| Firstly, it is rather suspicious that the OP would post something so personal, receive loads of heartfelt and insightful replies and blank them all. Combine that with the unlikely nature of some of the comments women have supposedly made to him and one could be forgiven for calling bullshit.
As for the looks debate in general, I fail to see a convincing argument made for how looks can ever not be overcome. Without wanting to be too patronising to women (but no doubt failing), many of them are so much in need of a strong-minded, focused man who has direction in life, who can help her channel her potential and really become something. Are you seriously telling me that a woman is going to turn that down for shallow aesthetic reasons? I'm sure society's and friends' opinions count for something and that's a hurdle to overcome, but I don't honestly think most women will turn down a guy who can really provide them with the direction they lack (and boy, do many of them lack direction).
On the flipside, as no one is arguing, being good looking can be near worthless if you don't have a strong frame of mind and confidence. All it will get you is attention from women who, yes, fancy you, but also see you as weak and easy to manipulate. In a way you'd be better off without that kind of attention.
I've had some major compliments on my looks in my time. I was out one night with a couple of other guys and a woman walked past and said "my God, you're good looking". That was the most outstanding example, but I've had reports from friends of women commenting on how handsome I am. But seriously, what's important is what I see when I look in the mirror. When I look in the mirror and see a lost, confused, hurting child trapped in the body of a man, which is what I have seen for much of my life, then naturally I don't see myself as good looking but the very sight of myself makes me feel awkward. BUT, on those occasions when my confidence is up, at times I've looked at myself in the mirror and thought, much like that woman, "fuck, I'm gorgeous".
My physical appearance hasn't changed, but my perception of it based on my own state of mind, self-image and level of confidence has. I've written before about how men acting out of the inner child is the most deadly thing to getting with women, and I gather that there's not a lot of room in this community for that particular narrative. Perhaps making the transition from childhood to adulthood/manhood is both too simple and too challenging. But I think this is the root of it. Men don't lack confidence. Man-children do. Men don't spend time reflecting on themselves and thinking "Hmm, am I okay?" They just get on with the job at hand. They like themselves, enjoy their own company, and naturally draw others into it. Again, only a fool turns down something good, and women may sometimes be foolish, but I don't believe they're that foolish.
So in summary, if you have looks, don't believe you can coast along on them. If you don't, don't believe the universe is mean-spirited enough to deny you happiness. Worst case, you won't get the very hottest girls. But that's seriously a first world problem. Lacking looks is no barrier to finding love. On the other hand, lacking purpose, drive and direction is. Women will be devoted to men who provide meaning and structure to their experience, who don't leave them alone with their confusion. Be that man and don't ever believe that the particular shape of your body will be a genuine reason for you to be rejected.
_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing
|
CHAT
