I went out for the third time with a HB9 yesterday. We kissed a lot, and I told her she should come up and stay with me at uni this week. She seemed reasonably enthusiastic, although when I asked her which days she was off work, she seemed slightly apprehensive.

She texted me to tell me she got home okay. Then I texted her this morning saying;

"Haha good;) If it's Fri you're off, you should come up Thursday and we'll check out that Jazz club x" (10:56am)

Her: "Hahaa... Ooh okay, I'll have a little think, sounds good! But {city I'm at uni at} is quite the trekk! Ahaa x" (17:55)

I haven't replied yet. What shall I reply?

Do you think I haven't built enough comfort yet? How should I build comfort if so?

It's cause she knows what's up... She knows coming to see you overnight means sex... And you're not making an effort to veil that fact.

Jazz club? Had you previously discussed this?

She's already making excuses why it's not going to happen... She'll "have a think" means she's going to flake on you on Wednesday.

You're saying she's really into you - which may very well be - but it sure doesn't sound like she's all in yet.

Why don't you go to her, if it's so important? If she says it's too far you could suggest that. See what she says... If she says no, then I think you've got your answer.

What do you mean by going to her? Going to her house? She lives with her Mum and twin sister, so I don't think she'd be comfortable doing that. A HB7 whom I have only dated once, is coming from even further to come and stay with me Wednesday, so I'm quite confused...

What does one girl have to do with the other? I'm saying this one sounds a little skittish.

You didn't mention she's living at home - so... I wouldn't have known that.

Okay mate, I'm sorry if that came off as unappreciative. How do you recommend I play it?

I replied

"Haha it's only 30 mins It'll be fun X"

She replied today: "Haha yeah on the train, but is £30 and I have to save for my travels... :$ I'm sure it would be! X"

I genuinely like her, I'm not just interested in sex. I am a virgin I should point out. What shall I do? Suggest we catch up at the weekend?

I'm feeling pretty shit about all this, I suffer from depression anyway. I have a HB7 staying round tomorrow night anyway, but I do like the HB9.

LOL - it's not about that. You didn't offend me. I just didn't have all the details when I made my first post, obviously...

The 9 is flaking. She's already laid the ground work...

You're playing the 9 too hard and it shows. She knows she's got you hooked.

Best thing you can do - Forget her and focus on the 7. 9 will wonder why you gave up if you just simply stop pushing for a meet.

I replied: "Haha oh yeah! You can always on in on the way up on your travels if I'm free and you fancy it. If I'm back in {Local County/ State} let's grab a (decent) coffee this weekend X"

(The last place she chose to get coffee was scabby, and I negged her for it.)

Shall I go no contact then?

She's not feeling it dude.

If she wanted to see you she'd find a way to see you. 30 bucks is a lame excuse if she really wanted it.

You should be backing off. Yes. Focus on the other girl. The one who's actually interested

She replied this:

"Hahaa oopps, yeahh will let you know! Hey! That coffee was the best in town... I mean she was obvs a total pro. But sure Id be up for that, even if its not quite the bakers armss... x"

I'll leave it till Friday and text her. What do you think?

I think I told you what I think.

She's probably gonna flake. Are you listening to anything I'm saying here? Cause I've said it 3 times...

Update;

Meeting her tomorrow for a walk up a local hill. This'll be date 4. She seemed enthusiastic in her reply. Thought I'd maybe talk about a few more serious topics (nothing too heavy) tomorrow to try and help her feel comfortable around me etc.

She goes travelling next Sunday, so don't know whether to invite her round for Valentines or something... I'm guessing she'll say she needs to pack or something... What do you guys suggest?

Sounds like your confused kid....

i think you need to build comfort. she hasn't known you for very long and is unsure. build comfort before bringing it up again. let this event pass.

hint hint, explore her, get her talking about her DEEP self. my advice. tell her some personal things about yourself, so that she will feel comfortable talking about herself. you want her to really open up and talk to u about her deep inner values and secrets. her past and the story behind why she is a certain way. you could probably make a guess about her, something vague. say "i bet theres a side to you, who no one knows" this statement is true for everyone. its vague. get her talking about that "side" and why she has that side about her. why it is the way it is. don't give her disapproval for anything she tells you, make it seem like your interested. lean in slightly.

this will build a friendship between you guys. thats what people are talking about when they say "connection" she will feel close to you, and comfortable with you. and with that comes the comfort of sex with you. enjoy.

Hey man. Thanks for the reply. I suspected comfort was the problem. We've been texting whilst she was travelling. . I invited her to stay again by text last weekend and got the same reply about having a spare £30 and she'd let me know etc - never did, although she did text me Wednesday asking how I am etc after we spoke on the phone Sunday evening. What kinds of things should I ask about to build comfort?

I thought about telling her how I got over depression etc but don't know if that's a bit heavy.