Hey guys

Ive been seeing this girl for a few months now. Shes a really great girl and is absolutely gorgeous but from the beginning of our relationship has been extremely shy sexually. We have only had sex a handful of times (all involving alcohol) and majority of times i sexually escalate when sober she freezes up. At first i thought it was just her being shy but after a while when it wasnt getting any better i decided to ask about it and she told me that she recently just overcame an eating disorder and still has body image issues, and my sexual confidence intimidates her haha.

I told her that i understand and that whenever shes ready is fine with me (not sure if beta giving the situation). I have spent the last while building good comfort with her (while keeping attraction a priority too obviously) and she has really opened up to me emotionally but im still dealing with the same sexual issues.

How should i approach this situation guys? Ive never had to deal with anything like this before and although i completely understand her situation and am willing to be patient there has been pretty much no improvement physically and its getting very frustrating.

All advice appreciated
Shtuffy

How do you go about sexually escalating. You need something that will get you in her pants, completely sober, quickly, before she has time to think about insecurities.

How are yall treating each other? Is this your gf? a buddy that you screw from time to time? What?

Thanks for the quick reply. Usually just when she comes over to my place or i go to hers we will be watching a movie or whatever in bed and start kissing, rubbing etc then when i go to take her clothes off or go under her clothes she immediately freezes up and gets nervous and i cant break past it no matter what ive tried.

We treat each other great, spend loads of time together and shes clearly crazy about me but she just cant get out of her own head when things get past her comfort zone.

Try whipping your dick out. You get naked first, she starts rubbing on it, stroking it etc. and she might get past her shit in her head if she wants it enough.

I don't think I can be much help to you other than that. If it didn't work, I'd cut contact and focus on girls that don't have sexual hangups. It's not my job to try and fix every girl with issues.

With the effort you put into one girl like this you could spread that effort around to three or four girls easily. I know that sounds cold, but it's just true. I don't expect a girl to deal with my personal shit. I handle my own. I look for girls that are in the same boat.

Have tried that before didnt get me any more than a handjob haha

I know the amount of effort im putting into this i could focus into other women but ive been doing that for years and to be honest im bored of meaningless flings now. I still always keep my options open and have a couple of old fuck buddies i can call at any time but I have a great connection with this girl and i want to see where things go with her. If i could just break down this barrier our relationship would be completely perfect but so far its been an uphill battle and i dont know how much longer i can hold out.

Doesn't this mean she still has an eating disorder?

same situation happened to me this summer twice with 2 virgin girls.
usually just take a lot of time. do the wash and repete.
start by kissing rub over pants. then use your dick over pants most of time freeze but you tried later jist keep saying
"make me feel better, make it swxier, make it more real etc."

it will take you over over 3h for sure.
you habe to tease her alot.

the key is really patient. eventually she goes nut with you.

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OP, I think everyone is treating this as a lack of arousal when it's bigger than that. Hence your confusion. Your girl has a serious mental issue that is making having sex difficult. It's not as simple as seduce her, and you sound like a fairly competent guy so I assume you've tried these things. It's silly for us as men, but to women, having an eating disorder can be a serious life affecting thing. So it's a different case, not akin to a virgin or a prude, and more akin to trying to sleep with a rape victim; there is a serious mental barrier. Maybe one of the women here can offer a better perspective.

Thanks man yeah from what i can tell this definitely goes beyond arousal, i have no problems turning her on but when i get her to a certain point she just freezes up. She doesnt suffer with the disorder anymore and eats a well balanced diet but it has obviously left some mental scars that im not sure how to overcome. She told me she suffers from anxiety as well and has had a few attacks randomly when hanging out with me.

Given the situation im obviously being as patient and supportive as i can and building the emotional side of our relationship but im very much out of my comfort zone here as ive never had trouble with the sexual side of things, its always been the emotional stuff that im not usually great at haha

From what I know about eating disorders, it's not the eating habits or puking up food that defines it... It's the psychological bad image of one self. So the disorder is not done just because her eating habits have changed. If she still has poor image of her body she still has the disorder and most likely to a greater degree than you're aware of. Like if someone has depression and they cut themself but they stop cutting themself... They still have depression. She still has the disorder ie serious insecurity about her body. Has she done therapy?

Yeah very true i never thought of it that way. Shes at a good healthy weight now and has a good excercise and nutrition plan in place but she must not be happy with how she looks. Yeah she was in therapy for a while definitely helped get her back on track.

I think the only real issue is her own self image so what would be the best way to go about tackling that? Its hard for me to understand because she is gorgeous and has a great body now. Am i supposed to go against conventional game and big up her self esteem with compliments? Or do i just continue to build the emotional side of our relationship and just be patient?