Hi everyone,

I am new to both this forum and PUA stuff
34 years old and want to change
I feel I have nice guy syndrome. Which I think I have developed in last 10 years May be due to long term unemployment and depression.

Sometimes feel myself as a carpet so people can walk over me especially women.

I am very good at computers and a dept head also but still I cant give orders to my juniors.

Need some good reads and a lot of help and support from you friends to stand up and become an Alpha male.

I am still confuse if I can change or not ?

Have to ask a question about a girl also but don't know if I can ask it here.

Thank you all for your time

Just one thing on your trouble giving orders to your juniors. You're the department head! They should look up to YOU and aspire to be YOU! If you have trouble telling them what to do, they'll pick up on this and won't take you seriously. You're in a position of authority over them, YOU are the one in charge, so just fucking take the bull by the horns.

What part of it scares you the most?

_________________
No girl is out of your league, unless you put her there.

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie. This should give you a few tips on showing authority without having to be that nasty boss

YouTube: Corey Wayne - this will help the nice guy syndrome around women

YouTube: Adam Lyons (mainly some of his older stuff) - good beginner stuff, useful tips etc.

Welcome.

_________________
I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Thanks J.Daniel,
I will definitely try to learn from these resources
just one question won't this book make me more of Mr. Nice Guy? Just wondering as I felt it by name.

Some books I have read tells to be good and successful with people put smile on your face etc and what I feel that I have to get rid of the smile which I always wear.Lol am I a lot confused or it just happens?

Thank you for your support, waiting for more of your opinions.

Dear Krixus,
I wish I could do it as you say but don't know why I cant give orders.
May be it is due to unemployment I had before this job ? I had a real bad time before and when I joined here I think I was scared of losing job and I was new and people who are under me were older employees and have better relation with my boss (the director).
Even now it has been more than two years but still I don't feel ordering.
Now from a month or two after thinking too much about it I am trying it but still I can't order directly.

If I have to assign a task, I just say it in general sentence like "Kindly do this work" Without calling any name so all of them can hear and whoever wish can do it. Lol I know I am odd but I dont know how to come out of it.

One more thing may be my boss's mistake (I feel) that he also give direct orders to people under me. May be this thing makes me feel more insecure.

Another thing in general, I am not an English native.
In my language there are two different words for english "YOU"
1. For older people or people you respect.
2. For people younger than you or your friends etc.

But I use no. 1 for even younger guys although they use no.2 for me. ( I hope I was able to describe it properly ).

Thank you guys for your time.
Waiting for your opinions and support

Just a little background information about myself, I'm in the army and I have between 4-12 subordinates, I'm only 21 myself and the blokes underneath me are all older than me, between the ages of 25-30. But enough about me, ignore their ages. You're the one in charge, you're above them, you've worked hard and got promoted for it.
I wouldn't recommend saying "Kindly do this" and generally saying it to a group of people because everyone will think that the next person will do it and then it may not get done.
Just say one of your juniors names and say this needs doing by x o clock. If they don't do it then all you have to do is report to your boss. Obviously don't be rude when telling them to do something but just be firm. If they disrespect you by not doing what you asked, then are they really worth your respect?
That's where being in charge of people comes in. You can't always be the nice guy, there's a line between friend and subordinate.

Lay down the law, be clear and confident.

_________________
No girl is out of your league, unless you put her there.

Hmm Thank you Krixus,

I will definitely try to be more firm and confident.

*If they disrespect you by not doing what you asked, then are they really worth your respect?*

I love this quote of yours, I have never thought about that before.

Thanks a lot.
Can you recommend me any good books or shall I just keep asking from people and just start doing it.

It helps a lot if you discuss it with someone and your suggestions really increased my motivation.

You're welcome, it's a good feeling knowing you've helped somebody a little.

A book I'm currently reading and almost finished is Derren Brown - Mind Tricks if you're into that and thinking about incorporating some of those principles into your game.

Also The Game is an obvious read if you haven't done so already!

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No girl is out of your league, unless you put her there.

I don't really rate The Game - I'd much rather read something by Richard La Ruina. I consider Corey Wayne's book an essential tool, too; you can read it for free on the members area of his website, or you can just Google: Corey Wayne scribd.

Dale Carnegie won't turn you into a nice guy as in a boring nice guy. "nice guy" is a term used by guys to put a negative spin on why they don't get girls. You can be nice and get girls. Nice is only wrong when it's false, boring flattery with an agenda. Dale Carnegie will help you influence people to WANT to do things for you. Think of it this way. Imagine you've got an employee who never wears his safety goggles, you're always moaning at him to. He doesn't listen, does he? He just gets worse and worse. Then one day you take a new approach, you say "Are the goggles uncomfortable? I don't often do this, but I'm happy to buy you some better ones, come and see me after work and we can order some of your choice, if it's a comfort issue... because that's the only area in which I can fault your work. You do a great job, so I don't want you to feel that your hard work is unappreciated with rubbish glasses" ...thats as "nice" as you can get, but 9/10 you'd find that it'd be a lot more effective than "Put your goggles on. I'm sick of telling you!"

A lot of the guys here will tell you that it's a great read. People would also suggest Models, by Mark Manson. I've never read Models, though, so I can't suggest it really.

_________________
I grew out of the dumb shit I used to say on here. Most of my posts don't represent who I am today at all.

Thank you Krixus and J. Daniels,


I have downloaded these book.
How to make friends and influence people
Tricks of mind by Darren Brown
The Game
How to be 3% man by Corey Wayne

I will read how to make friends first, it sounds good after reading the example J. Daniels has given in his post.

I hope it will work out for me.
Thank you both of you
I will sure update after reading books