Hey guys. I have a serious question that has been bugging me for quite a while but I'll try and give you a background so you guys can understand what's going on.
I am currently a senior in high school and have been dating the same girl for the past two years. We have a very good relationship and have gone through months apart multiple years in a row. Because of rowing for the United States Junior National Team I would be gone for the summers training and eventually competing and she would be back home. We stayed together and stayed monogomous. But now we're onto a new chapter, college. We will both be on the East Coast (born and raised Californian). But will be roughly five hours apart, her in New York and me in Hanover, New Hampshire. We have both decided that we will reassess once we get to college, based on how often we can see each other, and how often we can visit (Direct bus from Dartmouth to NYC which is nice). But we're also trying to stay together. One of the ways that we are thinking is doing a semi-open relationship, with barriers. I.e. no sex with other people, but making out with someone else would be okay.
My question is, how does one do an open relationship without cutting themselves off? She's my best friend, and I would rather be okay with seeing other people, then lose her entirely. I am good with this idea, but sometimes it really bugs the shit out of me and I have a difficult time processing how to deal with this. I know that it is probably for the best for both of us to enjoy our lives, especially since she'll be in New York City and is excited to go clubbing. But I also know that it's going to be really hard to know that she's sharing her life with other guys, not intimately, and I trust her, especially because of the past two summers, but even emotionally.
I don't know if anyone here has had any experience with this, or have any advice to give. Please don't give me the "go fuck tons of woman and see how important she is..." because I've had plenty of experience with other woman (thanks to this forum) and I frankly don't have an interest in other women, I find them hot, but I don't want to rip of their clothes and pin them against a wall.
Thanks for any input or advice, it would be much appreciated. Sometimes I get really sad about this future turn, so I've been on here more frequently for some inner game help and thought you guys might have some good advice.

While I haven't seen this particular question on here before - there are a lot of questions around LTRs and how to get through them you should search for. Unique to your situation, however, I'm going to be realistic for sec - and I doubt you'll like that I'm going to say, but here it is:

This is your high school sweetheart. Do these things ever work out? Sure... Once in a blue moon (1 in a hundred? I don't have the statistics on this)... Odds are you won't stick with this woman. Odds are you'll both hook up at your respective colleges and you'll both go on to date other people.

Now - with that said... can you make it work? Sure. You guys have a history of making distance work - and that's actually really good for your case, here. Communication is huge in relationships. Particularly long distance ones... It's easy to stay in touch these days too... Text, phone, SPAM, etc. Do this.

Your proposed workaround - an open type of relationship without sex... that probably won't fly/won't work. You're in COLLEGE. You won't find a lot of girls willing to go 'part way' with you... And when you're out partying, drunk as hell some night, you're going to say 'fuck it' anyway.

While you don't want the advice "go fuck ten other women" - which is not what I'm going to give you - I do think you owe it to yourself (and she owes it to herself) to give this LTR a try... and reassess it at some point to decide if you want to try a full breakup. You may find someone who's even better for you.. And who may be a lot more convenient.

Thanks for the sage words, I really appreciate it. I think we will try to make it work, the biggest thing is that we both don't want to have a Turkey Dump situation. But question, when you say "you won't find a lot of girls willing to go 'part way' with you..." what do you mean? Like girls at my college, wouldn't be okay with just making out or as in they wouldn't be cool with me having a girlfriend?

I mean I personally didn't encounter a lot of girls who were content just simply making out and being make out buddies. They're in college and most of them want sex.

I was @ 2 different post-secondary grad schools for a total of 6 yrs and I never encountered a girl who would have fit the bill of what you're looking for.

Look hard enough and you might - who knows.

is what you are saying.. You think she's going to be at college and have "your" permission to make out with guys during clubbing, partying, and ingesting high amounts of alcohol and things aren't going to escalate to sex? You truly believe that?

I'm not trying to be the deliverer of tough love here, but from the sound of your attitude on this forum your relationship is halfway out the door. You're not making a display of the necessary confidence and leadership that a man must have to ensure his woman respect in a relationship. I can certainly relate to your emotions, I've felt those before - more than once - and it always ends in the same place.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to stay faithful and committed to your girlfriend, but when you lose your any desire to be with anyone else, its usually a sign of emasculation which leads to the end of a relationship very shortly.

My high school girlfriend wanted to go to whatever college I went to because she wanted to be with me. I was in your girlfriends position, excited to get around some new people and be introduced to new adventures. She was dedicated to the relationship. I wasn't as much as she was which ultimately led to be ended things with her before she made any decisions.

To me it sounds like the coming of a potential "end" of how things were has led you down an emotional road which is slowly but surely becoming oneitis. And if you want this things to work out you need to pick your balls back up and attach them to your waist. You don't have to sleep with anyone, but you do have to show a display of confidence. And thats whats missing. Your came here to whine from my perspective, and thats not going to get you where you want to be. She's excited and your fearful.. How does that workout? And who is leading?

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I see your point. She actually suggested it, basically as a way of keeping something sacred. I guess I also hate the idea of her fucking random guys in NYC.

I'm not trying to be the deliverer of tough love here, but from the sound of your attitude on this forum your relationship is halfway out the door. You're not making a display of the necessary confidence and leadership that a man must have to ensure his woman respect in a relationship. I can certainly relate to your emotions, I've felt those before - more than once - and it always ends in the same place. [/quote]

When you say its halfway out the door, do you mean because it sounds like I'm so freaked out about the end of this that it's already gone. It was that way, and I did get really oneitisy but recently I've been getting back to myself which I lost for a while. I got a recurring injury in my back which has fucked up my ability to lift weights like how I used to/ regain muscle which has definitely killed my confidence. I think the tables turned a little bit, but then they turned back to me being in control the past couple of weeks until I get sad again about this, and then I just don't text her to try and not be needy.

Theres nothing wrong with wanting to stay faithful and committed to your girlfriend, but when you lose your any desire to be with anyone else, its usually a sign of emasculation which leads to the end of a relationship very shortly.

I guess my point was that, there's still girls who I find hot and I am attracted to, but I don't feel the need to have sex with them, probably because I have lots with my current girlfriend.[/quote]

My high school girlfriend wanted to go to whatever college I went to because she wanted to be with me. I was in your girlfriends position, excited to get around some new people and be introduced to new adventures. She was dedicated to the relationship. I wasn't as much as she was which ultimately led to be ended things with her before she made any decisions. [/quote]

To me it sounds like the coming of a potential "end" of how things were has led you down an emotional road which is slowly but surely becoming oneitis. And if you want this things to work out you need to pick your balls back up and attach them to your waist. You don't have to sleep with anyone, but you do have to show a display of confidence. And thats whats missing. Your came here to whine from my perspective, and thats not going to get you where you want to be. She's excited and your fearful.. How does that workout? And who is leading?[/quote]

I don't really know how to show a display of confidence besides working out more, which I've been trying to do. Honestly I didn't want to whine and complain. I just want some straight up answers since obviously most of my friends have not been in college, and if so not for a while and I wanted to hear some answers from guys who would know what it's really like. I think my conception of sex in college is very different than what I thought, I've gone to a few parties on recruiting trips, but it was always just people making out and consuming large amounts of alcohol.

Hopefully I didn't fuck up the quotes too much. Thanks.