Why should she block my number? What texts/calls has she ignored? I've sent her one SMS since the last time I saw her and she did reply to it. She has never not replied to me.

I'm not trying to convince myself of anything. I'm just exploring all angles.

She has either lost interest or I did something to upset her. The only way to find out is by asking her. Of course I don't want to ask her if she lost interest because that would be totally weak. So if I want to find the answer now I guess I have to ask if I did something to upset her.

If I have upset her and I wait longer my chances will decrease with each day that passes. And I figure if I wanted her to miss me, one week and a half has been enough time. Yeah maybe she will contact me if I wait, which would be the best outcome but do you really think it would be needy to contact her now, a week and half after our last meeting, one week after last text?

I'm gonna sleep on it.

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What would James Bond do?

Ok how about this? One of my friends is playing a concert on Friday in a part of town that I know she likes a lot. I will send her an SMS saying that I'm going to see a friend play on Friday and that she should join me. That way I give her social proof and I can gauge her response. If she comes, cool. If she rejects me in a cold way I will ask her what's up. If she rejects me in a friendly way I will write back that it's cool and tell her to contact me when she is free to get together.

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What would James Bond do?

I sent her a short SMS inviting her to the show on Friday. About an hour later she messages me on Facebook saying she only wants to be friends. I tell her I cannot just be friends with her. She says it's better if we talk in person and I agree. I make some small talk and then I tell her she's still invited to the concert on Friday but I'm not going to censor myself. She doesn't know what I'm talking about -- apparently she hadn't read my SMS yet. So she says that she was already thinking of going to that concert. So maybe I'll see her there.

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What would James Bond do?

yeah right..

Why are you so negative dude? If I don't see her that's fine too. She knows what I want and I know where she stands. Now I have no more reason to contact her. Now she will have an opportunity to miss me.

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What would James Bond do?

a) I am not a dude. b) no she won't miss you. She doesn't want you as a FB anymore. Doesn't this still doesn't ring a bell where this is heading? Can't you still not see the direction that this is developing?

Sounds like Charles was right and the other guy won. My guess is you're gonna get the "I'm with someone now" speech. Maria was right too, no sex and contact for weeks...dude, this was dying.
The above highlights a glaring problem I see with guys here. No standards. It's like nothing turns you off of a girl. You guys let girls decide what can and will happen when you're dating and you don't display that you have standards or preferences. For eg, the girl doesn't want to dance with you because of XYZ reason. Is that not a negative that you can't dance with someone you like in public? Does she not lose "points" in your book because you can't do something you would naturally do? Learn to communicate to girls, "I like doing this, so we're doing this. If we can't do this, I will just find a girl who does this." Not accept it and take what you can get that night.

+1 this

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Golden advice right there.

It's true and I regretted not telling her it's just something I do and I would do it with any friend, but somehow it didn't come to me at the moment. But I literally took her and started dancing with her. She had to tell me twice that she didn't want to. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I had to let go.

neo87, you said the problem is nothing turns me off of a girl. Are you saying I shouldn't have kissed her after she turned down my dance? Wouldn't that make me look bitter though?

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What would James Bond do?

TL;DR at the bottom

Sorry to see this turned out this way for you threadstarter. This sort of stuff is a real heart breaker. You develop feelings for someone and the more you try to show them love, the more they push you away until there is nothing.

From my point of view, this girl from the starting page seemed like she just wasn't interested in you enough, she was just interested in male company and some sex in general with you. That is a pretty nice arrangement when you are not attached to the arrangement. This is where problems arise, you both found mutual interest in each other but you both had a different expectation in mind.

Next time this happens, when you feel like you found a special girl, who isn't just a only pretty (she will be in your opinion though, for sure), she seems smart, funny etc.

When you notice yourself feeling that way about a specific girl, unless she is sleeping with you already and also completely emotionally available and practically smothering you. Try to distance yourself from her, you must give yourself space and distractions to occupy what you are thinking about. It is nice to like someone, but when it becomes an actual focus of yours, it will detract from your ability to just use logical thought and make more critical rational decisions.

As important as a girl ever gets in your life, you must balance things so that nothing is more important then your life it's self. If you ever find a point where you are willing to give everything for someone, try to take a step back objectively and distance yourself from that situation. Girls want to come along for the roller coaster ride, if the ride breaks down cause it's too concerned for the passenger, it's going to start to suck and then the passenger is going to want off. You have to keep the ride maintained well and running full speed with or without a specific passenger. If one passenger doesn't like the ride, let them off and there will be a new passenger wanting to experience the roller coaster in no time.

TL;DR : You got a bit too needy, she wanted casual sex, you did not. The most likely way that could have worked out for you is if you became less emotionally available to her at an earlier time when she was really enjoying your company. Think of it like you are a drug, you give them the good stuff right when you meet, full blown hot charming gentleman. Then you offer yourself up, then you neither take yourself away from the situation, or try to further the situation once the ball is already in your court. Eventually it will either become clear to you that she had little to no interest to begin with, or she will try harder and harder to hold you down until her expectations have finally been met or compromised or she gives up.

I'm not talking about a tactic to get her to like you more. Most freeze out stuff is bs, because you go no contact with a chick to punish her, then you hit her up days later to invite her out (give her some value). But she knows she hasn't done anything to deserve it so you must have no options. Not bitter, more like judgmental. Like she's said something that lowered her standing with you. It's hard to communicate because it will get mistaken with a tactic or using jealousy to keep her.

My philosophy is, I focus on how happy I am with a girl. Screw how interested she is. That's not my concern. If she is making something difficult for a bs reason, I'm not mad, just turned off. Less excited by her. When you show these girls that you bend to anything they want, they know that you like them way too much and must have no options. For eg, if you're dating a girl and she's really busy, typicaly pua stuff is to ping her and wait for her to get free. But my mindset is, if she's that busy where I have to wait a week or 2 for a date, EVEN if she sleep together on that date, am I going to wait another 2 weeks for sex? No. So when a girl is busy I ask her "are you always this busy?" Not in a sad or bitter tone, I'm trying to assess whether i should waste my time. Same way if a hiring manager asked you if you wore a T-shirt to an interview, "do you have a suit" It gets girls making time because I communicate that I'm not gonna waste my time and inconvenience myself for the hope that we spend time together or have sex. I'm willing to walk away over something that's not ideal for me. Now a girl will make time now, because she sees that I have options and I'm not gonna be waiting for her, in 2 weeks I already will be moved on.

If you have options, a girl must see this. And if you don't have options, focus on getting them.

This is from a scene from a movie

Her: Can you just...just hold me?
Him: I want to make love.
Her: A few more minutes.
Him: Uh-huh.
Her: We will. Just a few minutes.
Him: But we will fuck tonight, right?
Her: Yeah.

The guy's whole persona was that of, "if this girl doesn't sex me there are plenty who will." This vibe came across loud and clear to the woman, who was ultimately turned by this and had sex with him.

In a logical world you would go up to a hot girl, profess your feelings to her and continue professing your feelings to her over time and she would be hooked. Well, this shit isn't logical: To see results you have to play the game as it is and not how it "should" be through the eyes of a logical male.

A woman wants to be curious, she wants you to be a mystery to be unraveled, one layer at a time. When you lay it all on the line with a girl she gets bored quickly and moves on to new toys that are more interesting to her.

OP remove the james bond photograph from your avatar immediately and take a seat.



you have made every mistake man. how long have you been coming to this site? not nearly long enough it seems. and the whole "i take what i want and discard the rest" attitude is what you should be directing toward women and not the proven stuff from this site that works.

you are needy.
you have oneitis.
you scared her off.
you were too available.
you seemed desperate.
you completely opened yourself up to her too soon.
you were building comfort with her in the attraction stage.

thus, she is with another guy right now.

notes:

Last night I met with her. It was our fourth date (not counting the night we met) and I felt like something was off. I asked her about it and she said that I was moving too fast and we needed to talk.

never do this. she's not your gf after four dates, you're showing too much concern and affection which communicates desperation and thus reduces attraction.

We went to a bar afterwards and I asked her why she thought I was moving too fast.

never do this. if she says we're moving too fast you laugh it off and then fuck her and don't text her until she texts you. and then never hit her up until she hits you up. but you shouldn't ever be in a situation where she says that in the first place.

But we agree that we have some kind of connection and she wants to keep seeing me

you don't WANT to agree that you have some sort of connection at this stage man! you want her to think you two do, and you want to respond with a maybe...

I was totally cool about it all and told her I'm glad she told me because I want us to be completely comfortable and open with each other. She was happy to hear that and agreed (who the hell is gonna say "no, let's be uncomfortable and closed"? ) Since we were being open I told her that to be honest, I had been looking for a relationship, not to "own" her but just because in my experience men and women never allow themselves to truly open up and spend time doing fun things together unless they are "official." Basically I see lots of benefits to having a relationship but there is nothing I can do about it if she is not into it.

again, mistakes! you are creating comfort at the attraction stage! she does not know you well enough to be comfortable and open to you, and you are killing your own status and air of mystery and attractiveness by agreeing to confide every little detail to her! keep her guessing. keep her wondering what you're thinking. don't be an open book for the love of god. and you're cornering her into a relationship after a few dates?! always let HER say she wants a relationship, not you.

It was tonight that we were supposed to go out, almost two weeks since I last saw her. However, I got a cold so I told her it's better than we meet another day as I don't want to infect her (told her this a couple days ago actually). She wished me to get better and I said I look forward to it and to seeing her again.

a golden opportunity to simply say you're unavailable and thus create mystery but instead you say you're sick and don't want to infect her but will see her soon. why don't you just clean her room and pay for her student loans while you're at it man? you do not get sick whatsoever in the initial stages. you simply say you're busy.

She was together with her friends when I met her last night. I tried to dance with her at one point, but she didn't want to. I went outside for some fresh air and she came out, told me that she hopes she didn't hurt my feelings but that she doesn't feel comfortable touching in public, especially around her friends. She said we are not a couple and she doesn't even like that when she is in a relationship. I played it cool and said I wasn't worried about it. We made out.

you should have forced her to dance until she physically pushed you away, and then looked at her like she was crazy for doing it. and when she told you why, you should have laughed in her face and told her that was ridiculous, that you're just having a good time and are in no way a couple (which couldn't happen because you already said you wanted a relationship...ughh). then you should have hit on her friends and danced with them or else some other girl there. she didn't dance with you because she likes another guy more and has told her friends that and doesn't want to look like a slut in front of them. or else another crush of hers was there and she wanted to look single for him.

GIQ has a lot of friends and it seems like most of them are guys. She is a self-professed feminist, but says her stance is basically just that women should get the same level of respect and all the same rights as men. I think she is just turned off by the idea of being "owned" by someone, for lack of a better word, and feels uncomfortable projecting that image. I guess she likes the fact that I treat her with respect, am understanding and allow her to be free. Can't I just keep doing that? Can't I just act like a friend in general and then be romantic/sexy with her when we are alone (not exactly a friends with benefits thing because we do go out on dates and have a certain amount of feelings for one another). It's comfortable for me and for her. Why should I complicate matters?


OP you think you know it all, eh? you can't do that because doing that KILLS ATTRACTION. you MUST complicate matters if you want the girl. simple as that. and she does not like the fact that you treat her with respect whatsoever, nor does she like the fact that you are understanding, nor does she like the fact that you allow her to be free. if she did like those things she'd be hanging out with you right now and not some other dude. all that shit is what you do ONCE YOU ARE HER BOYFRIEND, never before.

you didn't preselect correctly either. you don't go for a girl with a ton of guy friends, Mr. Bond. she's generally fucking a bunch of them or has in the past. let's say you end up in a relationship and you two get into a huge fight? who's shoulder is she going to go cry on? that's right, another guy's. a guy who has fucked her in the past or probably will soon enough. and you don't go for a feminist, because she's not going to meet your masculine needs and she's going to expect you to do everything for her unless your game is teflon, which it is nowhere near.

I am getting sick of this shit. She acts super interested and in love when she is with me but I've experienced this before, where the girl sends an SMS the next day about not wanting to see me anymore. To be clear, she has NOT done such a thing yet. But She already told me she doesn't want a relationship. She rarely contacts me. She is always out with friends, while I sit at home or go out by myself.

surprise surprise... yet somehow you think the rules do not apply to you.

I'm just going to stop contacting her completely until she reaches out. Then I'll tell her I need some time alone. Because I do. I feel like she is losing interest. I'm not letting her wonder and chase me. This is shit. And I'm feeling shitty because of it and other things in my life. So if we meet up I probably won't be in the right frame of mind. I don't feel like I'm even in the right frame of mind to sarge.

why would you tell her you need some time alone?!?! she's reaching out at that point! game on! do you want the girl or not?!

I'm having second thoughts about the "no contact" being mentioned here.

I've talked to a few members of the opposite sex and one thing they said is that it was stupid of me to not contact her after sex until 4 days later to invite her for coffee. They would have lost interest because of that.

why on earth would you take dating advice from women? no contact absolutely works, but her interest level has to be high in order for it to work, and you already killed her interest level long ago. here's a rule of thumb: if a girl turns you down for a date twice in a row without offering to reschedule at a later time, it's over. she's lost attraction.


She has either lost interest or I did something to upset her. The only way to find out is by asking her. Of course I don't want to ask her if she lost interest because that would be totally weak. So if I want to find the answer now I guess I have to ask if I did something to upset her.

lol asking her if you did something to upset her is equally weak.


If I have upset her and I wait longer my chances will decrease with each day that passes. And I figure if I wanted her to miss me, one week and a half has been enough time. Yeah maybe she will contact me if I wait, which would be the best outcome but do you really think it would be needy to contact her now, a week and half after our last meeting, one week after last text?

it's too late by now man. she's moved on to another guy.

I sent her a short SMS inviting her to the show on Friday. About an hour later she messages me on Facebook saying she only wants to be friends. I tell her I cannot just be friends with her. She says it's better if we talk in person and I agree. I make some small talk and then I tell her she's still invited to the concert on Friday but I'm not going to censor myself. She doesn't know what I'm talking about -- apparently she hadn't read my SMS yet. So she says that she was already thinking of going to that concert. So maybe I'll see her there.

see? what did i tell you? and then you say you cannot just be friends with her and now you're moving toward creep status. bravo, sir. continue to disregard the theories presented in this forum.



this is a great, great thread for teaching guys what not to do in that timespan between the first hookup and the eventual relationship. OP i have been in your exact position and have done the exact same things you have before. do not be ashamed. we were raised wrong, and have to unlearn a bunch of stuff. the women of today do not need "nice guys," they need men. cocky, confident, strong men, of which there is a rapidly vanishing pool. you will learn from this and your game will be much stronger for the next woman in your life. godspeed.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

I am ashamed. This is fucking killing me. Ugh. I have been in these forums learning how to meet girls, but I haven't concentrated much in this part of the process. It's so complicated though. Will I ever get it??? It feels horrible thinking that she's just fucking some other guy(s) and how does she see me? Like a loser? Ugh.

So what would you say to her suggestion of being friends? I need to know if there is any way out of this. Tell me exactly what to do and I'll follow it to a T.

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What would James Bond do?