Hello strangers, I will now share with you a problem that I haven't shared with anyone else.

Before I start, let me tell you some things you probably need to know;

I have been together with my girl for 14 months now, she's 22 and I'm 23.
She's selfless, honest, loyal, funny, clever (not smart) & beautiful.
(basically: too good for me)
We have a great time together, we laugh, we play, we talk & we love.
She doesn't smoke, drink or do drugs & comes from a big happy family.
Ofcourse every family has their issues but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

- THE PROBLEM;

She won't cum. She never has.
At first this seemed like a gift for me, a challenge, if you will..
But then I started to notice the progress I was making. Not nearly enough.
From quickies to dragged out & from humaine to animalistic love sessions, I just can't seem to make her tremble.
I LOVE having sex.. If I think about my ex's and remember how good it feels to make your girl gasp for air it just made me feel like the fucking man. I'd look in the mirror smiling, I DID THAT.
But right now its just a reminder of the failure that keeps repeating itself.
Small things would get me thinking, like Fifty Shades of Gray for example, she loved the movie and started reading all of the books.
The old me wouldn't give a fuck about that as long as I can get her done.
But since I can't get her done.. I feel like on a subconscious level she's attracted to this fantasy of boundless pleasure because I can't get her to the level of joy I'm supposed to.
All of this may sound stupid but I'm starting to feel less and less like i'm in control.
I shouldn't be the only one profiting from sex. That's not how a LTR stays a LTR in my opinion.

Please shed some light into this problem, I appreciate every constructive comment.
(English is not my native language so my apologies if some sentences seem odd to you)

Daniel Rose :sex god method. Tht'll help a lot

So she likes 50 shades of grey?
Have you asked her if her secret fantasy is to try some mild BDSM?
Talk to her. Flirt with her. Put sexual ideas in her mind.
Good sex for women starts in the mind as a fantasy.
The difference between the fantasies of men and women are that men are fantasising about an image. A woman fantasies the scenario.
Your ex maybe was more into physical sex than into fantasies. Some women are more the one and some others the other.
Have a nice dinner with her, dim lights, a glass of wine.. and cuddle up to her and talk about what she is thinking about when she is masturbating. Unleash the naughty girl... especially if she is that much of a good girl outside the bedroom

Some points that really stood out for me in your post (each of which I'll elaborate on after):

1) You've put a massive amount of stress on yourself to 'perform'
2) You're outcome focused, and no longer enjoying the act itself
3) You're making a lot of assumptions for her

As you may have already gathered, all 3 of these things are interrelated.

1) Sex is outcome focused (you see sex more as a task/job than a way to connect to your partner)
2) You "love" sex only insofar as you can satisfy your partner
3) Unless she's told you, you're likely grasping at straws trying to determine what she wants and doesn't want

The more you learn to enjoy the act, the more pleasure the two of you will derive from it. A lot of women do not 'cum', in fact I'd say most don't. So right there you're setting yourself up for failure by using that as your barometer for success in the sack. You may want to look into ways of calming yourself (e.g., meditation). Ultimately I think its healthy to talk to your partner about sex, learn what turns her on, what doesn't...taking it all in stride never as a diss but rather as information for you to improve upon. Not all women are the same, some like rough sex, others prefer it tender, some like both - there's a LOT of variation in sexual preference from woman to woman. Why play a game with someone you don't know the rules to, when you can simply find out by talking to her.

There are some women who just don't come easily, and some who do.

Been with a girl who can come from oral in less than 5 minutes every single time. Also been with some who I'd be going 20 minutes with and nothing.

* Hello maria_,

Turns out she's intrigued by the love story, that 2 completely different people can fall so 'deeply'
in love with each other.
I myself have some specific desires which she still refuses to do but we agreed that we wouldn't shut those doors.
She aims to please me just as much as I aim to please her, except she's doing a better job. (FOR NOW)

Also, I've tried several times unleashing the naughty in her, I KNOW its in there.
She's just very shy on that subject & would quickly turn the conversation into something to laugh about or do this weird thing with her eyebrows which I think is an attempt in being sexy or just letting me know she's DTF.
When the time is right I'm gonna start 'Operation Alcohol'. I've NEVER seen her drunk in our relationship.
I feel that maybe then I'll be able to unleash the naughtyness and once that happens i'm sure that that can repeat itself without the alcohol.
I just have to witness how she acts when she's tipsy/drunk atleast once.


*n2thevoid

You make some valid points.. Sometimes I need to read these things in order for me to realize I've become like this.

I do feel like blowing her mind would grant me more pleasure than the deed itself.
Of course having sex with a pretty girl will always satisfy me in some ways, but then again rubbing one off would get me to the same distance. (Unless I can unleash the naughty in her)

Talking about it is my last resort, I feel like everything that happens in the sack after you've got a conversation about it feels somewhat forced.
For now I'm just focusing on her body language and basically anything else.

THERE IS GOOD NEWS.

The day that I decide to share my problem with this community is the day I make some real progress.
(gotta appreciate the irony)
Turns out she's the type of girl that gets a lot more pleasure from oral than from penetration.
Penetration occasionally makes her bleed, and she says it hurts sometimes. (Lube has been used)

So yesterday was good for us, I didn't get her to the tip of the iceberg but I feel like we're finally getting somewhere.

That's not love. That's passion that comes in an emotionally addictive relationship. It is borderline abusive. The main character Christian is a handsome, successful powerful man (ie the prize) that dominates an inexperienced virgin.
Your girl is searching for passion with a man that is an alpha that will unleash her naughty side.
That's her fantasy.
You are the good guy that she wants to settle down with but she is an inexperienced girl that never had a "bad boy". PUA can help you give her the experience she is craving. Passive-aggressive, "gaslighting", seduction etc. Once she experiences what she fantasises she won't want anymore the bad boy type. At the moment though she wants the bad boy experience to feel special... Sad but true for younger women. Let me guess... your fantasies include threesomes? and she is not willing to go down that way because she wants to have a long term relationship with you. I wouldn't explore these things either with a guy that I want to see again.
She pleases you more because you are into her more than she is into you. Your girl wants to chase a guy. Tipsy is alright but drunk is too much. You don't want to see her throwing up. A bit dizzy would put her in the mood. And don't stop when she gets shy. If she is shy means that she likes it but she can't admit it. Be cool and continue doing what you do until she says no. That's when you stop. She is not turned on enough. That's why she bleeds. The vagina has the ability to stretch a lot when a woman is in the mood. If she can't stretch then she doesn't want it as much.
If she is that much into oral sex try reading things on the internet on how to make her squirt.
Get her tipsy and give her oral. Also use your fingers slowly to explore and find her g-spot. Listen to the feedback she gives you. Every woman wants different things. Once she gets a good orgasm she will want sex more often.

That's putting the cart before the horse. Majority of women will only talk about their sexual preferences and fantasies with a guy right AFTER they have had multiple orgasms with him.

Learn more foreplay and devote more time on foreplay OP. Likewise, desensitize your penis head and learn some female anatomy. Stay away from that Sex God book OP. Read 50 Shades of Grey instead and your foreplay skills (oral, verbal, mental, emotional, physical) will go through the roof.

Techniques in Sex God like slamming women on doors are inefficient most especially since majority of men blow their load within 2 minutes and devote very quick time on foreplay.

Make a playlist and play the songs in the background. Seven to eight 3-minute songs (some 21 minutes) are good for OBJECTIVELY measuring the duration of your foreplay.

Women who cum from oral sex in 5 minutes are the exception rather than the rule and that is; if the guy knows what a woman's orgasm looks and feels like. Focus on the rule and not the exception: 21 minutes of foreplay and 21 minutes of penis in the vagina lead to ONE vaginal orgasm. That's science. Use scientific knowledge to your advantage and stay away from male marketers like Daniel Rose who does not know what he's talking about.

Moreover, several studies indicate that 62 to 78 percent of women don't know what a woman's orgasm feels like. Women who masturbate are in the minority so most women don't know when they are cumming. What that implies is that an EVEN BIGGER MAJORITY OF MEN don't know what a woman's orgasm looks like.

Moreover, women who masturbate typically have clitoral orgasms only and still have to experience ONE vaginal orgasm.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Hello again maria,

Allow me to explain to you some mistakes you made about several points.
Do not mistake my response for an opportunity to label myself as the 'bad boy'.
I have not given you enough information about myself for you to be claiming that I'm this and that.

My past and personality is not this stereotype that you've so easily compared me with.
I am everything but 'the nice guy' in the relationship, I tend to bring out the bad in the good and the good in the bad.

I appreciate the fact that you've come with these theories/opinions. But they couldn't be farther from the truth.


-Threesome? I think its obvious that my post shows that I have more pleasure in pleasing a woman than the deed itself.
Why would I want to attempt pleasing 2 women?

-My girl doesn't want to chase a guy, she already is. I am VERY closed about my emotions and mentality, but allow her to know what is necessary. Bit by bit, I'll let her know how twisted my mind actually works. Hopefully in the end we will still be together. (That's what I mean by; she's too good for me).

-You're right. I do not want to see her throwing up. Obviously. And about the shyness, interesting point you've made..I'll have to keep at it, see how that goes.

Thank you for investing your time in my situation.

Hello Hellhound,

The very frustrating point that you just made about women being completely open about their desires AFTER their orgasms is something that few people realize.
Once you opened those gates of pleasure, there are multiple ways to keep them open.
You just have to open them..

For now I am not researching about sex techniques or what not. I feel like I've been looking at this the wrong way.
Approaching this in a 'soft core' manner is gonna be the way to go for now.

Thank you for a piece of your knowledge.

please read my post again. English might not be my first language but I am sure I never said this. first of all nice is not bad. Don't let PUA gurus convince you that all women want a dominating monster.
When I screen men for dating I don't go for the bad boys or the dominating alpha male types. I avoid them and believe me I attract them a lot. it is just an opinion hun. If it doesn't apply to you you don't take it. I only get one side of the story and a part of it. A more valid opinion can be given to you by someone that knows you and knows your gf too. Don't expect miracles there.
Forums are only to spark the answer in your mind. They are not there to give the answer 100%. You are the one that is deciding what goes and what not. who knows? I said IF it was 3some.. again you need to read again my post and with a clear mind Could this be the issue she is not opening up to you? I regret it already

You are NOT going to achieve much by going 'soft core'.

You gotta have passion on the things that, and for people who, are important to you.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I never said nice is bad, it's just not me.
Okay.
Touché. Time will tell.
My thanks, nonetheless

are you sure? you don't sound like a bad boy to me.
you're welcome. I always say the truth.

I think Sex God is good for instilling in your head that the most important aspect of your sexuality is to be dominant and creative, that it's psychological for a woman predominately. It's not a waste of a read though I agree it does get a little over the top.

the question isn't whether the girl has cum with you but whether she's ever even had an orgasm. if she hasn't then who cares. if she has then it's an issue because you're failing to perform.

hellhound is right, some girls just don't cum as much or as quickly. although i've never been with a woman i couldn't make cum at least once, so not sure about n2's words there.

if all else fails buy a hitachi wand... if that doesn't make her cum no man on this entire planet will.

_________________
You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.