I'm 25 and have been in a strong, LDR for the past 5 years. My gf was previously my best friend before the LDR started, at this time we were both living close to each other. The relationship has been primarily long distance, first nationally (college) and then overseas. We were able to frequently see each other during the college distance and spent all of our summer/winter breaks together. We are both very open with each other and there has never been any third party involved. We've spoken almost every day during (and before) the relationship. I think it's fair to say it is strong, or was.

With college over she recently took a job offer abroad. She spent a year abroad as part of college so the distance wasn't new to either of us. Her new role is quite demanding, with long hours which have impacted our level of communication leaving us with talking 2 or 3 times a week by SPAM. We text everyday, but it's minimal compared to previous years.

I feel like the relationship is somewhat fading out, but what bothers me is the speed a which this has deteriorated. She's been abroad for 6 weeks now, which I don't see as very long. Previously it would take a few months before slight relationship tension would kick in, but at college I would have seen her well within 3-4 weeks.

We recently discussed the lack of communication which was somewhat awkward and ended on a bad note. She will be abroad for another 2-3 years which we are both concerned about. She mentioned to me "I don't know if I want it as much as I did". I'm then thinking she is emotionally distancing herself to prepare for a possible breakup. I am also more distant, thinking about her less throughout the day, and doing more approaches on nights out. This is mostly because I enjoy female company rather than looking to cheat. I have no interest in being unfaithful.

She will be returning home for a month over the Xmas period before moving abroad again. I feel there is a high chance it will come to end when she returns. I don't feel the relationship has the strength left to endure another long period apart. If this happens I want to have a clean exit which will maintain a possible chance of rekindling several years from now should our paths cross. Also, If we drift further apart the chances another guy/girl being involved increases. I don't want this to be messy, which it has a high chance of being because of how close we have been.

She's a great girl and I'd hate for it to end, but I also see the relationship running out of steam.

Sorry, but it's prob gonna end as you say. Here's the thing I don't get with LDRs and maybe you LDR guys can explain. If you're in a relationship for years long distance, not cheating, why not just end it or marry the girl? I just don't get it....I'd think if you're going through all that might as well marry and live your lives together. If the relationship is not that serious enough to move in or live together why do the distance?

LDRs suck. My first wife was a college sweetheart. We had an LDR when we were out of school in the summers, etc. I was such an AFC then, she took my virginity and had such a scarcity mentality. What makes LDRs worse, is that when you are together it is much less frequently than a normal relationship and as a result that much more intense. It is hard to move on, but it is always a healthy move, IMHO. I had broken up with her twice during college. If I hadn't had such a scarcity mentality, I would have stayed broken up. The craziest thing was that I cheated on her a few times then and still had the AFC thing, which only got worse when we got married. The point is, LDRs warp the sense of reality for both of you. I am sure some find happiness, but life will certainly be different than the LDR was after you are together full time.

Sounds like she's laying the groundwork to end things, to me.

Like a 5 yr relationship is huge to begin with, but 5 yrs long distance is tough, man.

Do you guys have an eventual 'plan'? I assume after this long you've discussed next steps. IE: is one of you going to move? Is one of you going to get a job in the country/location of the other?

If you want to save it, you're going to have to become a bigger part of her life, period (or expect her to become a bigger part of yours).

This is well past the 'pickup' stage... so it's tough to advise you... I can just tell you that, yeah, I think your instincts are correct - looks like it could be the end.

Why not just talk to her? Communicate.

Thanks for the responses.

Neo87, it's a tough one to explain. Most of our relationship we have been to young to consider marriage. We've discussed it many times but both agree that we are to young, I mean she's literally just graduated. I think if we had a met at a later time (Say I was around 28/29) then no doubt I think we would have head in that direction.

Charles, we've spoken about this a lot over the course of the relationship, she has always had working abroad at some point in her mind. She did so for a year as part of college and that worked quite well. Visits were less frequent but we made it work. This time around though there is no end. At college we both knew she only had to do 1 year then she would return home, this time it's a career so it could be a permanent move overseas. I've also recently changed jobs which requires me to remain here (I like this job and want to keep it). We are both very career driven so I can't see a compromise there. Again, I think this is part of the problem.

We've been speaking a lot recently about this situation. We have always been proactive about issues in our relationship. After speaking it seems we both still love each other very much, but our paths needs to separate in order us to understand ourselves and develop our careers. She said to me that if we were older I would be the one she wants to settle with, to which I agree. We have spoken about this before. She's very unsure about us breaking up, I think that she is scared of regretting the decision. This is also how I feel. For example, one text reads: "You know I care about you more than anyone else, you're my family. That's what makes it hard."

The problem here is that I know when she comes back in a few weeks everything will be great. We will be extremely close, have great sex, go away together and just generally enjoy ourselves. Remember she is still my best friend and vice versa. But then she will go away again and the cycle of distancing will repeat itself until ultimately all strength will be lost.

I feel like I must end this relationship in a graceful way that will retain future possibilities. I guess this is what I am really asking, how can I do this? Should I be doing this?

Speaking from someone also in an LDR, I understand that the biggest thing is that there is potential to be together in the future. Something I don't fully understand is how you will be together in proximity if both of you are directly looking to be apart?

If you have been together for five years, you guys are clearly very close. You seem like an adequate guy, and it seems like you've come to terms with ending it if it heads in that direction. If you guys do see each other living together in the future, why not tie the knot? It would give you a peace of mind and allow both to focus on your careers for the greater purpose: being together, successful, and happy.

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We're still speaking a lot about the whole situation. She has been making noticeable effort to talk which makes it easier. In our last conversation she mentioned her next location move which is roughly 10 hours time difference. I know her well enough to tell this move is almost certain. I cannot follow her in this move because my job requires me here.

I know a few of your guys have suggested to get married but here are the reasons I don't see that as the best choice:

1. When she discusses her next location move (we've spoke about this over the past few months) there is little to no mention on what will happen with the relationship. This makes me think it's not considered as part of her choice.
2. She told me on the phone that she wants to be with me when she's older, but right now she feels more 'independent' and 'only wants to be responsible for herself'. This alongside what I see as the deal breaker, "I'm not sure if I need to do this on my own." This right here says to me she's losing interest but is still in denial because she loves me.

What makes this hard (for me anyway) is there is nothing wrong with us as a couple. We very, very rarely argue, sex is great, we're both very open and honest, families get along, we are both very caring to each other. But I can tell her mind is set on her going away, and I don't want to make a commitment like marriage to someone who isn't fully in it.

I most likely will break up with her so we can get on with our own lives. Is there a gentlemans way to do this? And also the way where my head won't be fucked after.

Never said to get married, I was saying that I don't get why you two didnt have a plan to get married or planned to live together years ago. Anyways, she wants out of the relationship. Look, it happens. She's 25ish and wants to experience new things. Your rs was acceptable in college when she was studying but now she wants to explore things. When you break up, don't think about a future with her. She'll say she wishes she was older, but she'll meet new guys and forget all that. Fact is, you 2 weren't in a REAL relationship if you get what I'm saying. A person there who you can see Nice smile.... Instead of the whole interview/you're cute thing, fun question: if you were offered a free trip leaving tomorrow to go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? is a far different thing than someone you SPAM and see once a month. You also need to move on and experience other women and relationships.

Yeah I would not be pleased with this. It seems like she wants to experience new things that you might not be okay with. What has she said when you've asked whether she's happy?

I would say to break up with her in person, since I do think you own her at least that. You guys did plan to meet over the holidays, so I would say that would be the time. I would warm her up before this: her going into the holidays assuming everything is going well and then out of nowhere you decide to cut it will be rough for her. I assume you've voiced your concerns to her about your relationship. I would do so again in order to smoothen the escalation so the fall isn't as difficult.

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A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

18 Body Language Mistakes I Bet You're Making