I came to this forum in 2013 even though I'd followed the PUA community since 2004. I've read a lot of things, but haven't applied anything because I thought a lot of PUA stuff was bullshit, to be honest. Since 2004, I'd resolved to go out and do things 'my own way' as far as getting together with women and my social life in general.

10 years later, and the stark reality is that not only is my social life no better than it was 10 years ago, but my social skills (especially those with women), probably plateaued 10 years ago, as well. Very long story short, I want to break that plateau with new strategies, new approaches...and sharing my experiences through this journal, which is put together at various points during my nights out via cell phone memos and then typed out on here almost-verbatim.

I have no idea where any of this will lead for me, but growth often never comes from staying in one's comfort zone. Feedback welcome; positive or negative.

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2-20-15

I start the night at a small boutique art gallery. The curator, a man in his mid-fifties, is calm, personable, and maintains eye contact with me at all times. His body language isn't closed off and he holds his hands at abdomen level. He is an effective communicator, as should be expected of a gallery curator. He was a smooth dude.

I move from the gallery to a local dive. I come in, have a seat off in a corner and light up a cigarette. Now, I do one of the things I came here to do...I people-watch.

There's a live band playing, and nothing much to see at first. I pay attention to one couple sitting on a couch not far away from my corner just to study his body language and hers. He's got his arm around her and his body is turned towards her. She appears to be receptive even if her body isn't turned towards his. She's better looking than he is, but he's very relaxed all the same.

There's a skinny, energetic girl of about 30 yrs. old sitting across the room with her girlfriends and one man that's with him. She is not standing close to the man, so I assume she's not with him. I decide to approach her, matching her high energy and compliment on "how the outfit she's got on makes her look sexy." A pretty stock approach, but I'm an experimental mood.

Before going in, I moved around and greeted a lot of people to raise my mood, build some momentum and raise my energy level. People fed off of that energy, too...they were very friendly to me and said 'hi' without me even needing to say 'hi' back. I went in with a relatively high amount of energy and dropped my compliment. While she wasn't interested, she wasn't unreceptive, either. More importantly...I found that I ran out of things to say to her immediately it became clear that she wasn't interested.

I next approached a table full of girls and one man. My energy was pretty high. I got their attention by waving my right hand over their head and when they wondered what the hell I was doing, I smiled and said I was trying to get their attention because I wanted in on their conversation because I was new in town and trying to get to know people. They laughed and introduced themselves, and we all talked about our jobs and the local area for four minutes or so. A few men that they already knew came to the table and the focus of the situation shifted away from me hard...so I bid them a good night. Overall, they were pretty friendly.

There's a cute blonde by the bar. I plan to approach her, smile and high-energy and tell her that she looks like the most fun out of all the ladies in the place. But she returns to a table full of dudes and because I can't tell if their friends or "with" her, I don't approach.

I instead approach another blonde with her girlfriends and the band is playing some ZZTop. I ask the blonde if she likes ZZTop and she says yes. I asked her if she likes a 'Sharp Dressed Man'...she half-heartedly says she does. Not interested, but one of her friends suddenly cuts in an introduces herself. I shake her hand and she says my hand is warm and doesn't let it go, so I take the opportunity to massage her hand with both of my hands. I made smalltalk with her, and she stammers for an answer at first while I make eye contact. She says I'm so cute that she can't think, and we smile at each other. Her friend pulls her away and say they need to go to the bathroom.

When she comes back out, we make general conversation and energy between us has changed a bit--she's not as 'into' me as she was before she went into the bathroom. I try not to draw any conclusions...but fear of loss sets in. Fast-forward a few minutes, we had some general convo and flirting before her friend asks me to a drink for her and the girl I'm talking to. I don't want to, but yeah...I'm pressured into it because I don't want her friend ruining my chances. Her friends keep drawing her away from me anyway.

I try to talk to the girl one more time, but she tells me she's getting another drink. Time for me to take the hint. I tell her I'm going to another part of the bar and hope to talk to her later. All the same, I can't let it go that she just 180'ed so fast despite the connection I was kind of feeling. So I decided to dial it back and see if she was interested enough to track me down later. I went around and talked to other people, still thinking about her and hoping that she would track me down. As I walked through the bar, I try to avoid watching her interact with other dudes...and her friends don't guard her from them the way that they guarded her from me, it seems. At that point, I become aware of one mistake I've been making for the past ten years. I'm already jealous and pining away over a girl I had a (tipsy) girl I had only a momentary connection with. Realizing that mistake, I find others to talk to for awhile.

I find the friend that insisted I buy her a drink for herself and the girl I was talking to. We chat a little, high-five, and I just ask her...do I have a chance with her friend? She says that her friend did find me attractive, but that she's drunk and this wasn't the best time to come at her a certain way. She says that if you're really into her like that, talk to her outside of this environment. As I've already got that girl's number, I think that's a good idea and say goodbye.

Club's about to close, and on my way out, I run into the girl I was talking to earlier while she's chatting with interest to some other dudes. I tell her goodbye and that I'd like to text her sometime, but I can tell by her closed mouth facial expressions and darting eyes that she's lost all interest at this point. Even so, I send her text when I get home stating that I enjoyed meeting her and whether or not she was interested...I know it's a dead issue by this point, but what have I got to lose.

In hindsight, I can understand that I was too vested WAAAY too soon. But I can't figure out where I went wrong, either.

But just by witnessing one mistake I've always made...well? That's progress.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

Feedback welcome, as always.
----------------------------------
2-21-15

Earlier in the night, I stopped by Starbucks to study. There, I met a co-worker...she's attractive and single. We talk about work, but I decide against gaming her up not because it's a bad idea to game up co-workers, but because I plan to take my time with it by asking her out to lunch nonchalantly during the week. That's assuming I do intend to pursue her.

I go home, clean up, and get to a club at about 11:30. The first thing I really encounter after getting a drink is an older, urban Latino gentleman with a shiny gold grill. I make a motion across my own teeth indicating to him that his grill is cool, and he slaps my hand.

"I bet you've never seen a Chico with a grill like this," he says to me. He's already a bit drunk, but that's pretty much the purpose of the club and respect the guy for his 'I don't give a fuck attitude' gait.

I finally take the time to scan the club, and I catch myself with my right hand in my pocket as I scan. I promised to break myself out of the habit of having my hands in my pockets in public, so I take my hand out and place my right arm at my side. I see two attractive over-thirty women dancing alone and their energy is relatively high. I decide to match their energy and try to join them.

It works; I come in with high energy and dance really bad meringue with one of the girls. I impress her enough that her friend dances with me as well, and then I dance with a cute bystander. Me and the girl I initially danced with exchanged numbers, but there's little else in the way of conversation. After two songs, I go to the bar for another drink and when I return to the floor, the girl I was dancing with invites me to dance with her again. She's quite a dancer, or at least she enjoys dancing quite a bit. She says she'll be on the floor all night because she hasn't been to this particular club in years and she enjoys dancing. While we're dancing close, she asks me to turn with her and give her my opinion about what I see...

I see an attractive girl with a serious ass in a short, orange dress. Her boyfriend stands in front of her, and his body language is very relaxed as he holds his drink.

"Would you let your girlfriend come out to the club like that? Save some for yourself, you know?" the girl I've been dancing with says. I agree with her, but to be honest, her hatin' is kind of a turn-off. I get tired of dancing again and she reiterates that she'll be on the floor all night. During the course of earlier conversation, she'd already said that she was single. I told her not to be afraid to find me during the night if she wanted to dance with me, either. She said she would...I didn't buy it, but the attempt to make her chase me a little was worth a shot.

I walked outside and saw the bystander girl I danced with earlier and introduced myself to her and her friends. I asked her if she went to the local university and she said she did. I told her I went to the same school under a Master's degree piloting program. This is an utter lie, but I'm in an experimental mood. I want to see what a lady's reaction is to a man when he implies that he has a cool job that has a reputation for paying well. She does seem a little impressed, actually. I eject after two minutes of smalltalk and tell her that I hope to talk with her later, or she could find me for some convo, too. Another attempt to make a lady pursue me a little, but I doubt she'll try.

I observe the dance floor and some tall dude is giving the girl I was dancing with a lot of play. She's somewhat receptive, but it's hard to tell if she's really into him. I do want to get to know the dancing girl a little better, but I don't want to obsess over her, either. I decide to dial it back and see how much she chooses my company as the night goes on.

I have some minor smalltalk with other girls, and even have a short conversation with some guy I know from around town. I re-enter the club again and the girl I'd danced with before locks eyes with my and invites me to dance again, saying she was 'waiting for me to come back.' I accept her invitation to dance and while I know I should dial it back and not get so vested in her, I decide to try my luck at staking this claim. I decide to try to stay in her company tonight as much as possible and see what happens.

This intent isn't lost on her.

My hands move about her stomach and thighs a little when she dances with her back to my chest and she says "Are you claiming me?" I'm a little embarassed, but I say "Yeah, I am. But I assume since we're still dancing, you're not too upset about it." She doesn't reply much to that and we keep dancing. We dance close for another few minutes and with our faces close together and a bright smile on her face, I go in for a kiss. She doesn't turn away but she doesn't return it, either. Awkward.

The friend of the girl I'm dancing with says she's going to get a drink and only then does the girl I'm dancing with excuse herself from the dance floor, but she invites me to come with her. The three of us have a rather long conversation about our jobs and lives...general smalltalk until I tell the girl I was dancing with that I earned an English degree and wanted to be a writer.

"That's so cool, I love language," she says. She says she loves to read, and she especially loves reading poetry. Right there, I decide upon quite a gamble.

"What if I wrote a poem for you right here on the spot?" I asked the girl I was dancing with. She lights up and asks if I could really do that. I think I could, and I take out my cell phone. I get a good look at the girl I danced with, size her up with what I see coupled with what I already know about her, and write this down:

She wears a floral pattern despite being a flower herself
Plucked from the loveliest garden by rough hands
Let her scent be inhaled, and her own sweet surrender follow.

I show it to her and her face lights up. She wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me close, so I guess she likes it. She says it's wonderful, and she shares it with her friend. Then, I take it a step further...I ask her friend if she'd like a poem, too. I size her friend up, coupled with things I learned about her through the course of conversation:

Cobalt eyes and skin like velvet
Hidden pain masked by fine outer beauty
Over beauty, pain, and perfect skin, her strength triumphs over all

Her friend squeezes my hand and says she thinks the poem is great. Both ladies seem even more energetic than before, but it remains to be seen what happens from here. After awhile, we all go back to the dance floor. A guy that'd been dancing with the 'cobalt eyes' friend returns to dance with her and 'cobalt eyes' tells the girl I'm dancing with that the guy is being really nasty and really gross. Apparently he's saying some stuff to the girl about taking her home or whatever...I elect to stay out of it for right now. The so-called gross guy and the guy she's with go outside and the girl I'm dancing with goes out there with her. Even though I probably shouldn't do so...I follow her and ask what's up.

Eventually, the girl I'm with shows concern about her friend and says 'She's really nice to people, she doesn't want to...you know.' It becomes somewhat clear to me that she's trying to shoot the guy down but he won't back off, so I stand a little closer to the conversation along with the girl I'm dancing with and commit myself to an action I'll regret later--

"I just met these girls, too, bro. There's no afterschool activities about to jump off tonight," I say, though I try to say it in jest. He laughs, I laugh. But I immediately realize that nobody asked me to be the bodyguard and by trying to "protect" her from him, I was c-blocking him as well as showing off. We joked a little more and all of us returned to the dance floor. I further realized the error of my ways when despite what was apparently happening between 'cobalt eyes' and the gross guy, she was still deciding to dance with him and she did so until last call.

I walked the two girls out to their cab per the invitation of the girl I was dancing with. We exchanged numbers, but I "instructed" her to text me tomorrow. We parted ways with a kiss that was far less awkward than the one of the dance floor, and when she turned to get in the cab, I touched her arm and guided her back to me. I kissed her again, and this time parted her lips to entwine my tongue with hers.

"Now that was a kiss," I said when we separated. She said "Yeah, that was." She got in the cab and I went home.

I took a lot of chances tonight and made a few mistakes. The chances may not pay off, but I will learn from the mistakes.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

Technically not a new field report, more a bunch of things going through my head that will come into play in my next field report.
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I contacted a dating coach last week, and today we were able to have our consultation. Without going too far into it (they could be a frequenter of this forum for all I know), they said just by hearing me explain my problem that I had a strong personality...possibly too strong for some of the women I encounter. More specifically, I could be too aggressive when sometimes it's better to be chased.

My previous journal entries, which are based upon notes taken in the field, seem to support what I was being told. The dating coach seemed pretty money...but 'money' is precisely why I can't work with him. Not that I'm too broke, but coaching is just that expensive.

When I first told a former FB and current female friend that I was looking at the possibility of getting a dating coach, she said I didn't need one and that 'I was enough as I was.' After reading one of these journal entries, she said 'You can make progress on your own.' Great girl, but I'm skeptical...if only because she admitted, like many others before her, that she felt 'closer' to another man. Like so many others.

A decade and change ago, I was a soldier. One time, a few female co-workers chatted about a male co-worker during a task where it was just the three of us working.

"*He's* one of those guys that you'd have as a friend but never date," one female co-worker said about the male co-worker, who was almost thirty years old. The other female co-worker agreed with her, and I resolved to never be the man that they were referring to. Back then, I wasn't. Now I've come to the understanding that maybe, as a single thirty-two year old, I am. But like any good soldier, I'm not about to surrender while I still have the means to resist.

For ninety minutes last night, I went about the task of creating my own affirmations after studying and applying affirmations for weeks:

'Every day and in every way, I'm getting better and better.'

'I am capable of great things through perseverance and integrity.

'My creativity will open doors.'

I deserve and can hold an exceptional woman.

The last one was the only dating-related affirmation, and I was hesitant to use even that. Why? Because in terms of dating, I don't want to pump myself up only to believe I can do things I can't actually do...like attract women without needing to really approach or chase them. That's the ideal, but still, I can't believe I'm capable of it.

And as breaking through my plateau into the next level is now solely up to me, I hope to answer one through the course of this journey...when it comes to dating, what am I capable of?

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

2-25-15

Considering results from my recent outings, I decide upon a few new rules...most of them experimental just to see what they do for me.

-Don't buy drinks for anyone
-3 minutes of conversation with an approach, then leave
-Never approach the same woman twice (different if she comes and finds me)
-No nerd shit (sci-fi, books, games...)
-Smalltalk only
-Must approach at least either 3 women or 3 sets

Throughout the night, some of these rules were bent. Others were broken. I began my night out with a ritual...affirmations. Written repeatedly over the course of ten minutes, giving both five minutes of attention.

'I am super positive and outgoing'

'I deserve to meet beautiful women'

The affirmations get me a little more pumped up, but not super-charged. The purpose of affirmations is to build long-standing positive thinking patterns over time, though. When I finish with the affirmations, I head out.

I get to the same local club that I went to in my first entry. It's ladies night but it's early. I approach three girls, all of them rather attractive by anyone's standards with relatively high energy because they've got relatively high energy. I introduce myself as being new in town (to cover for being out alone and having a good reason to approach them) and asking them if I could join them for a drink and chew their ear about the area. I keep it to smalltalk about the area, our jobs, and where we're all from. I was addressing all three girls at first, but focus somehow switched to the centermost of the three girls who I asked the most questions and she answered. When the smalltalk started to die down, I left. I spent 3 minutes with the girls max and sat at the bar to get a drink.

Right about this time, it occurs to me that bars and live bands are terrible places to converse with women due to the noise and there's almost no way around that. I come to this conclusion based on the number of times I had to damn near shout simple words over to the women I was just talking to in my last approach and pretty much every other bar approach in my life.

After a few minutes, two of the girls I just chatted with come to the bar for drinks and one of them, a tanned girl asked me if I was waiting there for Joel. I said no, and she said that she misheard me earlier and thought I said I was waiting for Joel. We laughed and I shrugged. She chatted with me about the weather back where I'm from, and I chatted with her about the same. She ended the brief, meaningless convo by returning with her friends, but we smiled to each other as she left. Under "old" circumstances, I'd wait a few minutes and approach her again because obviously she was interested...right? I opt not to make that assumption this time and hopefully, I never will again. Not unless she makes moves that turns that assumption into some concrete; something I can't miss or deny.

I see two women, a younger blond and an older brunette. Both in their early thirties. I introduce myself to them with the 'new in town' approach and the blond is immediately receptive based upon her smile. We talk about our jobs, and the blond suddenly whips out a business card...she's a realtor. I joke with her about trying to sell me on a place, and she says and says 'If you ever want to be more of a local...'

I ask for a smoke and her friend gives me one. She makes a '50 Shades' joke I can barely hear because she says I almost burned myself while lighting my smoke. I tell her I haven't seen it, but joke obviously she has because she mentioned it before me. She says she hasn't seen it, but would be more apt to read it...and from here the conversation takes an odd turn.

She brings up literotica.com and says she's been a longtime reader. I see an opportunity and ask her what her favorite fantasy is, which causes her to blush. She finally says...'gangbang'. I tell her that there aren't four of me, so she's out of luck for tonight. She says that it's just a fantasy anyway and is better left up in her head. The convo gradually turns to our interests in music and she talks about what's on her Pandora. I show her what's on mine and while we stand close, I put my hand on the small of her back. The band starts up a rock cover of 'Hot in Here' and I turn away from my Pandora and ask her to dance with me. The three of us dance and afterwards I decide that I've been around long enough. I tell the blond to take my text number and text me later, but then she asks me about literature--one of the things I absolutely love. We talk about our favorite works of Poe...

So, I break the no 'nerd shit' rule and the three minute rule with this lady. We have another short dance and I leave the bar while our energy is at its peak.

Ten minutes later and now at another bar, I get a text from the blond saying that she can't wait to hang out at Starbucks and chat about literature. She sends me a text telling her to add her on FB. I wait a good thirty minutes before texting her back and saying I'm looking forward to hanging out with her, too.

Fast forward to the 26th, in the afternoon I send the blond a text just to say what's up. Fast forward to today, the 27th, I haven't heard from her and don't expect to.

But tonight is a new night, and with it, new possibilities.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

2-27-15

I get to one of the local clubs at about 10:30 and after a few minutes of being there, I'm feeling tense for some reason. Maybe it's because it's a small crowd for a Friday and I'm not seeing many single ladies, and maybe it's because I feel weird as I go out alone at night talking to women, persisting with this journal. But I persist all the same because my instincts tell me there is a greater purpose to this journal, even if I don't yet know what it is.

I don't make any approaches at first. I just relax and enjoy some of the live music. After the band finishes it's set, I go to another, livelier club. I soon approach two girls just for the sake of introducing myself and leave them within a minute or so. Fast forward to twenty minutes later, I go outside for a smoke and see them smoking, too. I walk over and chat them up. Just general stuff comes from my mouth, like 'is this girl's night', what brings them out tonight, that kind of thing. One of them is married, the other is single with three kids. I've got a buzz going on by this point, but then one of the girls says something that sobers me right up--

"I can read people, y'know...and you're like a real gentleman, I have no doubt that you have no ill intent towards us but you're a stranger and that's making me kind of uncomfortable."

Obviously, I take that as a cue to make a gracious exit. Only thing I can take away from this interaction, which was the only one with meaning tonight?

That I shouldn't go on with even smalltalk without breaking the ice and making sure the person I'm talking to is even comfortable with my presence. How to do this...well...that's something worth looking into and playing around with.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

3-7-2015

Feedback encouraged. This belongs under lay report, but I've already started something here so...
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4 nights a week for 4 hours. That's the "game habit" I've set upon building even though professional situations seem to pull me away from that habit a bit. On the date above, I did not want to leave the house because I was exhausted from events during the week, so after much deliberation on whether or not to go out...I flipped a coin. A shave and thirty minutes later, I was downtown.

It was a dead night at some of the bars when I got down there, so I decided to try my hand at getting into a club that always had a long line and people were often unable to enter. In fact, I'd never been able to get up there on a Saturday. However, this time, I was feeling experimental. Remembering how I'd watched people get into hard-to-get clubs when I lived in NYC, I decided to discreetly offer the bouncer a few bucks if he could get me in. That's the first time I ever tried that, and...it worked. I only waited five minutes before being called up, slipped the bouncer some money, and headed in.

Upon entering, I could see why the place was so hard to get into and why all the other clubs were so dead. There were beautiful women in there, and all of them were having the time of their lives. This is where the grown and sexy were...and I could now count myself among their number. I got a beer and caroused the club a little. I broke the 3 Second Rule of approaching people and greeting them upon entering the club, but ten minutes into my time there, I spotted a gorgeous, thin brunette with her sister dancing alone to 'Bump and Grind'. This time, I followed the 3 Second Rule after making eye contact. I approached her and said 'you look like you love this song; you sure can move to it'. She smiled, laughed, and asked me if I could dance to it. I extended my hand to take her out to the floor, and she went on the dance floor with me. We danced for literally an hour making an eye contact and teasing kisses until at one point, I connected with a kiss on her lips and she blushed. I didn't try to kiss her again.

We went off the floor after awhile and got drinks. Her sister, who'd left us alone all this time, left the club with her husband and me with her sister. We mostly made smalltalk in between dances and drinks, and I kept things very nonchalant...after all, all week I'd been studying on how to make women comfortable around me, and through the course of that I reached a single theory: take a step forward, then let her take a step towards me. It ran counter to my old approach of 'approach until she can't refuse you,' and this new approach proved to be effective.

Before last call, I guided her out of the club by telling her "we should beat the rush." She asked me where I was parked, and on the way to my car, we stopped because her heels were hurting her feet. Even there, sitting on the park benches, I didn't make any moves or say anything sexually suggestive. I just kept things very even and persisted with smalltalk, especially with stories about my job and places I'd been. She just listened. After a few minutes we went back to my car and I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat. She said yes, but on the way, we spotted a police checkpoint...and I'd finished a Long Island Ice Tea before I left the bar. I wasn't chancing it, and the checkpoint was close to where I live so I turned around...that made for a hell of an excuse to get her back home.

Back at my apartment, we chilled and I put some food for us in the microwave. We wouldn't get to eat it. I put on some John Legend and asked her to dance with me in the same way we did at the club. We did, but there was more kissing involved.

Most important to this journal entry is the way that I felt about her. Right before it became clear that we were going through with things, I looked her in the eye and told that I had something to tell her--that I didn't want this to be the last time that I saw her. She said it didn't have to be. And that will remain to be seen.

Usually, the first intimate night is the last time I see them. If I ever find a way to change that...

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

03-14
----------------------------

Today, I go to a music festival several miles from where I live and it's my first time doing approaches at a concert-type venue. In fact, it's my first time doing real "daygaming" in a long time. I'm in an experimental mood though a little subdued; after a week of back and forth/cat and mouse with the girl I was intimate with from my last field report, she cancelled a date that we'd planned for today. "Cancelled" being a kind word for flaked, and since I was looking forward to it, I got a little heartbroken. But through affirmations and general force of will, I don't let it slow me down. My next win is always out there in the singles game.

My first approach at the concert are two women in the crowd. I tell the cuter of two women to pardon a very "tourist" question: "How often does the city put these kinds of things on?" She tells me "not often", and we engage in smalltalk for a bit before I notice a big diamond ring on her right ring finger and her short responses indicated that she's just not interested anyway. I thank her for her time and bow out.

I found out about this whole concert through a website where people meet up for events, so I track down the group I was supposed to meet up with. When I find them, there's only three men and four women in the group. As I discover after being introduced to the group, one of the women has a boyfriend. Unfortunately, social interaction between the group is absolutely dead--the women are so disinterested in the men that it's sad. The men seem like they want to be social and talk to the ladies of the group, but the ladies just aren't feeling it. Within thirty minutes of hanging out with this group, all but one of the ladies in the group have gone off to another venue entirely.

I try to make smalltalk with the woman that stays behind and she's relatively friendly but not receptive to being approached at all so I keep it moving.

I see a group of four moderately attractive girls and one very attractive girl and decide to go in with their same high energy and introduce myself. Turns out they are reggae fans from another part of the state just down here for the show. We engage in some smalltalk about the show but I'm not sensing any interest...I eject about 2 minutes into the approach.

I wander about listening to music and take a seat somewhere. A kindly mature woman smiles at me and greets me. We engage in smalltalk until another mature but kinda cute blonde appears near me. We greet each other and smalltalk...she's lighthearted and friendly and moving to the music. We dance together, smalltalk after, and the bands set ends. I'm feeling experimental so I decide to do an interest test...I tell her to come and find me over at the new music area. She says she will, and if she does, that tells me she's interested. If she doesn't, I flush her and make no attempt to associate with her for the rest of the show.

She does find me, and she dances alone for awhile and we chat briefly before she heads off again after the song ends.

I head into the bar close to the concert which is within a very short walking distance. I spot two attractive girls by the bar that are more interested in the Americas funniest playing above the bar than anything else. I decide to move in...I use the tourist opener but there's nothing that really comes from it.

I go back outside and get back together with my group. In the crowd is a particularly sexy girl that stares at me...I flip my sunglasses up to show her that I'm interested in her, too. I motion for her to come over to me, she motions for me to come to her. Her friend then beckons me over and says I must dance with her and her friends. The girl looking at me touch each other quite a bit as we introduce ourselves, smalltalk, and dance. When the dance ends, she says shed like to spend time with her crew again. I drop the interest test and excuse myself, hoping for the best. I never see her again.

My next approach is a blonde with a cute friend and an elderly woman. When I talk to the blonde, we Smalltalk a bit and I ask her to dance soon. When were about to head out to dance, the elderly woman stops her. The elderly woman introduces herself as the blondes aunt, but she is ice cold to me...she even avoids eye contact. The blonde goes cold soon after.

At this point, I've been working the crowd for four or five hours and I'll work the crowd for another six hours. My primary success will come in the form of an older woman that I dance with, but don't maintain much interest in besides that. Ironically, my disinterest in her creates more interest on her part...but I'm just not feeling it.

All in all, it was an ideal day to practice.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

Sounds like an excellent sarge. I think you hold back just a touch too much but it all ended up well this time anyway.

I'm not an expert, but I think saying things like it "not being the last time" you see her puts you in a slightly needy frame (even if ever so slightly) What about simply telling her when you're free and arranging a meet?

I should try that the next time I'm in that situation.

As far as that girl goes, I wrote in the FR that followed that we played phone tag back and forth for a week, set up a date for Saturday, and she flaked on noon of that day. Haven't heard from her since.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

It has been approximately 45 days since I started this personal movement following what I've come to call the "Valentine's Day Massacre" that happened last month...I haven't discussed it in my journals much, but it was generally a series of social humiliations that I experienced during V-Day 2015. That day was the turning point. That was the day that at 32 years of age, I finally admitted that what I was doing up to that point just wasn't working. Two days after V-Day, I decided to delve into PUA (something I'd always only dabbled in) and take it as seriously as I once took the education that eventually brought me to a college degree.

I don't write everything in my journals, but here's a rundown of some of the things that've happened to me within the past forty-five days:

-I've gone out on two dates; one went very well, one not so much.
-I've had two one night stands, one with a very attractive woman.
-I've been flaked out on once.
-I've made out with six new women.
-I've lost 8 pounds by working out for at least 30 minutes for at least 4 days a week.
-I've put some of that weight back on.
-I can't tell you how many women I've approached...I'd estimate 50, but still it's more in the past 45 days than it has been in the past year. Maybe two years.

At this point I've been able to nail down some hard truths about myself and how I play the game. As my greatest strengths, I'm smart, I'm creative, and I'm passionate. As weaknesses...sometimes I can be boring and needy.

But it wasn't until today's field game that I saw change in myself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the first time in a long time, I was daygaming with my wingman. My wingman is somewhat out of the game because he found a girl that treats him very well and he's "with" her, but he still gets in the game now and again just to stay frosty. He's one of those guys that can inspire you.

We went to a local shopping complex and visited a few stores. While we're visiting stores, he's pointing out sexy girls and talking about how sexy they are...and for some reason, that kinda gets me in the mood to talk to a few of them. We went into one store filled with cute girls and he pushed me to talk to some of them...any of them. I said I would and was already looking for the right ones as I did. I saw a weird green ballcap that said 'B*E*A*S*T' across the front and decided to use that as a prop. I approached two cute girls and said:

"Ladies, can I get your opinion on something real quick?"

They said ok. I put on the cap, crossed my arms, and tried to look fake-cool.

"Don't this hat make me look fly?"

They laughed and agreed, and I asked them if I wore this in the club, wouldn't I be the sexiest motherfucker there? They agreed, and said I should wear it everywhere. I said:

"Well obviously, if I'm in beast mode 24/7 I should wear this cap 24/7. Even when I sleep."

They laughed again. I took off the ballcap and thanked them for their help. I found another two girls and did the same thing I did to the first 2-set, and they agreed, laughing. Their laughs were genuine, and I wasn't even trying but so hard to be funny.

That's actually a very new thing for me.

I took off the hat and thanked them for their help.

We walked around a little more, but the real moment of this daygame was when we went to lunch. Outside of where we were eating was a very beautiful woman eating alone. My wing prodded me to go and talk to her...and at first, I was hesitant because there were other people sitting nearby. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't go for it because I wouldn't want to look like a fool in front of the people sitting around us. This time, however, I said fuck it. Who cares what they think, and they probably don't care anyway.

I approached the beautiful woman and opened her with something I got from Vin Carlo--which was to just come up, introduce myself, and say that she had a nice style about her. She thanked me and I introduced myself. I didn't start off by asking her questions as I normally would've. I made a statement--I told her that I was relatively new in the region and going to the local university for my Master's. She asked me what I was taking, and I said Occ. Therapy. She said that was great because her sister was doing the same thing and she was going to the same school.

Now was the time to ask her questions, I thought. I asked her what she was going to the school for, and she said elementary education. I commented on that and then asked her if she was going into teaching because she liked kids. She said she did, but also liked teaching in-general. I didn't detect any level of interest from the girl, but pulling her number wasn't the point of the interaction. I complimented her on her outfit again, she thanked me and I asked her where she got it. She said she worked at one of the nearby stores and was on her lunch break. I said that was a great store, then wished her luck at the university and exited.

My wing commented that my approach was impressive if only because I had the balls to go through with it, and that made me feel good.

And even as I write this I realize that what I'm experiencing isn't a personal movement, it's my own little renaissance. Old beliefs are dying, old beliefs are changing...and so am I.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

Quick one tonight, and I'm leaving a lot out. A few updates though:

As I've taken to hitting a minimum of 20 pickups per week (just for week one, next week will be 30), I now identify women as No. ** rather than 'this cute blonde/brunette/redhead'

I daygame a whole hell of a lot more.


Anyways, tonight's nightgame was pretty typical...gave out a few numbers, got one. Most importantly, I danced with a girl in a club very physically and when she was at the bar afterwards, I chatted her up some. After some basic conversation, it just occurred to me to say

"While we were grinding all close, your pussy was wet as fuck, wasn't it."

I didn't have a rhyme or reason for saying it...I just wanted to see how she'd react. I didn't crack a smile or anything. She said 'No...I'm not so easily persuaded.' She was friends with the D.J., so she followed it up with 'I much more prefer my...friend.' Not long after, she stood up and walked away.

I didn't expect much different when I said it, I just wanted to be bold for the sake of seeing a)what I could get away with and b) how she'd react...and I didn't get slapped. She wasn't repulsed, either, just disinterested. She was No. 20 for this week.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

4-3-2015

Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits...
--Rocky Balboa

Lately, I've been listening to youTube motivational stuff when I work out. Even though I've seen the movie Rocky Balboa a few times, the above quote has taken on greater meaning within the past seven weeks.


Last night I did night game at one of my favorite spots. For the first few two hours, there was nothing much. A few botched approaches save for a cute Brazilian girl that I danced with. But after the dance with the Brazilian girl ended, I spotted the sexy brunette from my 3-7-15 field report...the one I went home with. She was alone, and the energy between us was somewhat awkward from the start but I decided to say something that I never really got the chance to say to her before she dropped off the face of the Earth. I apologized if my last text to her came off as angry. She said that was ok. We smalltalked and I asked her who she was there with. She said she was by herself, just doing her thing. I asked her who was going to keep her company, then. She said she didn't know.

I took that as a cue to pull her back onto the dance floor, and we danced for quite awhile like we did the first night we met...but she wouldn't really dance close. Towards the end of the night, I asked her if she wanted to get something to eat and she agreed. We took my car to get something to eat, but there's some tension between us during the ride. Away from the loud club, I figured we could finally have a conversation and clear the air a little. I admitted to her I'm glad she rode with me because I didn't like the way things ended between us last time. She said that was ok and that she severed contact with me not because she didn't feel some kind of connection, but because she wasn't "looking for anything." I told her I would've been fine with that if she'd told me that, but I understood that she didn't. Most people hate rejecting someone, after all.

We ate at my place, had some general conversation about our lives, and I took her back to her car. I gave her my number and said if she could text me if she wanted to chill or go out to a club together sometime. Do I expect her to call? Not one little bit. But from this whole experience, I feel as though I gained some closure.

The situation with this girl was heartbreaking, but at the end of the day, it was just another hit. It was also another step closer to getting what I'm worth.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

4-15-2015

The situation and drama outlined in this post course-of-action-vt189046.html has come to an unfortunate end. The lady is yesterday's news, and my journey continues.

I know that I can't let the situation fuck with my momentum because once momentum is lost, it can be difficult to get back. During the day on Wednesday, I do two significant and new things:

-I buy a new set of "club clothes" from the Guess store: a white black t-shirt with a slick Wolf/Skull design and a pair of black jeans. Both will go with my fedora and black/white Polo sneakers.

-Based on the advice of another community member, I begin the Cold Shower Challenge. I could write a whole post on the experience of taking the shower, but the long n' short of it is that the shower invigorated me straight into a pickup mindset.

When I enter the spot, the matching, new clothes combined with the mindset somehow send my confidence in a high and steady state and I already know that it reflects through my body language. So I'm not too surprised that when shortly after going to the bar for my first beer, an older woman comes up to the bar mere inches from me (there's others spots at the bar to order) and orders drinks, but brushes her body up against mine a few times and actively tries to engage me in conversation. She's looking at me, touching me a little, giving IOI's...but it's me that's not interested. However, I spot two women on the other side of the bar, one of the very pretty, and decide to move on them.

Carrying my drink and being sure to maintain a certain amount of strong body language, I stand between the girls and announce that I had to come over and introduce myself. I smile and say that I just had to check on my fellow bar patrons, but I said it with a deep, steady tonality. They laugh, and I ask them what brings them out tonight. They respond that they just came from a 'medium show' (think John Edwards' 'Crossing Over') at a local venue.

In truth, I think the whole spirit medium is bullshit. But I see an opening for conversation and maybe some storytelling. I proceed to ask the girls about the show and in-between stories they tell, I make statements about my own observations about the spirit medium thing and different stories I've heard. This is keeping in mind, of course, that I don't express my opinion on the validity of mediums. I don't wholeheartedly agree with the ladies to score points, either. At a certain point as I'm telling stories in a controlled way with the right tonality and body language, something strange happens for the first time ever--their attention and body positions naturally point towards me. The girls ask me for my name at the end of one of my stories and extend their hands. We introduce each other, and they say that it was amazing how I just came out of nowhere and improved their night. They asked me where my friends were, and I said I just came out alone to see who I could meet--and I did this unabashedly, unlike the last few times people have asked me that question. They seemed to respect my answer, too.

Turns out the prettier of the two girls had a boyfriend so she wasn't about to dance and while she enjoyed my company, she wasn't open to being macked on. Her friend, however, was more than open to dancing with me and we did for ten minutes or so. Afterwards, the three of us sat down in a secluded area of the club and at first we chatted about general things, but I began telling stories about my experiences in NYC and my current job. As I told the stories a certain way, I noticed that not only did the girls shift their body positions towards me again, but both of them touched me at various points of the conversation on my legs, knees, and chest. I'd become the center of their attention.

After awhile, I was making out with the girl I had danced with and when her friend left to talk to a friend at the bar, things got intense between me and the girl I danced with in terms of making out and conversation. By the night's end, I gave her my number and she sent me a text saying 'Goodnight sweet prince, the best is yet to come' by time I'd got home.

I can barely explain what I did tonight or how I got the results that I did. I put many things I've learned into practice, and maybe all of the pieces are beginning to form a whole that will soon become my realized potential.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan

There's no real field report here, but I have been out a few times within the past week and a half following my previous post. Nah, this particular post is more for me so that I can be expressive about a few thoughts rolling through my head and also so that I can come back to this entry later on and examine my mindset from this time.

There's two games that just about every man must play: the professional game and the social game. When I talk about the professional game, I'm referring to the political games that we play when trying to maneuver through and survive in our workplaces. The price of failure in this game is either the hampering or ruining one's livelihood. For the purposes of this journal, the social game refers to the single life or becoming PUA. I may not want to be a PUA, but I'm here to study and experiment with techniques to get a leg up in the social game. The price of failure in the social game can range for loneliness, which is perceived isolation, to ostracism, which is "true" isolation.

I've paid the price for failure in both games several times, and that's conditioned me to fear playing the games at all. But I've also come to the understanding that the only thing worse than losing at these games is not to play--I miss out on the potential rewards by doing so. And as I came to this understanding, I began to see that fear of social consequence--i.e. failure--had dominated me without my even realizing it.

Loneliness and boredom have been the prices of my social cowardice and a refusal to be myself rather than someone else's version of me. Now I can learn what I truly want and now I can learn how to get it.

_________________
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances.

-Jackie Chan