+1

This is the point that I was trying to get across, but I just ain't that eloquent.

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Balance is one of the most important things in a relationship. Balance needs to be kept out through all the relationship, from start to finish, no matter how many years you've been together.

It is a delicate art.

“I can't help it” shouldn't be an excuse.

Imagine this scenario:

You see a girl at a bar, and you fall in love for her. You decide to write poetry and bring her flowers and sing a serenade for her. You rationally think: “If somebody would do something like this for me, it would be amazing”, but it actually won't. You will come off as creepy and desperate.

Now imagine that you do the same romantic things for your wife, after you have been together for 10 years. You'd be the husband every woman will envy.

Why in one case it is creepy and in another romantic? The answer is in Balance.


Obviously my examples are extreme, but focus on the meaning: keep the balance. By all means, please her, she's your girlfriend. But let her also please you, struggle to get your attention, your approval. Sometimes you will find yourself doing things that feel wrong. That is why it is called a Game, though.

This is why a lot of guys come on here asking why they got dumped. You have to NATURALLY be busy and have limited time to give to people. If you are dating, you BETTER be giving her attention and making her feel special. I can guarantee she will walk out if that is no the case. But go out with friends, make plans with other people and do not break them for her. Literally, be the same man you were before her except for sleeping with other women. It really is not that hard...just don't turn into a pu**y when you get in a relationship.

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@Playboi_

I completely agree with you and this is some of the best advice I've seen for awhile. It's exactly why when relationships do fall apart then people feel lost and don't know what to do or how to act.

I've been down this road many times and I made my life completely revolve around this ONE girl like she was some goddess. I gave up what I loved and what made me happy so deep down I became miserable. This is definitely one of the worst things that can be done. She liked you for you so changing your life completely makes it where you are no longer the same person.

If the relationship somehow does tend to fall apart because the woman changes her mind like so many do then you wont feel lost because you'll still be hanging out, doing your favorite hobbies and still focusing on yourself and what makes you happy.

As Playboi_ said...you have to make time for her and make her feel special, but you don't become a pussy and change everything about your life...because if it does somehow crash and burn YOU WILL CRASH AND BURN. You don't want that. EVER.

This is something essential in all kinds of relationships and to better your confidence while avoiding becoming miserable either during or after.

It took me a long while to realize this for some reason because its easy to get wrapped up in the relationship, but don't get wrapped up or there will be severe consequences.

ALSO

As ShinRa said : Even if you aren't a person who is busy, you should find things of interest to keep you occupied, things to pass the time and have fun as like i said...hobbies.

The reason being is so that you wont feel like a boring person and that you wont feel or be seen like a person who has nothing going on in their life. This is usually basic PUA stuff, but even in a relationship you don't want to come off as the guy that has nothing to do than spend time with her.

Make it feel like you have things going on and that you MAKE time for her so she will feel special. Don't ignore her or sleep with other women obviously, but make her see you as a man of value (and one with confidence in himself) and a man that is in demand.

Some of us attract a certain type of girl the same way as battered women end up being battered in one relationship to the next, and the next one after the next. If you keep on falling for the same type of woman, the result will always be the same.

Analyze the personalities of the girls in your last three LTRs. Most likely, their personalities are almost similar to your mom. Next time, try having relationships with girls who exhibit behaviors different from what you're used to. Meanwhile, screen out the usual.

Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again and then expecting a different outcome.

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general-questions/topic137931.html

Hello brother,
I feel your pain.

In short, know this: The focus of the masculine is purpose, while the focus of the feminine is the flow of love in a relationship. The two are essentially the same but go through different paths.

There's nothing wrong with pleasing your woman, for the love of God, stop reading PUA shit that is cancerous to the soul. The issue is how you feel internally.

To answer your 3 questions:
- By giving yourself 110% in the relationship
- By being a man worth longing for
- By being a man worth not dumping.

But how?

By changing everything about your life as you are currently living it. If you keep getting dumped, there's an issue here.

What to do? You need to commit to something greater - your mission, your purpose. There is more to life than reading pickup forums and trying to get with girls. You need to find out what that is.

With love and respect
Mack

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So much wisdom in these posts.

I saw somebody mentioned "The Art of War", why this book? Can someone suggest any other books when it comes to relationship, because I too feel like I'm being controlled in my relationship, gf takes away too much of my energy, I'm checking facebook or other social tools just to check her, you could call it "one-itis".

I never display those emotions to her, but I feel like shit just because I do possess those - I would dare call them self destructing thoughts - Not because they are bad, rather because I have too much of them, emotions.

Fuck.

P.S.
Bought 33 "Strategies of War" by Robert Greene, I will buy his "Art of Seduction", anyone read them? Opinions and other suggestions to this "chaotic" medieval situation are highly welcome.

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Uncertainty is the root of all progress and all growth.

How to not get dumped? EASY

Her: I'm breaking up with you
Me: What? Break up?
Her: Yeah
Me: Take this bitch *clubs her over the head and drags her back to my cave*

PROBLEM SOLVED

This is not real advice, but I had to come back on this thread just to post this.
Hope you enjoy the laughs Let me know if you did lol

I wouldn't call it one-itis. You are getting yourself addicted to her by checking her profile.
Instead of a substance you have made yourself addicted to her facebook updates.
The solution is easy deactivate your facebook for a week and focus on something else in your life.
The addiction is fueled by some of your insecurities. (mainly for being cheated)

1) You should always give 100% in a relationship. However, the 100% you're giving shouldn't always be visible to the girl.

2 and 3) Imagine your relationship like that pulse-reading machine in the hospital. It goes *BEEP* *BEEP* The lines go up and down--telling you that you have an active pulse and that you're alive. What does it means when there's a flat line?

You're flat-lined. You're dead.

The same thing is true in relationships. Despite what girls say they want in a relationship--stability--the opposite proves to be true. Stability in a relationship is a flat line. It's dead, and will lead to death in your relationship.

Your relationship needs to be like a heartbeat. Up and down. Never straight and flat.

You need to always keep her guessing what's going on in your mind.

One day you're hot and passionate, giving her all the loving tenderness and romance that she read about in her romance novels. Passionate love making and cuddling afterwards. Everything is perfect.

The next day you're aloof.. seemingly in your own world, distracted... shallowly responding to her words, but not as whole-heartedly as you did the other day... when you were passionate. Now she's wondering if something is wrong. What could it be??

The day after that--you're plain cold. You just need to be alone, and don't really feel like talking. --Now, she's in panic. The worries of the day before have compounded, and she's desperately scourging her mind for the reason behind your distant behavior. She begins wondering what she did wrong.. she begins wondering how to fix it..

Then the next time you see her, everything is perfect again. You're back to you're energetic, charming self. You act as if nothing was ever wrong. Because nothing was ever wrong. Why were you so cold and distant? You had a lot on your mind. Serious shit that you'd rather not bring to your mind again. Or whatever legit reason you want to come up with. But now you're back to your passionate, intimate self... reassuring her that everything is great and that she needn't worry about what goes in your mind.

Relationships are like roller-coasters. Up and down and around in circles.

Keep them questioning. Make them doubt. Make them feel like they can lose you at any time. Make them feel like they ARE losing you.

And then reassure them and make them feel like everything is wonderful and alright.

It's the circle of confusion, doubt, despair, and relief that will ultimately make a girl completely devoted to you.

They NEED the emotional drama. If you don't feed their emotions, you will become dead to them.

-Derron Fox

Also.. being able to give a girl multiple orgasms usually helps keeping her around. You know what they say: "A woman is like a carpet. You lay her right the first time, and you can walk all over her for the rest of your life".

Sad, but true.

If you're getting dumped, chances are it isn't your mouth that's fucking things up--it's your dick.

Learn how to fuck, make love, do the sex, or any other variation--like a rock star mixed with a romance novel bad-boy gentleman--and then girls probably won't leave you.

-Derron Fox

Only true of younger women. 26+ are going to require more than that unless the relationship is purely sexual.

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Pffft. You're missing the point. If you can't lay her right to begin with--there won't BE anything more to consider.

Putting an age constraint(26+) is misleading. Some girls get rocked out right when they're young at 18. Some girls don't have an orgasm til 22. Some women thought they had an orgasm, until you ACTUALLY gave one to them at the age of 30(my Japanese girlfriend)

Regardless, if you're able to rock their world's sexually... everything else comes much easier and more naturally.

Girls (and people in general) have been programmed to think : Sex isn't that important. he's really cool and fun and interesting in other ways... surely the sex will get better?

But it doesn't, and then after so much time spent bored... she runs into me(or someone like me), who reminds her of what she's been missing out on--raw passion--and she's more than happy to ditch everything in the old relationship that once seemed so important--all for a quick fix at passionate and exciting love making.

And they know it for what it is in the process.

And they don't feel bad about it, because the new guy offered all the things she wanted the old guy to give her...

It's not really a point. As women gain experience in life, things like an orgasm isn't as important as it once was. When life is about fun and excitement and less about responsibility, the ability to create an orgasm is great. When life starts revolving around responsibilities, the ability to give an orgasm won't keep a woman around if you don't have more to offer than just that.

LMAO...your Japanese girlfriend told you that she thought she had an orgasm before she met you. She probably told the guy before that she thought she had an orgasm before she met him.

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Yeah, nobody will stick around--man or woman--if good sex is the ONLY thing their partner has to offer.

However. Having everything to offer, but sucking in bed, will lead to the same result--getting left.

As far as my Japanese (ex)-girlfriend goes.. maybe what she said was true; maybe not. My point was: if a chick ( or guy) never gets truly quality sex until 26 or 30 or 35 or whatever the age, they will be much more excited about it and it will have a greater impact than if somebody's been banging it out since the age of 15. Take Neil Strauss for example... he was in his mid-twenties when he became a PUA, and it consumed his life and literally took over everything else--including his writing career and personal development. Why? Because he hadn't been getting quality sex before then.

Obviously, if someone's been getting it for over a decade, sex will eventually lose importance over responsibilities / future considerations.

But my basic point was--doesn't matter what you have to offer. If you can't offer good sex, eventually she'll go find someone who can.