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Rc and chantos, thank you for the pieces of advice you have provided thus far, it is helping me deal with the situation and I have made in recent weeks, steady progress in getting over her. I would however like to add that she messaged me last Sunday night, 'hey, how's home. When abouts will you be back in Bromly.' To this I did not reply, following the advice I have been given, now tonight, she has sent me the message again, it is exactly the same. Would it not be rude, at this point not to reply with something? But I am also open to continuing blanking, I just wanted o know people's oppinions as to whether this would be a point to start light contact given that she has texted me twice about meeting up, although they were the exact same message.
Any way, thanks in advance.
R
"It is best we move forward our separate ways. I wish you well."
U'll either get an "Ok", nothing, or some form of resistance - be prepared and if you truly want to progress your movement forward in a positive direction block her #, email, any way she can get in contact with you.
I am telling you from experience. Remember, she didn't want you enough to continue the relationship. She made her decision, do you really want to reinforce to somebody that they can simply tap their fingers magically on their phone and u'll come running back? I've been there, done that and it went on repeatedly, each time causing more damage making it harder to get out - it's to no wonder why people remain in abusive relationships.
You can re-engage with her and again have the opportunity to be served up more of what you had and have another opportunity to LEARN from this lesson, or you can continue along with the work you've already done, get over your attachment to this person and open yourself up to new and exciting vistas. It is really your choice. Put another way, you have an attachment itch that contact with the person will only scratch. Its not unlike the heroin junky trying to get clean. He's going to be tempted for some time to go through the motions (e.g., call his dealer, go to the SPAM, head down to meet with said dealer etc...) of getting another hit. After he has that hit and sobers up he'll feel even worse, and a greater sense of shame thereby getting him deeper into the cycle (negative feedback loops). OR he does the opposite action this time around and refuses to make that call to the dealer and instead do something else (talk to a friend, seek support from a social worker or his addictions counsellor or sponsor, go for a run). He can put the WORK in and overcome his addiction or continue on the downward spiral with a habit that he knows eventually will destroy him. Toxic relationships aren't much different and involve pretty much the same parts of the brain as the drug addict, not surprisingly. The only difference here the heroin is the attachment itself, which can only be broken by NO CONTACT and learning to depend once again on one's self.
Remember, whatever decision you make, accept the consequences.
CHAT
