Ok. I'm back. Really quick update.

Battling depression and periods of discouragement mixed with long periods of wasting time by indulging in countless movies and TV shows. I took a semester off college to accomplish crucial goals that I needed to get out of my system (aka gap year) and to find/organize myself (who am I? what will I be doing with my life? what's the point of everything?) but I never expected myself to dump all the free time that I had on useless shit that gets me nowhere. What a waste of vital resources: time, energy, money and resources. What a waste of potential. It's like burning money.

It's important to recognize what were the triggers that caused this fallback? Few things. But mostly not feeling closer to success or like I'm making real progress. And because the prospect of getting laid seems too far away. Countless rejections - without victories - are highly discouraging. And a heavy loss of moral whenever I fail to overcome the temptation of wasting time on media entertainment. But what it really comes down to is a general lack of motivation, focus, strength and self-discipline. More than anything, I need to unleash hulk mode or deal with the prospect of failing my dreams. I thought I'd take this semester off to get my life back together but it just seems that I'm back to where I started originally. What will it take to finally break out of this never-ending cycle of mediocrity?

It's my birthday this week. I hate birthdays because they remind me that I'm one year closer to dying. Life is so short - and even then much of it is spent on simply maintaining it (work, sleep, eating etc.). Before we know it, it will all be over. #YOLO What's more so, is that I know that I won't be able to have my pursuing pussy adventures for too long because I am religious and need to get married. Simple: I just need to get in, take what I want and get out. "Let's play in the snow before I melt" said the snowman. I just want to get laid once or twice. That's it. Then I quit. There are more important things in life than selling my soul for sex. I JUST NEED TO GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY SYSTEM SO I CAN LIVE IN PEACE.

My biggest regret is all the time I spent reading up on worthless game theory that had absolutely nothing to do with my situation. I thought I was improving but in reality I was just wasting my time. I wrote about this in my last FR:

"I see lies. I see lies everywhere.

I see lies. I see lies everywhere.

The ads on pickup books, DVDs and seminars say "Read me and you'll be surrounded by women who will beg you to have sex with them." Such. Fuckin. Bullshit. I spent 2 years doing nothing but reading everything I could get my hands on, and now I have finally started to go out ONLY to discover that my game is not bad. It's painful cringe level bad.

I wish I knew this earlier: Reading doesn't improve your skills unless it's (1) extremely relevant to your current sticking points and (2) is combined with massive, massive, massive amount of practice until you've applied what you've learned so much that it becomes second nature."

Well there's good news and bad news: the good news is that I have all the resources necessary to make that dream come true. Time. Money. Energy. Smarts. Guidance. The bad news is that I don't have the necessary personality traits to pull of this stunt - nor the motivation. And even if I did have the motivation, I always seem to come down crashing down - falling back to where I started. I've fallen so many times that I'm asking myself "What's the point of getting up again - I'll just fall back down?"

I hate to be so pessimistic and depressing in my FRs but I vowed to be brutally honest as much as possible - even at the cost of looking like a loser. I post up videos of my rejections because I want my journal to be as real as it gets. The hardcore real truth - to the point where I embarrass myself in public. Take the red pill at all costs even if it pains the world to see what pickup can REALLY be like. On my path, I show the dark side of pickup - the grim reality that marketers don't want you to know. This is the real deal.

So to get through the low point I made myself a promise. If I pursue the fear and agony then I will succeed in my goals. (1) Get my life together. (2) Get laid. (3) Become famous. And (4) Make some money. "Fuck bitches. Make money. Live fast. Die young." I also used a few other mantras to pump my state up like "I've lost many battles but the war isn't over." And "No matter what. I'm never giving up on myself." Do not underestimate the power of words and music to put you back on track. Point is: I'm back in the game.

I was close to quitting daygame for good because it's a very demanding hobby that hasn't given me any results but then I realized that onlinegame is just as fuckin' hard. They're both hard but I'm not giving up until I get my penis in some random female's vagina - through daygame or onlinegame. I can do this - I just need to embrace the pain and fear instead of hiding from it.

To victory.

x



P.S. I was too depressed to approach this week so I didn't. But I will hopefully gather the courage, next week. In the meantime here are the approaches from approx. 2 weeks ago with wingman moderator Da. (Though these approaches were the ones I approaches solo).



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zUwM-CPW0Y

I woke up in a very bad mood yesterday morning. The night before I was at the club and I encountered the same old difficulties that I have been having lately. I don't know if it's because I consume a couple of alcoholic beverages or not, but I tend to just feel tired, shutdown and find it difficult to do anything. It's very frustrating because it feels like I can get laid easily if I follow the style I have in my head, the only thing is that I can't seem to follow the style, or follow through with it or what-have-you.

On the bright side, there was a moment where I felt like I was in the zone but it didn't last long.

I feel like I've had my fill of theory. I feel I can achieve success if I just do what I set out to do. At the club I saw a guy hitting on a girl and after not too long he made out with her. I wasn't overly impressed with him as I have the confidence that I can do the same thing he did. I didn't know what he said to the girl and I don't need to know what he said because I know my style is just as good, if not better, than his. It makes me feel happy seeing a guy achieve success because it proves that this shit can be done, but it annoys me to no end that I can be doing the same thing just as easily and I don't.

Lately I've been reminding myself that I can't have less than zero. If I approach and get rejected it's okay because I will still have zero. I won't get negative one which I seem to think is what I will get sometimes. But even with having the balls to approach the stamina just isn't there for some reason.

"YOU ARE SO CREEPY." (17:00)
Those words could have ruined my entire day.

After taking a few breaths, I finally gathered my courage and nervously came over to her to make her day with a sincere compliment, only to get shotdown with a self-esteem crippling insult. Those were heartless words spoken with cruelty and lack of empathy as if I was inhuman - a worthless space on earth, wasting oxygen. What's worse is that it was done infront of multiple different people - amplifying my embarrassment - nearly turning my face red. A single event like this can spoil your appetite for daygame.

From my vast experience daygaming, I have learned one crucial lesson: Don't finish the meal with a bitter taste in mouth. In other words, if you endure an epic fail then do another approach that will be successful so as to take your mind off the pitiful fail. Distract your mind off negative emotions.

If I have nothing else to think about, that embarrassing moment would play through my mind over and over, tormenting me. Fortunately, my immediate next approach was highly successful. Most guys are terrified of large sets, but I love challenging myself to be a bloody daredevil so I charged into a seated four set. They were consistently laughing and enjoyed by presences and then it dawned to me...

Creepiness is just something women use to shame men who lack game (aka. social calibration). When you're are still developing your skills, as a noob afc pua: you will be called names and that's normal for all sports. Humans tend to make fun of those who demonstrate weakness or inferior skill - no matter the field because it makes us feel powerful.

In truth, even if you accidentally make girls feel uncomfortable or freak them out, there is nothing wrong with going out there and developing your social skills as long as you're friendly and have the best intentions. (And don't continue to plow if she's truly not interested).

I was not warmed up because that was the first approach of the day for me. It takes a few approaches to get into the zone and social mode. Furthermore, I was quite serious about approaching and was too serious, instead of a light, playful state. But I would say these were my biggest mistake in the set was loosening up social pressure (which gave her a moment to walk away up before the hook point), asking a question that was not really directed at anyone (thereby allowing them to ignore it in a socially acceptable way) and allowing myself to be framed as a social violator. Next time I would have quickly replied "It's called being social. Where are you from?" before they walked away.

Few life realizations really quick.
REALIZATION #1
The hunter that tries to catch two rabbits, ends up with none. I've been attempting to accomplish too many goals at once and that has caused my focus to be diverted and energies spread out. Instead I need to have only ONE goal so my focus will be like a laser beam. Lethally effective. Initially I had 4 goals (1) get my life together, (2) get laid, (3) get fame and (4) make money. But now I see that "When you are everywhere at once, you are actually nowhere" and "The jack of all trades is the master of none." The lack of progress has been a discouraging and has caused me to drown in procrastination. From now on, I shall focus on one goal and one goal only: get laid. That's it. Forget everything else.

REALIZATION #2
Whatever you focus on, becomes stronger. I spent so muchtime thinking about approach anxiety and "how to overcome it?" - which really made it worse than it was before. The more I think about the problem, the stronger it becomes. I have to stop viewing it as "one really giant problem" and starting telling myself that "it's just a silly little nothing".
I need to start feeding myself with delusional truths that help me overcome life issues - even at the cost of sacrificing the truth. The blue pill has its uses.
I used to think that you should tell yourself the truth no matter how much it pisses you off, makes you sad or how discouraging it is. But now I see that this is exactly, why I haven't been doing so well lately. Sometimes you have to feed yourself bullshit like "You are a beast", "I fear NOTHING" to get yourself to do what needs to be done.

REALIZATION #3
I need to stop telling myself that I am depressed and I have to get rid of the gothic, dark emo overtone that my FRs have had because it's only making matters worse. What you think, becomes what you feel, which then becomes your reality. I've been thinking negatively, and that has attracted a lot of negativity in my life. From now on, I need think positively, optimistically. Even if you are surrounded by darkness, focus on the single flare. Positive vibes grin emoticon grin emoticon grin emoticon grin emoticon


P.S. To Dirk and Da, I will respond to your posts in a few hours.

x
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSY3KXTFYAg

It's a lot easier in our head than it is in real life. It also looks a lot easier than it is to do when you're actually in the field.
If you can access that state once, then you can do it again!
that's also the advantage of having wingmen around. seeing them approach, right infront of your eyes is crazy inspiring
You really need something to boost up your spirits and launch you into a spiral of high motivation frenzy.

Btw i noticed that we have a similar writing style - it's interesting. Da is right, I'd like to see more of your FRs.

never ceases to amaze me what a few hours can do
generic compliment lacking even a single specific, won't go far. improved how?
yea the one you pointed out lol. good times
I've acknowledged this in my latest FR and have taken steps to overcome this. You observation was deadon.

First off, sorry it took so long to respond.
No it's not. It would take having to start from scratch learning a new style of game.
very good point. but why limit myself? i'll try to approach standing/seated sets but if i dont learn how to do moving sets then i'll be limiting myself because like 80% at least of the women are moving
Very good point. I need to have a REASON for the contact info. Damn. I need to start seeding dates. THANKS FOR THIS TIP.
That's a limiting belief man. He could just be a coworker or friend.

You've been at this for several months now. How many lays have you had? I haven't seen any lay reports, so my guess would be 0. This is not to shame or to make fun of you - I was once at this level. I'm simply saying that if you're not getting the results you're looking for, then perhaps you should switch FOCUS onto something else. I'm not suggesting you abandon daygame and cold approaches, but that you should develop social circle game as well. Significantly reduces chances of being blown out and your interactions will get pushed further. Comfort is not as much as an issue so you'll receive a lot fewer of the "creepy" comments. This is just my humble opinion/suggestion.

Also, there would be no need to learn a "new style" of game. Game is game, whether it be day game, night game, or social circle game. The point of focus may be difference (e.g. you can physically escalate MUCH earlier in night game than day game) but the principles remain the same.
80% of the women IN THE SPECIFIC AREA where you are may be moving, if you're doing street game. Not 80% of all women. Choose your venues wisely with an eye to maximizing results. Again, I am NOT saying that you shouldn't approach moving sets, simply that these are the hardest and you will ALWAYS experience a high level of blowouts.
Again, it's about target selection. I'm not saying that you shouldn't approach mixed sets, just that you should be approaching to maximizing results.

Bonus tip - when approaching mixed sets, it's best to place the majority of attention, at least at the beginning, on the potential obstacle, and NOT the target. The way that you approached the mixed sets was to give your target a compliment early in the interaction - this is NOT a good idea, and as you can see, you got blown out and things got awkward pretty quickly. Focus on the potential obstacle, in this case the guy, he will actually be LESS likely to blow you out. Build a little comfort with him and then turn your focus to the target after you've made sure he's not going to blow you out of set. It also gives you a chance to figure out logistics and whether they're together or not.

Really quick post where I'm working on resolving inner-game issues.


I tried to make my main focus to only get laid but I've found that has not been an effective way to make progress. I made a major key realization: I have all the resources I need to get laid: Money, Time, Energy, Support, Intelligence but I lack the personality to go through with it. I lack the motivation, the self-discipline and the focus to pull this off. I'm constantly falling back into a depressed, discouraged and demotivated emotional state. In other words, I have a Ferrari car but it's out of fuel and there's no gas stations for thousands of miles.

I hate to keep talking about the same things over and over but these are real issues that are holding me back and I believe that I've found the solution. For the first problem, I need to alter my main focus from getting laid to radically changing my lifestyle. Here is why:

(A) More than anything else, our personality is shaped by our daily habits: that is why everyday our personalities are being reinforced. Unfortunately, I'm going down a downward spiral and that needs to change ASAP.
(B) I still believe that I'm achieving less than 20% of my potential everyday. Meaning that I can achieve x5 more per day.
(C) If I can simply achieve TKY, then everything else will fall into place.
(D) The main source of my depression was the feeling that I am trapped in old life patterns. If I were to alter everything, then it would be an extremely powerful boost to moral.

And to top it all off, I'm haunted by questions of "Maybe I should quit doing this daygame nonsense because flirting with women is a sin and I'm not making progress."

+Reasons to Keep Doing Daygame
(1) More than anything else in the world I want to get laid and this is the way of doing it, so that's why I will keep persisting. You want something? Then go after it! I only have one gap year and then it's all over, so I better make damn sure that I get what I want before it ends and I'm back in college busy 24/7.
(2) Develop charisma.
(3) Experience and practice in writing + developing proper habits.
(4) Even after I become orthodox and quit pickup, I will still use my knowledge gained through experience and research to leverage my writing career, and possibly switch focus from "pickup" to "networking" to appeal to the masses and to avoid the sin of flirting with girls. +I will maintain the following that I've developed. "What's the point of learning to ride a unicycle if you'll only ride it once?" Because it's cloud 9 and I will never be at peace until I experience it.

And I've come to the conclusion that I will no longer post sad thoughts on this FR because that would only be positive reinforcement to that bad behavior. I shouldn't be rewarding myself for being sad by getting to post about it because then it could become a hidden unconscious motive to keep being sad so I can get to write about it later.

Another conclusion, I've been trying to get laid for quite a while and shit hasn't been working out. I need to experiment with radically new and different approaches such as memorizing daygame routines, trying out the indirect approach, going for 6 hour marathons doing onlinegame, doing 30 sets a week (instead of 12), switch venues to college campuses and/or learning new daygame lessons. I've discovered that my own personal reflection on what outer-game flaws I have is usually more valuable and relative than the research I've done. There's a lot more that I need to change about how I do pickup but more on that later.

I'll update soon.

Hey man,

I relate a lot to what you have posted here and the frame of mind you are in right now. I can relate to feeling this way a few years ago when I severely depressed. I would slip between moods where I would approach a hundred chicks in a day to weeks where I would sit inside all week and play video games. I still do that now sometimes.

Playing video is games is GOOD. Don't let people tell you you need to stop doing something you enjoy. Even if it IS indulging in escapism. Fuck it dude. Play them and enjoy them. Don't beat yourself up. You aren't graded on a linear scale of how much of a man you were when you die. Just enjoy them and don't ANALYZE what you did afterwards. YES you COULD have gone out and approached women.. but at the point of time, in your current emotional state.. you chose something else. There are no right or wrong decisions.. just actions and consequences. SO let go of your guilt dude. It really only makes your mental health worse.

The biggest realization for me is that I was fighting a battle against myself, and there's no victor or loser if there's only one combatant. It's a circle of pain and guilt. You spend eight hours playing video games -> I suck, I'm the biggest sack of shit -> play video games to distract yourself -> I suck.. -> And on and on it goes.

But, really man. Have you tried simply forgetting about all theory and game stuff and just enjoy life?

I know it's hard, like, fucking hard, the hardest thing you could EVER do is to surrender to life.

I am a very analytical person myself, and it's something I struggle almost every day.

Then there are other days where I leap out of bed and I feel fucking amazing and unconquerable.

Just one day at a time.. doing things just a little bit better. Do one more thing I'm suppose to do. Work an extra 10 minutes harder. Do just one set of exercises, make eye contact with just one girl, talk to one chick on the bus.. I'm sure you get what I mean!

It's really important to accept yourself as you are as well as committing to a slow, painful, gradual change over your entire life. That's reality. That's what really works. And that's exactly why you won't see it marketed to you by the big name companies.. because that idea doesn't sell.

You need to realize the magnitude of how hard and how much work this will be.

Life will never be easier for you. It will always be hard. The conditions of your life might improve, but: "Wherever you go, there you are." You need to expect to fight with the demons every day, for decades.. if not the rest of your life. Either that or give up and stop worrying about this altogether.

This is why so many people can't do this.. or anything of real significance. It's too much work, too damn hard, too much time. People love their comfort zones.

I can recommend you start reading books such as Vasha, Eckhart Tolle, Albert Camus.. to open your spiritual dimension.. so you don't take this shit TOO SERIOUSLY. Because in the end, it's all just a fucking joke. None of it matters, at all. If you or I die the world will not even notice. It will carry on as it always did.. and even your loved ones will one day forget you as well. Everything is so INSIGNIFICANT so why blow things completely out of proportion and make it into a big deal?

Your life isn't important. YOU aren't important. It's all just a big fucking joke. This isn't meant to be depressing, it's suppose to liberate you.

Let me tell you something very interesting:

My job during the day is a salesman. I make between 100 and 200 phone calls per day, every day in a nice office. My job is to set appointments for a broker to sell a service.

Now, people say cold calling is the absolute worst job.. they could be right if they had the wrong mentality.. same thing with talking to women.

You see.. when I am cold calling business owners.. I only want to talk more with the low hanging fruit. And if they say 'Not Interested'. I simply hang up and call the next number. I am LOOKING FOR BUYERS, not trying to CONVINCE SOMEONE that doesn't want what I sell to buy.. that's a massive waste of time. And there's nothing you can do or say to make someone go from a NOT INTERESTED to a YES PLEASE COME OVER.

So.. it's not about ME or how great of a salesman I am. It's about THEM and what they think they want and need. It's just about reaching those people who like me and my product, and focusing my energy on those.. that's how I sell A LOT of stuff for my business, by getting rid of the people who are not a fit.

NOW think about day game, or just picking up chicks for a moment and cold calling.

There are some very strong parallels here, in fact I would say they are close to being identical.

THE REALITY.. not what marketers say.. but what happens in real life.. is that you might meet 100 girls and only 4 or 5 will be down to fuck. That's just.. how it is.. and it's true for almost every guy. Some people you like.. some you don't. And then it becomes a task of just finding those 5 out of a hundred and playing them out until the end.

Just like there's nothing I can say to make a NOT INTERESTED into a sale, it doesn't really matter how fluent I am in verbal game.. if a chick doesn't like my image or my vibe.. there's nothing I can do with the exception of pretending im someone im not.

It's just.. how it is! There's no fancy technique.. you don't need any technique at all actually.. just be relaxed and keep the interaction going. That's it. That's my game.. that combined with physicality and leading.


I really am not trying to attack you. I respect what you are doing a lot, and consider you in at arms with me against the common man. But this shit needs to stop, dude. For your own sake and that of other people. Just RELAX. RELAX. RELAX. Try meditation, if you don't like it spend more time at a park or something.. just work on getting all those negative chemicals and emotions out of your body. It's bad for your soul.

I hope you grasped some meaning of what I was trying to say here.. but I'll leave you with this quote by Camus which has always resonated with me, and I think it applies to you too:

In the essay, Camus introduces his philosophy of the absurd: man's futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers: "No. It requires revolt."

_________________
Man's futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers: "No. It requires revolt."

No, I don't think they're identical. I think picking up women is easier if you know what you're doing.

With cold calling a lot of it is just luck running into some person who is willing to listen to your sales pitch and let themselves be enticed by it. A lot of people won't even contemplate agreeing to something over a cold phone call.

I used to do telesales and it was very frustrating. In my first month I did well and I felt great but as time went on no matter how hard I tried I hardly got any sales at all, and eventually I was fired. I thought I had somehow changed my style which is why I did so bad compared to when I started, but more than likely it could have just been bad luck.

Don't get me wrong though, you can still have bad luck with women. Some will have serious partners and so won't be interested, some may be religious, some may only like specific types of men etc. Fortunately the latter is in the minority I believe. And if you go out to a nightclub the majority of women there should be looking to get laid else why would they be there in the first place? Already your chances of success are multiplied by walking into a nightclub as opposed to trying to find someone on the phone to sell something to.

Putting luck aside though, the activity of cold calling can be easier than picking up women. Here I am, a guy who has had success in telesales but still yet to get laid through picking up women. I have been trying for years now. Bad luck has played a role in this, but a lot of it is just me not doing things properly. With telesales, the company I worked for had specific instructions and scripts that you had to follow. So it's very hard to say I did the wrong thing with telesales. With me picking up women however, my issues lie a little deeper than just having bad luck.
I've read Eckhart Tolle and I don't think it helped me for the simple fact a lot of what he says is probably rubbish. I don't think he's a con artist but rather he's very self-deluded. I recommend avoiding his teachings unless you read them with a scientific approach rather rather than shutting your mind down and soaking his words up like a sponge.

The majority of women do NOT go to the club with the specific intent to get laid by a random stranger. They're there to have fun, get attention, and hang out with their friends.

First of all, it doesn't matter if you mentally agree or disagree with Tolle's teaching. He isn't trying to convince anyone dogmatically that he is right, he's only a describing a state of presence, that's all. I find some of his stuff a bit woo-woo as well, but it introduced me to things like mindfulness and meditation which has helped me immensely.

If you are applying yourself every day in meeting women I find it really hard to believe that you haven't been laid in years. At least 5 out of 100 women are sluts that will sleep with anyone that opens them. It takes no game at all, you just open.. and act normal, and the natural progression of events will take place.

I would say that you probably aren't applying yourself to this seriously. You aren't making many approaches per day and pushing your comfort zone just a little bit until this whole thing becomes normal. I could be wrong, but from experience that's what I usually see.

The reality is that the vast majority of women will simply NOT like you at all romantically or sexually. You are mostly the same with women too. This isn't about luck. It's just.. human nature. The only thing you can do is keep approaching until you find that natural fit.

_________________
Man's futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible world devoid of God and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus answers: "No. It requires revolt."

LIFE UPDATE
11:11 PM 5/9/2015

I don't know if I want every single thought that I have to be recorded and uploaded like I though I did before because when I know that others will be viewing it skews my thinking and stifles my creativity (since it creates an unrelaxed state caused by me thinking "what will others say about this?"). Therefore, I have decided to write on a seperate private blog and only upload select parts from this blog into the forum.


Here are my priorities from most important to least.

Priority 1: Get my life together.
Priority 2: Get laid via onlinegame.
Priority 3: Prepare for college.

I am also eliminating a few previous priorities that I had because I now deem to be a waste of valuable time and energy. These are still on the agenda but are nowhere near as important as they were before.

Eliminated Priority 1: Get fame.
Reason: It's very, very time consuming. And can be bought through paid advertising anyways. One I need the fame (because a writer is nothing without his readers), I'll drop $1,000 to make it happen - instead of spending endless hours on self-promotion.
Eliminated Priority 2: Get money.
Reason: I already have a source of cashflow and to seek other ways wastes precious time that can be invested in more important areas.
Eliminated Priority 3: Become a pickup coach.
Reason: To advance in this career (to the point where I can do it Full-Time) I would have do things that are against my Faith. (Also see no.4). My skills are also lacking in this area and while I'll get really good eventually, by that time my funding resources will run out.
Eliminated Priority 4: Do an online-business.
Reason: I thought that I would be able to start an online business but I was wrong. I am neither sufficiently motivated or experienced to pull this off. Furthermore, even if I could pull it off - I lack the start up money to do so and it probably wouldn't be enough money to support a family with kids. It's a risky venture that's quite demanding. And even if theoratically speaking I could get married to a rich female who would support my passion, I wouldn't want to be dependent on her.


PRIORITY 1: GET MY LIFE TOGETHER.
Today I asked myself the question: "Doing what single thing would improve my life more than anything else? And the answer was - without a doubt - following a structure. Doing certain critical activities every single damn day. This alone would be the biggest motivational and moral boost of all.

Time and time again I have tried to radically change my lifestyle for a better one but this time I have a new plan - unlike any other. This plan recognizes the flaw in the previous one, combines different strategies together and adds in an entirely new element to the picture. But the best part of it is that is consists of only a few steps therefore making it easy to follow...

Step 1: Go to sleep on time. Starting at 11:30 stop everything you are doing and being in bed before 12. Or the very latest, before 12:15.
Reason: A proper sleep schedule will stop sleepless nights and a structured, routine day will enable a schedule.

Step 2: Workout while pumping your state via motivational quotes and inspirational music.
Reason: This will set the right tone for the day. And motivational quotes can only be internalized when immediately acted upon with action (working out). Following a career as a cop it will be imperative that I be in top physical condition. And working out has countless other benefits including: ensuring I don't fall into lazy patterns, healthy benefits and a mood boost.

Step 3: Do a vlog a day.
Reason: It's an incentive to learn.

Step 4: No matter how severe the withdrawl symptomps are, do not engage in movies or videogames - under any cost.
Reason: If experience has taught me anything is that I cannot control this dark force. (1) It immediately destroys any momentum I've had before, destroying moral. and (2) if I only watch a single episode of anything, I almost always slip into a non-stop binge.

DECISION: Go to college.
So I'll be hitting the books again but I'll need something to get me through the long hours of taking classes again. Some incentive that makes life worth living and answers the question "What's the point?" Here's what I brainstormed:
1> Financial incentive and all the cool things I'll able to do with the extra cash on hand. Vision: Going to disney land with friends. + Using the cash to achieve instant fame.
2> Mastering my classes and getting perfect grades is oddly VERY satisfying. Vision: Acing everything with a mind-blowing GPA.
3> Pickup in college will give me a unique PUA niche to master and talk about. Vision: Improving my skills. Getting some cool vids.

DECISION: Don't quit daygame. But keep going at it...
1> Networking skills. +Building Charisma. Living outside your comfort zone. These are important skills to master that come as a side-benefit from doing daygame.
2> Eventual expertise on subject will enable to me to write about it + publish a book or two on it.
3> It is possible to get laid off this but requires a highlevel of skill.

DECISION: It's my destiny to write about self-help topics. I am 100% convinced about this. And after I become orthodox and get married, pickup advice will switch to networking advice. Alternatively, I will only do pickup for research reasons. Therefore for practice, I will do my very best to produce content about self-help topics everyday via blogging, tweeting and vlogging.

xx

Thanks dude. Much appreciated

Life Update 5:42 PM 5/15/2015

I'm quitting pickup.

I started pickup because I really wanted to get laid but I now realize it's x1000 easier and faster to just get a prostitute (via sex tourism so it's legal). I also started pickup because I wanted a relationship with a cute girl but now I realize I already had a few ALL ALONG (but I just never even realized it but we were friends for such a long time that I never even occurred to me that they were female - they were more like a brother to me).

Further reflection taught me, it's the dumbest thing in the world. I thought I would get some ultimate high and that's why all this time I was chasing this high (doing pickup) but it turns out that it's the most stupid thing in the world: a shallow, superficial pleasure that only lasts for a few moments and is meaningless. That being said, the original reasons why I started pickup are no longer relevant and that's why I'm quitting.

My main focus is to get my life together now because right now it's a wreck.
- I know that I had a fancy post before about how I was going to change everything for the better but I actually did 0% of what I posted. I can talk a big talk and have massive wishful thinking and plans about how everything is going to change but when shit actually hits the fan: I DO NOTHING. I'm really good at planning but bad at executing.
- The saddest thing of all is that I took a semester off to get laid but I ended up wasting the majority of it via playing videogames and watching movies. What a terrible waste of time, money and resources.
- I hate talking about the same thing over and over and over again but I am still convinced that I am trapped in an indestructible pokeball. My main priority right now to get my life together and escape this pokeball.

Once I do that, I may or may not go back to doing pickup. I really have to think HARD about what I want out of life and do some deep soul-searching. I'll have to plan my next move. Life is more than just pursuing bitches.

That being said, I am still taking a trip to Puerto Rico to do pickup with one of my favorite person in the world right now: Luis Ramos. I have been looking forward to this trip for a long time and there's no way in hell am I going to drop it. I'm going to enjoy myself and unleash the HULK. I hope to do 500 sets in 10 days, which is only 50 sets a day and get it all on camera. I am also pursuing a career as a cop and am going to a cadet orientation later this week. I hope things go smoothly.

Ever since I started to binge on nonstop movies and videogames my entire life came to a halt. I am 100% certain that I won't be able to make any progress until I overcome the impossible and stop engaging in them at all costs.

Initially I planned on taking off two semesters off college so I can focus on doing pickup 100% of the time and get laid ASAP but what ended up happening is that I FAILED myself and just wasted all of that time on movies, videogames and a bunch of other useless shit that got me NOWHERE. This realization has obliterated my self-esteem and life confidence. I remember when I was a kid I thought "I CAN DO ANYTHING" but now here I am trapped in a pokeball - realizing my limitations. I am now contemplating going back to college NEXT semester instead of the semester after that:
(1) I am currently doing nothing productive and am wasting my time.
(2) I'm going to run out of money soon and need the tuition fund. I currently have $600 in total cash and will run out in 6 months (Not enough to last me for another semester off - unless I take another job but I don't want to do that).
(3) I realized how dumb, shallow, fleeting and superficial the high of pickup is.
(4) If anything, it would be better to take a semester off in Spring 2016 instead of Fall 2015 because (1) the constant grind of college work will snap me out of this depression, laziness habits and get be back into the zone. And (2) If I get called for the Cadet program I want to be ready with 45 credits and a high gpa.

The only drawback is that I will probably losing the 4 months off that I designated for pickup 100%. So that's why I am still hesitant about this decision. I hope to come to a decision soon.

Either way, even if I am quitting pickup I'm not going to quit writing about networking and charisma and doing pickup for simple research purposes. There is also a probability that once I get my life together I"ll get back to doing pickup again. I am also very much considering taking classes in multiple different colleges so I have official access to pickup girls in high-security campuses.


I LEARNED THIS THE HARDWAY:
THE ONLY WAY TO GET ACCESS INSIDE SOME HIGH-SECURITY COLLEGE CAMPUSES IS TO ACTUALLY BE TAKING A CLASS THERE!!!! ONCE YOU ARE INSIDE THEN ITS A GOLDMINE OF SEXY FRESHMAN CHICKS WHO ARE x1000 EASIER TO PICKUP THAT DOING PICKUP IN THE STREETS. (Because they care about their social reputation).


Time will tell. And I hope I snap out of this depression again so I can have 100% access to my skills and abilities because what being sad does is that it drowns you from being effective.

Will post an update as soon as I can.

Cheers,

xx