I didn't really know where to post this, but I figured in the "social shyness & anxiety" is about right.
My biggest sticking point at this moment, with people in general, is that I am too uptight. I am affraid to learn new skills that are new to me (martial arts, dancing, car driving). I don't dance in nightclubs, because my body is too stif, I don't know how to relax. People usually tell me I look like I0m under stress.
I would like to know what to do about it.
Thnx guys, I am sure you'll provide good advice on how to relax

Sounds like having a type of social phobia, where you might be afraid to look foolish. The simplest answer is power through it. Easier said than done, right?

What you want to do is start slow and build it up. Try making a list of all the things you would like to do but are scared of doing. After that, list all the things by the level of self confidence with them. So the ones that scare you the least put them at the top and going to the bottom will be the ones you feel most uncomfortable with.

Now take the thing at the top and break it down to levels:
So if dancing you might have a list like:
Dancing alone.
Dancing with a girl.
Taking a class.
Dancing in the club.
Next list these by level of scariness. Least scary one at the top again.

The easy part is done, the hard and most rewarding part is now. You will take the things from the top of the top of the list(least scary ones) and make it your goal to go through the list one by one every day for a month. By the time you've done 1 or 2 of them you will get hooked on the feeling of achievement.

Check out a post on this forum for inspiration: do-one-thing-a-day-that-scares-you-regu ... 62778.html


The thing is there is no easy answer to getting relaxed. You need to power through your fears and accept being comfortable with whom you are. Then and only then will you actually be relaxed and confident doing these things.

I used to be terribly uptight. I mean, I was so stiff that my worst nightmare was that I would have
to dance in front of anyone. I was a mess.

But then I decided to do something about it, and found that THE BEST thing against stiffness and
not being relaxed is some sort of physical activity.

In other words, EXERCISE.

Now you can:

- Run,
- Ride a bike,
- Play ball,
- Swim,
- Put on some music and dance when you're alone in your room (this one actually worked wonders for me),
- You can do yoga stretches (you can find them on youtube )

But the thing I would really recommend if you're really stiff is go find a place where they have a TRAMPOLINE
and just JUMP!

Trampline jumping is definitely going to make you more relaxed and it's FUN.

Your biggest challenge is actually trying something and doing it, because by the way you type
I feel that it's not that you don't know WHAT or HOW to do it, it's that you DON'T WANT to.

Laziness will kill you. It will take the life out of you and leave you broke poor and miserable.

So don't be lazy! Get out and get started!

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Force yourself to approach a few girls. Watch how you realize it isn't so bad. This can help give you a core confidence and help you go from uptight to relaxed in many life events.

Warm up is the answer. Try the following:
in the daygame: warm up with suuuuuper easy missions like:

• ask the time 10 times,
• ask the direction 10 times,
• smile and hold the eye contact,
• pay a compliments to 10 girls

In the club:

• if you can, find an attractive to you and totally inaccessible female friend. Like if she's married with kids/has her jacked agressive boyfriend right beside her and you're 100% SURE that you have no chances of romantic interaction. Fooling with such a friend was very easy for me, a lot easier than with the girls who have unclear status. Dance with her, lift her and give her to her boyfriend, tell jokes. Your brain just getting used to the fact that the presence of the beautiful girl doesn't make you feel nervous, it's a powerful trick.
• try to dance. You can even close your eyes and try to catch the rhythm. after dancing on your own, do some stupid shit in front of the people - like dance in front of the girl, eyeing her, or jump in the center of the circle of dancing people. You need to achieve the state when everybody believe that you're drunk.

Also this video can serve you as an advice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIgENFlTLJ0

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try to think how r u when ur doing something that you r relaxed when doing it. Like watching TV, reading books, lying at the beach.... And then consciencely try to relax your neck muscles, back muscles and butt muscles, relax shoulders and change position of your legs. it also helps if u shakes your arms but it is kinda strange in public... I know that at beginning it can be difficult but at some point u can train yourself that everytime that ur uptight u can shift to relaxed.

If body is in relaxed posture u will feel relaxed easier,
It works same if u smile when u r sad, it gets much better

Fact: Gestalt therapy says that anxiety IS excitement without breath.

breath more and call it excitement

start off very small like when you pass by people just make eye contact with people. when you pass by the eye contact will naturally break. just do this to build more confidence and then let me know with PM once you have done this for a couple of days

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Hey brother

I highly recommend you learn yogic breathing.

Here is a good description

http://julienhoude.com/2013/10/27/impor ... echniques/

Mack

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