So, I message this girl on OkCupid. We start chatting about shows we both like, science, whatever. A few messages get traded back and forth then just as I'm about to try and number close she asks me instead. We trade numbers but I don't text her for a day or two because I got busy.

I do end up texting her and we continue having conversations over text for awhile. I end up making a stupid joke about adoption only to get a reply saying "I'm adopted..." I somehow manage to recover from this, we continue chatting and I set up a date with her to meet for drinks. I then fuck up AGAIN and end up showing up two and a half hours late. Shockingly she's still waiting for me at the bar.

During the date we're going back and forth having a good time, she keeps revealing embarrassing shit to me, like the time she hid weed in her vag and then getting flustered because she can't believe she just told me that. I'm teasing her about her southern accent. I'm running kino when I notice she has her legs open and positioned so that my leg is between them. I have my hands on her knees and am swiveling her in her stool playfully.

She starts talking about geology then apologizes for geeking out and mentions that a previous boyfriend used to beat her down about that. I just tell her nerds are sexy and go in for the kiss. Se gives me tongue, we break off for a second and then a full on makeout session commences. This continues for a bit when she stops me for a moment and tells me "You know we're going to wait, right?" I say that's cool, that it just means she wants to see me again. Makeout continues and gets heavier when finally we get kicked out of the bar for it. She's embarrassed, I'm laughing about, she say's she's never done that before. fun times.

I then proceed to drive her home and we're talking about football. She teases me about the college town I used to live. I'm not even sure what exactly I said at this point but I did jokingly call her a bitch. She then gets offended and tells me for future reference that she really doesn't respond well to being called a bitch since she's such a nice person. I go to drop her off at her apartment when she remembers she parked her car at her campus. I then drive to campus and drop her off at her car, get the goodnight kiss and go home.

We've continued talking and the other night I set up our second date. I'd been really busy with work and life in general so when the day came and I was on the way I realized I had absolutely no plan at all. I pick her up and I drive around until I come across a pizza a place. She suggests we go there. We go and because of the table between us I can't kino. We're just talking and eating and I'm having a hard time sparking any of the chemistry between us from the first date. She mentions we should go. I take her home, she says we should get together again when she isn't so tired. (She'd been up since 5 for work.) I go in for the kiss and get the dreaded hug deflection.

It's been a week. I chose not to contact her not only because of this failed date but also since she was out of town. I'm not really sure what my next move here should be. I think I may have fucked things up pretty badly. It was so obvious that I put no effort into the other night, it must have made her feel pretty shit. But at the same time she was tired and also had put her braces back in at the end of dinner, which she's terrified of giving her bad breath. Maybe it was a test? To see if I'd be a dick? also, this time I paid for everything whereas on the first date we paid for our own drinks. I'd like to try for a third date redemption but I'm not sure if I'll just be wasting my time. Gonna do it either way but was looking for some input on my latest abortion of flirting.

You should've paid for the first date, due to being so late. You can't get a refund on time. Also, it's bad to make rape, cancer, racist, or sexist jokes without feeling her out first. I'm not saying not to be yourself, but if that's you, stating "I have a rotten sense of humor," is better than dropping the n-word.

That being said, if it is important to you that someone just accepts your humor, or whatever trait may be important to you and vital to your personality, go ahead and show it at the risk of fucking up the date.

Really though, a date is for the purpose of getting to know someone. Who care's if she likes you, if it's at the cost of being yourself. On that same token, dating can open your eyes to flaws about yourself that you have not realized. It is your choice to fix or accept them.

My advice for this girl is to call and ask what's up? The first date, there was chemistry, so what happened afterwards. It's like calling back for an evaluation. I do things like this. I get things like this done to me. It's fine. It's normal. If you want some information, advice here can be good, but the only one who can tell you what made it die for her is...her.

_________________
Attraction is a choice.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
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-Ders


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It's simple bro.

You didn't kino escalate.

Thus, you went backwards, making her attraction go backwards, too.

Don't worry about having offended her.

My guys used to call me The Neg Juggernaut in my early 20s. I had chicks ALWAYS think I was an asshole, but that always left the door open for them to become attracted to me (fine chicks like assholes... though honestly, I hated who I was becoming).

At any rate, she corrected you, and still went on to see you for the second date. That means what you said wasn't a killer for her.

You are 1 and 1 bro. Not done yet.

Just hit her up like nothing. Maybe mention you had a CRAAAZY busy week, start a fun conversation, lead her, get her spirits up, and then mention a day 3.

The name of the game is KINO ESCALATE. Maybe even since she has some comfort with you you can hug her and kiss her on the cheek when you first see her. Then talk about something like the ride in or something. You must build attraction, bro. Build up and hit her spots. That's all.