hello, so i decided to make this post like a diary on my way to change
so im vin 21 years of age 100% virgin and a very awkward person quiet and socially withrawn
an introvert, bullied, rejected, lonely and depressed went to a point where i was hallucinating things
but thank goodness i recovered and got my life back that incident happend 4 years ago when i was 17 and
all i want is to catch up the lost life and years.

stepping out of comfort zones was not easy but desperation was the one who fuels my spirit
i started 2 friends for the whole 2 years of college
at third year which is the present i got like 8 close friends (in the university) and a few acquiants

i still have this loneliness deep inside i cant satisfy and the long for acceptance
when i first saw pua on youtube it then something sparked.
here in philippines poverty is rampant but i said to my self
money dont matter much to me what matter is my personality development now that is real Gold

i went self-helps and reading books wish i could find some seminars here in our city about pua

first approaches were nerve shaking, heres one of my latest pick up reports
almost-zero-aa-newbie-vt189477.html

#firstkiss? #firstnightgame #achievementandfailure

so pua daygaming is addictive whenever i go out all i think is about pua
ill be preparing my self and destroy everything this summer class

last friday night was my first night game
night game is gold for me because my parents are very religious and strict
i can only go out sometimes if i had a good reason or a lie

i warmed up approached 4 sets at the mall and headed straight to the bar with my 2 friends
ordered a litter of hard drinks and saw 2 girls sitting beside us
the 3 second rule was amazing i approached them without hesitation
both of them were minors had good chat for 5 min but they were about to leave
so i again lurked and found 2 class level 8 and a class 6 women

surprisingly they were again minors under aged my opener was a destroyer
i said to them "i have a big problem im with my 2 friends but i have a date today who should i be?"
and they said blablabla and i replied what if my date was you? can i have you both? and share a table?
they bursted out laughing.

after the first 7 minuites i felt soo happy and overwhelmed
i ranned out of materials and my natural had to come out
i tried opening rapport to them for which i failed the music was loud
they were not in mood for those talks
my cheesy jokes were shittt
they started talking to my quiet friends and they told me your friend is attractive
and wtf? i thought women are drawn to confidence and they seemed bored and inattentive to me
im only an average type of person not that handsome anyway.

and i felt hurt maybe my pride or belief was i dont know
but i said to myself fuck this bitches you cant defeat me my self value did not depreciate
instead i was angry. but before the night ended i asked for a kiss from another table whom are friends with those three women
she was about to go and i asked for a kiss
she smacked my lips and i felt it was an achievement for me
my virginity went down to 98%

also when we were about to go my friends keep searching those three gals
and asked them to continue the drink at their place
i told them not to look desperate for which we did not build connection to them
but they insisted they were snob ed and made them chase
i felt sorry for my friends

what i observed that night

my cheesy personality runs in our blood if not introverted they are cheesy
like my mom and cousins

the class 6 was friendly because she dont get much attention than those class 8

i have a gay friend whom i envy not because hes gay but how he percieves the world and his humour
there were three kids walking and i was analyzing what to say
and he said " behold the three musketeers ! but dont underestimate them because
if they were the last person on earth i would definitly have affair with them rather than animals"
everyone bursted out laughing

i know i must not concentrate on what to say but concentrate on how i feel but what if im cheesy.
i believe i can change that i cant accept it

im doing change formyself and not for others and my lonliness somehow was cured
for which i felt like i can build my own circle

first day of summer class

no teachers were around
so the students did nothing but stare at each other although not much were present
i approached 1 and opened a small talk.
everything was fine talked about the school, about my travel yesterday and ect.
shes a happy person likes laughing and teasing
we went to the other building together and i tested her if she remembers my name but no luck.

no sexual tension no kino it seems to be my lack of experience to woman i find it unatural to tease and make kino

on to the next subject still no teachers and i immediately approached a cute girl
ME: is this foreign language?
CG: opo (very polite yes in our country)
ME: what? im not your grandfather
she then laugh and the conversation started introduced my self but no kino and tension

we talked about experiences like travel and stuffs
and her very cute friend came to sit in beside us
and joined the conversation i somewhat moved from stranger to acquaintance that day

but i felt frustrated at the end for they did not remember my name and I am so slow
or maybe im just being perfectionist its a process yes. although my AA is history

i try to avoid girls if they are with someone a boy or could be their potential boyfriend
because my level is not that high for that pu
but last night was the inevitable.


went clubbing again with a friend at exactly 8 pm had some shots

and i found a target a group of 7 girls
so without hesitation i approached them and used an opinion opener and bla bla bla
until they told me to come table with us

i was gonna sit down and call my friend and when i looked back two gentlemen were
standing beside me and gave me a serious stare they were both tall and skinny indians and told me "what were you talking about"
thou i didn't panic and remained calm the words just came out

ME: i was just being friendly, introduced my self and i just thought they need a chaperon but i think
they already have your presence so ill be leaving .
INDIAN: cool, your good
INDIAN2: (shaked my hand) you can come and table with us

but i did not accept the offer for unknown reason i just declined
when i came back i noticed my friend went slowly exiting the scene
yet we just both laugh at what happened
and the other day i slept the whole morning at the school cafeteria

attack on mall and kino escalation part unlocked



i went gaming at the mall today

approached like 15 times

rejection and success were quite balanced

but one of my todays highlights was i unlocked a new kino move
told her i like your hair is it real? can i touch it?
then i moved my palm to the top of her hair down to her neck
but i wasnt in the moment of touching her hair i mean i did not feel the feels
i just went playful and got her number and suprisingly we go to the same university
shes a freshman

a quick sum up,,, that girl i approached at the first day of school
i was absent the other day so the whole left side was full of girls heaven hbs7-9
the other side was a desert but i sat down with this cute girl and screened her found out she had a bf

and my mindset program belief that if he has a bf i had to back off activated
but what happened is when our teacher told us for a seatplan i noticed the other side with that girl i approached was vacant she was making a smiling hand gesture to sit in beside in the heaven but i wasnt sure if i

it was me maybe it was her friend. moments later i noticed it was me so i shitted my self in regret
it was all because she sometimes show signs of cold responses whenever i greet her never knew she liked my presence

wish how can i be super assertive and and not easily discouraged \

but how any suggestions? mindset techniques?
and i rushed to this forum after school to express my regret

found a wing man and told me about the pua community in our city,
we met through my cousin introduced him to me

he told me he was dormant havent surged for months for he became busy
we opened sets at the mall we approached in turns for he to observe i
he told me frankly all my blindspots that i talk too fast and how my gay-ish style of approach
and i have this mindset that assuming the person im talking to would leave

ME: hi, in the last 15 minuites you were the cutest.
HB6: oh thank you
ME: you got good vibes girl a positive one are you also ....( she was trying to leave and i was talking too fast)
WING: hey is that your companion going down the escalator and are those kids?
HB6: yes they are my cousin
WING: hey look at your nails you used white correction fluid on it? so childish and maybe your good
at marbles too?
HB6: haha no im not
WING: before i let you go give me your name and number
HB6: oh okay sure haha
WING: alright give me a hug

my poise was i was like about to jump right into the girl my poise was all wrong
and i should be calm and cool

hes style was cocky funny while i was fed up with conversation style of opening
at 10 pm we had a drink before we go in to the club to do night game
but alas there was no one we can game for the club was empty at Wednesday night.
i also shaved my hair for he told me i act too nice and i also look nice and to have a new look

i created my own akward shit test and goodboy mindset

the title says it all
heres the details

today i decided to sarge again at the mall
everything was normal
till i found this group of dancers there was a performance playing at the mall
i pass right through them for some issues because i judge people by their appearance that they look strict and 100% rejection is reality.
the fear was disguised like fear of death the feeling of me when i was on top of that light house in our travel .
i can jump but i know ill die ... like i can approach and talk but i wont die but i wanna die forever!!!! emotionaly
so i took a u-turn and went back to those dancers

and i said an opener to them "hey i saw you earlier at the stage and wanted to say congratulations you did well"
and with a playful tone they said we havent even started yet
i replied owh is that so? well you take care

in my mind while i was walking away i was like wtf? i coudve have exited better

and there was this one approach i became aware of the goodboy attitude
ME: hey dont be scared im not crazy or anything but i just wanna ask if you think im gay?
HB: nono we are scared and you look gay (playfuly)
ME: ok i look gay? but am i not delicious?

that final statement thou....i coudve said what if i show you my dick would you still think im gay?
and whenever someone insults me playfully i respond with high respect and love and a goodboy
i wanna fucking change that mindset of "to be nice to everyone" its been sticking with me for years

a new night game experience last night

my neighbor invited me to a island outing
we were 6 3 ggirls and 3 males
it was a party when we arrived everyone was drinking and it was like a beach disco club
i just came home from the party exhausted typing my diary

each of us ended with someone outside
i clinged to this drunk girl we were dancing and holding each others waist hugging
i litterally dont know what i would say i just spoke every word that pops into my head even it makes no sense

i need to develop and the words were lame luckily she was into me maybe because shes drunk lol
i told her stuff so i could kiss her but failed
like you smell nice and im horny with you i want to kiss you( i know it was lame my natural is lame)
she just responded but why am i not horny|?

i invited her milion times to come over to our cottage but she resisted
instead after the dance i visited their table and asked for her number
before the night ended we each roamed to the tables with the girls we acquianted
ok its time for a shut eye

dafuq is wrong wid dis life i must learn to never let my self be offguard
and let my feelings manipulate me
the only one who can love me is me
everytime i get ignored or rejected i always affirm silently "IDGAF"
and it gets better..

chatted the drunk girl from last night
i said to her that shes no bitch after all when i talked to her friends and screened them
she said "oh my i should change my image" that means she was a bitch after all
what was i thinking that i found my first true love?my love story? its so bullshit
and i know a lot of guys become a tail of their girlfriends the so called good girls
they are all the same

and God? i used to be a devoted follower holding hope to his scriptures that they may come true
and to endure this life of misery... but all was false hope..
i found out the secret of life is to never give a damn
and to be numb and you will become a God. and yes lord i complain

so its a normal day of daygaming at mall
but i tried something new i changed my mindset i never realized i was half hearted
when approaching girls expecting that they would leave so this time it was new

i learned it from rsd nation and im just having fun approaching
day by day im getting more natural in talking becoming more calm
but i want to achieve a level where i could bring them home on daygame which is a masters level
and an upcoming night game this saturday night im so excited
and tommorow im gonna try crash and burn!!!!

so crash and burn report was a fail trying to get rejected but what i got was an exit
humiliation i was flat not in the mood maybe because i slept 2 am woke up at 9 then overslept at 12
eveything was flat no vibe no emotion no nothing

3 HB8-9 was sitting they said i was corny
not my expected reaction to be hated

went home crying on this forum writing on my log

NOTE : next time dont oversleep

comeback is real..

my mood and morale was high for i was with my close friends my vibe and energy was over the roof and sarging at mall. they are not pua
they just watch me from afar
approached a HB9 with a jerk opener

my oepner was im the son of a rich company im rich now give me your number..
they were pushing each other to give the number after a while of playing i revealed that i was just fucking around and we had a getting to know conversation and she gave me her e-mail for which she doesnt use phone much ( which is impossible and she was lying) screened her and found out she was a freelance model

the next approach was a improvement i got an instadate not sure if it was a date
i approach them with a indirect opener and they even thought i was inviting them to my band
after then i switched the conversation to a getting to know mode then we talk about food and invited them
to company us to a takoyaki stall and we walk talk.. and got some escalations and number

last night i slept around 3 am

the inevitable happened again i fell slightly in love and have so many thoughts with excitement rushing in last night while she was texting me till 2 am i decided to cut down the chat for im too sleepy and i should make my self a priority. we havent met yet but she was kinda pretty at facebook and i invited her to come with me to the mall tommorow and clubbing at night she was a friend of my friend thats why i pmed her

but this morning after we became friends on facebook i noticed the 8 was not really that solid she was like in 6 or 7 she had angles which she looks good.. iwant to see her in person so i can take a good look
i never had a girlfriend before but i became choosy when i felt like i had the power to choose.

my innocent eyes were opened how the world and people around it works
for sure world and people is evil.
i made tonight night out possible i spent like 700 php

treated 2 of my friends and that girl and btw that girl was a bitch had one child and a fucking user
and my best friend who i thought was told me i am selfish
me? fucking selfish? i treated you tonight and i even borrowed money on my cousin just to let you enter
he told me i was selfish because i was hurrying to go home for my mom was bothering me on the phone to go home and its 2am already

i cant forget how he taunted me in the club to approach a girl and told me im a coward
and told him back why dont you approach her? and he just made a boastful facial expression

after the night he keep yabering about whom she danced and telling me how loser i am
it was my first clubbing i admit night and day are totally different i am more used to talking than touching i i am even a stiff dancer and i do not know what to do in night club

and just now that girl called me she was crying telling me his boyfriend got mad at him because of jelousy
and i am the one she called because her bestfriend has already settled and do not want to bother her
so i was her choice i listened for 12 fucking minuites and giving her fucking advices and fucking responds
i felt like the fucking nice guy again.

tonight was also amazing added charge to experience.