So long story short:

Went to a vintage motorcycle event yesterday with a couple of friends I've known for years. I've been to this show many times, except the previous hosts went out of business and switched locations to this new restaurant a few miles away.

While I was eating with a couple buddies (mind you, I am one of the youngest members of this whole group, I ride street bikes but was there to pay respects), my buddy Roj says, "Hey man that cute blonde just eye-balled the shit out of you when she walked by." So naturally I respond, "No way man you're tripping," as I slowly pan around the room to get a look at who he was talking about. She was off to my left cleaning a few tables away from where we were and she definitely wasn't looking at me. So as I'm turning back to Roj to tell him that he really is tripping, I look back and, of course, this time she was looking back. The moment we make eye contact she does the shy thing and quickly averts her gaze, only to do a double-take a second later and once again do the shy thing, this time noticeably more anxious since I had caught her looking twice in a row. Kinda' reminded me of my uber-shy self in high school years ago.

So I turn back to Roj and say, "Wow dude you really weren't kidding, I think she does like me." So as time goes by there are really no opportunities nor a spare minute to even make an approach. She was not our waitress and it was a fairly crowded event, so she had a bunch of tables to attend to. But as she walked by a few more times I could see her intentionally trying not to look my way (I'm sure everyone has had the experience where someone isn't looking directly at you but you can feel yourself being watched in their peripheral vision).

So there's a few things that caught my eye about her, little details that spoke to me (I'm extremely picky with my friends and women) and drew me in. Even though we never spoke, I could feel the tension between us across the room (I hope I'm not delusional -____-). I'm pretty sure she got off work at one point while I was still there but it was okay since we were about to hit our next destination anyway.

Now I may sound like I have some confidence, but I come from being one of the shyest and most socially-anxious creatures that has ever walked the corridors of modern life. I may have come a long way since then, but since I'm actually enamored with this girl I think I'm afraid of f**cking it up. I think at my core I will always be shy and introverted. On the opposite side of the coin, I know I have certain good qualities. I'm tall, dark, intelligent, charismatic, have tattoos, and ride motorcycles, but my confidence still suffers 75% of the time. The other 25% of the times when I'm actually feeling confident I cherish as if there were no other treasure to be desired, so it can get pretty frustrating in my head.

So my question is this, since there were several positive indicators, what would be the next best move? The event is on the second Sunday of every month, but that seems like a long time to wait to re-approach something that happened in the moment. It was just yesterday that this all happened by the way. I feel like if I went back there to try to talk to her again, it would be obvious that I wasn't there for the food. She's obviously shy since she was too nervous to maintain eye contact. So this would basically all be up to me and making the right moves since she's a bit timid.

But how could I possibly approach this without seeming weird or creepy? I know we exchanged glances and felt some attraction, but is that enough to justify me going back and initiating any sort of communication? Am I still being plagued by my bipolar inner confidence? Should I just go back there and follow the three-second rule and see what happens? I'm really not in this for the sex (it's fairly low on my list of priorities), so I don't have to worry about my "true" intentions coming out or anything. But if I did go back, I really wouldn't even know where to start.

Any suggestions are muchhhhhhh appreciated!

Thanks in Advance,
Sebi

You make your own breaks in this game.

Stating that there was no opportunity to approach is just your brain trying to be nice to you and shield you. There were plenty of opportunities to approach but you allowed yourself to give yourself an excuse ("it was busy" etc.)
This is a highly confusing statement. By this I can only logically assume that you want a partner to play chess with or something. So what's the problem with just going up to her and asking her if she's free to play chess next week.
I say this w/ love, but please get a hold of yourself bro. You haven't even spoken to this woman yet and you have one-itus.

You need to be meeting more women so that when the opportunity comes again over and over and over again with women you just go up to her without giving much thought to it. Your experience leads you to know how to talk and how to behave in such a way that the girl swoons for you.

Before going back to approach this woman, approach around 10 to 20 other women so that when it really counts you won't think anything of it. If you disregard the previous sentence, you are making things much more difficult on yourself. Even so, if you disregard it, tell her you noticed her but you were too nervous to say hi last time or it was too busy in there for you to say hi to her.

I'm still not sure what the reasons you want to hang out with this girl are if you are not interested in her as a potential sexual partner.

Oceanx, I really do appreciate the advice, and let me elaborate so I'm not so misunderstood. The easiest way to put it is that (who knows, maybe it's a stage) I've come to a point where I would like my relations #1 to be more platonic and #2 with one woman that I feel really connected to. I'm definitely with 99% of dudes who perhaps wish they could be better socially or with women specifically, but in the same time it's not like I was ever without a good-looking woman around me for any significant periods of time; I've done alright for myself and in many ways, I'm satisfied with what I've accomplished. Truth be told, I'm pretty comfortable once I've been acquainted with a woman, but the approach I've always sucked terribly at, mostly due to general social anxiety from childhood/adolescence.

So does that mean I don't have sexual interest in the women I pursue? Absolutely not, to do so would be to actively deny my own natural impulses. In the same time, I do feel that my libido isn't been expressed to the degree that I see in many other men. I've had more than one girlfriend (great women, too) give me the same complaint about sexual frequency. I'm just not as sexually-driven as my fellow male compatriots.

So back to my story, I can imagine that it comes off as one-itus, but I promise, it's not. As I mentioned earlier, I'm pretty satisfied with the women I've been with so far, just now I'm maybe at a stage where I'm looking for something deeper. Now, some people are more intuitive than others, and personally I've always been pretty good at picking up vibes. The reason I took an interest in this one, when there are constantly what many would consider way hotter women, is because I picked up on some sort vibe that gave me a really good feeling. It's almost impossible to describe if you've never felt it, and I feel it with different people for different reasons. In my mind I found her very attractive, of course, there's no question. There's also no question that I was aroused by what I saw. It was the vibe thing that actually made me sit up and take notice though, when in most cases it would pass me by unaffected. I can safely say on any given day I see at least 10 or 20 women that are drop-dead stunning (I live next to one of the most populous beach cities on the planet), but most of them have the plastic barbie dolls with bolt-ons, maxxed out credit cards, and Ms. Universe-complex vibe going on. Really just not my cup of tea, you know?

It's strange to say that I would find this typical above-average looking girl to somehow stand out with almost no rational reason to back it up, but I can't explain it either (trust me, I've tried). Now, to answer your question, the chess game sounds nice as a warm-up to a different kind of game once in a while. And that actually might just be the best way to describe it: When it comes to me sexually, I'm more of a once-in-a-while kind of guy, not an I can't think about anything else kind of guy. So YES, I am definitely interested in her as a sexual partner, but I think I'm a little more interested in the platonic side of things. Besides, for me at least, sex without an emotional aspect has always been unfulfilling. Could never help the feeling that I didn't get the connection I was looking for afterward.

Sorry for the essay, but this is probably only the second or third time I've ever said any of this stuff about myself or, for that matter, been brave enough to talk about how I have no clue what the f**k I'm doing sometimes. So I really do appreciate any advice if I'm totally missing something or I'm committing some fatal but well-known AFC fallacy.

Thanks again!

I appreciate the further info man and for your sharing about yourself.

It's just that any time a guy has these types of feelings over a particular girl, it's a sign that he may be experiencing low volumes of female interaction at that point in time. Most especially in an instance such as this where you have not spoken to this woman.

From time to time, I'll spot a cute girl and when I speak to her there is something about her that I find uninteresting or unattractive or something.

Point is, get out there, talk to women and stuff.

One warning about going platonic is: The moment you show your sexual interest the girl will rightly be shocked out of her mind because she thought the two of you were just pals.

Yeah, that actually felt pretty good getting that off my chest. I've visited these forums periodically for about three years now, but this is the first time I actually registered with the intent of putting myself out there a bit. So thanks for the support!

It's funny that you would mention that guys typically get these feelings during periods of low female interaction. I actually took myself completely by surprise, since I had really gone to the event just to hang out with friends, check out bikes, etc. Seeing her and feeling the strange attraction that I did was not only unplanned, it goes against how I normally react in any similar situation. I guess I just need to go talk to her and I'm sure I'll know within the first 10 minutes if I saw something special or my mind is just playing tricks on me.

Lol at your last sentence, I got a kick out of it. Definitely don't want to go THAT platonic or anything, I just need to make sure my head up top is taken care of (emotionally) before I focus on getting the guy downstairs taken care of as well. Sex has always been a treat of sorts to me, and my mind only lets my body enjoy it if there is some sort of connection with the person. Usually if the connection doesn't happen, neither does the sex.

I can't really call the looks we exchanged "platonic", there was definitely a sexual element to them. Maybe since we've never spoken I'm still on a "thrill of the chase" high, and, once I talk to her, maybe the mystery and intrigue will go away and I'll realize she's just another woman. Ugh, the human mind....

I know this is probably one of the MOST asked questions on here, but how long should I wait? lol

You don't have to wait to re-engage her and the longer you wait the more chance she exchanges similar looks with a dude who takes action on it (not likely as most guys don't take the action, but still possible), and she comes off the market (not saying she is necessarily on the market but you know what I'm saying). However if you don't engage with 10 to 20 other women first, your brain and body will not be very prepared for it, but you're going to do what you're going to do.

Hey Sebi, I read your post and thought, "This is guy is totally where I used to be"

I used to be the type of a guy who will get a girl to look at him, feel that tension across the room, but when it
came the time to say something or do something, I would feel way too anxious, weird or would try to
act something I wasn't, just so I could avoid being thought of as a creep or lose that imaginary attraction with her.

It was almost like I felt I already got something going on, and it's better to stay in that zone of feeling good because
some girl eye-balled me and likes me, than to walk over there and mess everything up.

Anyhow, today I'm a different man, and finally discovered and developed myself to a point where I don't live
in that "O what should I do next" world.

There are couple of things I want to invite you to do:

One is don't make this into too big of a deal. If you make it too big in your head, you'll probably get too nervous
or tense and you'll kill attraction the moment you open your mouth.

Accept the idea that it may not work, that she may like the persona of you, not the real you - and that the moment
you or her say something, you'll see that this isn't a girl for you.

I've done this in the past, so for the sake of saving yourself painful time and experience, just don't do it. Most
people are not compatible, so let it go.

Second, don't try to act or pretend to be cooler than you really are around her.
Be who you are and talk about the thing that you are BOTH ARE AWARE OF.

Like for example, the fact that she was looking at you. When you see her next time, and she eye-balls you again, walk
up to her and say this: "Hey I just wanted to let you know, that I'm very shy and don't feel comfortable when
a girl is looking at me like that..."

Now if you feel your approach anxiety is too big to walk up to her and say that, then I suggest you get in my
test group where I'm testing a new AA Cure, that eliminates your AA in under an hour.

Details in my signature.

Anyhow, when you say that to her, usually she'll say something like, "Me, looking at you? Never..."

And then continue with: "I mean I know I'm beautiful and everything, but I'm a human being with feelings, I don't
like to be objectified like that..."

And usually if she is shy, she won't have anything else to say, so just change the topic and say, "So what else
do you do besides checking out handsome guys like this..."

In other words, walk over to her and talk to the elephant in the room. THEN ask her a normal question
and have a normal conversation.

And lastly, here's exactly how you can get her number.

You mentioned you are a biker, so I'm assuming you have some events where you get together.

So what you will do is you won't invite her to a date, but to an event.

So after you talk with her for couple of min (2-3min), you
say: "You know I got to go back to my friends, they're waiting for me, but we have an event next week
at X place, if you want you can come with me and hang out..."

Now this normally wouldn't work if you weren't a biker and you were seen with a group of guys. But because
you already have that pre-attraction going for you, you don't have to "game" her that much, but just
be YOU and not talk too much to screw things up.

Keep it simple. Walk over there, say that line, have a normal conversation, invite her to an event.

Bam.

And if it doesn't work, remember. You'll be fine. There will be another girl that will eye-ball you, and you'll get
to do the same thing all over again.

Wish you best,

Phantom

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