| Hi everyone! I'm rather new to posting here, but I've been reading and learning for months. Let me tell you my story.... Two years ago I was AFC-loser first class. No self-esteem, my attitude was entirely self-pity, and on some level I loathed myself. Because.... I always cared too much. Yes, I'm an emotional person, and an introvert. I endured a repeat cycle of damage (which I now understand was all self-inflicted) that eroded my respect for myself. I was lying to myself to get by in life, and complacent. Every facet of my life seemed hopeless. I lived going thru the motions.
Tom Petty had it right. "Even the losers get lucky sometime", I met someone. She had a distant past with a friend of mine (six years removed) who had moved on to someone else he was living with and serious about. I did NOT violate Bro-code, I asked him about it first. He was cool with it. Well, you know how that relationship turned out... I got attached, dumped, and stuffed in friend-zone. I made just about every needy mistake you can imagine. Thru all of it, I'm proud that I never begged to get back together. I only asked to talk face to face. And I never once spoke to her with anger or call her a foul name. She had an excuse for everything.
I went NC and realized the repeat cycle. I saw all the problems in my life. I knew I'd be back at this point sometime in the future if I didn't act to change. Fight the good fight. So, I had ALOT to learn. Can't learn by playing it safe, so I went out and made ALOT of mistakes. The only way to face fear is Head-on. I started doing things that I was always insecure about doing, going out of my comfort zone.
As I began leading a more socially active life, I started researching massively about my problems online. Mainly I focused on the psychology of why people act how they do. One of my new mantra's is "Listen to Words, not actions." I'm sure I've read that somewhere. As I started seeing the motivation behind others actions, and really studying body language in public (i never stop studying it to this day), I started perceiving things differently, and with some self-respect.
The biggest understanding breakthru for me, as a former emotional support tool, and someone who let people use him just so he could get attention/external validation, was "What you tolerate, you encourage". With that in mind, I started evaluating every friendship in my life. I realized alot of AFC dirtbags were a toxic influence to me. They wanted something, for as little as they could offer. Users... I just walked away, no explanation. I let my actions and indifference speak for me.
In this process, I re-tested that same ex. It had been a year and a half since we dated. I had an understanding I lacked before and respect for myself. I asked for her phone number to try and just be friends... but on my terms. And she gave me them. When I called she didn't answer. I knew if she couldn't return a call, she's a waste of time herself. She needed the validation of being chased for an ego-boost, and like hell was she getting a thing from me.
While I found self-respect, and the ability to walk away from anything with a smile, I admit that emotionally I'm still burned. I've learned to channel "negative" feeling emotions, use them to fuel a positive outcome, harness them for motivation. My greatest desire is to prove to myself that someone is wrong to underestimate me. It's been a raging wildfire. That was 8 months ago, I've added 20 pounds of muscle so far, my committment to getting in shape has been extremely disciplined. And I've learned so much from it.
My mindset is coming full circle now, im progressing every day. I'm removing self imposed barriers day by day. My current area of work is my approach anxiety, but I'm walking with confidence now, my posture is excellent, my energy vibe is positive and charming. Its the next target on the table.
With so much going for me, out of the blue I get a message on facebook from her. It was a page of excuses, with one question asking if I had ever called her. I didn't give some emotional support speech like she expected. I just answered her question directly, and told her I was happy with how things are now. She said she didn't understand, but couldn't ask what I meant. When I didn't explain she went full rage BS on me. I didn't respond to any of it. I said "I have nothing to offer you." told her I still thought she was an amazing woman and to stay beautiful. I didn't see any reason to call her names.
Within a day, she's dating that same bro I had asked those 2.5 years ago. And he couldn't return the bro-code love (he was one of those users I discarded), and jumped when she came running. And I really wish he had. She's rebounding with him (delayed effect of finally losing the emotional crutch i provided) and he's desperate. He's still scarred from the girl he dated the last 4 years. I looked at his facebook page, and about puked. I thought I was needy and desperate when I dated her. His was screaming pathetic. And he has to try and taunt me about it because he feels threatened. I told him to take good care of her, and I told her to take care of him and that he's a keeper. I know a timebomb when I see it.
All of this leads me to greater things. I've been done with toxic people for months now. I understand my value, what I have to offer MUST BE EARNED! I'm ready to do whatever it takes to make myself better everyday, learn something everyday. I'm selective with who I pursue now. Before it was more of an "anything works" philosophy.
I look forward to building my day-game. I'm intelligent, but not some suave talker. Direct openers are perfect for my personality. I make confident eye contact a priority everywhere, and I realize how many people drudge thru everyday life with their heads buried, and how much I now stand out individually.
If I can transform from the complete emotional basement of darkness, to where I've come in the two and a half years I've fought to change decades of a defeatist mindset with emotional scars, then isn't there hope for you? Come on, did you read all that needy crap up there?!?!? I had some serious social issues! I fought to change them, and so can you. Surround yourself with the right people while your at it, we're moving up in this world, but you have to fight for yourself. Are you in?
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CHAT
