Hi!
Need some help.
I love my current gf and she's good to me. But she recently met my co-worker and later felt something was off when she saw her calling me multiple times a day, texts, and also because she lives close to us I often car-pool with her. She brought it up and I said it was nothing.

So my girlfriend was on my laptop doing some application and accidentally closed her window, she went into recent searches to open it back up and found my recent search on "pick-up a co-worker" and "seductive text messaging." I don't ever send my gf seductive txts just a good ol' "let's be nasty later" She's not a snooper but incredibly smart. She confronted me and quickly scrolled through my phone and found I had a deleted my conversation thread up until this week. Nothing bad, but still she's suspicious and I don't want to loose her but have no idea why I even crossed my mind to pick-up my co-worker.

I dont even know how to explain it to her.

Help...please!!!!
I can't loose this girl. She's smart and pretty.

And you buy this explanation?
Imo you're lying to yourself.
Let's call it for what it is: You have imagined fucking the co-worker and were wondering how to do so. Your g/f snooped your phone and found out about this and now is rightly suspicious. As I see it, you've both fucked up here and you both have things to answer to each other for.
What's done is done. I don't know how to explain it either, since you did in fact look up how to fuck the other girl.

Maybe someone else will have better feedback than I have provided.

Hope everything works out man.

In my opinion monogamy is abnormal but that's beyond the scope of this thread.

Then how do you explain that if you are truly in love with someone you don't want to sleep with anyone else?
Even if you want to take the evolutionary theory monogamy makes more sense.
Also you are not an animal that needs to procreate. You are a person. What separates you from animals is logic and feelings.

That's a romantic notion and a choice. There are couples that love each other intensely and at the same time are swingers. There are polygamists that love each one of their spouses.Sex is not just for procreation. People with healthy sex lives live longer and have less stress or at least cope with stress better. I would be willing to bet if you got every terrorist in the world laid today, there would be peace for at least a week.

Monogamy is an invention. If you tried to sell it in a store, you would lose money.

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When you are spreading your love into different people you are lowering the intensity of your feelings. There are very few couples that are swingers and that's because fewer people enjoy sex that is just physical.
I don't know if you have spoken with people that in their society polygamy is accepted but even in countries where it is legal to have more than one spouses people usually go for only one spouse. The idea behind allowing a man having more than one woman was only to protect widows that had lost their husband in war and they couldn't look after themselves financially. There was no "love" idea behind that. It was all about procreation.
And btw you sound to me like you are confusing "loving someone" and "being in love with someone". They are two different things.


Sex in the olden days was just for that. That's why there was more focus on how it would be more efficient to have more children.
If you take away contraception women are less willing to have sex with multiple partners. There would be different dynamics because sex would mean kids.
If you want to talk about sex with contraception women will prefer sex with someone they got feelings for because it is more rewarding. No amount of sex techniques, passion of the moment can be compared with having sex with the love of your life.
You might even want to argue with that but one thing I am going to ask you: what is better? techniques+passion or techniques+passion+feelings?
If terrorism was that easy to solve there wouldn't be wars. We would just give a couple of slags to each terrorist and we would achieve world peace.
And btw the best sex life with the maximum consistency in how often you have sex is when you are in a stable relationship with a woman. How can it be healthy if you have 6 times a week sex and you are over 35?
Most men can't even achieve consistently twice a week sex when they are over 35. Are you in your early 20s? Maybe if you were trying to sell monogamy to men that have been brainwashed by media.. then yeah you might lose money BUT if you were doing that with women and people that are aware of how life works you wouldn't.
Having one person only is less hassle in everything. Can you imagine being married with 3 women?
It can work but it would take more effort. I'll bring you a simple example:
If you go rent a flat with only one housemate ( one woman) you might get to a few arguments about house chores but at the end you are going to work it out. Now go rent a flat with 7 women. You might have more fun on the weekends but there is ALWaYS going to be drama.

I remember once I lived in the same house with 3 other women and we had one bathroom to share. No matter what rules we were using we were still arguing who was going to use it. Can you imagine the bathroom being our only husband?

The fantasy of having lots of women is different than reality. Don't confuse FWB with proper serious relationship with more than one woman. And if you add kids in the equation things are getting even more complicated.
One kid makes things complicated. One kid with each wife makes it two kids if you have two wives. That's even more complicated. Then you have each wife fighting each other over which kid is going to have more attention/money etc. Or wives might argue which one had more sex or more shoes or has to do the house chores etc. And that's on top of having to raise at least one kid with each wife. Can you imagine your life like this? Even one wife with two kids is easier. You wouldn't have the drama of the two wives fighting each other.
Assume also that you might have an open marriage. Would you be happy babysitting the kid while she is out trying to get sex with another man? Would you be ok that if there is an accident and she gets pregnant accidentally from someone else you would be ok to raise that man's child?
You are only thinking in terms of sex with multiple partners as in a FWB settlement.
If you want a serious relationship and a family it is EASIER if you have one partner and be a monogamist. Of course no one is going to tell you if you want to make your life more complicated. Also no one is going to tell you if you should have a family or not. If you do though want to have kids and a family you'll do yourself a favour having only one woman.
Most people want their life easy. That's why monogamy is still attractive to people.
You must be young and by all means go and explore the world. Keep in mind though that things change as you get older.

@JackZero
P.S. Have you ever noticed how "happy" are men with two different babymamas even if they are single and the women raise the kids? LOL not even celebrities that have lots of money don't seem to be able to handle it that well.

The coolidge effect is very real and so can the feelings you develop for each other in a relationship between compatible individuals. Nothing is cut and dried, black and white or applicable to all people. I myself have been in relationships where I have lusted after other women and ones where I have had zero interest. Monagamy, even in a PUA forum, isn't a dirty word, it is sometimes something you just feel and that is ok.

I was going to give you psychological information and evidence that has existed in the "old days" to break down your arguments. However, I believe your arguments are based in emotion and not logic. So if I can tell you about couples that I've known personally, you'd shoot those down. I can talk about the gay and lesbian communities where sex happens, love happens, but procreation doesn't happen, you probably have an answer for that. I can talk about my experiences as a man, in his mid thirties, but you'd say I was never in love before.

Your entire problem is that you are putting the way you think on everyone else despite scientific proof and things that stand right in front of you. Even worse, you as a woman is defining how a man views what being "in love" is and it isn't realistic.

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No go ahead. Show us the evidence. It will be fun Maybe you could explain why gay/lesbian couples are fighting for their right to be able to get married and be in a monogamous relationship? I'd love to see your explanation on that too. I am not that interested about your sad story but if you have to you can share. Scientific proof? Well that's interesting. From all I know there was a scientific book called "men are from mars and women are from venus" written by John Gray. There is a long list of literature that was written against this type of assumption. Let me know if you are interested, I could send you a list of links xx
P.S. PUA material doesn't count as "scientific"

Here's the first piece of evidence. Humans as a race are not monogamous and it has been scientifically proven. Documentation of romantic love can only be traced back to 800 years. Cultural historians have determined that there was long periods in our history and prehistory that NO ONE has experienced romantic love. I guarantee that you cannot find any documentation on the notion of romantic love that has existed before the middle ages. At best, you'll only find documentation that will describe a man's attraction to a woman will only be speaking of her body and nothing of her personality.

It has been documented in the Ancient Greek texts that men would have sex to establish dominance and that has nothing to do with procreation. The world's oldest profession has nothing to do with procreation. Rape has been in existence for thousands of years...nothing to do with procreation.
Heterosexual couples cheat when married. What makes you think that homosexuals won't cheat? The fact that you are saying that they are fighting to be in a monogamous relationship sounds crazy. There is no need for legal documentation that allows you to be monogamous. Sad story? Who said it was sad? That was my way of answering your question about my being young.

The thing is that you must actually be pretty young to hold these naive views of the world and reality. You are closing your eyes to the truth. Monogamy isn't real. Let your boyfriend/husband be locked in a room with a horny Angelina Jolie or Candice Swanepoel and being "in love" is not going to stop him from having his way with either one of them. If he tells you he would resist and you believe it, he's found himself the right woman.

Here's the most important lesson that you as a woman will learn about men. Men's faithfulness are limited to his options.

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+1 on Da's post... You're fucked OP.

Man - up.


There's nothing cool about leading somebody on. Your heart obviously isn't in this current relationship so let her go rather than hanging onto her for validation's sake. You messed up but you can end this on a good note.