Hey guys I have been in a relationship now with a HB9 for a little over a year and have been struggling morally with this concept of attraction:

Girls (especially hot ones who get hit on all the time) are attracted to guys who have many "girls". This is why a rockstar with a bunch of groupies is more attractive then a millionaire alone and by himself.

When I first met my GF I had this abundance - I was seeing/sleeping with multiple girls and it was great. This is most likely one of the reasons she fell for me.

During the 1 year we have been dating however I have focused more on my ambitions (running a business, working ect) and the random hookups/abundance of other girls has gone away.

My Question:
How do you have a serious relationship and have other girls want you as well. I feel this is kinda of a tircky situation morally.

Any suggestions would be great!

Thanks again,
Duke

An open relationship, or cheating... Only ways if you want to actually sleep with/date those other girls.

Not sure what the value is in just simply having them want you, unless it's a pure ego thing.

I'm not sure if I understand where your question is coming from. Is your girlfriend starting to show a lack of interest in the relationship now? Or is it that you want to have other women around and keep your girlfriend?

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IMO, as long as she KNOWS that you could go out and have other options if she were to start treating you poorly, that's all you need. You probably have to drop some of the PUA stuff if you really want a stable long term relationship and all that jazz.

Its more my current GF is showing a lack of interest in the relationship. Here is a situation:

**Note: she has communicated to me hes just a friend and even told me he texted her this**

A guy friend of hers texted her (after not texting her for months bc she told him shes now in a RS with me) and wanted to know if she and her GF wanted to meet up and have dinner/drinks. Now she has never hooked up with this guy and they have been "friends" for over 5 years.

So she went out with her GF and him during the week, had dinner/drinks, and then came home. She texted me while they were out and then called me as soon as she was home.

=====> I told her I wasnt going to control her and tell her she couldnt go out with this guy and her GF... but that i didnt like that some other guy. even "just a friend" was hanging out with my GF and her friend while i was not there!. Iv never met this guy and yes I feel protective of my GF. Not in a needy insecure way... but still protective.


thoughts on her behavior? I feel is shows disinterest towards me a little bit, but is it a deal breaker?

A lot of times girls get with guys just because other girls want him. It satisfies that competitive nature that women have with each other. It's validation for them. So it's not surprising that after a year that your girlfriend is starting to lose interest because you are not doing anything that gives a social validation that she wanted when she got with you. Does that mean you are doing anything wrong as a boyfriend? Not necessarily...it could be that you guys are on two different pages on what the other wants. You seem like you are more into future stability and a comfortable life and she may want to be the envy of other women. Because she is a hot girl, she may not realize the foundation that you are building will make things good for the future of the two of you(not saying that hot girls don't understand this, but a lot of hot girls live off the rewards of already successful men).

How you handled it with your girlfriend isn't the best way because you came off as insecure. Next time she wants to go out with friends and a guy may be in the group, she may not tell you about it.

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I don't think it was insecure... I just need more from her in this point in our relationship. She talks about marriage and stuff all the time, but then is going out getting drunk and hanging out with some other dude I have never met before. Am I insecure because I dont want her doing those things? Not at all... If she wants that lifestyle then I personally feel she is not ready to be in a more serious relationship with me. Thoughts?

Now, addressing the validation thing. Should I start talking to / hanging out with other girls so that she feels validating that im still choosing her? Or should I start looking for situations where my GF sees me talking to other girls and im flirting with them? I am an attractive high valued guy... i just feel after a year of dating I shouldnt have to keep DHVing myself to my own GF. Yes? Am i insecure for even thinking I need to do that?

She sounds like a pretty good girl to me... I mean - she didn't HAVE to tell you any of this, but she did, and she called you afterwards because she knew you were a little insecure about it.

JackZero is completely right, though, handling it while exhibiting any kind of real jealousy or want for her to not do something like this could result in her just simply not telling you next time...

Do I think she'll do that? Based on what you've written here, no - she actually does sound like a good girl.

As I typed that last paragraph I started wondering what this particular issue has to do with your other issue? Is this just a blanket insecurity thing on your part? You think she's losing interest cause she went out with this guy and a friend.

If that's it, dude... sounds in your head, to me.

Whenever you have a conversation with a girlfriend saying that you don't want her to hang out with other men, no matter the reason, it's going to be viewed as insecure. You can spin it any way you want, but what she hears is that you don't want her hanging out with men that you don't know. She's going to think either you don't trust her or don't think that she knows handle herself around a guy that may hit on her. That all will be blamed on insecurity.Take her out and make her the girl that the other girls are jealous of. If you know how to be charming socially while being with your girlfriend, she will be the envy of other women. Then she will remember what she has with you and at the same time you're not playing childish games.

But Charles is right, you do sound like you are in your own head.

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We have had some trust issues in our relationship. She has lied to me about ex BF's in the past and has hidden things from me.

After two months of dating she went to an ex BF's concert with her GF. She told me about it and everything, but she told me this guy was just a friend and then later told me she was kind of seeing him at one point and that they had hooked up.

We have worked through slowly... but since then (about 8 months ago) I have had my guard up a little bit with her.

Her going to her Exs concert and keep in touch with him is validation for her... every time she hears from him its validation. She loves it because hes now in a relationship and she feels like she let him get away...

How do I handle this situation? Is this someone on her end shes going to have to let go or am I totally over analyzing this.

[/quote]Whenever you have a conversation with a girlfriend saying that you don't want her to hang out with other men, no matter the reason, it's going to be viewed as insecure. You can spin it any way you want, but what she hears is that you don't want her hanging out with men that you don't know. She's going to think either you don't trust her or don't think that she knows handle herself around a guy that may hit on her. That all will be blamed on insecurity.

It all comes down to the fact I dont trust her 100%. In the beginning of our relationship I did, but she has proven to me a few times and has lost my trust. We are trying to repair it by communicating more (thus she told me everything about the recent guy situation...)


[/quote]Take her out and make her the girl that the other girls are jealous of. If you know how to be charming socially while being with your girlfriend, she will be the envy of other women. Then she will remember what she has with you and at the same time you're not playing childish games.

But Charles is right, you do sound like you are in your own head.[/quote]


I will work on this, we will have to go out and do more fun / high valued things again.

solid post jack, spot-on

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Key takeways:

1. You don't trust her.
2. You feel lower value than her
3. Her lifestyle is different than yours

Look, you can become a rockstar, you can flirt with chicks in front of her, but if you're coming from the current frame of trying to keep this chick, she WILL lose interest. From the way you describe the relationship, keeping her, excuses for why she would be hung up on some dude, you definitely dont feel you deserve her. Simple rule on this forum, anytime a guy excuses his girls behavior or action as "oh she's just getting validation from X" its a sign he doesnt value himself above her. How much of a catch can a girl see you as if she knows that whatver she does you'll still want to keep her? Now, the guy friend thing is silly, but if she's going out drunk regularly and you're pretending youre ok with that to her, you're selling yourself short. You're making excuses for her doing things you don't like. No, not the guy friend...you're ok with your chick hung up on some guy. You're outwardly ok with her getting drunk, while thats not your standards for a relationship. My point is, you automatically lose once you put keeping the girl above what you really want. So you can take her out to do fun things, you can flirt with chicks to show you're the man....eventually she'll realize you're accepting less and trying to keep her. And thats a turn off.

well focusing on goals and ambitions is more high value than having every girl in the world. just don't be afraid to leave her, however you need to keep her satisfied. have time set aside to go see her and stuff. honestly i go and get into little church groups and get girls there. thats if you want several women. its annoying sometimes tho cuz you feel like you have to text all of them almost every day. and you have to actually show them affection if you want to keep them.

If you don't trust her 100% then I would question how/why you really want to be with her in the first place. She might be a good girl, but she's not the only good girl.

I read this briefly, and from outside in it looks to me like perhaps both of you are questioning your value relative to other men. Having other women who desire you is a good thing, but if you think you need that all the time to validate or demonstrate your value, I think that is a mentality you need to eliminate.