Hey guys what's up

I need a pua perspective. I'm always the guy getting dumped. I've been in 3 LTRs, but always get dumped around the 1 year mark.

The reasons the girls give me vary from "the feeling has gone" "I dont love you" "we are not made for eachother" and stuff like that. But this is of course backwards rationalization. Even if we weren't right for eachother (which is especially true for 2 out of the 3), I would like to be the one who decides that.

I'm not overly jealous, I think I act normal around women and in relationships, but i guess I am a pleaser. I like to see my girl happy. So I guess there is something happening after many months of me and her, that makes her want to leave me. I must be something in my personality. And the time has come to fix it.

It comes down to this probably: i'm deeper into the relationship than she is. But I don't know how it happens, because in the beginning it's the opposite. They want me. But somewhere along the way, our roles change and I (and my happiness) become too much dependent on them.

I tried to ask my ex's themselves, but all i get is the rationalization, not the thing that really happened (Sidenote: of course we weren't made for eachother, because there is no such thing). So that's why I ask you guys. I'd like to get insights from guys who were dumped before, but also guys who never get dumped (I know you're out there!) so rather than finding the problem, I can focus on the solution. Also I wouldn't focus on the relationship details individuallistically, because it's a clear pattern in my life.

I have no trouble with game, girls are attracted to me and when dating a really great girl, i try to keep off a relationship as long as possible, but some girls are just too great and after a while I give in. And then a year later I am the one in the gutter! It's very ironic, but this is how it goes everytime.

So there's the problem.. I've been thinking a lot about posting this, because i also would like to be able to be myself in a relationship, not act different just so i don't get dumped. But I guess after getting dumped 3 times in a row, I can say that this is not working for me. So i need to change something.

Concrete questions:
- How to not give yourself 100% in a relationship? (I think that maybe this is the problem)
- How to keep her longing for you?
- Generally how to not get dumped.

Cheers
A fellow pua down on his luck

You say that somewhere the roles get reversed and that you are a pleaser. Does that mean that you become the submissive one in the relationship?

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Bitches be bitches. I'm also not sure if there is any key solution to not getting dumped. We've all been there and done that and most likely will be there again if we keep doing Long Term Relationships.

I just got out of one myself and it sucks donkey dick. I can get so many females that I want, but as soon as the relationship begins, it's game over soon after.

Not sure what it is, but I'm starting to be convinced no woman is happy out there. The only thing I can think of is being confident, being flirtatious, and not needy, but at the same time don't push her away.

I just really don't know what else to say and any guy on here is tripping if they believe they have the be-all and end-all to this situation. Different females view things differently, but there are not many out there that's not drawn to confident guys or a variety of techniques.

Sadly I guess the one answer is to keep gaming the girl continuously and act as if you're not in a relationship, but that can just get old.

I also have to say one thing...sometimes females and even males will say they are looking for a relationship, but really don't want one...I guess it just looks better on paper for them in a mater of speaking.

My advice is to invest as much as the other person invests, no more, no less, but if you're looking for a relationship then you may be disappointed when you find out they aren't looking for something really serious.

Good luck out there, life sucks when you get your heart crushed and even sucks more when you have to put the pieces together.

Oh also don't put up with bullshit and never bend over backwards for a female or one that is emotionally/mentally unstable and doesn't know what the fuck she wants. Been there, done that...very insightful experience learned the most brutal way. Being nice is well...nice, but don't put up with bullshit you don't have to. Being a pleaser is a good thing (especially in the bedroom) but don't overdo it by being a pussy.

Submissive is an extreme way to say it. But I think to an extent it's true, in the sense that she holds the power. I'm also prone to agree more to her ideas and stuff (and after the relation ended thinking: wait no, I actually don't agree with this, so actually it's my dick/pussy-whipped addicted brain agreeing with her), but I can't help it. I even see sometimes that I'm doing it (changing myself bit by bit for her) and God knows I know it's sooo wrong. But still I get so attached that I can't help it.

The behaviour comes from the place where I am psychologically (dependent on her from my happiness), so how to not get into that place?

Thanks for your comment dude. It served as a kind of pick me up actually But yea I guess you're right. There is no 1 solution. But still there is a fine line between pleasing your girl and being a pussy. I'm not sure I know where it is in a LTR. I'd like to maintain a stronger frame, staying the guy I was when we met (let's be honest, everyone behaves at least slightly differently in a LTR, given you don't cheat - and I don't), and not become a pussy about it. This way (hopefully) the power shift doesn't happen. But I don't know how to go on about that. Any tips?

Because logically, if she wanted you to be hers 12 months ago, you should theoretically be able to lef her want you at another point in time as well. Right?

I think most guys do change in some way, but what I'm interpreting from what you wrote is that women see something in you attractive and they actively pursue you for a relationship. After they get into a relationship with you, after you resisted the notion of being in one, you turn into a pushover. Basically, you're hard to get but once they got you you're easy to control. It's two different frames and they are so drastically different, if a woman finds one attractive...she more than likely find the other unattractive.

The only tip that I can offer you is choose the frame that is closer to what your real personality is. If you are the guy that's a pleaser, be a pleaser from start to finish. Don't turn into one once you're in a relationship.

It's also important to be happy with yourself before you get into a relationship and find a woman who is happy with herself so you guys are depending on each other for happiness.

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I agree with your interpretation, it's a very good one. I guess both of the frames are part of me, but the me I like best of course is the first frame (although i should be able to please my girl without being a pushover). So the question is: how to maintain that frame inside a relationship?

Thanks for your input!

It's simple really. You start putting them & their happiness first. All your questions can be answered by not doing that.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
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How to keep a girl.

By mirroring.
When your gf is pulling away, pull away too. Let her come to you.
When your gf is giving you doubts, give her the same doubts.
When she discovers you are mirroring her behaviour she will be mad.
That's when you stay calm and collected and open communication.
If she sticks to her old way despite your agreements you continue with mirroring.

Happy power games xx

P.S. google Sun Tzu the art of war. It will give you some more ideas.

This is code speak for "I think I can do better than you"

Do you work? What industry are you in? Are you in a decent/stable career? These will make a big difference to women.

However, I get the feeling that you simply aren't fun enough, or enough of a challenge for them. Yoou're probably right - you probably invest too much and then the women get bored/feel unsatisfied.
Your happiness should come first. Always.
Put yourself first.
Don't give her everything she wants.

No matter how much you love pizza, you'll get sick of it if you have too much

Also....put yourself first.
Be interesting, fun, and a challenge.

Also, put your wants and needs first. Her's can come in a close second.

Bro..

It's simple man.

You just have to know what girls want and then you have to be weary of your thoughts as they surface.

Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our characters, and our character becomes our destiny.

Every " I love her so much. She's so great and amazing" thought that you allow to sink into your subconscious uncorrected is a droplet of venom slowly but surely poisoning the future of your relationship. You don't notice at first, its just a harmless lover-boy thought, but it builds up. Its just like gaining weight, you don't notice every individual pound you gain, but eventually you wake up, look in the mirror and you're like "fuck .. I'm FAT." You can't even remember how you got there.

You have to check your thoughts as often as possible. If this has happened to you 3 times in a row then we can all be certain that YOU are the problem. Your thoughts are the problem.

A woman NEVER EVER wants you to put her happiness before her own. She may think this and she may even express this to you, but you're fucked the moment you do it. Its like if your woman said " Don't go to work baby stay home with me an cuddle". Does she really want this? NO. She just feels this in the moment, but if you give in she will lose all respect for you because you're putting cuddling before your responsibilities.

Who's happiness is more important? YOURS! And you have to protect your happiness at all cost. Only a Happy man can make a woman happy. So if you're not happy, she can't fully be happy. SO this is why this is important. She may not always like it in the moment, but she will respect you for a life time.

If you would like me to elaborate on something, let me know.

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That's some cold brutal truth dude. Exactly what I need.
- I'm in a hiatus right now, between university and work. I guess maybe that could impact your congidence negatively because you're not needed anywhere / aren't productive. Now I think about it, other relationships also went sour during longer periods of no-school/work. I never realized this.
- Not fun enough. Could be a problem. I guess in principle you could say I'm fun: Go out a lot with friends, i'm a singer in a band, write my own music, have a master's degree , travel a lot, etc. etc. But I guess it's that she doesn't perceive me as fun. Maybe because it's all rainbows and sunshine all the time. I rarely fight with girls, just doesn't happen. Maybe create some trouble? Or mix it up , act distant one day , interested the next? Basically doing whatever the fuck i want, and if it creates arguments: good. It's in my nature to avoid them, which is beta behaviour I guess.
- As for putting myself first: I like to think that I already do. But I guess I can be more honest with myself while doing things in a relationship and ask: am i doing this because i want it, or just to please the girl?

Thanks a lot guys, I really appreciate your input and it helps me a lot! I will also check out the book. Cheers!

Yeah I have those thoughts. I just really enjoy my time with her and think: this is so awesome, i love her, she's the best girl, blabla. What do you suggest to stop those thoughts/check them when they surface? Because they will in any future relationship i have. Go sarging? Think about the bad things in the LTR? Reshift focus on something else? Take a cool down from her? Because the natural tendency when having those thoughts is just to get more and more time with her.

Thanks

I'm not sure why these women may have dumped you but let that all go. You obviously attract women and can get into these relationships for a decent amount of time. Ensure that through your relationship that you are pleasing her but also not making her the center of your world and saving time for friends, hobbies and some "you time." If you are currently doing this and still getting dumped, take it in stride. The girls saved you time and money from investing in a future with them.

Keep on kid..

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Check them and correct them. Your mind is a computer. You can use it how it is or reprogram it as you wish.

Correct them. Counter them by switching them to what her feelings are to you. " She's so awesome" - "She is so awesome while she is with me".

A woman is usually reflecting the behavior of the male she is with so a large portion of the degree of her awesomeness is a reflection the feelings that you are creating within her. Understand that you bare some responsibility for the reason you feel the way you do about her.

Also, keep in mind that when a woman says "I love you" she is saying it to the guy you were being just before she said it. That is the guy that created the emotions within her. Therefore, if you allow her saying " I love you" to change you in anyway, you are no longer the guy she loves, you have become a new guy. A guy that has been affected by her past statements.

Women are creatures of the moment. What she says today is only valid tomorrow if your inner feelings for her are the same tomorrow as they were today.

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