This is one of the craziest things that has happened to me so far and I have been through a lot.

I am absolutely stunned at what went down, I need someone to help me out and give me some perspective.

Met this girl. We instantly hit it off. Within an hour and a half, making out, holding hands. Intense connection.

Second date, she flakes on me. I am wary but suggest another time. She accepts. We meet up for dinner and movies. It goes better than perfect. Hitting it off like crazy. Hang out practically all night. Go back to my place, F-close. Deep emotional connection. Have breakfast together. She refers to me as someone she's dating.

I won't go into details but believe me when I say this is a real thing, I can sense nothing wrong it's a hundred percent positive. She suggest a date for Sunday, to which I agree.

It is now Sunday. We've been texting on and off for a while. She sent me pictures of some lingerie she is going to wear for me during the week. Anyway. I text her my address. She calls and says she's dealing with a friend and won't be able to make it until 4 pm. I say no problem. Something sounds kind of off though, but I don't bring it up. I said "Are you ok?" To which of course she replied, of course.

Wait till 4 pm


EXACTLY on the dot at 4 pm I get this long text saying, my friend is having a mental break down. Her boyfriend broke up with her, I cannot make it. Blah blah. It is worded in a way which sounds like bullshit. Not only that but she doesn't offer another reschedule time.

I know something is up. I say, let's talk about it on the phone. I try to call her a few times but she cuts me off. I text her to call me. She doesn't.

I know what's up and it ain't good. I really like this girl but I am not going to put up with that sort of behavior as it's a red flag of things to come. So I sent her a message saying I know what's going on and goodbye.

No reply. Probably never hear from her again.

So what the hell happened?

Guess I failed the shit test

Difficult to say, man. Maybe silence would have been better than goodbye. You can't really contact her now... unless you wait ten days and then "accidentally" send her a text that was obviously meant for someone else. If she replies (something like "Ooops, I guess you sent this to me by accident"), you might be able to reconnect. Best of luck.

I see two possibilities here:

1) She's just not that into you. Girls don't flake when they've got a good thing. If this is the case - why would you want to date someone who's not going to respect your time?

2) She legitimately had to tend to her friend and the timing sucked. In which case your response could have been better, and that's probably the end of it.

I have a real issue with flakes... Been flaked on more times than I can count over the years. Nothing so annoying, so I know where you're coming from. I think it comes down to having some respect for your own time and knowing you're a great catch... One flake I can forgive, cause shit happens -- but two is just disrespectful - and instead of wondering how you can turn things around and get her back (and I can't really tell if that's what you're doing - or if you just want to figure out what she's up to), you should be respecting yourself and focusing on finding a chick that respects your time.

I agree that she is not that into you. She flaked because she didn't feel the intensity of the feelings you felt.
Then she gave it another go but she made up her mind that she wants to get rid of you for some reason.
There isn't much you can do. You can only stop trying to contact her and leave her alone and maybe after three months you can send her one text. If she won't reply then you need to forget about her.
From what it looks like the feelings are not mutual. It happens.

Thanks for the advice. I may have come across as needy somehow? I'm really not too sure.

Anyway when she flaked I acted like a complete chode. I tried to ring her like 5 times. Told her I needed to speak to her. Then I said this stupid message saying wah wah I thought we had something, goodbye.

Then I made it worse by going a step further and sending another message which was pure beta. I pretty much said how could you do that, why did you do that, I thought you weren't playing any games with me.


It's a complete mess haha. Another lesson to learn from I guess.

Treat it exactly like a lesson and really do learn from it.

Sounds like that's a story she'll be telling her friends.

I sent a sorry message saying I was out of line and I apologize.

She said the following-

That's okay. Look I'm sorry as well it was bad timing on my behalf... However I am not going to put someone that I have known for a long time over you, it's not in my character.

I understand why you were upset but your assumptions of why I was bailing were wrong. I don't think it's a great idea if we see each other again because at the moment I cannot prioritise anyone of my friends/family. I'm sorry

---

To which I replied-

You are completely right. It's no excuse. Of course family and friends come first, that's an admirable trait, I respect that. I know we really get along and I don't often say that. Despite my mistake I would like it if we could keep in contact and see where things take us.

I have a feeling she was going to get rid of me anyway and used the flake as a final shit test. I feel pretty bad about it because she was a great girl, had all the qualities I wanted. But at the end of the day if someone isn't as into you as you are them there is only so much you can do.

When she had sent you the text message at 4 o clock you shouldn't had answered back.
It would had made her wonder why you were not putting her on the pedestal she was expecting to be. She would had then tried to contact you and see what happened. You would had turned the tables.
You also gave her too much value too soon.
I am still trying to figure out why you apologised to her. Her attitude was unacceptable. Yet you apologised for being angry. Why?? She mistreated you ... and if it was planned... she planned to mistreat you.
You dodged a bullet there.
I don't know what type of qualities you are looking for in a girl but I hope this behaviour is one of your red flags for finding a gf.


Oh and btw... how sure are you that it was a female friend and not another guy she was sleeping with?

Yeah I completely agree with you. I usually keep very cool and collected. I'm not going to make excuses but I had been back from the gym. My adrenaline was going. I was really nervous to see her again because things were going so well. I had been waiting all week. Completely put myself into the wrong mind frame.

I would love to go back in time and do exactly that. But like you say, at the end of the day she did something shit to me which is a bad sign of things to come so I think you're right I dodged a bullet.

Man, this scenario totally sucks. It can be hard when you do all the upfront work to get the girl, only to blow it on the back end, especially if you ended up liking her.

I think you realize, you have already failed too many tests. It's over Johnny!

The good news is, you can attract girls you like. Now, examine your mistakes, correct them, and go find another dozen. You got this.

Yeah it does suck. Thanks for all the input everyone. It's good to see so much support is going around on this site.

Good ending to this story. I blocked and deleted the girl. I was acting like a beta chode and needed to immediately adjust my shit. I now have a date tomorrow afternoon with an even hotter girl. Hopefully she doesn't flake, but if she does I will remain cool, calm, collected and be a man about it.

Cheers!

You should not be stunned. This is how women/people behave. You should not have any emotions attached to the Game. The Game is not for emotional men. Especially some girl who you barely know.

Lots to work on my friend. Should never be catching feelings this hard after 1-2 dates, true mark of a man without many options. Women don't work like men, they're able to develop intense feelings for anybody at any time. It doesn't mean the same thing to her as it does to you.
Good advice. It's just a random fucking chick no need to get emotional or care whatsoever.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.