read my first response to OP. we pretty much know what slowing down means given the context.
i agree to an extent... but he's guaranteed not to be happy if he loses the girl (although addressing his so-called "inner game" would help soften the blow). and your way, while less laborious, seems to hasten this.
well the truth of the matter is that if there's another guy, she's spending time him either way, regardless of whether OP gives her a rushed ultimatum which forces her to tell him to leave. again, the two choices are presented far too hastily. it's been three weeks. no woman makes up her mind that quickly to be someone's exclusive girlfriend.

the better approach is to let this chick hang out with other guys if that's bound to happen (nothing he can do to prevent it)... and then when he gets his shot, be better than them in 1) sex and 2) alpha mentality (flirtatious, non-needy, aloof, etc.)

keep in mind though, that this is the approach for actually getting the girl. if he wants a girl who isn't at risk of fucking other guys, who will be his gf in 3 weeks... then yes, he should move on... and he should call me if he ever meets a young, attractive, sane girl willing to do that.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Assuming there is another guy, he lives in her hometown, not in the city that we both currently live in. And to get the chronology straight, he hung out for about three weeks, I asked her if she wanted to date, she said yes, and we dated for three weeks before this. Of course, chantos, this doesn't mean it was a good idea, but I didn't know at the time. I was transitioning out of a long period of no strings attached sex, mostly one night stands, with many women. It's not hard for me to transition back in. I just transformed my behaviour for this "relationship" far more than was necessary. Lesson learned.

No we don't. You're making an assumption. It could be she just broke up with her boyfriend and doesn't want to jump into a relationship. She could be new to the area and wants to experience it as a single woman. It could that she simply doesn't want to be attached to anyone.Bullshit. Happens all of the time.Have to disagree with this. First how are you going to be able to guarantee that you're going to be better sex than another guy. Secondly, after your whole "dropping alpha theory" statement it seems a little hypocritical to mention it here especially since it won't help him if the problem is that there is another guy. His absence will not be missed if this guy is treating her the way she wants to be treated.And after all that, you're going to tell us that you're giving advice for a girl he hasn't gotten and has no reason to say that they should "slow down". Even worse, you're going to introduce him to girls the type of girl you just said didn't exist.

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Chantos, we didn't have any context to what slowing things down meant. All OP said was they dated for 3 weeks(then he clarified that they had been in a relationship for 3 weeks). No one knew if this was a chick he met a month before, a week before, or had been seeing for months.

Also, as Jack said, the alpha theory thing was hypocritical. Your post was WAY more alpha theory stuff than someone saying he shouldnt accept it if he doesnt want to. Theory = saying there's another guy with no mention of another guy in the thread. In fact, youre the one who mentioned "another alpha"...is this not alpha theory??

Look, maybe there's another guy. Maybe she went home and lusted for some dude. Maybe she went home told her friends she had a new bf after 3 weeks and they told her how crazy that was and it made her think. Maybe slow it down means they were hanging out too much everyday. Maybe it means she wants to fuck other guys. Maybe he didn't text her enough when she was gone and she assumed he wasn't serious so she wanted to take a step back. Maybe slow it down means no relationship. Maybe slow it down means relationship but they work on connecting more. No information was given on this girl, how they met, how long they were dating (just how long theyve been official), how communication was while she was away, how the communication was after she said that, besides vague "non-needy" description.

First thing should have been they talked so he could know what she's talking about. Somehow guys are so afraid of being seen as needy, they don't even know what the girl is talking about and they go off on a tangent.

right, those are all issues that seriously jeopardize op's chances as opposed to less serious issues that do not. my original point in the first post was that she won't out of the blue contact him from another city and tell him they need to slow down if there isn't a serious chance of the "relationship" failing at that point.
ok let me cut to the chase then: no reasonably attractive western woman with options who says "let's slow down" after 3 weeks suddenly agrees to be a guy's exclusive girlfriend when given a take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum.
ok, created some confusion with that theory statement. i didn't mean to imply we don't encourage OP to be alpha or discuss game. i meant let's give him actual concrete advice, i.e. say this, do that, rather than just talking theory of being happy and stuff. as far as guaranteeing you'll be better at sex... you're right, you can't. but you can seriously help your case by working on it and reading about it. much better than not focusing on it, sucking in bed, and then not realizing why she went with the other guy, no?

jack basically you're advocating if this guy faces any competition whatsoever in the early stages of landing an attractive woman... abandon ship and find another attractive woman? as though he'll somehow not have competition there? that's the vibe i'm getting from your posts. you've never seen a woman you wanted to date and just bested the competition? if a girl said she wanted to slow down after a couple weeks, you said take it or leave it?

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

I picked her up at a bar a month and a half or so ago and we fucked all night. "My friend and I never go home with guys," "you're the second guy I've been with since I broke up with my bf of 3 years 5 months ago," etc. Who the fuck knows; we've all heard this before.

I haven't dated a girl in a long time, but I wanted to calm my lifestyle down a bit, so I took her on a few dates. I paid for shit, but she paid for equally as much shit, and I did not act needy or clingy. We had sex a lot, and she had multiple orgasms every time. After seeing each other like this 8 or 9 times, it seemed like a good time to ask her out, so I said "so, do you want to date or what?" She said yes.

From our first night on, we texted a lot. In retrospect, this was a mistake. I was clearly being too available and predictable. However, I'd like to reiterate that the tone of our interactions implied no neediness on my part. She has been an open and excellent communicator throughout.

I was great to hear, but I also busted her balls all of the time. She had shitty service at home (pretty sure this was legit), so we texted less, but I didn't care. We SPAM for an hour and a half or so twice while she was gone. There seemed to be no reason to think that there was a problem until she sent me that message from home. From there, it's gone pretty downhill. Haven't heard from her tonight, and she hasn't returned my call (since I had said lets hang out tonight instead of yesterday, I thought it would be good to follow up), so I'm thinking I'm probably dead in the water here.

Any advice other than obviously not reaching out to her anymore from here on out? How would you fellas handle her getting in touch with me? The best thing for me to do would obviously be to go out and meet more women, but I have several important exams over the next 2 weeks, and I need to be prepared.

Again bullshit. I live in a city with women that are absolutely beautiful and I see it happen all of the time. You even offered to introduce OP to some with the assurances that they will be sane. What's not concrete about leading the woman into the direction that you want to go and if she's not willing, she's not the one you want then? What you've advised was for getting a new girl, which you've admitted to, and is irrelevant for helping the OP.No, your advice was to cut back on contact to her while at the same time you were telling him that there was another guy. That is absolutely ridiculous. If a guy came on this site and said that a woman has cut back communication with him, we'd tell him to go find another girl. Why? It makes things a lot easier to get over that one. So if she has gone out to find another guy, she'll get over OP easier. The fact that you would suggest a freeze out to a woman who hasn't lost interest in OP tells me you don't understand the purpose of the freeze out.

It's quite obvious that you've read books on pickup and probably on a few forums, but the things that you say make sense at first, but when you try to elaborate you are so contradictory and seem to lack real life experience.

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again... how does he do that? concrete examples, not just an aesop's fable style "lead, and she will follow." that's abstract. not sure how else to explain that...
1. the guy comes on and asks how to get the girl. you say get another girl. how does that help him get the girl? it in fact guarantees he loses the girl. so you have not helped the guy whatsoever in his objective.

2. and i'm suggesting a freeze-out because she said she wants to slow it down and because she never initiates contact. that... is in fact a pretty drastic sign of a loss of interest. so again not sure what you're talking about.


no


you tell me what you do when you're after a girl and another guy shows interest and she's hanging with the other guy, weighing between the both of you. and if your answer is simply "find another girl" then you are the dude lacking experience in this particular area. anybody can find another girl. how do you get the girl you want? seriously, tell me what you would do, using concrete tactics not just "live life to the fullest" and other shit you find on posters in dentist's offices...

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

lol ok man now i know you're just skimming what i'm typing. specifically said that OP should contact me if he ever finds a sane attractive girl with options who will first say "we need to slow things down," then immediately turn around agree to be his girlfriend (aka speed things up, the exact opposite of what she wants) when given an ultimatum, all this after only 3 weeks of exclusive dating. aka those women don't exist. no sane woman with options jumps into a relationship after implying she doesn't want one. the reason she is saying "let's slow it down" is because she is losing attraction. he should be the one needing to slow it down, not the other way around.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Chantos, what's not concrete about Jack's advice. He said do what he wants to do and if she refuses next. I don't see how that's not concrete. Sure it's not a big elaborate Do this, then do this, then this, but that's because it's simple. If he wants to slow down, he agrees, if he doesn't he walks. Do you need to know how he should walk or agree??

The reason I disagree with the whole elaborate/freeze out/make her jealous stuff is that it doesn't benefit anyone but the girl. OP and this girl got into a relationship. Let's say she went back home, met some guy and is crushing on the new guy. OP takes your advice, freezes her out. Let's say it works and she starts going crazy for OP again and begs him back. She chases him like crazy. He gets her back. A few months later she meets another guy and starts crushing on the new guy. OP has to freeze out again. The cycle continues. The girl gets her drama, her attention, her emotional rollercoaster, and the guy gets a girl who is fucking someone else or talking to someone else every few months.

Sometimes you have to realize that the girl you want, doesn't value you as much as you do. These "challenges" make guys feel like bosses when they win the girl back over, but most of the time you're just getting a girl who doesn't know what she wants, she doesn't really like you, she likes the chase. It shouldnt be about getting X girl, it should be about getting the girl who makes you happy and you don't have to put up with the unnecessary bs. If a girl doesn't want what you have to offer, fine, let her find someone she wants to be with. The moment you start worrying about how to keep her, you've already lost because your putting your needs and wants second.

Jack is not saying give an ultimatum. Jeez. You guys look at everything as a trick to get the girl. Saying what he wants is NOT an ultimatum. You look at things through the lens of tactics, hence he assumes you read alot of pickup stuff.

yep. who knows.
so why is jack saying she hasn't lost interest? confused.

i agree that things are looking dire. probably beyond repair at this point. the shitty service thing... again, a girl will hike a mountain naked in winter to get reception if her interest level is where it should be and she's chasing you. stuff like that seems so innocent, but it's in fact a sign of reduced interest if she's cool with just not talking to you for even a couple days. you've gotta spot it early, unfortunately.
how so?


at this point i'd personally just go no contact for a couple weeks man. especially if she still hasn't responded by the time you read this. just don't reply to whatever she says for a while. if she's still interested enough, she'll start texting you more frequently, trying to figure out where you two stand. she'll start asking if you're available to talk or hang out. she'll start chasing. then you can resume a flirty, sexual frame and do the other stuff i've mentioned elsewhere in the thread. the trick is to not act butthurt or serious whatsoever, just be fun and loose.

everything really depends on how you responded when she sent the "need to slow down" text. if you were angry or serious, that's not good. and if you did what these other guys suggested with any kind of take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum, my guess is she left it.

which is fine. not knocking that type of response if you have solid inner game and the girl isn't so compatible that she's worth doing this for. going out and finding another girl is always the easiest option and generally the best. but some girls really are better than others, and if she's losing interest because of flaws in your game, that's the kind of scenario that i'd encourage at least attempting to raise her interest again.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

i need to know why that approach is the correct approach where, through no fault of the woman, OP has put himself in this situation.

that's my big issue neo. it's because, in effect, jack's advice says to OP: "you made mistakes and had weaknesses of game that put you in this situation. i will not address them or even take the time to point them out. i will not tell you how to get out of the situation. i will not tell you how to do it right next time. all i will tell you is that, if you don't want to slow things down, leave and find another woman. so you can rush into a relationship with her. so you can text her too much. so you can burn her out again and be right back here in 3 months asking us the same questions."

jack gives OP literally NOTHING to work with. OP has no clue why she's saying let's slow down. no clue if he could get her interest back up. no clue that it was his doing that got her saying that.

at least take the fucking time to explain why she's saying what she's saying, even if you're gonna advise him to next her.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

you make a good point, but if the girl does this shit, you next her. the issue i have is i'm not sure why she has to crush on a new guy every 3 months? 3 weeks in to a new relationship is much different than 3 months, 6 months, 9 months. in this time (if you're gaming correctly) the girl is falling head-over-heels in love with you. gets a lot more difficult to just fuck another dude.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

again, telling OP to say what wants after he incorrectly attracted the girl... how is this helping the man? the reason he is in this situation is because he does not know the correct "tactics" of attraction. instead of pointing this out, jack says "just do what you want and if she doesn't follow then find another one." that creates a vicious cycle where OP moves from 3 week relationship to 3 week relationship without realizing why he's striking out.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Wait, really? I've given a very concrete example of what OP should do, when he asked me to elaborate. I gave him some advice explaining how he should and should not do it and you disagreed. That was your whole point of calling me out directly and called it "weak frame".

Now let's get to the logic of my response. Since he's fucked her on multiple occasions, he has a hook into her. Him being direct on his intentions will not harm him in any way and when done with the correct intensity, it will leave a powerful impression on her. Him accepting what she says will harm him because he has become submissive to her will. She's dictating the relationship to parameters. Even if he acts all aloof and uncaring...she's getting HER way. He cuts off communications with her, it's because of the instruction that she has given him when it comes to her view. So now he's put himself in a position of strength from my advice. Being in this position of strength allows him to walk away on his own terms if it comes to that.

The good thing that happens because of that is:
1. He's no longer afraid to lose a woman.
2. She is more than likely to come back to him because he is a real man that stands for what he wants, which is far more powerful than your limited contact, aloof, freeze out, suave ladies' man option.
3. He will gain a confidence that will lead to attracting more women.
4. He will live his life and have relationships that will be on his terms.
I didn't say that, but okay.
I made the mistake of not asking why she wanted to slow down, but luckily someone threw that question out. What would a freeze out do if she lost interest because of another guy as you claimed is the problem? She would forget about the OP. So the essence of your freeze out option is ridiculous.

By the way, I guess I need to call you because I can introduce you to some beautiful, western cultured women that have gotten into relationships in under 3 weeks.

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