| A longer post for those of you that enjoy a good story. For those that don't jump to the end. This is partially me asking for advice and also somewhat spewing my thoughts as a means to move on from my ex.
First a bit of background. I was in a solid, 7 year long distance relationship with a girl I met during high school. I was her first proper boyfriend and she lost her virginity to myself. We were together through University (where the long distance part started) during which she went abroad for her studies. We both made significant effort to make it worked, seeing each other every 2 - 3 weeks regardless of location. There was a good balance in the relationship which is why I believed it worked for such a long time.
She had always wanted to work abroad and found a job in other continent after graduating from uni. We both knew this would test the relationship as we've done international-LDR before but this time that wasn't the plan. After a few months of discussing the options she ultimately came to the decision that we should split up. I took a very neutral ground. As much as I loved her I knew this is what she wanted and would never deny her of that. So she left and is now starting her new life abroad.
When she moved abroad we had technically broken up. We were no longer a couple, but with her unfamiliar surroundings she would speak to me everyday in a very similar way to which our LDR had worked. At first it seemed no different, over the course of the next 4 months I removed myself as the first to initiate contact, but everyday should would text or call me like normal. I changed career which demanded more of my time and therefore I would think about her less throughout the day.
Coming into month 4-5 post 'breakup' her tone changed very suddenly after a drunken phone call where she told me life was hard out in her new location. The convo included her saying how hard it was for us to be apart, but I explained that she must keep going and push forward with our new lives separate from each other. She explained that it's not fair for her to continue messaging me and to keep calling me for comfort and support. At first I wasn't sure what this meant but now I believe it to be that she may be with someone else and felt it unfair to keep talking to me with another guy now in the picture. After that conversation we went NC and I continued on not texting her first as before.
At first it was no different but as the weeks went by with NC it started to play on my mind. I noticed myself thinking about her more. Perhaps the fact that we are now NC that it actually feels like a break up? More weeks pass and I slowly battle through, resisting the urge to message her. It's getting hard so I begin to clean out my phone and social media, just so those reminders won't appear which helps a little.
After a month or so of NC she messages me to remind me it's my birthday, I send a delayed response to which she asks how I am. I keep the conversation light and then she follows up with asking for a favour (small online account I had the password for), which leads me to think that was her original intention for contact. A few weeks on from that she sends me a birthday card, to be polite I assume as the language is dry, unlike her usual warm word-smith finesse. Almost like it was written by a distance relative.
I start talking to other girls to occupy my mind but ultimately when i'm alone it's still my ex I think of. I hooked up with a cute chick recently, we had some good back and forth for a few days but once that fizzled out, again my ex comes back into my mind. It's a thought I can't shake off. I've made large efforts to change my personal life such as a change of career, strict gym routine (which has given me a massive confidence boost), expanded my networking circles (personal and business) etc. However, at the end of the day the though of my ex still finds a way to creep back into my mind.
So here I am. It's not been nearly 6 months since we officially split but only ~7 weeks of no contact and I probably feel more heart ache now than right at the start. At the moment it seems like a lingering feeling that doesn't want to be brushed away. I put it down the fact that my subconscious won't accept that she's gone. There's a small glimmer of hope that remains which I need to stamp out. I personally wasn't ready for the relationship to end which I believe to be a large factor but as time goes on I'm accepting that she won't be coming back. She's gone and I need to move on. I'm ready to do so but some part of me won't let go.
Thanks for reading.
TL:DR - GF of 7 years broke up with me to work abroad. Relationship was great but she didn't believe the LDR would work across two continents. She made a large effort to stay in touch at first, but it that dropped off steeply. We are now in a NC phase but she has made small gestures such as send a birthday card. I not initiated contact. At first my mind was clear but as the months go by it's polluted by the thought of her being gone. I need to move on!
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