I am from India and was in Australia and i met a India girl on a marriage matchmaking website and we chatted on SPAM for 1 month
Last week i came back to India and met her. Because she was too pretty and i was too needy( acted like a worst AFC) she didnt like at all.

After that i tried to call her/ping her for 4 days and she would only ocassionally respond and eventually said that i am too needy . This was triggered after i cracked a rude joke about her intelligence.

Now she says she DOESNT WANT ME. But i managed to convince her to remain friends on SPAM .

Few specific questions:
1. How should be my contact with her, should i share funny jokes/pics which other people share on SPAM just to not to allow her forget about me. Remember we met only once.

2. How and when to decide when to call her again to setup a meetup? The thing is i will be moving back to Australia in 3 weeks time and i would like to meet her before that for sure.

3. How should i approach this situation now to attract her back in a fastest way possible? The thing is i like her well and would like to marry her ,that's why i want my game to at the best when i contact her.

note: I dont mind trying to pickup other girls , but in India picking up the girls is very very difficult because of skewed sex ratio and girls play very hard to get here, they rarely talk to strangers .Also going to clubs etc is still not considered good/safe and you would rarely find girls going to clubs that often here .Also girls in India dont drink usually. Also i am too busy with my work . I am a 30 years old corporate guy and lots of thing going on professional front.


Thanks,
Kunwar

Why do you want to remain friends with her if she doesn't want you? She's been very clear with you... You need to move on.

You have what's called "oneitis" buddy... There is nothing special about this woman. You just think there is.

Search for 'oneitis' on this forum and read up...

There are a couple things that need adjusting here..

Your desire to marry a girl that you barely know anything about other than the fact that she is "very pretty" would instantly reflect that you don't want a WIFE, you in fact just want an object. Just as a man would sought out a luxury car.

You want a possession and as a result you've become obsessed because you can not easily control this possession to do as you wish.

Just imagine if you're car would just drive on its own, driving wherever it wanted to despite which way you turned the steering wheel. You would probably react this same way. You would become compulsive because that which you POSSESS in your own mind is behaving the way you want it to. Or the way that its supposed to according to you.

This is the problem with men with money. But people cannot be possessed, unless you're talking slavery. So you may want to consider whether you want a wife or a pretty slave.

Second,

Your continuous pursuit of someone who has shown a clear disinterest is only reflecting your lack of emotional maturity. If you're behaving in this manner only having met her once, what on earth are you going to do if she sleeps with you? Or after meeting 3-4 times? Naturally your behavior would only multiply by the amount of times she seen you if you're behaving this way after only seeing her once.

My only advice to you is to learn to let go.

Its one of those things that hurt now, but help later. And sometimes you have to take 1 step back to take two steps forward.

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Take notes OP, write this shit down and drill it in that head of yours.

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I'm guessing that this is more of a cultural issue which makes a lot of us unqualified to understand why this would be a woman he'd want to marry and the decision to continue the pursuit. If it's not cultural, Eddie is absolutely right. OP, you need to clear that up for us.

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Hi Eddie/ Et All,
Thanks for replying. Actually i was saying she was very pretty only in reference to why i acted needy and because i have been working like crazy for last month or so and my social skills had gone real bad. I do like many things about her education qualification she is a doctor, her family , her overall behavior. And as JackZero said it is more of a cultural issue.

Why? In India(or in my community/caste to be specific) we still do not meet the girl that many times before marriage. We guys have to make the decision usually in one meeting only (we tend to place more importance , and are expected to also,on girls education, family background, her looks and thats about it) .That's the maximum what a girls parents allow here. Although the girls are becoming more modern in the outlook her parents wouldn't . Tell you something... my parents didn't even meet each other once before marriage and they got married still (they were setup by their parents) and they are happy after so many years together.


Coming to my question: I don't have oneitis but the issue is there arent too many girls in my community who are good looking and well qualified. It is not a conventional dating scene where i can move to other girls because i HAVE to search within my caste only . Why? if i marry outside my cast my parents would have to face social cut-off in the community. I don't want that either they are old and i dont want to hurt them. And even if i get a girl from other caste her parents might refuse eventually for the same reason.

@CharlesFinley i wanted to remain friends with her because thats the only way we can remain in touch and i wanted to lower her guard .

How do i attract her back is still the question . I know it is difficult but i am sure you guys can suggest something. I have few hobbies like photography, cycling, dancing. I am regularly updating my SPAM display picture which shows i am having a good fun time socially. I am more focussed on my work and going ahead with my purpose in life.

I think things can improve if i can get her to meet me. But for that i have to get her to be interested in meeting at the first place.

Thats very interesting actually. Its so easy to get caught up in your own personal world without every realizing that everyone doesn't exactly operate this way.

Perhaps this whole " Meeting once and then marriage" thing is the way to successful relationships. With a 55% divorce rate and counting I'm not so sure we have it figured out.

I think the meat of the advice I gave you still does stand. You still displayed heavy amounts of emotional insecurity and it did in fact push her away. Actions speak louder than words I say. If you're emotional secure you should be able to snap back into place and continue living your fun hobby filled life as if none of this ever happened.

I say let go, do your SPAM thing and see if she returns on her own will. You could always try again inn 2 weeks month or so, but I'd say now isn't the time to make any moves. Show your security and just continuing being the guy you were before her.

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I would probably go with a more direct route. How I would handle it is by taking advantage of the time constraint that you have and a slight explanation for the actions taken that caused her to feel that way. Basically tell her that you were into her and that because you knew that you didn't have enough time in India that you came off eager and that's actually out of your character. Since you have only a few weeks left that you just want to meet up for (insert something casual), just because regardless of how things turned out earlier that you guys did actually get along and it would be a shame if you left India without at least being friends. If she agrees to meet up, work it from there.

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Thanks Eddie and JackZero for the great advice. I assessed my situation and went ahead with JackZero suggestion. I tried calling her but she didnt pickup and didnt respond. She rarely talks on phone, maybe she doesnt want to give the impression to her friends that she is dating someone(thats the impression we get when some girl is spending time on the phone over here) . So i said words similar to JackZero and suggested a meetup. She just said "M busy on that day , sorry. gnsd" and didnt respond to all other things

What should be my next steps?

1. I am thinking of saying "Although i am crazy busy in coming days we can certainly discuss the days convineant for you". Do you think it will be too eager?
Actually i dont want to be very stubborn guy and don't want to hide the fact that i would like to meet her . On the other hand it it has to be a good amount of interest on her side to meetup that she will suggest something on her own ( which doesnt like to be the case here) . The thing is i think it is very difficult to develop attraction/interest for someone without meeting them in person(unless you are celebrity).

2. I disappear for few days, no contact at all. I consider it risky ( even though many people in the dating industry advocate it) because it is easier for her to forget me in that case.

I still stand by my advice and I believe it was clear that she wouldn't be compliant if you reached out as you saw for yourself. Now that only pushes her further away then she was before.

Try my advice this time around and see what happens.

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Thanks Eddie. I will try again after 2 weeks.

Hey Kunwar, tell me what you know about her. What does she like, what are her hobbies, what is she looking for in a husband?

You cannot attract her. She is not interested. Forget about it. Let go. It's over. No chance. Better find someone new and next time don't go all AFC.

Hey theKingofStag,

Here are the details, thank you:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. Tell me what you know about her?

She is doctor by profession and preparing for her post-graduation.
She is a fun loving girl and has got a good sense of humor (i didnt expect that from an Indian girl and was slightly taken aback) .

2. What does she like?
I didnt get time to discuss that to that because most of the times we spent talking about our expecations and hobbies and parents and family background.
We met only for an hour or so.

3. what are her hobbies?
She likes to sing, dance, acting. So i would assume these are her hobbies now. She practices for 3 hours daily and on the weekends the whole day in preparation for a big event in our city ( she was selected for that).

4. what is she looking for in a husband?
- In a husband she is looking for someone who wont put restrictions on her (Indian guys do that on their wives and girls are scared of that old mindset of Indian males)
- Someone who will keep her in as much as her happiness as her parents have kept her.
- Someone who believes in enjoying the life
- Someone who will love her more than he loves himself.

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