- Looks wise I'm no supermodel, but I'm not pulling bell ropes at Notre Dame's tower either
- I have an athletic build, a six pack and I'm not doing too bad financially
- Still in my twenties, I haven't lead a too boring life so far. Helped save a mother from getting raped by armed thugs, and I went to the middle east and survived in a mass demonstration against gunfire and smoke grenades
- Got an Engineering degree and accomplished a few feats like building mine detecting robots and a solar powered vehicle -in teams-
- I get approached by girls occasionally (especially when I was in the States)
- Took a chinese girl out for a date. She never had a bf, got drunk or did it before, but I got her to make comments that she's willing to try some or all three that same day.
[To paint a picture here; In China's culture many girls abstain until marriage. Although not as often anymore, some chinese husbands still go as far as divorcing their wives if they find out that she wasn't a virgin.]
- I took said chinese girl out, when night came she agreed to come back to my place. We go in and everything is perfect and it's up to me to make a move, and this is where something goes wrong and my confidence keeps sinking til it hits rock bottom. The night didn't end well.

I'm not sure what happened: wasn't being forward enough, she gradually became very defensive (it showed in everything, eyes, body language, her moving away from me instead of leaning against me earlier that day), my apartment wasn't fancy enough (money is the strongest aphrodisiac in china); I'll probably never know. What happened though is that I didn't make a fool of myself or anything, I was a gentleman the whole time but was too much of a wk and behaved more like a "friend" and couldn't make an advance even for a kiss! I tried to salvage what I could and expressed my interest in her; I didn't get anything that night, in fact she replied by giving me the friendzone eulogy. Shortly after I sent her off to her home.

In other words, I couldn't close, but my main problem isn't closing. It is keeping my confidence while making advances at any time (opening, mid-game closing etc.)... and here's why:

- I was raised in a house with similar conditions to Carrie (the horror movie) with zealous parents
- this included mental and physical abuse from childhood among other not very nice things
- It took me a long time to recover
- In the states, I was friendly to a girl (Asian) at work and took her out for some fun a few times and she developed a hard crush for me. When I tried to let her down as easy as I could she sent me a letter where she's thinking about suicide. That hurts and follows me everytime when I'm making a move for a new relationship
- I can make them laugh, raise their adrenaline and have a good time. But any moves, jokes or advances that I make involving seduction or sexual innuendo, I sometimes can't even look them in the eyes when I say it.
- Whether it's someone gorgeous I've just met, them coming on to me or I'm closing; whenever I start making a move that'd get them creaming their panties, my confidence sinks to hell and I'd get an involuntary reaction or spasm
- I don't think it's your everyday shyness and awkwardness. Unfortunately due to my past, which races back to affect me somehow, it can turn sometimes into a mini-seizure, almost epileptic