Don't.

Your gf and you have been together for some time. Things were great in the beginning, but after a while things get boring, she starts talking about other guys or starts pulling away. You freeze her out to gain her interest back. Why is that a bad move?

A freezeout is a takeaway. The purpose of all takeaways is to make the girl miss you or miss what she was getting from the interaction. For eg, a false time constraint like "I have to get back to my friends" is a mini takeaway. But takeaways only are effective when the girl wants you to stick around. You do it at a high point, not a low one. If you tell a girl at the bar who's going crazy for you that you have to leave soon, she will chase to make you stay. If you tell a girl who is rolling her eyes at you, trying to get her friends to talk to her so she wouldnt talk to her and you use a FTC, she'll just push you away.

From the girl's perspective: Let's say your a guy, you meet a hot girl, let's say a 9, amazing body all that shit and you get into a rs. Things are great! Then after a few months, she starts eating more, flab sets in. Now that amazing body is dying and you're no longer really attracted to her. The 7 in the street is looking good to you over your ex-9 chubby girlfriend. Now, let's say your gf decides to freeze you out. You'll just take it as an excuse to leave and find other women. She was already boring you, and now she wants to not even talk to you? Adios right? Because you aren't attracted to her, so why would you care? It would be easier for you to get away from the fatty. So when you are losing your gfs interest and you freeze her out, you're just taking a boring guy out of her life. And if she's moderately attractive, there are other guys who are better than you are now, who are trying to take her out.How easy would it be for you to replace a now 6 gf who isnt even talking to you when there are 7's, 8's and 9's trying to take you out? Super easy. When a girl is bored being with you, and you freeze her out, she doesn't go around thinking.."Hmm, well he was boring with me, but he isn't texting me back now, he must have become superman and is banging playboy models." No. She knows you've become lame. No need to pretend you're cool.

So what should you do? You know you've become boring. Fix it. Go back to being flirty with her, go on an adventure with her, not a night in, come home with a kama sutra book and throw her on the bed. REIGNITE THE SPARK. Do a 360. Or 180...I dunno what it is. DON'T FREEZE HER OUT TO MAKE HER THINK OTHER GIRLS WANT YOU....SHOW HER WHY OTHER GIRLS WOULD WANT YOU. Call it out if you have to. Next time you're hanging out at home or something, just say "Hey, you know what...we've gotten boring...I think it's because we've been so busy lately. But fuck it. Let's go back to being fun." take her hand and lead her on some adventure. Then keep doing fun things and going back to how you were.

Disclaimer: This is not a "take a shitty gf on an adventure to keep her" post. This is for if you've gotten boring in life or sidetracked by work and can feel things fizzling. If you've been yourself and she is getting bored, my advice would be to just end it because you 2 aren't compatible. If she's been disloyal, end it. A girl saying she will be your gf isn't a contract for life. Sometimes people get together and they realize they aren't compatible long term. Don't take it personal.

The gift of missing you?

Good post

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Solid analysis and advice Neo.

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If a girl lose interest in a relationship very quickly, then it means that she was in the rebound relationship with her partner.

This is my opinion, I don't know if it doesn't happen to all girl.

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Thanks neo, this is exactly what I just ranted about and needed help with. If you want to help me with my specific situation jist go to the post onjan 29 titles failed open relationship in this category. I think your point on freezing out is taken. also, you're right, we need to be fun again because lets face it. Beggers cant be choosers and since my gf is hot, shes not a beggar so she can choose. Thanks

Neo,

Thank you for this post. I have been dating my GF for a year now and the past month we haven't done as many "exciting/fun/super high value things". So naturally she will be more attracted to someone who is doing higher value things and is going to want that. Great points.

Question for you though:

I recently froze my girlfriend out at a time where she was not meeting my needs. We talk on the phone before bed every night. She called me... but was very distracted because she had a girlfriend over who is extremely needy for attention. I got annoyed because I am a man on my path and I hate when people waste my time. I could have spent that 10 mins being productive rather then listen to my Girlfriend rabble with her friend in the background.

So I froze her out.... yes this wasnt on a HIGH point I agree... however, I felt that my girlfriend needed to know that if she wants my attention... she needs to earn it... and that she needs to engage me on a higher level. Was my freeze-out OK in that situation? I ignored two text messages and then a phone call from her... and then called her back because she gave me the attention i expected in that situation.

I am not trying to control her... but sometimes she does not meet my needs. BTW I learned this from user WOLFWORD in his drama free thread.


drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-nex ... =wolfwoodd



Is there a better way to handle these situations?

Thanks Neo!

If anyone else would like to comment please do I appreciate the feedback!

This freeze out stuff is ridiculous.

Just have a life beyond your partner is all there needs to be said.

If you have a problem with her "not engaging you on a higher level" communicate rather than freeze out. Look at it this way, you've been with this girl for a year, seen each other often and spent much time talking. If she doesn't have respect for your time by now, she's not gonna gain any real respect for you because you pouted. Not saying be controlling,just express what you don't like. You couldve just said "hey, youre distracted, lets talk later."

Great Post Neo,

I agree communication is key. A bunch of the game tactics go out the window when you form a relationship because it's based on authenticity not games.

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where are you getting this from? and if by communication you mean "telling her how you feel," i disagree entirely.

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neo, this is a bit of a straw man argument. you're assuming freeze-outs only occur after there's a lull in the relationship, she's hanging with other guys, things are not what they used to be, etc... by the time you get to that stage, she's already lost interest in a way that should *never* happen if you actually pay attention to her signals in advance.

but what if things are going great and for whatever reason she snaps at you or does something you don't approve of, an isolated incident in an otherwise solid relationship? in this scenario, i see absolutely nothing wrong with freezing her out for a day, and i see a whole lot of things that can go wrong if you just tell her how you feel and what she did wrong...

the trick is to do it in a way that doesn't directly communicate a butthurt mentality. sure, maybe she'll connect the dots that you're breaking contact because of her bitchy behavior, but that really doesn't matter if you maintain a positive, cocky frame. a lot of guys probably fuck that part up. freezing out does not mean coming off as angry or remotely upset.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

The communication prevents the snap outs. Usually there is some underlining reason for her behavior. Sometimes she just wants to test the limits. I let her know what the limits are up front.

2 types of boundaries. Flexible ones and bitch gets kicked to the curb ones. She "HAS" to know what these are. If she does not she will poke and prod to find out. If she knows there is a line that if crossed will make me end the relationship she will either never go near it, or cross it to see if I was legit. Unfortunately when she finds out I was real about it she no longer has the privilege of being in a relationship with me. It's a way I screen for the quality women.

Some people may think this is trying to "control" the girl, and for that very reason some of them cross the lines, but I'm the man. You relinquished the right to dictate terms in my reality at the beginning when you passively forced me to do all of the active stuff to form the relationship in the first place.

Of course the terms aren't unreasonable. Don't disrespect me, don't cheat, you can only go out with other guys if you are handling some sort of business.- (flexible because she isn't forbidden totally from going out with other guys, but only on like business lunches and stuff)

I follow Joshua Pellecir's model on relationships. I explained it to a few guys in the chat room and they said I got too scientific, and ruined the romance. I guess to each his own. The model involves a 4 point spectrum involving power, value, neediness, and compliance. Keeping the graph in mind you can see exactly where your relationship is. The trick is translating this graph in a way that the woman understands the situation as clearly as you do. You don't have to draw out the graph and show her. It would take to long to tell you how to implement it. Go read his book if you are curious. Tao of Badass.

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I am a hunter of human excellence. I seek out those individuals who break the norms
and demonstrate to all of us what’s really possible. I learn what those few
extraordinary individuals do that’s different from everybody else, and then emulate
them.

excellent response. communication of boundaries early on is certainly crucial. however i would never recommend a man to, when upset at the actions of his woman, sit her down and say, "now honey, when you called me an asshole in front of my friends... that hurt my feelings. it made me feel embarrassed and humiliated..." (blah blah blah you get the point). so when i see the word "communicate," a red flag goes up.

your approach to setting parameters on what type of guys your girl can hang out with intrigues me. have you had success with communicating that? at what point in the relationship do you say she can only go out with other guys for business? surely doing it too soon is a no-no. i tend to err on the side of just saying she has to tell guys that she has a boyfriend and if she cheats whatsoever she's done. never explicitly stated she can't have regular male friends (though i always steer her toward hanging out with the genuine betas).

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Sure, because no woman has EVER fallen for a male business associate. Bizarre rule to me trusting your girlfriend around male business associates but not other males.