I've been with this girl for almost two years and I settled for her. She was the first girl to have sex with me in four years after my first girlfriend that I was with for a year and ended it when I was 14. Basically I went through all of high school without sex only having consistent sex with one girl in middle school. I wasn't really satisfied with the first girl although she had a nicer body. Bottom line: I've NEVER gotten one of the girls I actually fully liked. One of the girls that walked by and made me think "wow she's so attractive". It's always been what I could get that wasn't the bottom of the barrel, so at least a moderately attractive face and not obese. In fact this most recent girl I met online, I had to add a bunch of girls on facebook and out of the few the accepted the friend request, fewer agreed to talk to me, let alone go out with me on a date. All 4 were a complete flop except this fifth girl who I actually sealed the deal with after going to the movies on a first date.

This girl has always been a little chubby but honestly still attractive to me. Even so, our whole relationship has been filled with problems due to the fact that I really like thin girls and she knows it, we were just friends with benefits at first but then I got sort of attached and when I tried to leave the situation she made me feel really guilty and then I realized I went 4 years without a girlfriend to get consistent sex and spend time with so I just became exclusive with her. It's not like I was going to get another girl anyways, when we were just hooking up I had another girl who I hung out at the mall with spend the night, on the way to my house she said "I'm not going to sleep with you, just to let you know" but in a playful tone so I thought I still had a chance. The whole night was just me trying again and again to make moves and her somewhat pushing me away but somewhat enjoying it but ultimately rejecting me everytime. The types of girls who agreed to go on dates were in no way the demographic I wanted to go out with ideally either, those types of girls spend all their times at parties with guys who actually have the balls to talk to them with confidence in person and know where parties are.

Everytime we go out to eat there's always a beautiful, fit waitress or hostess taking us in and seating/serving us. I really get annoyed and it ruins my dinner/meal. I have to wait until the annoyance goes away until I can have a good time and still throughout the whole night I'm thinking what it would feel like to hold and talk with one of those girls I see everyday all around my town. She notices and gets upset, she really loves me so she puts up with it but she still gets pissed at me and says stuff like "why are you even with me?" and "I want to be appreciated in every way, not just emotionally." She talks about how she hates the way she looks and always talks about getting fit still and basically hinting at me she's going to improve but it never happens so I just stopped believing and never really brought up the gym again. If I was in a town where these types of girls are rare i'd be a little more fine with it but these girls are a dime a dozen and honestly to a lot of guys around here they're boring but to me they're all hot so that irritates me even more and makes it harder to be with my girlfriend.

We've tried getting fit endless times, we go to the gym a couple of times, we eat better (at least she does when she's with me...), and then she starts filling her purse up with sweets and junk food again, she always makes the argument "I always get paranoid i'm going to faint if I don't have something to eat in case I get lost somewhere". When I try to make suggestions about how much sugar she should put in her coffee or what she should order, it turns into a fight and she starts with her "you can eat whatever you want and still lose weight as long as you go to the gym" argument and gets even more pissed when I bring up the fact that she has to burn more calories than her net intake and then turns it into a fight about our relationship and how I don't appreciate her, which I know I don't on some level.

Yet I really don't want to leave her. Not because I can't get another girl, since I've actually worked on my style and appearance greatly and now I get looks from the types of girls I like occasionally, even though I doubt I could execute an approach. But because I really want this relationship to work. She has too much of her stuff in my house and when we threaten to break up it fills up a couple of shopping bags. Even if I gave her all the stuff, in the next couple of weeks i'd find stuff we missed in my drawers and hamper and it would suck. When we actually broke up once I went on a date with a girl, again brought her back to my place and it just turned into a bunch of playful rejections and awkward silences, I thought the whole time "This is in no way the same connection and easiness I had with my girlfriend." Since the first day me and her met, it was always easy to just talk and be happy, not really worry about filling the silence up. We just did whatever and had fun. Yet every second of everyday I see women with amazing bodies and when it's hot they wear shirts that show their flat stomachs and perfect skin... I'm 20 and i'm so attached I can't even get myself to get out there and get over this relationship that at the same time I don't want to end and think it would be retarded to throw it away over physical temptations that won't match the relationship I have with her but would release the desire I've had built up since I can remember since I've never gotten one of the girls I want.


I know it's tl:dr. I'm okay with that.

Any thoughts other than "break up with her dude, you're young and you'll find that connection again"?

What do you need help with? You've already said that you don't want to break up with her. You've made your decision.

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I'm going to tell you straight up that you're full of contradictions, but it's understandable that you can't see that.

Biggest lie you are telling yourself: Yes, you do want to leave her. She doesn't fit your image of the perfect woman, and it bothers you every single day, so don't try to deny that. You have to start being honest with yourself. You want a girl who has BOTH the bright personality AND the perfect thin body.

And the reason you think you don't want to leave your girlfriend? Because your chances of getting one of those "perfect" girls, are a bit dicey right now. It's not that you want the relationship to work.

You must do yourself a favor and own up to the truth. If you are only 20, I really don't understand why you can't take a risk and wait until you can be with the woman you really want to be with. Sticking with this current girlfriend is doing neither of you good; you do not like her enough, and you cannot change her. A 20-year old man hasn't even finished college yet. By 28 you could be an accomplished eligible bachelor. Why are you stressing over getting with the perfect girl right now? Are you focusing on your studies and your personal development, or whether you are "having sex consistently"? Is that really all your life is going to be about?

I don't want to go into issues such as, whether you are "shallow" or whatever. The point is, looks matter to most people, and if it bothers you this much, you will end up with nothing but a bitter breakup sooner or later. But if you decide to still stay with her, at least be 100% honest with yourself and stop with the contradictions and denial.

Other stuff
Note: fitness matters to you, and it should.
Please inform her that it is the opposite. You can go to the gym whenever you want and still lose weight, as long as you eat in small portions. The purpose of exercising is to keep fit. Not to lose weight. Weight loss is 90% about what you eat.

It just sounds like you're living in fear man.

You don't wan to leave, but you don't want to stay. You want to approach, but you don't think you'll be successful at it. You sound completely unhappy.

You don't want to leave the girl, but you're afraid of being without a girl for a time period as you work on your ability to attract a new one. You're settling for being mediocre, and are going to bring your current further down by forcing yourself to be with someone you don't actually want.

If you want the girl stay, if you don't leave and find someone more fitting for you. You're only 20, and have plenty of time to love again.

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This.

You're afraid of going through another 4 year dryspell.

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