Hi guys and girls, I have been on the forum for a long time but I can't seem to get my account login info back, so I made a new one.

I need your advice!

For the past year and a half I've been in a stable relationship with a girl (longest of my life) who I am in love with.
Problem is.. after a while you get to know a person and you realize there are some differences.
Lately I have been thinking about either leaving her, or just slowing down the relationship so that I can have some time for myself.

I'm a 26 yr old guy, finished college 2 yrs ago and I have a pretty decent job. Just bought my own apartment and I'm moving up in the world.
She is currently 20, still in school and very attached to me.

Here are the quirks:
1. She constantly lies about small things, and will make up stories just to get herself some DHV.
(ex. if I say I had a bike when I was a kid, she says she had 2 bikes. etc)
2. She likes to contradict me on many subjects, even if she may not know any facts about that subject.
3. Her family is uneducated and she was raised in the mentality of " millionaires are best, school is worthless, etc". So her relatives don't value higher education as much as they should, which in turn is discouraging her from pursuing her medical degree.
4. She is very possessive and wants to hangout constantly. She makes it seem like she doesn't have any friends, which in turn makes me feel guilty for not seeing her more often and taking her out.
5. She is 5 years younger than me, and we are simply at different points in our life.

Now for the good:
She is the same nationality as me and she looks great. I would say a solid 9. Very clean and organized. Very intelligent, and thinks quick on her feet. Doesn't smoke, and only drinks on occasion. Never more than 1 or 2 glasses of wine (this might change when she turns 21 so I'm waiting to see that in a few months). She is open to discussion, and is always there to listen to what I have to say. In case of emergency, she is by my side in a heart-beat.

I'm looking for some advice as to what I should do.
If I break up with her, I may not find another girl who is "ok" in some aspects. I've been through at least 30 girls so far, and this one is the longest relationship I've had.

Do you guys think her "quirks" can/will change with time? Advice on how I can make her change?
How can I slow down the relationship a bit? I feel like she is constantly taking up my free time and we are always texting when not together.

And Finally:

If you were in my shoes, would you drop her and move on?

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.
Thank you all!

Dan

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that there is no "slowing down" the Betaization process once its begun (its the process you described of her slowly taking up all your time so you can't do anything besides attend to her. Think it's a coincidence? It's womens' way of not leaving you with the full energy you would need to go find more lovers, it means she wants to keep you around).

Really there are certain plays and moves you can make in the original unfolding of the relationship which will determine the speed and intensity of the process but it's a one way track. No those quirks will not go away as time goes on.

If you try to slow anything down now, she will go super dramatic over it. If you can weather the storm and have her stick around despite that, then you may possibly be able to prolong it a little but like I keep saying there's no reversing it.

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I disagree with the above post.

She's young dude. Most things you call 'quirks' are a bi-standards of her age. If she's as intelligent as you make her out to be, she'll grow out of them soon enough.

There are no imminent red flags and her attempts to DHV and whatnot are in fact attempts to impress you. She probably feels she's not entirely worthy of a guy such as yourself and needs to compensate at times. Which is understandable if you think about it.

Point is, as you yourself said this is your longest relationship, and 1.5 years isn't that long. You'll never meet someone who is 100% compatible with you. There will always be small (or big) things that you will dislike about your girl, and in the end it all comes down to whether or not those things are something you can live with.

Objectively speaking, it sounds like you have a good thing going. How you proceed is entirely your decision, but keep in mind that the grass is never greener on the other side. In fact, it seems as green as it gets where you are right now.

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The grass ain't greener bro.

She'll have things that the next girl won't, and the next girl will have things that she won't. There will always be quirks, you aren't fond of when you're with a girl. And there will always be things you do like. Every girl is going to come with them. From quality woman to quality woman they will each possess something unique one way or another. Thats part of the game. I've spent a fairly decent amount of time jumping from woman to woman looking for one that was perfect. They were all perfect in the beginning, but as you get closer to them, the chase the thrill and the adventure becomes obsolete. You enter a relationship. The girl becomes attached (as she should) and the male comes someone detached. Its nature. Women attach to the home, family, children. The men detach; they go hunt.

Sounds to me like you have you a decent chick, but it just isn't enough. But when is it ever?

From 8's 9's 10's.. They'll each have something and be without something. This ain't heaven yet.. So if you decided to move on, just understand that you'll have your fun, you'll find another quality girl to chase, but its likely you'll end up feeing these same emotions again Once the chase is done, once she's conquered, once she's fully submitted to your leadership, you'll begin to detach again and think about things outside of her.

Its your call, just know this is a natural thing.

If she's not giving you any problems. Just normal chick shit, I'd say hold on and/or possibly talk to her about adding a second girlfriend to the relationship. I've had this talk with several girls. And you'll be surprised with how open minded they are once brought up. What makes a girl most happy is being able to make the man in her life happy. So if your happiness is dependent on this, and you another girl could add to it, have that talk.

A second girl also comes with its disadvantages though. Theres no way to get to this perfect. But the beauty of life is that you get to experiment.

They''ll be another her either way you slice it, but these emotions will return either way you slice it.

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Thank you for your replys guys! I really appreciate all the advice!
By the looks of it, I think I will stick with her a bit more and see where it goes / see how and if she changes with time (especially after she turns 21 and goes out to bars/clubs)

I totally see the "betaization process" now! The time she takes out of my schedule, the daily messages, and the occasional small gifts (picture frames, cards etc). There's probably not much I can do to stop it, and it would most likely lead to drama if I start a conversation with her about that. You're right!

From my experience, chances are I will never find 100% perfect match.
I was just thinking maybe there's some luck with changing her "quirks".
Funny thing is.. when I was her age I was acting the same way.. trying to show DHV through fake stories and contradictions, because I had nothing better to show for myself really.

And yes, you are right! She may be just desperately trying to convey DHV so that she feels more "at my level". Somehow as if she isn't worthy of a relationship with me or something.. which sounds like she has low confidence and self esteem.

Any advice on how to test her, and see how she will act in environments like clubs, parties etc?

You're right, there is absolutely no point in discussing it with her. Just be aware of it and control the direction of the relationship accordingly to the best of your ability.

This is the most important post anyone in the community has made about relationships:

http://www.personalpowermeditation.com/ ... n-process/

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It's not necessarily a matter of low confidence or self esteem. "Low" is taking it a bit too far. You're 26 and well on your way in life dude, she's 20. Still in school. Realistically speaking there isn't much +value she can bring to your life. It's more of a situational thing. Nothing to worry about imo.

Anyway, I can't answer your second question because in my country people start drinking / going to clubs or parties at the age of 14.

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I think R.C and the others are right. Nothing you've said about her sounds like red flags imo. Keep in mind, she is a good bit behind in life than you and you're right, you 2 arent on the same page in life right now. Who she is right now is most likely gonna change in the next 5 or so years. She could be dependent now , but in 2 years could be into partying and doing her own thing, to the point where you will feel not needed. Or she could become more mature and grounded as she grows older. No one can really tell...20 is way too young to know what kind of woman/mate she will become. If you feel like it's too much, you can always reduce how much time you spend texting and so on. If the relationship hampers other areas of your life, drop. If you can manage it do so and see how things turn out.

I had a very, very similar situation in my life.

I had a girl, was with her for 3+ years, but felt similar to you after a year and half of the relationship.

The lesson I got was that if you are thinking of breaking up with her, then you probably should. In fact, I
believe you should break up with the girl the first time it seriously crosses your mind. I don't mean in
a way where you get angry and you break up with her, but when you're sitting with yourself and you get
a hunch.

Now, what we do as guys is we try to quiet down that voice inside, because it's scary to break up. The thought
of leaving a girl, well - you might not find the same one, right? And besides, she's not that bad, she actually
cares about me...

Been there, done that. I don't want to give you advice, but I only want to invite you to not read the advice
here, and be honest with YOURSELF.

If you heart tells you that you want to be alone at this point, then listen to it. If you REALLY want to be with
her because of HER, and not because you're afraid you won't find someone like her again, then be with her.

Regarding her changing - it is a losing game. People don't change. Quirks are usually a sign of something
deeper, beyond your comprehension. You think it's quirks, but it's actually your intuition feeling that
something is off.

She will not change, and you know what? She isn't suppose to change. She is the way she is, and there
is somebody perfect for her.

Just like there is somebody perfect for you. And YES, the grass IS greener somewhere else.

And finally, regarding her being attached and taking up all your time - this is what basically all women do. They
want ALL of you. You need to lead from the start, and put some boundaries between you and her.

Trying to slow things down at this point will cause a huge drama scene from her. Won't work.

My hunch is you are not strong enough to end this relationship. If you were, you wouldn't be asking us here.
So you will stay with her for another year or two and then when you'll feel that it's obvious to what your heart
wants, you will need to break her heart and leave.

My suggestion is again, listen to what your heart REALLY wants, and stay true to it - no matter how painful the
truth is. The truth is the truth. And then focus on developing yourself as a man.

Wish you all the best my man,

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Once again I can't thank you guys enough for your advice!

Drexel - that link about betaization is pure gold, my friend! I understood so much more about women once I read it, and I now realize I passed step 2 and am currently on my way to step 3 down on the curve... slippery slope indeed! I'll have to watch out for it now, and call it out!

R.C - Yes I see your point. I am also from Romania originally, but I moved to the USA when I was little. Over here, it's a bit different with how the law works, but in all reality i have been going out and drinking since i was 18-19. As long as you know people, you can get into most clubs in Chicago.

neo87 - Yes, she is a bit too young to determine how she will turn out. I'm just not sure if it's a wise decision to wait and make it into a longer relationship.

Black Phantom - I read your post right after I read the info about the betaization process that Drexex posted a few comments before. Maybe it influenced me a bit, but I think you're right. It comes down to how I feel about it in my heart right now. If my mind is telling me to break up, then I should do it without hesitation. It's worthless to wait and waste my time and hers when it's obvious that we want different things (she is trying to turn me into a husband, and I am just trying to get to know her better)

All in all, I must admit that mistakes have been made, which accelerated the betaization process.
For Christmass last year she bought me a gold bracelet (which I do not wear since my work computer has metal casing and the damn thing keeps making clinging everytime I type or move my hands on the mac). I guessed about her present, and I felt pressured to make her a nice gift as well. At which point I got her a nice diamond ring. I explicitly stated it is just a fashion ring, and she shouldn't read more into it.
Normally, I never get close to a girl's family. And I usually don't bring her around my family either, unless I think it's something serious or she insists. With her it was different in the sense that i met her family because I needed to know if I would ever like to be par tof her family or not. (I decided I would HATE to be a part of her family, but continued the relationship).

There are many other little details which make me think that I sort of lostmy option to back out of the relationship.. but I know that is the wrong way of thinking.

And That, my friends, is the reason I don't have what it takes to leave her - there is a constant battle in my mind about it, and the guilt wins every time.

Hey R.C. !! If I end up leaving her, maybe I can come to Romania for a week or 2 and we can go sarging together What do you say?

Wtf is this Betazation stuff?!! Sounds like these things are just being in a relationship. The step 1 and 2 you describe you've done is be exclusive and she likes you. Wow. You're in a relationship. You've met her family and bought some gifts. Doesnt sound like you're being beta...just being a boyfriend.

1 and 2 are quirks and silly stuff. So i guess the main quirks are :

1)she's not ambitious
2) she wants to hang out with you constantly

Your point 5 is technically correct, but is vague. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. She isnt irresponsible from your words. How are you at different points mentally? I mean, she IS younger and career wise behind, but if you are at a point where you are about responsibility she sounds like she's there.

You can scale back the contact with her or talk to her about being your own separate people. Regardless, it sounds like you dont want to be with her. Maybe you're afraid of being beta, when you're not. Maybe since this is your longest rs you dont know what to do at this point. Dump her if you want to, but my guess is you'll see it was unwarranted.

have you seen the "hot/ crazy" chart on youtube? Its mostly funny, but seriously...the way that guy explains it is balls on accurate.

Ive dated women that always try to one up me. Most were from a sordid background and were very sheltered growing up. They were all younger and were in fact doing it to fit in. One girl i dumped, the other i called her out on it and she broke down crying feeling as if i didnt trust her etc. I explained i knew why she was doing it and that either she stopped or it would end us. She stopped, mostly when she did i made a joke of it and she apologized until it stopped completely. We dated almost 4 years, and eventually broke it off because she cheated.

The only valid answer I can think of to that question is fuck yeah.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

@op
As a woman all I can understand about her is that she is a spoiled little brat who happens to be intelligent and pretty.
She doesn't care about having a career because she has everything. She one ups you all the time because she has a big ego and she doesn't leave you alone because she needs to protect that massive ego she has.

Someone here said that all women want is to make their man happy. That's just BS. We want to secure a man and secure that he will be a good father and with good genes.

If you are 26 years old and you can't get along with women and you have been with many women that says there are some things you need to work on yourself.
I disagree with you that she is the only woman who has the qualities you want. She might be the only woman THIS FAR you met and she has what you want.
The fact that she is that young, pretty and with good potential gives you an ego boost.
There is no such thing as betaization in a relationship. You either have mutual feelings and both offer each other and you are in a healthy relationship or the relationship is unbalanced.
If you continue being "alpha" in a relationship you are usually in an unhealthy relationship. The first sign that your relationship has failed is the existence of power/mind games. Maybe because no relationship is perfect there might be one or two occasions that you might need to bring a balance but if that's a constant situation then you have a problem.

You are too focused on the game and sarging and if your goal is to settle down you have the wrong objectives. You won't be able to find anyone compatible with you if you don't lose interest in "hunting".
If you are browsing to find what you want alright... but if you still get excited with the idea of getting more conquests you are nowhere near to be happy being committed to anyone.