In the past I've always asked my gfs about their sexual histories, and I've never really believed them, due to the notion of societal programming for women to seem less slutty than they are. Lately I've decided to take the opposite approach and leave that question up to them. Wondering what your take on that is, and if it's unreasonable to doubt what they say.

It is an insecurity from you.

If your feelings change your opinion on the girl, then obviously you have issues.

If you are just curious and would like to know for the sake of it, then ask away.

But in you case, sounds like the former so just don't ask the question. If she asks, just tell her it is private.

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Girls have told me that they've only been with 1 guy prior to me, and I would always have a hard time believing it, not because of an insecurity. Girls have told me that they've been with 15 guys before me and I didn't care at all, nor did I question it.

Absofuckinglutely you do.

To me, a girl's sexual past does manner. I realize that each person's goals are different when it comes to dating/LTR. Myself, I want to find someone to eventually marry, have kids and share my life with kind of deal. That being said, some things may not apply if you are only looking for casual or just fbs. For me, it's not a complete dealbreaker in terms of how many guys she has slept with, but there are a whole lot of variables to consider.

# of partners: STD risk is obvious. While it's one thing that she took many dicks, what context was it in? Were they ONS? FWB/FBs that didn't pan out into relationships? Or relationships? It's easy to discount a girl who has taken 20 cocks by 20 and she only had 1 serious relationship because of a lack of self control. But, a girl who has had a number of relationships also raises a red flag that you have to be wary of as well, namely, why did the relationship fail? What was the common denominator? Usually there is, and it's likely her because it's very difficult to change your behaviour by nature.

How many of them are still friends with her?: This is a biggie. I used to sleep with a pharmacist, we went our separate ways because of differing values and she ended up marrying someone else, but we still kept in touch from time to time as she lived around the corner from me. Next thing you know, she had a habit of texting me late at night in her first year of marriage while the hubby was away working. I never acted on it, but I very easily could have gotten laid off her if I wanted to. I have been in a few situations where the ex-fwb was still in the picture messaging a girl I was dating on facebook and that she passed him off as only friends, even though he was clearly trying to get in her pants, and from what I heard, eventually did. You can say whatever you want about being insecure; however, ignore this point at your own peril.

Honesty: I don't judge people for the sake of judging, but if there's a key take away when I am screening for an LTR, this is it right here. My last gf had a relatively high # of sexual partners (I was her 14th) and fooled around with many guys. But, she told me exactly who these guys were, how does she know them, and if she still keeps in contact with them. This aided me in discovering the shit that she got up to later, but the fact that she told me (she even wrote down her list) made me feel secure, at the time, that she wasn't going to do anything stupid. Obviously things didn't work out, and there are various reasons behind it, but this was a key take away. Now, some people say we all leave one or two off "the list" for various reasons, but for me, when that number grows, details are sketchy, or whatever, run for the exit. Sure, it may be hard to tell whether or not she's being honest with you about things, but they can all only keep their stories straight for so long.

Also, I have yet to meet a woman who has entertained so many sexual partners that they are living a happy and good life while doing so. It's a no brainer that once a woman meets a man they really like, they want him to the exclusion of other women. The reverse gender version of the statement is also very true.

The other thing as well as that even though she may have had a low partner count, doesn't mean she's perfect. I slept with a girl whom I could have counted on two hands how many guys she was with...what I didn't know until later was that she was currently in an 8+ year relationship with him while I was fucking her. There's also the alpha bf that she may have had that will always affect how she is in a relationship forever. Watch out for that.

Again, the point I make is that you do not judge for the sake of judging, it's to properly screen to protect yourself. It's been said that the best predictor of future behaviour is their past behaviour. One of the most serious mistakes anyone can make, and I was guilty of it too, is that they think that if she's good looking, and good in bed, they think they got something special going. They can just gloss out the inconsistencies or forget any bad things about her because she is so good looking and that things "will be different". No, it won't!

Best of luck.

Here is a shocking fact for you, women lie, even if it is just a little white lie so you don't think she is a total slut. If you have been in the PUA community for a wile, you have heard of the anti-slut defense, same psychology at play. And it case you didn't know already, they also have sex with other men.

It's come up in conversation but it's not something I'm particularly interested in and can't say, apart from my ex-wife, any woman has been that interested either. My ex-wife was very sexually naive, she said she'd had only four partners including me and knowing her I'd probably up that to maybe six or seven. She was intrigued by my past, I don't think PUA would be in her vocabulary but she knew I was some kind of player. I think she liked it, being naive and inexperienced I think it was pretty exciting for her to meet someone like me.

Generally, though, it comes up in conversation. It's never been like part of the job interview, it's always been a fun, lighthearted topic and usually once the relationship is established. I think I'd be a little on edge if a woman was asking my sexual history very early on.

There's a good point made in one of the posts, if a woman has had a lot of sexual partners, "a lot" being a very subjective term and depends on circumstances, then it could be a warning signal. But equally, it might not be. It doesn't bother me, I'm happy to walk out on a relationship that isn't right so I don't really get hung up on her past.

Without a doubt women will edit it. Women can get really insecure, many believe that however many men they've had sex with is too many regardless of what the figure is. It could be 4, it could be 40, an awful lot of women are insecure about whatever their number is. Traditional norms say men should be high, women should be low but because no-one ever actually says what "low" or "high" means, women will round down just as much as men will round up. I have a friend who says double plus two is a good estimate.

I've known girls that were probably pretty genuine in saying they'd slept with 4 or 5 guys but there's been a hell of a long list of guys that given blowjobs, handjobs, etc to. To a lot of women, these don't count. I've known women that have upped their count because they were insecure about their lack of experience.

For me, where it counts is where there are other negative lifestyle factors. A woman that has slept with a lot of guys, is in a crappy job, doesn't take care of herself, fitness, diet, drinks a lot, etc... it becomes a lot more relevant to me than if it was a woman with a good career, good life, stays in shape, etc. Some people use sex as medication, some as recreation and that would be something I'd look out for. A woman that doesn't value herself and fucks a lot of guys, not for me.

my GF had 11 partners in her past, (so she claims). she said 2 FWB, 1 ONS, 3 LTR, and 5 "friends that you bang just once and never again."

I never confronted her about the 5 "friends" but did ask about her fwb and ltr.

what is the best way to deal with it? she says her 2 fwb are still 'in contact' with her and i said wtf does that mean and she said they are on her fb and instagram and sometimes hit her up and she recently told them shes in a relationship. should I tell her she needs to remove them or some shit?

what about the 5 "friends" that she banged? she just turned 27 so assuming she started fucking at 17 thats like 1 sexual partner per year which is guess is not too slutty but it still bothers me. should i ask her about these friends that she fucked?

Slut is not a number. Slut is an attitude.
Partner count is only a symptom, and not a very reliable one.