| The majority of men spend their weekends in clubs and bars, approaching women, very badly. This also happens during daily life, in coffee shops, libraries, the workplace, and even the street. I must state again...badly. Oh so badly.
My female friends reiterate these painful interactions to me on a weekly basis, both venting, and using it as encouragement for me to spread my message to men everywhere.
Before you even think about interacting with a woman, it is very important that you assess what your intentions are for wanting to even start the interaction.
This could be for many reasons, such as learning about how women interact and what they respond to, wanting to kiss pretty girls, get to know someone interesting, find a girlfriend, or casual sex.
Figure out which it is, and then give yourself full permission as a man, to go for exactly what you want, making no apology and owning who you are and what you want.
The above is all vitally important and will separate you from the hoards of men who approach women without decisive direction.
So, if you see that beautiful brunette strutting down the street, give yourself full permission to interact with her.
Some beliefs that helped me approach women when I was first focusing on this area of my life:
- I make no apology for wanting to meet you
- I make no apology for wanting to get to know you
- I make no apology for being attracted to you and wanting to sleep with you
Sex is still such a taboo in society and many men are chained within the social belief that sex is a negative thing. The truth, is that we are all sexual creatures, and sex is the most beautifully wonderful and intimate act we can partake in.
So let go of the negative beliefs. Embrace your sexual side and share it respectfully and consciously with whomever inspires you.
So, let's talk through the most essential and powerful steps to truly opening a woman.
1: External Awareness:
The biggest issue for most men is the feeling of anxiousness and over analytical thinking, which leads to not taking action. This is due to a made up imaginary scenario which is self created, where all the worst things in the world will occur, and Armageddon will quickly ensue, resulting in the entire nightclub burning down, all because you said hello to a pretty girl.
As a man who has approached women in practically every social situation, I can assure you the worst case scenario is NEVER the reality, and even if I am "rejected", it is completely painless and empowers me as a man who takes positive action in his life.
Therefore realise your mind is not your friend in this case.
The quickest way to fix this detrimental pattern, is to move your awareness from your own selfish thoughts, to the girl, and how she may be feeling.
When I am coaching guys, I always have them walk around in a busy area making assumptions, verbalizing to me, what he is picking up from complete strangers.
A woman may be sitting on a bench reading a book, I will ask him, how might she be feeling? How does she look? Her expression? Her mood?
This is hugely beneficial for 2 reasons.
- Projecting his focus outwards, forgetting about himself
- And your observation about her is always the perfect verbal opener to express.( simply starting a conversation)
Just yesterday I saw a girl walking VERY fast down the street. This, to most men is a red flag not to approach as they assume their presence will bother her. This is very arrogant of you to assume, so I jogged up beside her and said "You...look like your training for a marathon", which was met with a giggle, and her expressing how she likes to walk fast to stay warm. You see, I have just learned something about her.
This is my version of what I like to call an observational verbal opener.
It is beautiful, because you are not approaching her in a stranger to stranger dynamic, telling her she is the most beautiful woman in the world; basically asking her to make a decision on whether she likes you in a split second of seeing you, whilst simultaneously projecting that you don't care what type of person she is. Her superficial beauty states she is enough for you already...weak!
When you make an observation on her emotional state, you in a way slide directly into an emotional connective conversation with her, which then can lead to you both sharing parts of who you are, without the added pressure of "do you like me yet?".
Of course, it is still a good thing to compliment her on an aspect of her personality which you find attractive once your speaking with her and always be closing.
There is nothing wrong with telling her how sexy her walk is, or how cute her energy is when she smiles. It is something she has input in, unlike her perfect bone structure which was handed down from her parents.(something she is reminded of by every other over-eager guy)
I really believe this is why my seductions are so consistent. I see a girl, make a comment, draw her in with my presence and intent, and before we know it, we are intertwined in an organically flowing seduction, based on the fact we are both enjoying each other's company, which is much different when you are approaching a girl to get her number. How do you possibly know you want to continue interacting with her if you have not even spoken to her yet?
So, to recap on step one:
• See a girl
• feel weird sensation in your body (anxiety)
• Push your focus externally by studying her mood..
2: Internal Awareness
Once you have pushed you awareness out and read where she may be at in her day/life, you then must become aware of your physical body in order to approach and enter her presence with purpose.
The guys who do not check themselves energetically before beginning an interaction, end up bounding in like drunk babies or over-eager stuttering puppies.
For me I put my awareness to my feet and imagine they are kissing the ground.
I slow my movements down, staying focused not on what I am going to say(which never really matters anyway), but instead focused on my feet kissing the ground as I put one in front of the other.
This is a technique I learned practicing and studying Qigong, which would also be of benefit to you in terms of lifestyle.
The basis of putting your awareness in your feet, means it stops you living in your mind, where really, it is going against you most of the time, and winning.
Live in your feet as much as possible.
When I approach a girl "in my feet", I am present, powerful, grounded, un-reactive, and ultimately chilled and nonchalant about what I'm doing/saying. Which in-turn allows her to trust you. You are being your authentic self.
So, to recap from step 1-2:
• See a girl
• feel weird sensation in your body (anxiety)
• Push your focus externally by studying her mood..
• Shift your awareness to your physical body
• direct your focus to your feet
• Walk towards girl, kissing the ground with your feet(before you know it you are in front of her)
3: Delivery:
How you show up to a woman, and deliver who you are, is seen through many different aspects of your communication. Luckily, by following the 2 previous steps, you are already in a MUCH more attractive place than the majority of men. Keep in mind that 80percent of communication is expressed through your non-verbals.
Body language - I move slowly and with purpose.
Eye contact - Strong, clear, and direct, looking into ONE eye. I always go with her left.
Voice -
The way you express your words tell people pretty much everything they need to know about how you feel about yourself, and your opinion of yourself in relation to the world. Seriously!
Most guys speak too fast and try and get all their words out quickly, combining this with a high pitched vocal tone.
Around women, the speed triples. This depicts nervousness, reactiveness, and a poor internal self image. What you must realise is that not only does this make you even more nervous, but makes the woman feel nervous for you.
Luckily, with some practice you can solve this and have it work for you.
Practice how you speak and give attention to your voice. It is one of your most powerful instruments.
When I first approach a girl, I say one word, be it Hello, or excuse me...then I shut up.
I do not continue until I get her full attention and eye contact. This immediate space I offer, allows her to react to my presence, and I can then respond effectively, rather than steam rolling her with a gigantically drawn out verbal "opener" or pick-up line. Keep it simple.
When I speak to a woman, I speak clearly, unrushed, and in a resonant tonality.
This will be fed through your own feedback loop, and your body language/ vibe will stay chill.
You will feel grounded, meaning she feels relaxed in the sense that "you got this", and she can trust you, as the man, to guide the awkward initial moments of interacting with a stranger.
When men approach all jacked-up in fight or flight, EVEN if she likes you, she will feel the uncomfortable negative tension, and want to get away from it in any way she can.
Forget about building comfort...You bring comfort with you!
I want to make it clear that the above is being truly direct with women and life. If you follow the above guide, it really does not matter what you say, as your vibe will say it all, and that is what is truly sexy and seductive.
so, let us recap from the start:
• See a girl
• feel weird sensation in your body (anxiety)
• Push your focus externally by studying her mood with curiosity
• Shift your awareness to your physical body
• direct your focus to your feet
• Walk towards girl, kissing the ground with your feet(before you know it you are in front of her)
• Slow down movements and gestures
• Strong present eye contact, looking INTO her eye, not at it
• Delivering your observation with a relaxed resonant voice tone without reactive fluctuations
The more you practice the above, the more you can forget about it as it becomes inbuilt very quickly.
If at any point you find yourself thinking analytically, or feeling nervous, this is due to lack of presence. Simply drop your focus to the soles of your feet, engage eye contact again, and your presence will deepen.
Enjoy the process and have fun.
Chris
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