Hey guys, so I have been talking to this girl for almost 4 months now. All we have ever done is make out. We used to to hang out about once a week but always in a public place so no way of doing anything more than that. Lately shes back in school and working fulltime, so she is legitimately busy but things seem weird. She always is too busy and never tries to find time to hangout anymore other than we workout once or twice a week together.You can tell we have a connection and most people think we are dating in the gym.She still initiates conversation with me every single day over text and keeps the conversation going so I don't think she would continue doing that if I was just a friend or if she was seeing someone else. This girl is extremely shy and awkward socially at first, shes gotten much better with me but its still there.
I have been consciously not asking her to hang out very often sometimes ill wait two weeks or a week depends. I used to tell her hey im doing this do u want to come or tag along and it worked sometimes but she usually was working. So i tried the what day are you free route which worked a few times. I finally just tried lets go for dinner next week and got the "i''ll let u know a day" and then never got back to me even though we continued talking everyday in between.
my question is where do you guys think I stand? How do i get back on track and most importantly is it too late to change where I stand?
Do i just ignore her texts and not answer? that seems weird this day and age especially when i see her at the gym every week or do I just answer the texts and put no effort in? I have been taking much longer to answer her now and if she doesn't ask a question i don't answer.

I tried to keep it brief hope i didnt leave anything out. This is just frustrating because I had a crush on this girl for about a year and it took me about 2 months to get the balls to ask her out after I had heard she broke up with her bf.

any help is appreciated!

You need more experience with more women.

It's not what you want to hear, but I was in your shoes once and through trial and error, this and only this is what improved things.

The world is sort of a template in a way.

What do I mean by this?

Early on, I would have situations just like you described.

Then as I got out and met more women I started to improve, & I realized that the VERY SAME WOMAN who had I met her in the past would also have hung out with me and not done anything, is now potentially turned on and down to play within an hour or two of meeting me, as opposed to the old timeframe.

The girls didn't change.

What changed was my frame and how I presented things upon meeting a girl.

I'm not saying you need to get things to that point, but just a more general feeling for how to progress a relationship forward faster than the several month period you mentioned will be very helpful to you for the next girls.

If and when you meet that "one" girl you want to marry someday, you are going to have to have the skills to have her swooning for you and the only way to do this is to have experience with several women so you know how to progress things. This is the sort of advice you can expect when posting on a pua board.

As for how to handle this particular girl, once again, meet more girls.

The two of you are not in a relationship, so both of you are free to do whatever you please. Be unavailable from time to time. I can tell you that right now, she most likely feels that she KNOWS with 100% certainty that she is the only woman in your life. CHANGE THAT. See if she chases you a bit.

Because of the non-existence of escalation over this period of time, she has understandably and expectedly gone a bit cold, and she will definitely feel your aloof, carefree vibe and manner at the gym and over text if you implement what I am discussing here.

The other way to do it is to get with her and escalate, but the frame is set pretty hard with this girl that you two are friends who sometimes makeout. Much better to practice with other girls while this one tries to get back in the picture, and when you finally let her back in the picture, she will see a new man before her - a man she craves - because of the social proof you have displayed through your actions.

thanks for the reply!

I don't feel like I normally have a problem progressing things forward I'm pretty comfortable with that.I have just found it difficult in this situation when I see her once or twice a month outside the gym. Sometimes that's just been going for dinner or a coffee. I see her in a different city as well so I cant even invite her back to my house or anything.
I have started cancelling on our workouts now. I am always talking with other members and clients of mine at the gym of all ages and genders so I know i have the social status. She is also aware a few attractive clients of mine are interested in me and I have pictures on social media with other girls and my arm around them at parties so I am trying with the whole other girls thing too because I definitely agree there. That's why it is even more confusing.
Our main form of communication is texting now, any advice on what I should be doing or saying? Our conversations can be kinda boring I usually joke around and will throw in a few flirty things now and then but it seems that's the way she likes to keep it as she usually doesn't acknowledge any of the other things I say

Got to get the logistics/venue selection figured out with a solid plan in place in your mind for when you're with her. Again the frame is set so hard with this one that I'm not sure if it's possible to pull off. I'd go light on the texting, but stay in touch, maybe dropping in with the cool shit you've been up to. And meet & hang out with more girls.

You're not a challenge. You've put yourself out there as to say " Here.. you can have me if you want me ". Whats the fun in that?

You have to switch the game up bro. Stop replying to her text for 3 days. And then reply to the text she sent you 3 days before as if she just sent it to you in that moment. Give no explanation as to where you've been. If she asks, just say " It slipped my mind; but whats up? I missed ya ".. The next day you guys have the gym thing scheduled, say " Hey (her name), I can't make it today. Next week though, same time "

Give off the impression that you now have better things to do. And I would advise that you actually find something better to do in the time that you aren't going to be talking to her. But you have to pull back; make her wonder whether or not she's losing the attention that you're giving her. Thats what will make her work to want to keep it. Right now you aren't doing anything that would make her feel like she has to work for you. You're handing yourself beyond well - done over on a silver platter while she has a full plate of food and you're wondering why she won't have a bite of ya.

Pull back. If you came to a door that said "pull" - it would never open no matter how hard you pushed it. He door says pull man. Stop pushing a door that says pull. Its silly.

much love.

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That's a fantastic response, thanks man. I completely agree with you and your analogies are bang on.I think your texting plan sounds like a good idea too.
So here is what I did, she avoided one of my questions last night, so I called her out on it and she avoided it again and then tried to change the time we were supposed to meet at the gym and it was really inconvenient for me so I just never responded or showed up.I wanted her to wait there for me wondering where I was and why I didn't come because I always do.Also, if she isn't interested she could just not message me again and avoid any confrontation, that way I could have stopped talking to her on my terms- not hers.(which I know drives them crazy) Sure enough she gets off work at 6 and at 6:10 I have a message saying ``how was your workout what time did you end up going in at?``
I haven't responded and I am not going to for a few days.
Does that sound like a good plan?

Yes. And while you're freezing her out, continue to meet more girls. Otherwise, when you re-initiate with her any attempts at aloofness will appear to her to not be genuine. They can smell that shit.

Sure man, and like ocean said, you want to actually things to be busy with so you aren't just pretending. Find a new book to read, hang out with friends, go out approaching etc. Anything cool enough to ground you in the moment so you can put your mind on more important things. Women are intuitive, and have a 6th sense to detect bullshit.

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hey guys so since I really liked your guys advice I wanted to post an update.
I bailed on our workout and didnt text back for a few days, when I did I acted as if she just sent it. I got a reply instantly and we continued talking that night until she took too long and I decided to just answer it the next afternoon. We continued talking that day as well Until her reply was lame and I just decided to not answer again.
Normally, for the last 3 months she would always text me again saying what are u up to or keep the convo going but she didn't all weekend.
I ran into her today and she did come over and talk for a minute and we ended up working out together- I wanted to pretend everything was fine. I said I'm working out tommorrow morning do you want to workout again. She said yes and even confirmed again at the end of today's.
I fear I am becoming a workout buddy...if i am not already. We don't even text anymore either.
My question is what should I be doing during our workouts to avoid this?
Should I bail on tomorrows workout? things seem a little weird since I have ignored her SO i thought maybe I'll go tomorrow and bail the next time?
should I be texting her later in the week still?

Thanks again....

How can you become anything other than a "workout" buddy when you have based the entire idea of you seeing her around working out? Why not ask her out normally after the ignoring and distant process? What sense would it make to revert back to the same guy you were before you started behaving different? Once you got back to the same guy; wouldn't she go back to being the same girl? She is following YOUR lead.

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well she's bailed or been busy the last month I guess I just wanted to see where I stood.things seem weird after the distance. I was expecting a little chase.
Maybe I should cancel and suggest coffee after Im done?

If the two of you are vibing in person just invite her out. Or if you'd rather flake and invite her out over text, do that. I agree with Eddie. To this point you've pretty much set the frame as being workout buddies.

I agree with oceanx.

If you ask her out now, two things can happen. She either says yes or no.

To be sure that the answer is yes, i'd suggest you do the following as this will not be something that can be changed over night;

During your workout session with her you really need to lead her. Don't ask her for her opinions on what to do and what she wants to do. Either she follows you or she doesn't. If you do this right, you will naturally build alot of attraction.

Additionally you want to tease her while working out. Establish yourself as a FUN person to be with. Physical contact with her is also important. Not as in groping her while training, but be creative. Show her exercises where you get to stand right behind her and move her hips/arms/legs or whatever to "show her how to do it properly".

Good job on the text game as well. Don't be too available on the phone. I made this mistake with my ex-gf - hence the word "ex".

Good luck!