Hey guys,

Let me begin by answering the recommended questions. I am a 23 year old (almost 24) brown guy and I consider myself to be above-average looking. I played sports competitively when I was younger, as a result I have a slim build even though I haven't exercised regularly for the past 2 years. Currently, I am studying and living in in a college town in Canada at a university around 2 hours away from Toronto. My hobbies include computer programming, traveling and socializing with friends. I got into this community just by surfing the internet looking for solutions to my problems.

I am by no means a weirdo. Most people consider me to be "cool". I have traveled around the world. In fact, I have friends all over the world, now that I think about it. I don't have problems making friends or interacting with people, although I do get slightly intimidated by hot women, but nothing abnormal. Due to the personality I project, many of my friends back home think I am a "player". But, deep down I have a big secret........................ I am a virgin! In fact, I am a worse than a virgin. I haven't even kissed a girl!

So, the first question that must come to any persons mind is "Why?". Why is this cool guy who is not too bad socially, still a virgin? I think I can myself answer that question partly:
1. I come from a culture where it is considered normal for people (including men) to wait to have sex until after marriage (think China, India, Iran etc.). Many of my colleagues in their mid-20s are still virgins or have had only a very small amount of sexual partners.
2. Until graduating from high school, I was pretty socially adept. But after high school, I faced a bad addiction to online video games, which took up a lot of my time. This addiction lasted almost 4 years and it obviously stunted my social growth during that time, a time when most people are exploring sexually.
3. During my undergraduate days, I was in a university that was mostly male dominated. Even the handful of women that did exist, were the ones I was least interested in.

Isolating the problem
I have had women attracted to me in the recent past and even formed a "connection" with them. However, I always fail to escalate physically. This is mainly due to the following reasons:
1. Every girl I have formed a connection with knows my age. But I am sexually inexperienced and I always fear that she will find out that I am a virgin if I escalate physically (since I haven't even kissed a girl before).
2. No one in any social circle thinks that I am a virgin. I am always scared that people will find out and the negative consequences that follow in today's society with being a virgin.
3. Subconsciously, because of the culture that I come from, I cannot escalate physically because it is not considered normal unless that person is a girlfriend/wife. I need to get over this.

Where I am right now
At first, I was one of those people who thought "You got it or you ain't". However, recently that has changed. Reading the book "How to Make Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie greatly improved my social skills when put in practice. Now I am of the opinion that every skill can be learnt, including being better with women.

Further, almost reaching 24 and being a virgin, I realize that I need help. It's gotta be a problem with me. And, that's why I am here in this community. Plus, I am currently in a university town which seems like a good practise ground.

I have finished reading around 50% of "The Game" by Neil Strauss. I would like to hear what I should do next in terms of reading or practising. Also, not sure but do I need to be on more than 1 pickup forum? Googling produces 3-4 pickup forums.

My goal is to be able to have physical relationships with women. I do not necessarily want to become one of those players who screws and discards women. Which means, I want to be myself even during picking up or follow the so called "Natural Game".

Finally, thank you all for reading this. All criticisms and opinions are welcome!

Cheers!

First of all, do not be ashamed of being a virgin. Your first thing to work on is to be a proud virgin. There is nothing wrong with waiting for marriage to have sex, however you are going to be limiting yourself to a very narrow selection of girls if that is your wish, especially in Canada.

If you do wish to have sex before marriage, that is great too. Failure to escalate in Canada with most girls, even some of the "wait till marraige type" is often a recipe for her to lose interest. I'm glad you don't want to be a player, because players make the game much harder for every other guy out there.

Neil Strauss often says the game is about "leaving the girl better off than when you found her"

Video games can be detrimental to pickup in the sense that it isolates you socially, and it can make it a bit harder for when you do decide to go out and start talking to girls. Theres nothing wrong with gaming, i love gaming. But after a week of gaming, it can take a while for some guys to get back into the social mood. But luckily a few good day or night sessions talking to girls can get you right back into the game.


I would suggest looking into Mystery Method's Kino to get a good idea of when and how to escalate physically. This is a difficult step to pick up because often guys misinterpret the girls signals. Rule of thumb is to go 2 steps forward, one step backward. And its always better to go slow than rush things. Just as long as you are slowly escalating, and you pull back every once in a while, or if she pushes you back, just jump back a step and keep working at it until she is on the same page.
For example, starting by touching her ears "Hey i like these earings", and then maybe touching her shoulder every time you laugh together, and then reward her with a hug for her good behavior. Usually a kiss can follow a moment when you two are in a deep conversation about interests and you strike a chord that you seem to have something in common. Then a moment of silence before the kiss.

There are alos routines to win a kiss from her i would recommend googling. Routines and gimmicks are a solid crutch for first starting out in the game, but shouldn't be used forever. Over time you will want to practice having genuine conversation as you go in order to progress into natural game.

Remember to have fun, and add value to her life. Your goal is not to take value (like a kiss) from her, but rather give her value, give her fun, make her laugh etc. You want her to see that you are a great guy, whether you are with a girl or not, and every girls life would be better if they were with you because you would make their life more fun.

If a girl judges you for being sexually inexperienced, never be ashamed. Be proud that you havn't rushed into anything, and be confident in your own identity. Girls will find this very attractive. Whether a guy has slept with 100 women or 0 makes no difference on the outside, the only thing that matters is that you are stable and that you have a strong confident personality. Remember that there are tons of girls out there who are still virgins, as well as tons of sexually experienced girls out there who would LOVE to show a young guy with little experience "the ropes".

Cheers, hope this helps!


-Jody

Sincere Seduction

That was a great post Jody. Thank you!

If you don't mind, I would like to pick your brain a bit more.

Many people have an addiction phase in their lives. Luckily, I am out of that phase.

About me, I do actually want to develop physical relationships and explore sexually before marriage and have nothing against it. Subconsciously, I know there is value in being a virgin too, but its just so much harder to think that way when your a guy, especially with the general thought process in today's society (including many of my friends). Even harder to think that way when your a popular guy who people expect not to be a virgin.

I think physical escalation is my weakest link, especially because of inexperience. I am always too afraid to go for the kiss due to my fear of getting the timing wrong. I have many a time reached that phase where I have a great conversation with a girl and there's that awkward silence. I just didn't know so far what to do with that awkward silence. I like the tips you gave about touching the shoulder when laughing, touching ears when complimenting on earrings. Other than Mystery's Kino method, are there any other places I should be looking? Should I be reading the Mystery's Method? How should I go about using this forum to improve myself?

Thanks again bro!

Don't worry, we have all had the awkward silences. The key is not to rush the kiss. Although over lots of practice, you can gain a kiss with a girl within the first 5 minutes of meeting her, you should focus more on building value. The moment you want to kiss her is when she gives you the "puppy dog eyes" as it's often called in the pua community. The puppy dog eyes are when you could be talking to her, adding some sort of value to the connection, ie making her laugh, or telling her a story about yourself that builds value, or when you two are in a deep convo about a similar interest and the conversation thread ends on a good note. You may see her looking up at you, kind of in a trance, the look a girl gives a guy when she isn't so much interested in what he is saying anymore, she is more thinking, "mmm i would like you to shut up and just kiss me". You must be looking straight into her eyes without flinching.
Also the dance floor is an amazing shortcut to the bedroom. Simply dance with her, starting apart, and slowly moving closer, grab her waist, grab her neck and keep bringing her closer, give her lots of eye contact. If she resists, she probably isn't ready for a kiss. If she isnt giving you eye contact back, dont go for the kiss. Smile at her lots, and when you feel close enough to her go for it. You can even tell a girl confidently, "shhhh...stop talking, im going to kiss you now" and go in for the kiss. girls love when the man leads like that.
It will take practice transitioning from the friendly conversation to the sexual encounter, but this transition is all about your tone of voice, your eye contact, your body language and how much physical contact you are initiating. Its important for the girl to understand that you are interested in her sexually, she needs to know your intentions. So once you build value, and you have gotten a few indicators of interest from her, you can begin to flirt heavier with her. You can tell her to dance with you, you can tell her she is beautiful in a very sincere way, and by looking straight in her eyes, you can just put your finger to her lips to shhh her when she is talking and just go in for the kiss, etc. I would strongly recommend reading the mystery method, he talks about these moments a lot, the process of seduction and about indicators of interest etc. It is far different, and you will gain much more than you will from reading The Game. The Game is just a first step into the seduction world.
Good luck!

-Jody

Sincere Seduction