what do you keep of sharing about yourself in relationship?



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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 9:04 am 
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I know its not a good idea to share everything (information) about yourself with a women, even if you know each other well and for quite a long.

Actually with anybody. Having some doors "closed in your castle" is essential to keep your self worth therefore people will value you most. Right ?

However I just would like know what in more specific (or at least what kind of categories) are to be kept just for yourself.

And for instance at what stage of the relationship what kind of info the man should share about himself.

Happy New Year's eve!

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 1:21 pm 
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I know its not a good idea to share everything (information) about yourself with a women, even if you know each other well and for quite a long.
Who say's it is not a good idea?

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 2:41 pm 
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I know its not a good idea to share everything (information) about yourself with a women, even if you know each other well and for quite a long.
Who say's it is not a good idea?
My previous experience.

Once I shared a lot about me, and in a while after that the girl lost attraction towards me. I was already like an open book for her and she had lost interest in me. Spark was gone.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 2:44 pm 
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How can you be sure that that was the reason? or was it a speculated assumption from your part?

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 3:05 pm 
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How can you be sure that that was the reason? or was it a speculated assumption from your part?
I'm not sure but definitely it contributed.

Intuition tells me that telling everything about yourself makes you less valuable.

Lets face it. If I tell you everything for my self from the get go how valuable I'll appear to you?

How would you feel toward some one that says - you are well come, here is everything that I have, do what ever you want with it, I let you all my control with my all permission.

When in such situation people usually take advantage.

Come on you know its like that, no point to explain about this.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 3:43 pm 
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You have a point on 1st dates. but to a girl you're in a relationship with, you pretty much know everything, it's like you're still gaming these girls or something.

I never tell girls about PUA, but I have told some I used to be shy and I am into self help,

but, i don't stay mysterious as a tactic on the girls i have a bit of an emotional thing going on with.

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Last edited by Dragula on Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:00 pm 
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I'm not sure but definitely it contributed.

Intuition tells me that telling everything about yourself makes you less valuable.

Lets face it. If I tell you everything for my self from the get go how valuable I'll appear to you?

How would you feel toward some one that says - you are well come, here is everything that I have, do what ever you want with it, I let you all my control with my all permission.

When in such situation people usually take advantage.

Come on you know its like that, no point to explain about this.


I think you may have had a bad experience where you over-shared... Maybe over-shared a lot.

PEBBLE is on the mark here, IMO -

You don't spill your life story on the first date, or the first week, or really even the first month. You gotta let your details spill out, not blow them from a fire hose...

If it comes to a point where you're in a relationship with the girl which spans months - or years - they're gradually going to know more and more about you and your past and your baggage, much as you'd learn about her.

Nothing wrong with opening that door once you're in a relationship. If you don't, you'll likely lose the girl anyway because she'll think you're being too closed off and secretive.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 4:06 pm 
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You have a point on 1st dates. but to a girl you're in a relationship with, you pretty much know everything, it's like you're still gaming these girls or something.

I never tell girls about PUA, but I have told some I used to be shy and I am into self help,

but, i don't stay mysterious as a tactic on the girls i have a bit of an emotional thing going on with.
I don't stay mysterious as a tactic neither. Once in RS all tactics fade and weather you want it or not your real self (genuine self) shines true.

I don't ask for a quick fix/tactic here. I look at the things from a higher long term perspective and from a perspective that will bring or require change and growth.

So IMO I think a man should have to always keep his power and never share completely everything about himself even if a RS. If you let the women know all the details about you and make decisions for you (without your permission) - game over.

@ Charles Finley - yes I admit maybe in the past I overshared too soon and that killed the attraction and spark. So now I'm more aware for that not to happen, thats why I ask what is appropriate to share and when. And should't be shared/ or has no point of sharing at all.

I get your advice I also think that things should naturally be let to unfold and uncover with time.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 4:55 pm 
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i had relationships, I even told everything about myself. I don't think that had any weight to ending my relationship though not even sub conciously

But if you say so for your relationship then I guess you might have answered your own thread. But I'm willing to bet there was a bunch of other problems that ended your relationship up too.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 11:07 am 
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1)Never EVER talk about your exes. It is the first thing someone will try to use to hurt you on any argument and on a break up. Don't even mention things you were doing with your ex. Any information about your past relationship could be used as a "manual" on how you are going to react.
Even if you share good things about your past relationships... for example you treated the ex to a fancy restaurant. Your current gf would expect you to take her to a fancy restaurant too and if you won't then she will tell you that you are not taking your relationship seriously.
2)Avoid talking about extra bonuses that you got from work unless you have the intention to spend them with her. If you worked overtime and the company rewarded you with a trip to Paris, tell her, take her with you have fun etc. If you got a bonus that you want to save up don't say a thing. Even if you are married. You might feel excited but go and share your happiness with your mum and not your gf. If your gf knows that you got 1000 pounds and you spent on her only 5 pounds for a burger or as some PUAs here would insist on not spending ANY money out of that bonus with her... she will start not liking you.. because you are not taking her seriously and not investing in the relationship. Even the less materialistic women will talk about this behind your back with their female friends.
So keep your mouth shut about your finances as much as you can. She might not have the power to do much about it but to keep your mind at peace and your life drama free... better forget to mention this.
If you can also keep private the information on how much you make each month that's even better.
3) avoid talking about your family matters. Your gf doesn't need to know about auntie A that had an argument with auntie B .. or any other members of your family. If she is not your wife and the situation doesn't affect her this type of gossip is better kept for your close family
4) Don't share about any embarrassing experiences you had unless you are ok to be picked on them. You might need to show some vulnerability and talk about that day that you did something silly and it's ok but make sure that it is something not that serious and you are ok to be picked on in a case of an argument and it won't be bad for your reputation if she starts talking about it behind your back.
Some things should be kept secret
5) Don't share the story about another woman that you fell in love with in the past.
6) don't tell her about your mates' secrets... or bad gossips or even talk often badly about your friends to your gf. If you argue she might want to take revenge on you and go and tell them. Sometimes this might not be possible but keep it to a minimum if you can.
7) never mention about the number of women that you slept with. If it is low she might think you are inexperienced... if it is high she will think you are a manwhore and not be able to trust you. Don't ask numbers and don't tell numbers.
If you want to brag about the girls you slept with do it with your mates at the pub when it is only men listening.
I had someone once tell me that he slept with over 250 women.. I couldn't trust him. He either couldn't control himself or he had just lied to me. In either case he wasn't trustworthy..


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 12:10 pm 
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1)Never EVER talk about your exes. It is the first thing someone will try to use to hurt you on any argument and on a break up. Don't even mention things you were doing with your ex. Any information about your past relationship could be used as a "manual" on how you are going to react.
Even if you share good things about your past relationships... for example you treated the ex to a fancy restaurant. Your current gf would expect you to take her to a fancy restaurant too and if you won't then she will tell you that you are not taking your relationship seriously.
2)Avoid talking about extra bonuses that you got from work unless you have the intention to spend them with her. If you worked overtime and the company rewarded you with a trip to Paris, tell her, take her with you have fun etc. If you got a bonus that you want to save up don't say a thing. Even if you are married. You might feel excited but go and share your happiness with your mum and not your gf. If your gf knows that you got 1000 pounds and you spent on her only 5 pounds for a burger or as some PUAs here would insist on not spending ANY money out of that bonus with her... she will start not liking you.. because you are not taking her seriously and not investing in the relationship. Even the less materialistic women will talk about this behind your back with their female friends.
So keep your mouth shut about your finances as much as you can. She might not have the power to do much about it but to keep your mind at peace and your life drama free... better forget to mention this.
If you can also keep private the information on how much you make each month that's even better.
3) avoid talking about your family matters. Your gf doesn't need to know about auntie A that had an argument with auntie B .. or any other members of your family. If she is not your wife and the situation doesn't affect her this type of gossip is better kept for your close family
4) Don't share about any embarrassing experiences you had unless you are ok to be picked on them. You might need to show some vulnerability and talk about that day that you did something silly and it's ok but make sure that it is something not that serious and you are ok to be picked on in a case of an argument and it won't be bad for your reputation if she starts talking about it behind your back.
Some things should be kept secret
5) Don't share the story about another woman that you fell in love with in the past.
6) don't tell her about your mates' secrets... or bad gossips or even talk often badly about your friends to your gf. If you argue she might want to take revenge on you and go and tell them. Sometimes this might not be possible but keep it to a minimum if you can.
7) never mention about the number of women that you slept with. If it is low she might think you are inexperienced... if it is high she will think you are a manwhore and not be able to trust you. Don't ask numbers and don't tell numbers.
If you want to brag about the girls you slept with do it with your mates at the pub when it is only men listening.
I had someone once tell me that he slept with over 250 women.. I couldn't trust him. He either couldn't control himself or he had just lied to me. In either case he wasn't trustworthy..
The exact advice I was looking for. Straight to the point.

If anyone has anything else to add on go ahead.

Thanks

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 9:07 am 
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Do you share the self help information that you are taking?

Something tells me its not good idea to tell about all self help books and programs that I read.
Especially those that are entirely and only for men.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:37 pm 
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I'd never hide my dating books. There is no need for that. You need to leave couple of things known. If you are too closed then you are going to come across as suspicious. Also you don't want to hide everything about you. You need a good amount of information to be out in the open so she can feel attached to you.
If she feels that there is a big part of you that is secret she won't be willing to see you seriously plus because she has no access to certain parts of your life she is going to take it that you are guilty even if you are innocent. Guarding too much about your life can bring lots of arguments and drama.
I said don't talk about the exes because there is no point in letting her know. They supposed to be the past and should stay at the past. ( also don't go contacting your exes, replying to your exes texts behind your girl's back. Just because you don't share info about them doesn't mean you are on the right if you stay in contact with them. Exes are exes for a reason.)
What I told you about the family thing .. ok don't tell her about the family but if she is invited to spend 15 days at your place of course you should share a thing or two so she doesn't feel uncomfortable in the environment.
You sound to me like you feel really threatened by the presence of a woman. You shouldn't.
At the end of the day, when you are in a relationship always have the frame: this is me. This is who I am if you like it ok if you don't not my problem.
Of course this also should be in a reasonable level. If you want to be an asshole doesn't mean that she will have to accept it. In the same way she can turn around and say... this is me, this is what I like, you don't match with what I want.. goodbye! ... And she will be right too.
Don't do to her what you wouldn't want her to do to you and don't let her do to you things that you wouldn't do to her.
And btw.. you have the right to read any books you want without explaining yourself to anyone. BUT you don't have the right to date other women if your agreement with the girl was to be exclusive. Always be honest since the beginning of what you want. It will save you from drama and headache.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 2:44 pm 
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Maria, honey, how is your marriage goin'?

Lowdarlin', how much you reveal depends on what kind of relationship you are having.
Maria gives a good bulletlist for a normal LTR-ish hook-up, but if you wanna get serious and think of a deep relationship with marriage potential, I assure you, every information for the list you leave out will come back and bite you in the ass.
Be careful, cause you EE batkas very often love to omit shit that turns out to be important in order to "be a man" in their paranoic fear of "game over"... then wail when she finds out and gives them hell. Just sayin'.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 3:05 pm 
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Maria, honey, how is your marriage goin'?
Much better than yours. Thank you for asking though <3
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Lowdarlin', how much you reveal depends on what kind of relationship you are having.
Sharing about your exes is a bad idea in any type of relationship.
Quote:
I assure you, every information for the list you leave out will come back and bite you in the ass.
I disagree.. just bring me an example how it could destroy his relationship if he doesn't tell his gf about the bonus from work?


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