This is going to be quite long because I'm trying to give as much details about it.

It has been boggling my mind for a quite a while and I need to make it clear for me in order to grown and not make same mistake (if I've actually done any) further in time.


This is about the girl that I was posting on in my few previous threads.


So I basically know her for about 8 years (but not that deep - most of the time either she or I were abroad) and I was basically a friend for her and she didn't represented such a big interest for me at that time, althought I've tried to game her in the past.

However few months ago (fall 2014) we started seeing each other more often, just as friends but eventually we hooked up in november. It just happened, I did my thing and we kissed. She came to my place several times and I was at her place few times and we slept once. (that night that I did the cooking thing for her the next morning).

We saw each other couple of times after that and at the one time she told me that: "We better just remain friends".

She did me that before too, but I managed to handle it and not take it seriously. (since a lot of time women don't mean what they say, they test, and I don't catch up for all they say).

However this time I could't manage to handle it as before and I tried again to kino escalate and play it as nothing happened, but she still persisted that she was serious about it.

I then backed off and said... "Cool, no problem I think it is also better to remain friends". I didn't got emotional, I didn't asked why, I was just cool with that. Even told her that if that is so, then its OK to date another women, she replied: "well sure, no problem for me". (no negative emotion here)

So this happened end of november and I decided to really not bother with her until she contacts me and date other women for real.


She contacted me for Christmas - wishing me Merry Christmas and to fulfill my dreams and missions. (because we spoke about those before and I guess it really made an impression to her). And then she told me: "Oh and btw you got my book at your place right - I'll need it back, so when you are able call me to give it to me"


I was thinking that it would be childish to fool her around about the book and play her to come and get it. So I messaged her few days after New Year to come at the gym after I finish training and we go to drink something and I give her the book. She said OK, but then she said its not very convenient for her to come to the sports gym, and she suggested another location at a later time. I told her that just better call me during the week and better meet then. She said: "don't count on that" (i.e. IMO - not sure).


So now I'll not contact her since she doesn't... or at least not contact her in a week or so.


But anyway this is not what I'm asking.


I still can't figure out why she gave me the LJBF speech at the firts place. I never acted needy, seeking approval, over calling, over texting, jealous etc.(comparing to past experiences, where one of those was the case for breaking up - now I'm more wise so to speak due to that)


As far as I can see in my mind there are few options for the reason why.

1) She didn't felt enough attraction at first at all, and the element of she chasing me was kind of missing. She said on several occasions that I'm too cheeky and pushy. (while from my POV I was just escalating). But I guess yes, she didn't had the opportunity to chase me.

2) didn't had enough comfort level - she didn't felt she can trust me and just wanted to brush me off with LJBF (but if thats so, why she contacts me to wish me Merry Christmas)

3) her past impression about me (just regular friends) somehow kicked in and she rationalized, that it is better for her not to engage with me. - I personally think this is the biggest reason or #1.

IMO she likes to play it all that intendant strong girl with slightly high ego (maybe because she was hurt in the past from a relationship). However she is not bitchy and super ego boosted, although i don't want to idealize
her - she has flaws as most people do. But something tells me that it is not very masculine and mature to change chicks one after another all the time. ( I think I already past that period).


So what I want from her you might ask - well I'm clear now what I want. I want her to be genuine friend with me, but not just some superficial friendship. I would be happy if we are in intimate relationship, however I'll not die if we are not,(I'm NOT needy about her), as long as I know I can trust her and she can trust me.


I don't really want to play PU games with her. Better I let things be completely natural.


My policy is that I'll still meet and date other women, and once in a while will try to ask her out or come in my place or me go in her place.


What do you think about it? Did I did something wrong and if yes, what? What did I do right?
what is something that I don't see?

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

Hi lowriderzzz,

I think you made the mistake of thinking a Merry Christmas message was something more.

I also don't really know that you were ever really in a relationship with this girl (and I wasn't a fly on the wall here, or anything - but I have read most (all?) of your forum posts and responded to many of them - I'm aware of your history with her).

Here's what I think. She was testing the waters with you for a bit and it didn't work out. I think you are looking for a way to reconcile that you or she did something wrong - but you know what? It doesn't always work out (very seldom does it work out). Sometimes people aren't compatible.

If you're looking for a list of things you did wrong so that you won't do them again, that's a little pointless, as the next girl you date won't have the same hangups as the previous one... You won't have most of the same issues with her.

That's not to say it's not a useful exercise to analyze your mistakes when in the pickup stage and make adjustments based on successes/failures; or change something in your life if it's REALLY fucked you up (like if you're overweight or have giant confidence issues or something)... but this is a one-month thing where you slept together once or twice and dated a few times...

Now, based on all your other posts, and looking at it big picture, I have some comments on where I think you have confidence/control problems - (and I hope you don't blow this advice off because it isn't what you want to hear... As I literally just took an hour and re-read a lot of your old stuff (see #2):

1) You're *TOO* prepared as far as theory goes, and trying to figure out in advance what to do in each and every situation... For example: good-with-women-but-can-t-defend-fight-vt185763.html

2) You post your issues to these forums and sometimes only take the advice you want to hear... Example: what-do-you-keep-of-sharing-about-yours ... 86784.html --- LOTS of good advice here, but most of it wasn't what you were looking for to suit your exact situation... so you ignored everything but what you wanted to hear.

3) You're always looking for a reason/cause to explain what's happened and why a girl is behaving a certain way... And you can't always do that. People behave irrationally, and illogically (girls in relationships especially). They test, they lie, they are dishonest to spare guys' feelings sometimes (with good intentions). Example:
she-says-lets-not-rush-the-things-up-vt185757.html

You're overanalyzing everything and you can't possibly even be having fun with this, as a result.

I'm not trying being mean here. Seriously I'm not.

I'm being critical because you asked and I want to see you improve.

Thank you for your advice and I really appreciate it, especially if you put 1 hour to read through my other posts.

Not to justify myself but really I don't try to force things or try to change people. Sometimes things work, sometimes doesn't, and it has many variables that contribute to this like maturity level, common values, interests etc. for a happy relationship I suppose.

Basally what i'm asking is 1 to observe myself personally (kind of like journaling) and 2nd to see if I'm going the right path.

Yea it is true that I might be overgeneralizing and trying to predict every situation which is not possible. I'll stop doing that.

I'm looking for a reason, because I want to improve myself and it makes me feel better if I know the reason. (which maybe is a weakens of myself - IDK, you tell me).

I'm 27, I have been picking up chicks and had tried to be in relationship on several occasions, but never worked out.(most of the times I think I messed things up). Something therefore tells me that there is something in me that is causing the relationship not to last. And in my past I can tell for sure what my mistakes were and the reasons for the relationship to fail. So now I don't do those mistakes anymore but I still don't get what I want from the relationship... So following the logic I'm still probably doing something wrong (or not doing something right). And IDK what it is...

I'm NOT acting needy over having a relationship, but if there is an issue that I have its my responsibility to figure it out right?

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

Charles' advice is dead on.

It isn't as simple as you're attractive, non needy, funny, etc = she likes you or wants to sleep with you or wants to be your gf. As I've told you many times, you were dead set on making this woman your gf and you treated it as something you could control. The answer is all is Charles' words. If you think his advice is incorrect, you're not being honest with yourself.

I got your advices - both of you guys.

I don't want to sound like complaining or shit.

I know I can change or control her, or anyone in that matter and I don't try to do it.

In every situation there is you have choice - you can do things that are worse or do things that are better.
I'm just looking to confirm that I'll do the better things.

i.e. date other women, don't bother with her and if she contacts me - great, if she doesn't from time to time i'll contact her and thats it.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

There's this management paradigm that has been discovered through an intensive and comprehensive Gallup Poll that the best managers are those who work on the strongest points of each of their team members instead of trying to strengthen an individual team member's weak points. That's the reason why you have a team. In basketball for instance, you have specialists for long distance shooting, defense, rebounds and so on.

Somehow, somewhere in your life, you'll have to accept that no matter how hard you try, you're just NOT cut out for something. Women sleep with two kinds of men: those who are good for short term relationships and those who are long term relationship material.

Somehow, women find your looks and personality as short term relationship materials. I had the same sticking point for so many years. I used to be the guy that women cheat with. In the past, I ALWAYS got involved with women who have boyfriends and husbands. Women try sex with me and when they like it, they keep coming back for more or less six months for more sex and then drop me like a hot potato after abusing the good graces of my cock.

You have traits (like I had before) that many PUAs want. It just so happens that you need to improve your bedroom skills so women will keep coming back for more sex instead of just one or two instances of banging.

Now, women want me for long term relationship. This reversal in trend started to happen when I began getting active in this forum and learning a lot day after day.

Maximize what you currently have. You're in the best possible position for banging lots of women where women just want you for short term relationship and/or sex. In time, eventually, you'll transform into the guy that women want to marry or as a boyfriend for long term relationship.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

You are kind of right about that. I'm 27 now and all my experiences with women so far has been short term success (and failures at the beginning while still at my teens).

I don't have confidence problems that I can't find or attract a girl. I already learned that skill and came to the conclusion that picking up the girl is the easy part. Not no brag but I have a wide social circle and I have lots of female friends and I constantly meet with new ones.

However every-time things start to go toward relationship with some girl something happens and things go stale. A lot of times I screwed things up by either doing something wrong or doing too much too soon. And yet few times I just stop caring after few times of sex but she also stopped caring. I agree that giving a great sexual experience to a woman is so essential.

This time I still DON'T KNOW what happened and I'm so eager to find out, because I know that soon I'll have similar experience and I don't want to repeat the same result.


I appreciate your help guys by trying to tell me that not everything is in my control and that "sometimes things happen to be so", but that is not really helping me out in finding what my mistake was so I can improve. And now I'm going around in circle about that.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

Let me lay this out to you as simple and direct as I can be. As I have been telling you before in a few of your other threads:

1. Work on improving your bedroom skills. A woman who LJBFs you after one or two bouts of sex with you was NOT sexually satisfied with you at all.

2. Use neutral feedback to map your progress in improving your bedroom skills. A woman who does not want to cook you breakfast when you tell her to cook you one right after sex was NOT sexually satisfied with you at all. Start giving your women small compliance tests and then move forward to bigger things to better gauge the improvement of your skills in bed.

When you become so great at sex, women will tend to keep their relationships with you longer and comply with most of your wishes like doing your laundry, ironing your shirts, cleaning up your house, or buying you groceries with their own money every now and then.

Likewise, treat your women to those emotional roller coasters when they're with you.

As Charles have said: don't try to filter out what you don't want to hear. It's tough. But hey, it's a tough world out there.

Yes.

You suck in bed. Now work on it.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Yea you might have a point, but no woman ever told me that. Actually I remember one women tell me this but this was waaayyy back in time.
I usually have lots of energy and can go up for a very very long time.

But quite honesty last time with her it took very effort for me to "convince" her of doing it.
She was always resisting and backing off etc. I suppose I seemed like a pushy horny teenager to her.
Now I'm thinking it had to happen the other way around - like she trying to convince me to have sex with her.

So there had to be something before hand I didn't done quite well. I bet on: there was no she chases me element in the whole courtship. (or if there was I haven't noticed it).

Now saying this don't mean I'm skipping through your advice. I accept that I should probably need to work more on my bedroom skills.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

Women don't like conflicts as a general rule or hurting other people's feelings. In fact, most women tell their lovers that they are great in bed even though when among their girlie friends or the guys whom they cheat with, they complain that their men don't know what they are doing or are sorely lacking in the bedroom skills department.

Again, the most objective positive feedback that you can get from a woman with regards to your bedroom skills is when she cooks you a great breakfast (even when you didn't tell her so) after a bout of sex. Women also usually sing while cooking your meal after you've banged them good. The second best positive feedback is when women you've banged are very compliant and submissive to most of your requests. The third best positive feedback is when women keep on showing up at your apartment for one reason or another on several instances where those visits usually end up with sex.

The worst negative feedback that you can get is when a woman LJBFs you after you've banged her ONCE or TWICE.

When it comes to seduction, ALWAYS look at what a woman does; not what she says.
That's very vague.

If you bang girls as long as this song or for 30 consecutive songs with a rhythm like this, then your technique is technically useless; most especially if you're hitting her pussy everywhere and you're not focused on a particular spot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4IGlTLXHDg

Generally speaking, what most girls want after some 20 minutes of foreplay and 10 to 15 minutes of pussy pounding in the SAME spot (at her g-spot for instance) is an escalation of your banging with a rhythm like this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WFLUhSym80

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

Nice metaphor with the songs. But can you give some other advice for what can I do before sex so I don't have to talk and convince her so hard to have sex, before having and make her so that she wants and begs for it.
I guess somehow her attraction and interest level has to be quite high. If yes what can I do in that manner.

Another question - what is your thoughts for this sticking point?

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

It's not a metaphor. It's a bedroom skills tool.

Make a playlist of songs with escalating rhythms. You should have a nice and slow playlist for foreplay and another fast and hard rocking playlist for pussy pounding.

You need the playlists to:

1. Objectively measure and gauge the time to move from foreplay to vaginal insertion of your penis. Without music as your timer, 3 minutes feels like 30 minutes.

2. Follow an escalating rhythm culminating in very fast, hard rocking songs for one orgasmic cycle. A fast rhythm of 3 minutes will require good cardio from your end especially when the girl's legs are big and heavy. Men tend to overestimate their lasting power with fast pussy pounding.
Work on your foreplay. Foreplay is:

1. Mental. Make her feel comfortable and safe and then suddenly excite or scare her.

2. Emotional. Set the mood for sex. Fix the lighting in your room. Play the music she likes best. Whisper erotic female language in her ear. Erotic masculine language is very different and a lot of women are turned off during the foreplay stage hearing their lovers mouth off erotic masculine language like, "I want to fuck you right now."

Read 50 Shades of Gray and use some of the erotic female language in there.

3. Physical. Touch the right places at the right time at the right duration. Start slow. When you're already sucking her nipples, then it's very difficult for a girl to resist getting pussy pounded.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I kind of did the foreplay quite like you described it, however even when I got to suck her nipples and continued down to give her some oral on the vagina she resisted and was pushing me away. I backed off again going for the nipples and few minutes later did another try for down there she again pushes, eventually she gave me a hand job and me giving her a fingering only.

There was something that prevented her to completely open and give up to me and ikd for certain what it was. Was it lack of comfort, or not high enough interest/attraction level or not proper foreplay or the fact that we were just friends for so long and she couldn't still perceive me as true lover. Is there something I could have done different in order so she to come to me and SHE to wants it so bad to give it to her.

IMO it was either lack of enough trust comfort or lack of enough attraction.

She didn't had many sexual experiences - only has been in one LTR. On the sexual side I have more experience.

I really wanted to please her properly, she just didn't let me do it.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."

It's kinda hard to explain here how to suck a woman's nipples properly. However, try searching Heywood Jablowme's Last Minute Resistance thread at the PUA Lounge.

Try some of those techniques out and discover what works best for you. I can tell from the details you have just given that you're quite new to this.

Dude, when a woman is letting you suck her nipples and finger her pussy, she's already comfortable, attracted and emotionally connected with you. No need to go back to square one when all you need to hurdle is LMR.

Moreover, a woman will only want fucking you so bad when she knows that you can give her multiple consecutive orgasms. It's like: Which comes first; the chicken or the egg?

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

I can tell from the details you have just given that you're quite new to this.

[/quote]

I might not be the best but I'm not new. Every-time in the past doing it that way always ended with sex. Although after that things might have gone wrong. I know how to suck nipples (sounds so funny that I say it now) but believe me I know. I've done it lots and lots of times before. Have experience on that.

Anyway I'll check the materials you offer.

And yea I agree that maybe she would beg me to bang her once I gave her great pleasure.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."