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Recently, after a hiatus of a month started by me scolding her for flaking on a date last minute, we were at the library together when she mentioned how we seem to always be on a roller coaster of highs and lows together. This is completely due to the fact that we have always been fighting with each other over who has the dominant frame.
Relationships are not competitions who has the upper hand. When you are in a relationship with someone you are on the same team. When you are competing you are one against the other. So how are you supposed to be on the same team if you are against each other? It doesn't make sense.
The right frame of a relationship is support, mutual effort to see each other's point, both parties trying to make each other happy etc.
If your gf is flaking on you on a date you should instantly understand that she is not that excited to see you. There is nothing to scold there. You should see if you could work into seducing her. If she is into you she will make sure she will put you and your date as a priority.
If not move on... but if you still don't want to learn how it is a good healthy relationship.. keep reading on I will give you the answer you are seeking.
Oh! and keep in mind the extreme highs and lows create addiction between two people. Addictive relationships can easily turn into abusive.
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When i scolded her she get really upset and told me no one talks to her like that, so i asked if her bf in high school ever told her how it is and she told me she basically had him whipped and could manipulate him to do whatever she wanted. She also said how she plays mind games with guys in our breaks and makes them go crazy (I've seen this firsthand as I've almost got into fights due to this). I guess I'm the only guy she's met with a modicum of game and have held my shit together for the most part but she's definitely had times where she's gotten the best of me.
Alright... so lets examine this closer.
For her to have such a high ego means that guys fancy her and she knows it. She knows that her power to play games comes from the fact that men want something from her and she is the one that decides if she is going to give it or not. Now pay close attention to this: if a guy DOESN'T want anything from her or doesn't care a lot about getting something from her automatically her power is zero.
Have you ever heard of the donkey and the carrot? The person with the carrot makes the donkey follow. That's because the donkey WANTS the carrot. But what if the donkey is not hungry? or the donkey doesn't like the carrot? The donkey will give up at the first sign of an obstacle. So the person with the carrot would have to convince the donkey have a bit of a carrot...
Your gf knows that. So she is playing with this.
On the other hand you need to realise that she is also a very very insecure person. She needs reassurance from men. And that's YOUR carrot... and how you turn her into the donkey. You don't reward her with this reassurance or you reward her here and there just a little bit and you keep her waiting for more.
How do you reward someone in these cases? It is with feelings.
I will bring you an example: she flakes on a date. The reward is your anger. That's reassurance that she is important and she matters to you.
How do you NOT reward her: you don't get angry. You are indifferent. If she is more than fifteen min to half an hour late, no phonecalls or excuse why she is late then.. you make new plans that don't include her. She didn't come? No biggie. Ignore her until she starts behaving.
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So my question to you guys is how do i tame this girl? How do i get her to submit to my frame, i'll never allow myself to be pussy whipped like her previous bf but that seems to be her only mode of operation in a relationship. She's definitely a crazy bitch and i know some advice will be to just forgot about a chick like this, but i see this as a great test of my game. She's not the only girl I'm talking to but i would just really like to break this, what seems to be, the female version of a player.
The female version of the player is nothing compared to the male version of the player. Because sex is easy to get from lots of different sources (for men who have even average skills) a woman doesn't hold such a big power. She is not the only pretty woman around you who is willing to have sex. Especially if you live in a city or in any environment that your options are not limited to 5 people..
Women decide for sex and men for commitment. Commitment is harder to find, takes longer to establish and is easy to break. Sex is just an action. It can be given but never be taken back. In extreme cases you can get sex if you pay but you can't get commitment even if you pay... you might get the illusion of commitment. You can't get the illusion of sex lol Do you see what I mean? And the older you get and the female biological clock is ticking a guy has even more power over a woman.
Now let's get back to your question... "how to tame this girl, how to get her submit to my frame?" I explained to you earlier how you can turn the tables.. however, even if it is good to know how to do it I'd say better keep it as a self defence knowledge.
If you dance with the devil you will lose your soul and you will suffer consequences.
If your goal is in the future to settle down and have your own family don't focus on learning power games. Focus on improving your social skills and selecting the people you are going to invest your time.
Keep in mind that women who are relationship material and without daddy issues don't to settle down with "manwhores". It's the same thing as with men who don't want to settle down with a slag.
CHAT
This guy's still butt-hurt! Should I be flattered I'm still in your thoughts? You look like De Forrest Kelly's (Bones from Star Trek) dopplegagger btw
