My girlfriend and i broke up sadly a few days ago. She broke up with me and it was fairly unexpected, what I'm wondering is if there is a chance that we might get back together.

I will explain the situation.

So our relationship was very good for the first 1.5 years, about 5 months ago she started feeling quite depressed due to life changes, as we are both graduating uni at the moment. Then about a month ago she found out her dad had cancer as well and this has obviously made her increadly upset. Then she did 6 months ago mention going on a break because she felt that she couldn't provide the emotion necessary for our pretty intense relationship. She mentioned it again 1 month ago or so, but both times it didn't really seem to be an issue as we resolved the situation. 1 week ago she said she wanted to go on a break and then after 5 days she broke up with me entirely.

In the conversation when we broke up she said that she didn't want to be in this relationship any more. She said when she said she wanted to go on a break she did not realise she wanted to break up entirely it was only afterwards that she wanted to. I asked her if she wanted someone else, and she said no in a way i felt i could believe, i don't want to sound conceited but i do feel she didn't like any one else. I asked her what i had done wrong and she said nothing. She said i was the best relationship she had ever had and a load of other nice stuff, i was a bit surprised but i feel that i handled it well as I accepted what was happening and i earnestly said that i wanted her to be happy so she should pursue the path that would best lead to that.

Since then i have not spoken to her other than to say that i would like to be friends just not yet as i had said in the initial conversation that i would find that difficult, but on second consideration had thought that i would still like to see her.

I saw my friend yesterday who knows both of us who said that my gf is apparently really upset by the whole thing.

It is also important to note that she called me at 2 am the day before she said she wanted a break to ask me to come round out of affection (i would not class our relationship to have been to needy, we slept round maybe 2 nights a week).

I never really made any giant mistakes, i can be neurotic and a bit cynical but we never had an argument and through out maintain good communication.

Therefore to conclude, can i allow myself to hope that after a break of a few months, it would be conceivable that i could maybe ask her out again and try and begin our relationship. I am going to take advantage of this break and go traveling for some months, i also will take the advantage to work on my self and attempt to kickstart my career. I want to respect her wishes and let her come to terms with her own personal greif. I do however really deeply love her and i would love to get back with her in the future. Am i being foolish to entertain such a possibility?

If there is still a chance, then how should i behave in the next times i will see her, such as when we meet to return belongings?

Im ok, and i can deal with the idea of us separating perminantly, however i would really love fore some advice on this topic.

Many thanks.
Ronson

My girlfriend went through something similar, the cancer thing as well as her being depressed.

If thats truly the reason then know that shes just going through temporary emotions, and this is what i reminded her of when she pulled this on me.... i let her calm down a bit but she knew that once it was over, it was over. None of that lets be friends bullshit, nor was i willing to wait. Your relationship is supposed to be an escape from the trials of life for her, and i find that you were being a bit passive, when it was time to stand up and guide her to making the right decision instead of letting her temporary female emotional state dictate where this relationship is going. You should have made it clear that what shes feeling is temporary and that she'd regret this, and also that you were not willing to wait or be friends. This doesnt mean dismissing what shes going through, but also know that if her love for you was very high, she would WANT you to be there for her during this time to support her. You could have kept her if you turned up the assertiveness.

Anyhow at this point, you should go no contact and do your own thing. Build your self up, reinvent yourself, and then start gaming again. If you truly go no contact, i guarantee she will contact you, then do as you please from there. NOT A SINGLE MESSAGE OR CALL TO HER AND NO YOU CANT BE FRIENDS.

You're being foolish to entertain the possibility of still wanting her in the future.

The emotional pain you're going through is normal, but you gotta grind it out. There's no easy out in situations like these. It's like an addiction, you go through withdrawal before you get better.

She's been contemplating breaking up with you from the very first time you heard about it months ago. Once a woman tells you she wants a break your relationship is dead. Poisoned to be more accurate. It's still alive but won't be for long. For future reference break it off on the spot when you find yourself in the same situation.

That being said, never get back together with an ex. The world is full with women just as good and most likely better than her, so don't settle. I know for most guys that's a scary thought, but you'll thank yourself later tenfold. Second shots never work, and in the very rare cases they do, they still don't.

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I think you have your head in a good place right now. You want to focus on your now and thats whats most important. You just have to realize that just because you "FEEL" something, doesn't mean its the best decision for you. Some people don't FEEL like going to work in the morning, but if they don't go they won't be able to provide for themselves and their family.

So your LOVE for her means absolutely nothing in terms of whether or not you should consider being with her. Its great to love if you love, but in no way would you let that be a decision for wanting somebody back. Emotion is never enough. You have to rise above that and see beyond it.

A lot of times when a girls life beginning to take its turns the boyfriend will try to be over accommodating because of her situation. In turn she will lose respect for the guy, because he is no longer being the guy that got her in the first place. He has changed and become someone thats reacting to her feelings. You still have to hold her to the same standards, and still treat her how you always did and she will eventually be charged with the conviction to properly respond in the manner she once did.

We have to be solid, women don't want us changing as they change. They want a rock to stand on, someone consistent that they can lean on. Her friends will be their to accommodate her every mood; thats not your position.

So for now, listen to your last few sentences. Focus on you man. When you truly focus on you, you'll realize that you don't even want her as much as you thought she did. Its just tough separating from someone you've been connected to for so long. You'll get through it. Just don't hit her up man. Move forward. Contact her and you'll complete reduce any chance of getting back with her far into the future if you see that you should. Move on completely for now.

Don't even reply if she contacts you. You do that and she'll hunt you down. Just focus on you for now.

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+1
Pure wisdom

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Thank you for all of the above advice. I am less interested in the, go bang thousands of girls, there are loads of girls to bang esqu comments. I'm not that interested in banging anyone at the mo. I am however in agreement that its a great time to be positive and work on myself. Im going to go away for a number of months an in that time i will not contact my girlfriend. I would however like to leave things with a bit of class before i go.
I will most likely see her at an exhibition I have work in this weekend, due to the fact that we have the same friends and a lot of us are in the show. I will also have to meet with here to give her some of here things as i have been borrowing her mp3 player ect. I also said i would get her a massage for her birthday a few months ago and she has as of yet still been to busy to go, because of that i never gave her a present for her birthday, and this niggles with me. I know it sounds lame, but we were together for ages and she gave me a lot of things i loved, and i owe her a present, we were in a relationship when it was her birthday. So yes, should i give her the present, I'm sure every one will cry out that its a terrible thing to do. Also, in what way should i behave when i see her, i just can't ignore her, it would be a bit fucked up and rude, so how should i act?
I feel a bit lame for that last question.
Thanks for all the responses thus far.

Ok, you need to get a grip here. It's obvious that you're in pain an nobody can blame you for it, but you need to actually read the advice you're being given. No one told you to go off and bang 100 women in a week so you can feel better. I just stated that there are better girls out there for you, although right now you don't feel that way. The point is you need to understand that no matter how much you love this girl, you'll most likely love another even more and neither of them are or will be the end all be all of your happiness.

As far as your question goes, no, you should not give her a present. Like Eddie said, just because you feel something doesn't mean it's the best decision for you. Continuing to give her more of your affection/attention will do nothing but hurt you. A lot. At the same time it will push her away and even though I never advocate getting back with an ex, if that's what you'll ultimately want in a distant future, killing your chances now does not serve even that purpose.

If you're forced by circumstance to be in her presence, you don't have to ostentatiously ignore her. That's not an excuse for you to start talking to her, it's just an insight of being a normal human being an answering a question if she asks it. So no, you don't have to ignore her. You do have to be indifferent.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

(Yawn)

Give her that present and you'll never have another chance with her again in life. I don't care what you FEEL like doing. I'm telling you what it is. You're stories not special or unique, scroll through this section and you will see thousands just like it. And all their stories end up how yours will when they don't listen. Don't believe me? Try it. It'll just be another emotional wreck listening to the weakness inside of him instead of the strength coming from the guys who are where he wants to be emotionally.

Give us a break man, but more importantly give yourself a break, and give the girl a break. This is why she left you. Now she'll go fuck the guy that can't even remember her birthday.

You want to be the loser she broke up with or the man she's convinced she can't live without?

This isn't a movie. It's real life. So play by the rules.

And no one said "go fuck a ton of women", but ironically enough, if you wanted to she would of never left you. Guys with that attitude don't get left. You're mentally remaining committed to someone that's off looking for a new guy, if she hasn't already found him.

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Very good advice here and exactly what should be done.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Why even come here if this is how you're going to act. It's insulting to those of us trying to help you out. Subconsciously you're hoping to get her back by doing all of this romantic shit, or else you think it's a noble thing to do. It's more like masochism. She dumped you. Get that into your head. She thinks she is happier without you than with you. You should not be buying her a god damn thing whatsoever. Don't contact her about any of her shit you need to return, make her contact you. Don't get all friendly with her at the exhibition either. Don't be a dick, but don't be friendly. Just hang with your friends and talk to other girls and acknowledge her existence in a genuine but not obsessive or regretful manner.

It's seriously annoying to read stuff like "I don't care what anybody says, I'm doing it my way" because that is the exact attitude that would have kept your girlfriend around, but now you're using it at the wrong time and in the wrong way.

_________________
You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Once again Eddie not only gives some of the best advice but also the reasoning behind it. OP everyone has been there and most of us have had to learn the heard way. Listen to what the others are saying and act indifferent, treat her like you would an acquaintance, you see her you say hi and move on. Don't stalk her social media, don't text her, don't get your things back, and for sure don't give her that fucking present.

Hey guys,
Firstly i just wanted to quickly apologise, i didn't want to give off a superior impression of myself, i am posting here due to my appreciation of the wisdome of many on these boards. My intention being meirly to assert that i don't feel inclined to sleep with some one else at the moment, i have, since breaking up with my gf been presented with a couple of instances, however i just didn't fancy it.
So any way, for an update, she came to my show and asked me to explain my work, we had a short conversation where she made quite a few awkward jokes, and finally she apologised for the weird dynamic and i told her about my travel plans which she said was amaising. We then did not speek for a little under a week before she messaged me, saying:

Her: Hey ****, hows it going? When are you going to New York? It would be good to see you before x

Me: Hey man, I'm doing really well, takin my work down today which will be a relief. How are you, I hope your show goes well tonight. I'll be in the large apple from the 25th July. I'm going home tomorrow for S********s christening but I'll text you when I'm back x

Her: Ahh that will be good, I think you should put the tower on a hill in ******** to rouse up more gossip amongst the locals. Yeah I'm good thanks, excited about tonight, it seemed to go well last time so hopefully they'll like it tonight. Cool, have a lovely time at home, I hope you all have a fab day x

_______


I havent replied, this was a few days ago. I feel like from the way she is acting she is feeling guilty and guilt is not what i want for her to feel when she thinks on me. For that reason i was debating sending her a letter explaining how I'm doing well and i don't blame her for her decision. However i also feel that a message like this could appear emotionally manipulative and may make her feel worse, what would your advice be in this instance?
Best wishes
Ronson

Honestly man, I'm not sure why you keep coming back to this topic without actually paying any mind to what's being said.

Step1.
Accept she's not in your life anymore.
Step2.
Understand that's ok.
Step3.
Push through the pain period, work on you,stop all contact with her
Step4.
Enjoy life once more.

Or alternatively:

Step1.
Keep talking to her.
Step2.
Extend pain period exponentially.
Step3.
Keep doing the above and destroy any chance of ever getting back together with her along with any respect she may have left for you.
Step4.
Come back to this thread, ignore advice, repeat Step1.

I get what you're going through. But we can't force you to be helped. Foresight teaches softly. Mistakes teach brutally.

We've given you all the foresight you can ask for. The choice is yours.

I have a feeling you'll be learning your lesson the painful way, so this is my last reply to this topic until I get the impression I'm not wasting my time here.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

RC is dead on. Nothing to add here.

I liked the RC tips
it helped me too

tks man

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