Hey guys,

I've struggled with social anxiety my whole life. I'm currently 21 years old, and I desperately want to change. Not to sound cocky, I always see girls give me the IOIs, but I can't approach them, or anyone for that matter. I do have friends, but I get extremely anxious talking to strangers, women, and authority figures. My mind goes blank, I sweat, stutter, mumble, etc.

Can you guys please help me out? I'd like to get challenges on here, and turn this thread into a log. If you have any tips from experience, then please let me know. Thanks!

Two Sides

You're awkard because you feel you lack the social skills. Improving your social skills is the same method as improving any other skill. Practise, practise and more practise. There is no shortcut. You can read books all day about how to play the piano, if you don't sit there and practise, then you still won't be able to play the piano. The same way, you can read books all day about how to talk to people, you still have to actually talk to them to get better.

You say you want challenges, but I think that's really unnecessary. You don't need to do weird things to excell in normal human interaction. All you need to do is practise.

Peace,

In$tinct

_________________
"Bros before hoes"

Relationship guide: extended-relationship-guide-vt170687.html

http://wayoftheplayer.com/become-a-player/instinct

Thanks dude. Have you guys had experiences similar to this?

This. Kinda like watching to people play tennis and hoping the first time you play, you'll be as good as what you've been watching for 1000s of hours. If you don't get out there and practice, you'll never be good at tennis.

I have the same problem with you dude. I'm beautifully gorgeous. I've gone to clubs and bars and I always used to get the IOIs and girls watching me from afar, begging me to approach them with those sad eyes. I never made contact, and the next time I come across them, they give me a face of disappoint. And I could never get back there and fix my shit.

I'm better now but there's still a lot more work to be done. What you need to do is everyday when you're at work or on your way to work, doing what you normally do everyday. Make a couple of approaches. Doesn't matter if it was a guy or girl, kid or senior, just go and talk.

With love,
Matt

_________________
"Don't try to change who you are. Don't even think you're not good enough right now. You ARE good enough being who you are. Women can smell a fake man the same way you can smell cheesecake."

Yeah, I have been doing that a lot recently. I feel less anxious raising my hand and contributing in class. For some reason, when I am with a close friend, I do not feel anxious at all. I can talk and flirt with any girl I see, but not when I am with myself.

I had this before. I know some easy tips to help you.

First: You need to feel good about yourself, make up smal goes for yourself and make sure you do them. Then you will feel that you can do anything you put you mind into, and you probebly can. This can be any kinda goel, does not even haft to do with talking to people. This can just be like things you need to get done. Cause when you do something good for yourself you feel like a winner and you will have no problem acting like one.

Secound: Train, just train man. It can be one of the goals. It will make you more confident also. You will be more alert and will have an easier time knowing what to say cause your In a good mood.

Three: Put yourself In social situations all you can. The more scary It feels the better, like they said above. Practice.

Four: Stand up strait, help up high, smile and just think to yourself. Im the fucking boss. Think that your not the one to be nervous, people are nervous talking to some as confident as you and all you need to do Is to help them feel relaxed. Its not about you, Its about making the not as confident people around you feel good in your presens. This you do by just giving eye contact to people and smile. Something I always do Is just point out something good about someone. When chaking hands, say, "Thats a good firm handshake. I just hate when Its like holding a dead fish you know." It shows directly your in control.

Five: Dont jerk off. I dont know If you do It or not. But many people that has socialy akward behaviurs they jerk off alot. Instead of me giving you a reason just trust me and If you don't, google It. Jerking off Is cock blocking yourself.

And a last note, the thing about sweating and not knowing what to say and all that. Thats becouse your trying to hide what you feel. Be honest about who you are. If you feel that you don't know what to say, then dont say anything. Its not always your job to come up with things to say. And the other person probebly thinks the same way. Both of you just standing there like "This Is akward, I have nothing to say." when the truth Is people dont always gotta talk. You can just enjoy eachothers company In silance.

Sorry for bad spelling.

Sorry for bad spelling and hope something helped.

I've improved a lot socially. I joke around in class and make everyone laugh, class presentations are going smoothly, and I make small talk with people next to me. Women and authority figures are too much for me. I know that I need to take small steps at a time and progress more.

Women shit, piss and swallow cum. They are human. Growing up being indoctrinated into the media landscape where women are put on pedestals they don't belong on (we're all human) can be a contributing factor to this kind of erroneous thinking towards women. They are nothing out of the ordinary; in fact they are ordinary just as men are; we're all just creatures. It's not their fault they were born as women; they could have just as easily been born a man.

I know, man. I have a really hard time dealing with rejection, it all stems from low self-esteem. I'm working on it everyday by taking risks, and stepping out of my comfort zone. I can proudly say that I am making progress; however, I still have a long way to go.

Good for you man, keep it up.
The Henry Ford quote - "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right" is applicable here in the sense that it doesn't have to take as long as your brain is telling you it does if you really want it. It takes making some moves such as making offhand remarks to women about whatever is going on in the general area the two of you are in. Imagine your feeling when the girl smiles at you and seems very welcoming, like she wants to have a little chat.

I'm gonna beat SA.

Damn right bro. Keep at it

Thanks, man. I have good days and bad days. I understand that overcoming SA is not a linear progression.

Most people here won't know what you're talking about, but i do. I have it too and found the best way to overcome it. In order to do it you have to repeatedly put yourself in unpleasant situations. This is the best way i found out works the best after years of searching and trying alot of things.

What will work best for you is if you can talk to random stranger in public or anywhere. Best would be girls!
you have to keep doing this repeatedly until you don't feel anxious anymore. This is the best solution. I learned it from seeing it from multiple sources and finally coming to the conclusion this is best way to get over SA.

Here are the sources:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iGk87bug2s
2. http://www.simplepickup.com/forum/field ... -boss.html
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM0A9urb8xM (Skip to 8:56)

The thing is, saying "just put yourself in really awkward situations until you overcome it" isn't going to work for probably the majority of people. Who wants to be in a really awkward situation? Most people are going to do it a couple of times, then give up when it has been awkward and they start feeling worse. If you're going to do this, you want to put yourself into the right sort of awkward situation - forcing small talk with a cashier in a shop is not going to end in embarrassment. Making a passing comment to someone in a situation which sort-of involves you isn't going to cause much embarrassment (for instance, today I had parked my car a bit badly and as I was walking back to the car, the bloke who had parked next to me got out of his car, so I just made a quick jokey comment about my bad parking and shared a laugh with him). But just saying go out and chat to loads of random strangers isn't always the best thing to do as it can back fire and cause more problems, and is something which some people will simply bottle. Quite understandable - if you've got approach anxiety, and it's fairly bad, chances are you simply can't do this.

Instead, I would say try to shift your "goals". Rather than trying to be less awkward or trying to talk more or whatever, try to focus on enjoying yourself in everything. It is a lot "safer" and so easier for people who struggle with the "chuck yourself in at the deep end approach", and to be quite honest I think is a better change to make anyway.

What you come to realise, is that to be good at "game", to be comfortable with people/girls, and to enjoy life more in general, the most important thing is to enjoy the moment. If you're on a date and you're treating it as this big deal where you might meet your future wife and girl of your dreams, then you're probably stressing and worrying. If you're on a date but just planning to have an enjoyable evening chatting and laughing, then you'll probably have a good time even if there's no chemistry and nothing more comes of it. In my parking example above, I was having a little laugh at my own parking, I found my comment funny, I enjoy making jokes like that. If the guy had just ignored me, then so what? As it is, he actually laughed and said "don't worry", but I was chuckling at my own joke/parking anyway regardless of his response.

If you go into every interaction thinking about just wanting to enjoy this for you, then the worst that can happen is that you enjoy it and the other person doesn't. So what? What's the worst that can come out of that - if it's a randomer, then you wouldn't have seen them again anyway. If it's a girl you fancy, then obviously they don't enjoy themselves in the same way you do and so you wouldn't have worked out anyway. If it's someone you already know and are friends with, then obviously they also don't enjoy themselves in the same way as you do and you will probably be much happier and better off without them in your life and with other people who do enjoy your humour.