Hey guys,

My girl is very quiet and private so when we started hooking up I made a promise to her that i would keep the gory details of our private/sex life between us, which i have done as i have learned in the past going around bragging to your friends only ever comes back to haunt you.

A few days ago she called me very upset as she had been receiving calls and messages throughout the night basically harassing her for details which then made her paranoid that people and myself are talking about her behind her back. It seems like a silly reason to me to get upset over but its a big deal to her so i assured her i have kept our business between us and just to ignore these gossiping idiots. She is not mad at me but the whole thing has made her quite paranoid now and shes kind of pulled back from me a bit since.

Just wondering what you guys would do in this situation? Do i pull back and give her space until she comes back around? Or do i try get her to realise shes making a big deal out of nothing?

I appreciate all feedback guys,
Shtuffy

Ask to see the messages she received. Report back here with the outcome.

The messages were her friends saying theyve "heard the gossip" about our sex life and basically just trying to freak her out that they know more than they actually do.

Since this has happened my girl has been almost completely ignoring me, posting about being single and overall just being ridiculously cold and bitchy. And this is all for something i didnt do. I am beyond pissed off at this stage. I have been nothing but good to this girl and for her to completely turn on me because of what someone else said is completely unfair.

What do i do here guys? I am willing to walk away but i would prefer not to have to do that as our relationship was making great progress until this happened

Thanks guys
Shtuffy

1) Have you seen the messages with your own eyes?
2) Who did they say they 'heard the gossip' from? All gossip has to start somewhere.

Sounds to me like your girl is losing interest in you and is fabricating a reason to dump you so she doesn't feel bad. You're getting played hard, especially the part where she is going on about being single to make you feel jealous.

Best way to deal with her is to tell her: "I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't trust me and is so quick to believe false rumours about me. I've done nothing wrong. You've made it clear to me where your loyalty lies. So there is no point in us staying in contact. All the best for the future and hope you find what you're looking for."

Yes i have seen the messages she sent me all the screenshots. If youve seen my previous thread before this one she fairly recently overcame an eating disorder that has left its scars. There is real psychological barrier with her that ive been trying to break down. Before she received the messages i had just had a huge conversation basically about all her fears and issues and literally an hour after i drove her home she received a these messages from MY friend so immediately assumed i just went off straight after and told everyone her private information.

I called her the next morning and set the record straight (or so i thought) and then she flaked on our plans the following day and has since been lashing out in the above ways.

Now while i understand that it did look bad especially with that woeful timing of straight after our big conversation, it is completely unacceptable that she is treating me this way when i have done nothing wrong. A mutual friend agreed and thought she was doing me a solid by confronting her about it but that just made it worse and now shes just running away from the whole "issue"

Im guessing this is now one of those situations where i have to cut my losses and just get rid of her. Shes a great girl but people are always gonna talk no matter what so this is bound to happen again if we continue seeing each other and its honestly just all so childish i feel like im 15 years old again.

If thats the case any advice on how to go about it? Just cut ties and let it die or send some kind of closure message?

Thanks,
Shtuffy

Stop trying to "fix" a woman. You will never succeed. Girls instinctively know they can use their problems to appeal to a man's sense of honour as a "protector", so she will ham up the whole 'damsel in distress' act to control you. You falsely believe you will gain a sense of accomplishment by 'saving' a girl, so you act like the knight in shining armour to win her over. But this is all needy weak feminine behaviour. Which is why she lost attraction for you.

Remember, when a girl starts giving you attitude for no reason, it's your job as a man to put her in her place. Stay calm, but firmly state that what she is doing is unacceptable. Sometimes girls act up just to get a reaction out of you, just to feel that strength of masculinity to put her in her place.

  

Why are you making excuses for her? She treats you badly, yet you're still here defending her and blaming yourself for the "woeful timing". You must have really low self esteem. Grow a backbone. And some balls.

Get rid of this girl ASAP. She had an eating disorder, yes, but this is merely one symptom of a bigger problem, namely her B.P.D. / mental illness.

Find a sane chick, this one is damaged. Get rid.

As HF said stop making excuses for her. She has to handle her issues herself. If you try to fix a girl's mental illness when she isn't taking responsibility for it herself, when shit like this happens, it's easier for her to rationalize that it's not her insecurities but your fault. And she can easier dump you than admit to herself that she has problems. Run.

The only way it can possibly work is if you sit her down and tell her she needs therapy or whatever. Then it's your choice if you'll stick around. You can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed or who doesn't even see that they're the problem.

Can you please give some concrete example of how to do this (video preferably).

Thank you.

Sorry if its off topic.

_________________
"Tell the world what you intend to do, but first show it."