oh shut up. I'm single" and she'll love you for life. no "lol" no "smilie"

But you don't take advice clearly, so its not like it matters.
Tnx Eddie, what would be the difference with just ignoring her?
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oceanx
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 12:24 pm 
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OP, stop over-thinking it, just do what Eddie said WORD FOR WORD. As he said, no lols no smileys.
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sapipa
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 3:21 pm 
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Allright. Did it.
What should I do when she texts again? Or calls me?
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Eddie Fews
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 3:31 pm 
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Allright. Did it.
What should I do when she texts again? Or calls me?
You're still thinking too much.

Part of getting the girl is being willing to walk away. Thats exactly what that text displays. Its a risk, but its exactly what you need.

You deal with it as it comes. Depends on how she reacts. She could very well take it rough and move on; and you have to be ready for that. Or she could gain a new level of respect for you and you have to be ready for that. Your lost the girl because you became fearful of "what she might do". That texts takes you out of that mind frame. Now you jus have to back it up with the same attitude.

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sapipa
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 8:53 pm 
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Allright. Did it.
What should I do when she texts again? Or calls me?
You're still thinking too much.

Part of getting the girl is being willing to walk away. Thats exactly what that text displays. Its a risk, but its exactly what you need.

You deal with it as it comes. Depends on how she reacts. She could very well take it rough and move on; and you have to be ready for that. Or she could gain a new level of respect for you and you have to be ready for that. Your lost the girl because you became fearful of "what she might do". That texts takes you out of that mind frame. Now you jus have to back it up with the same attitude.
Ok.
After I sended her the message she sended some frustrated/anger messages.
I ignored and she almost immediately called me.
She asked
- why I ignored her
-> told her I was busy today
- Why I'm being so hard and why we can't be friends
-> told her I wanted to move on, and wanted time for myself
- So she should just couldnt contact me at all
-> told her no
- How I wanted some of my stuff back
-> told her to give it to a mutual friend

Did I do ok?
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Eddie Fews
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 8:56 pm 
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Allright. Did it.
What should I do when she texts again? Or calls me?
You're still thinking too much.

Part of getting the girl is being willing to walk away. Thats exactly what that text displays. Its a risk, but its exactly what you need.

You deal with it as it comes. Depends on how she reacts. She could very well take it rough and move on; and you have to be ready for that. Or she could gain a new level of respect for you and you have to be ready for that. Your lost the girl because you became fearful of "what she might do". That texts takes you out of that mind frame. Now you jus have to back it up with the same attitude.
Ok.
After I sended her the message she sended some frustrated/anger messages.
I ignored and she almost immediately called me.
She asked
- why I ignored her
-> told her I was busy today
- Why I'm being so hard and why we can't be friends
-> told her I wanted to move on, and wanted time for myself
- So she should just couldnt contact me at all
-> told her no
- How I wanted some of my stuff back
-> told her to give it to a mutual friend

Did I do ok?
You played her game.

Same thing that got you into this situation. You allowed her to corner you in and force you to respond to something.

Its okay in the sense that you finally get to move on now. Best of luck to you in the single world. There are plenty of outstanding women out there.

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sapipa
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:10 pm 
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You played her game.

Same thing that got you into this situation. You allowed her to corner you in and force you to respond to something.

Its okay in the sense that you finally get to move on now. Best of luck to you in the single world. There are plenty of outstanding women out there.
I dont understand, please explain.
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Dragula
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:33 pm 
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Please stop posting

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Eddie Fews
PostPosted: Tue Jul 21, 2015 9:36 pm 
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Please stop posting
^

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